


Factus Humana

by Azolean



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:46:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 152,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azolean/pseuds/Azolean
Summary: To this day Alex could still hear the loathing in their voices as she recalled her first days as a human. "Beckett's pet wraith."She turned her eyes back toward the starry sky. "Why did you trust me?"Major Lorne, his own eyes on the incredible nighttime vista seemed to carefully consider his next words. "I can't really explain it. But it was always in my head that you chose to be human. I didn't know all the details, then. I just knew you wanted this, and you had a genuine curiosity about what it meant to actually be human. I guess it always struck me as wrong that you had to experience hate before love, prejudice before compassion, and pain before happiness."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this little plot bunny took up residence in my head somewhere around ten years ago or so after seeing the Season 3 Episode 7: "Common Ground". It's a what-if scenario that just wouldn't go away.
> 
> So, here I am a decade later working on a NaNoWriMo 2016 project, and I suddenly realize that it parallels this idea and, yes, even the damn characters modeled themselves after SGA characters. Well damn. So, I gave up pretending to be original and just transitioned it over to SGA fanfiction. A few rewrites of a handful of scenes, dialogues, and character descriptions and—voilà!—an SGA fic is produced.
> 
> That being said, I admit I've gone over this and the entire SGA series a second, third, and even fourth time to ensure I've kept the characters in character. Yes, I am that afraid of screwing this up. I didn't do this one years and years ago because I didn't feel I could do it justice. I despise taking a character out of character as much as I despise Mary Sues. Given that I'm juggling both of those possibilities in this one fic, I am flat out terrified. So, I am very, very open to feedback, here. I'm not afraid of constructive criticism and I would like everyone reading this to please bear in mind this is a first draft. Revisions and additional chapters may be included later as needed.
> 
> On a final and more personal note, I would like to mention that Alex isn't just a character that popped out of nowhere. Her evolution in my mind was spawned by the outbreak of hate crimes that have occurred here in the US since the election of President Elect Donald Trump. I really believe that that was what pushed me to not only start this, but see it through to the end. So, no, after extensive testing she did not come out a Mary Sue in my opinion. But, again, this is where I need readership help. If you feel she is a Mary Sue, please let me know so that I can further revise this.
> 
> This one is for you, Nic. Goodbye.

Somewhere in the great pantheon of the multiverse United States Air Force Major General John Sheppard of the Western Allied Forces stood above a lone monitor. The pale light illuminated the grim features and the scar that had taken him out of active field duty in what seemed another lifetime. It had finally come down to this. One last stand. And then all of the remaining European and American forces would be spent. There would be no going back.

He had known this day would come. He and all the other military commanders had known since the day North and South Korea joined with China in a mutual desire to develop nuclear weapons. The threat had been too great, to the eyes of the Western Nations. They had done all they could to deter them. Even as a young Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard stationed in Pakistan watched in grim acceptance, the first blows were struck.

The world had gone mad. In the days since the first strike two nuclear bombs had been dropped. Los Angeles and Seattle were no more. Since then Sheppard had risen through the ranks quickly, as more and more men were needed to replace leaders taken out in combat. And, time and time again Sheppard had proven himself lucky beyond believability. His tactics were virtually flawless, and his ability to survive the impossible had made him something of a hero of the Western Allied Forces.

Today this hero watched through a lone, pale monitor in a dark room as the last of his forces were overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of the Asian Alliance and their weaponry. The scar that crossed from his left temple down to the right side of his chin seemed to be chiseled in granite. Having done his duty to watch and record this last act of defiance against the Asian forces, he stood from his chair. Alone in a world gone mad, he saluted the fallen.

~o~o~o~

In another universe, a very different John Sheppard tossed his surfboard onto the hot sand and flopped next to his current girlfriend. Smiling jauntily, he rolled onto his back and let the sun dry his wet skin. Yes, Australia had definitely been the right choice. Hawaii was just too crowded with idiot tourists.

After a "stunt" in Afghanistan involving disobeying direct orders, his career had tanked. He knew he was on his way to a position in the frozen hell of McMurdo before long. Instead, he got out. And it had been the best choice he'd ever made. Following his father's instructions and dabbling in some business deals, he was again reminded of his total lack of desire to be a successful businessman. But, in his father's eyes, he had tried, and that was enough. When his father died in a car accident soon after, he had left both his sons hefty inheritances with investments meant to last them a lifetime. Sheppard would never have to work again.

With a playful growl, his girlfriend pounced on him, rolling his wet body into the sand. Knowing how much this would annoy him, she ran down toward the water for safety. His features alight in mischievousness, he gave chase. Yes, Australia had definitely been the right choice.

~o~o~o~

In still another universe a Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard contemplated his current circumstances. Which, at the moment, brought to mind a quote that so aptly described days such as this. "There are days when you hate life. Then there are days life decides to hate you back."

Sheppard awoke wondering which one it was going to be this time. As he and his team had found themselves early in the mission being ambushed by Genii. They had barely been on that planet more than a few minutes when the shooting began. Sheppard was just glad his team had managed to make it through the gate. He, meanwhile, had been hit on the head with something that now left him wishing they had just shot him and got it over with. But, knowing the Genii as he did, he wasn't expecting them to be easy on him in any case.

What came next was the stuff of nightmares, for him and many others. As he woke to find himself in a cell with two Genii guards, he knew who was most likely behind this. The only Genii at this point willing to openly take on Atlantis was Kolya. The damnable man was at it again. Feeling betrayed by his own people as well as thwarted multiple times by the Atlanteans, he was more than ready for a bit of delightful revenge as well as getting the Jumpers and explosives he had been after for two long years. Not to mention he was going to get his hands on Ladon Radim, if all went well. But his personal revenge on Colonel John Sheppard was going to be the best part.

Not one to sit idle when there was annoying to be done, Sheppard started shouting through the bars. He was just contemplating what fate Kolya had in mind and how he could find a way out of it when a female voice came from the next cell.

"You're wasting your breath."

"I didn't know I had company down here," Sheppard mumbled as he turned to the trapezoidal cutout between the two cells that separated them with yet more rusty bars.

"There is no escape," rambled the forlorn female voice from the deepest shadows of the next cell.

Not able to penetrate the darkness of the shadows well enough to see, Sheppard rattled off a mindless reply, "Yeah, well, prisons are like that. Never stopped me before. How long have you been down here?"

"Many years," came the vague reply from the darkness.

"How many is 'many'? Five? Ten?"

"It no longer matters," she replied, not bothering to satisfy his curiosity by stirring from the darkness.

"That many, huh? What did you do to get here?" he asked in idle curiosity, turning his attention away from the shadows.

"I merely allowed myself to be captured alive."

"Same here," he replied, turning to pace the confines of the empty cell. "Look, I've got people looking for me. When they find me, maybe we can both—"

At that moment a nearby door opened interrupting his next obvious, yet overly hopeful comment. It was only a matter of moments before a trio of Genii guards appeared to whisk him off to wherever Kolya wished. In his usual flippant manner, Sheppard complied unwillingly. Of course, he couldn't do so without a token effort at escape; if for no other reason than to prove he was not cowed. Before long they had him in a new chamber with what appeared to be an antiquated camera on a stand as they strapped him tightly to a chair. Kolya's grin as this was setup was nothing short of sadistic. After the usual banter between enemies, the activities commenced.

Kolya used the camera to provide a live feed of Sheppard to Atlantis through a nearby open gate. While issuing his demands to the Atlanteans, he brought in a live Wraith queen. She was in quite pitiful shape as she appeared gaunt, filthy, and nearly insane in her rage. Her feeding hand and arm up to the elbow had been encased in a rusting iron sleeve that they removed clearly on camera. Despite her blazing hatred and feeble attempts to resist, she obeyed as she was given leave to feed on Sheppard as a torture tactic. After issuing his final demands and a reminder that this performance will be repeated every so often until they comply or Sheppard is dead, Kolya ends the feed and has Sheppard returned to his cell a bit worse for the wear.

The woman in the cell beside his decides to begin a conversation shortly after his return to his cell. "They called you Sheppard."

"Yeah, that's my name. Pleased to meet ya," from his position slouched against the rear wall of the cell.

"You are in pain."

"Well, I just got fed on by a Wraith. What do you think?"

"I would not know," she replied, sounding almost amused.

"Hopefully you'll never have to find out," Sheppard replied, with a sincerity that surprised even him. Grunting, he forced himself to sit a bit more upright. "I didn't think anything could hurt that much."

"You're still alive," she commented with the kind of inflection that leaves one wondering if it's mocking or hopeful.

"Yeah, well, I don't know how many years the damn thing took off my life, but I'll tell you this: If Kolya's men hadn't pulled the damn thing off, I'd be dust in a flak jacket."

Now clear amusement in her voice she asked, "Do you blame the Wraith or the master?"

"I'm going to go with both," he grumped, not pleased with her tone.

Now her tone became serious in a way that caught his undivided attention. "There is a difference. The Wraith must feed in order to live. For Wraith, hunger burns like a fire. Tell me, Sheppard, if you found yourself burning alive, would you settle for just one drop of water?"

By this point the growing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach had urged him to his feet as he approached the trapezoidal opening between cells.

"Or would you take more?" she finished.

"Where did you hear them call me Sheppard?" he asked, suspicion clear in his voice.

Finally she stepped out of the shadows and into the light just the other side of the barred trapezoidal window, "Just before I started to feed."

Sheppard's reaction was swift and violent. He only barely resisted reaching through the bars to pull the Wraith queen into them by her hair. Instead he turned and paced away from the window.

"Your anger will only serve to weaken you," she stated.

"I don't think so."

"You realize he is torturing both of us?"

His anger clear in his voice, mixed with something that almost bordered on betrayal he shot back, "Oh yeah? What did he do to you?"

"He stopped me."

"Really? And how is that torture?" he shouted, turning back toward the opening between the cells.

"Have you ever known starvation, Sheppard?" She paused. Seeing no forthcoming response, she continued, "The few years I took from you are barely enough to keep me alive. The strength I gained from you is already fading."

"I don't really give a damn!"

"You pace in your cell, cursing that I took years from you. I stand here cursing that I was not allowed them all! Each in our own way, we suffer," she stated emphatically.

His temper no longer entirely under his control, Sheppard put his face right up against the bars glaring hate at the Wraith queen. "This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm not really in the mood for conversation. So why don't you just do me a favor and shut the hell up!"

Her own temper cracking, she attempted to reach through the bars with her iron encased feeding arm, causing him to twitch backward as it was stopped by the bars. Seeing she had his attention, she held his gaze.

"These are your last hours, Sheppard. If you wish to spend them in silence, then so be it."

"No. I'm getting outta here. I've got a life to go back to, and I'm damn well going back to it."

"You're sure of that?" she queried with no little amusement.

"Yeah, I got friends," he huffed, his energy spent as he resumed his slouched seat against the far wall. "And they're gonna come for me."

"I hope you continue to believe that," she said, rage barely contained behind her façade of calm, "the next time I feed."

~o~o~o~

As promised, three hours later Kolya dragged Sheppard out of his cell for the second display of torture for his Atlanteans friends. This time the Wraith queen wasted no energy on a show of defiance. Her hunger burned in her expression as they removed the iron sleeve to free her feeding hand. Once given the visual queue to feed, she lunged forward eagerly. But as her eyes met Sheppard's, she could not help but hesitate. For that one, brief moment, Sheppard could have sworn he saw something in those alien features other than rage and hunger. And then his world exploded in agony unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

The agony went on forever, before the sound of the Wraith queen screaming was followed by a cessation of the pain. Slowly reality began go coalesce once again as Sheppard found himself tossed unceremoniously back into his cell. The Wraith queen awaited his return at the window between their cells.

"Where are you friends?" she asked, mockingly.

"They'll be here," he assured, weakly, leaning against the nearby wall.

"You still believe that?"

"Yeah, I do. They just need more time," he said, almost to himself.

"No one has ever left this place alive," she challenged.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to," he shot back with some of his previous enthusiasm.

"Kolya will kill you before your friends have a chance to reach these cells."

After a moment of silence, Sheppard asked, "How well do you know the layout of this place?"

"Well enough to know what they would be up against."

An insane plan beginning to form from the fog of his thoughts, Sheppard pulled himself to his feet to face her. His much, aged face held an intensity she had not expected.

"What about us?" he asked. "Do you know enough about this place to get us out?"

"You and me?" she asked, incredulously, but not entirely without hope.

"What? Are they gonna let you go after I'm dead?" he shot back with some of his usual sarcasm.

"No."

"Then what have you got to lose?"

"My life."

"Oh, well, yeah, you've got it great down here."

Her hunger and anger flaring again, she hissed at him in response. Before she could say anything, however, Sheppard continued, "Listen. It make sense. We have a common goal."

"As I said before, there is no escape," she growled in defeat, walking away.

"Oh, what?" Sheppard shot back. "You think I'll kill you once we're out of here? Fine. I promise not to kill you until we've at least gotten off this planet."

Her dark chuckle caught him off guard. "Very generous of you. I'll give you credit for honesty. But what, then? You just let me go on my way only to one day reappear to feed on you and your friends?"

"Okay," Sheppard said, contemplating this issue. "A truce, then? We work together to get out of here. Then, we go our separate ways. But if we ever cross paths, all bets are off."

"All bets are off? Meaning, you'll kill me the instant you see me?"

"Yeah, something like that."

For a moment she locked eyes with him. Sheppard felt as if she were staring through him with her alien yellow eyes as she contemplated him and his offer. "You're not like other humans. Where are you from, Sheppard?"

Not sure how much she already knew but knowing for certain he was walking a fine line of trust here, Sheppard decided to respond honestly. "Atlantis."

"Ah, so the great city has been reawakened. I had heard rumors among the Genii," she seemed to be talking more to herself. Then her eyes took on a penetrating glare. "I was there, thousands of years ago, when they were forced to submerge the city. And you believe you and your friends can fight the Wraith? Perhaps even defeat us where those who came before you failed?"

"Yeah," he shot back with more confidence than he felt under that stare.

The silence stretched out as she contemplated this. Finally, "I believe you think you can."

Sensing there was more coming, Sheppard stayed at the barred window as she paced away. After a few seconds, his hunch paid off.

"I wish to join you in destroying the Wraith, if it is possible."

Thinking he had finally lost his mind, Sheppard shook his head in confusion. "What?!"

Still facing away from him, she continued, "I am not like other Wraith. The Genii captured me many, many years ago. Too long to remember, now. They caught me because I destroyed my hive, and yet somehow survived."

Too shocked to respond, Sheppard only stared in confusion, still thinking he was hallucinating what he was hearing. She turned to face him, as if daring him to speak against her next claim. "I never wanted to be a Wraith. As a child, I ate real food. What you consider food. Only when I grew older was I do learn that to survive, I must feed on the life of other sentient beings. It sickens me. You are not food. You are not mindless animals. You are alive, as alive as I am; and as aware."

"What are you getting at?" he finally asked, too shocked to really put it all together.

"First, a truce. Then I help you escape. When you friends come for you, will you allow me to help you fight the Wraith to their ultimate destruction?"

Still not entirely believing what he was hearing, Sheppard turned away to contemplate this revelation. A Wraith that did not want to be a Wraith; and a queen! Shaking his head, he tried to make sense of all this. She stood patiently at the bars between their cells, giving him time to digest this.

"No," he finally shook his head, a thought coming to him. "Aside from the obvious fact that this could be a ploy of Kolya's, or even some twisted plot on your part, it's too dangerous. You must be delirious from hunger if you think for even one second that I would agree to something that insane."

Not seeming surprised in the least, she nodded. "Very well, then. Hang on to the hope of rescue, Sheppard. It may be all you have."

Walking away, she returned to her corner shrouded in darkness.

Sheppard, still in something of a shock and not entirely disbelieving, turned away to resume a seat against the nearby wall.

 _Is it really possible?_ he wondered silently to himself.

~o~o~o~

As expected, just before the three hour mark, Kolya's soldiers reappeared at the cell doors to order both of them out at gunpoint. For one moment, Sheppard turned to the Wraith queen as they shared a look that once again made him wonder if he was making a mistake in not at least pretending to accept her offer. After all, he was the one that suggested it. And, it wasn't like he couldn't kill her after.

Before he could consider this any further, however, the guard shoved him forward and away from the cells. For the third time the process of setting up the camera and strapping him to a chair was repeated. Again Kolya voiced his demands to Atlantis on the other end of the camera feed. This time, though, Kolya as well as his friends on the other end of the camera feed knew Sheppard would not survive this last round. It was a wonder he had survived so much already.

Turning to the Wraith queen and Sheppard, Kolya said, "Take your fill."

Without hesitation she latched on to his chest in the same place she had used before. Her eyes and expression blazing with hunger as she fed. For Sheppard, there was only agony. Unable to stop himself, he screamed into his gag. At least this time he had the comfort of knowing it would be over soon and he would not have to experience this ever again. As expected, consciousness swiftly faded in the waves of agony.

To everyone's surprise, the Wraith queen stopped herself before Sheppard was left to dust.

"Who told you to stop?" Kolya demanded.

"He is near death. Shall I finish him?" she asked, not bothering to conceal her eagerness.

After hesitating only a moment, Kolya took in Sheppard's elderly appearance before commanding in disgust, "Get it out of here."

~o~o~o~

Sometime later Sheppard was surprised to find himself actually returning to consciousness in the now familiar scene of the inside of his prison cell. Hearing the Wraith queen standing at the window nearby, he said weakly, "You know, I could have sworn I was going to wake up dead today."

"You are strong," she replied with no small amount of admiration. "Stronger than any human I have ever fed upon."

"You stopped yourself?" It was the only explanation his mind could come up with since he'd heard Kolya give the order for her to feed until he was dead.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because, the longer I feed, the weaker you become. And, as I said, I have no desire to take your life, even if it means sating my hunger. Besides, you will need what strength you have left to escape."

Huffing a dark laugh, "Now she wants to escape."

"Yes, I agree to your original terms. Truce, we escape, and then we go our separate ways. Agreed?"

For a moment Sheppard was quiet as another thought struck him. The insanity of this whole situation must have finally gotten to him. "You said you don't like feeding. You said you want to destroy Wraith."

"Yes."

"What if you could be human?"

For a moment she was silent, before a rather disturbingly dark laugh erupted from her. "And here I thought you just might survive this. It would appear the feedings have shattered your sanity."

"Listen," Sheppard said, not bothering to conceal his weakness as that would only take more effort than he could afford now. "Doctor Beckett, a scientist and medical doctor in Atlantis has a serum that can turn Wraith into humans. I don't know all the specifics. I leave that to the scientists. But it's something about Wraith being a relative of what we call the iratus bug. It's all complicated DNA stuff, but he says it will work."

"And you offer this to me? In exchange for helping you escape?"

"Yeah. You help me escape, and I'll get Beckett to give you the serum. If you really meant what you said, then this opportunity is one you can't pass up."

"Are you questioning my sincerity?"

"Can you blame me? I'm being fed on a little at a time by a Wraith queen who has probably been here kept on the edge of starvation for centuries and would likely need to buy her way back into the good graces of her fellow Wraith queens by turning over everything she knows about Atlantis and who they're up against. So, forgive me if I'm just a little suspicious."

"Very well. I agree."

"Good, now that that's settled, I'm going to just rest a bit. I'm sure Kolya's boys will have no problem waking me up for our next round. You just be ready."

"Agreed."

~o~o~o~

As expected, four of Kolya's men showed up a lot sooner than Sheppard would have liked. But, recovered or not, this was likely to be their last chance to attempt an escape. He lay on the floor letting Kolya's men think him too weak to stand. They stopped outside the cell door while the other two fetched the Wraith queen. The moment she stepped out of the cell door, their eyes met with a tiny nod. Sheppard threw himself backward, slamming both his guards into the bars behind them. Meanwhile, the Wraith queen used her iron-encased arm to crack the skull of one of her guards while she held the other in place with her weight. She began to bash the lock of her metal sleeve against the bars of her cell. In a few hits, the lock practically shattered as it fell away and she rapidly shook off the sleeve.

While Sheppard was struggling with his two opponents, the Wraith's other guard pulled himself out of his stupor long enough to fire off several shots. For a moment, Sheppard thought he was dead before he realized the guard had been shooting at the Wraith queen. Hearing her muffled cries, he realized she had been shot at least four times during the feeding. Grabbing a knife off one of his guards, he landed a lucky shot in the man's throat. Huffing from unexpected exertion, Sheppard grabbed up some guns and a radio as the Wraith finished feeding.

When finished, it was obvious it had not been enough to heal her completely, nor enough to sate her hunger. As she turned with blazing eyes and a nearly rabid expression, it was all he could do to just step out of the way rather than shoot her himself. Not entirely unexpectedly, she fell upon the two unconscious guards he had left lying in front of his cell. Watching the surrounding hallways, he waited while she made quick work of her meals. He almost felt sorry for them. Almost.

Finally she finished. To his surprise, she wobbled slightly and leaned on the bars as she rose. Seeing his suspicion, she explained, "I was wounded five times. Those three were just enough to heal those, but not enough to restore me. But it will have to do. I should have the strength to at least get us out of here."

"Yeah," Sheppard said, somewhat queasy and uncertain about this new alliance, "you do that. Which way?"

Taking the lead, the Wraith moved toward a nearby corridor. As expected, there were three more guards just around the corner. Sheppard silently cursed the fact that they were just spaced out enough to be a problem. He knew firing shots would just draw attention and bring down more guards. Giving a silent nod to the Wraith queen, they both jumped out of the shadows aiming for the two closest guards. Opting for the knife, Sheppard grabbed his from behind and stabbed him in the chest as the Wraith grabbed her chosen target and snapped his neck. The third was stunned into inaction for only a second before raising his gun to take aim on Sheppard. Knowing he wasn't going to get his gun up in time, he still wasn't about to give up without trying. To his surprise, though, the Wraith stepped in front of him as the Genii opened fire taking several bullets before he could fire off a couple of rounds to take out the shooter.

In the resounding silence that followed, Sheppard's exhausted brain finally processed what just happened. Turning to the Wraith, he opened his mouth to speak at the sight of the open wounds still bleeding.

"They will heal," she cut him off. "But I will need to feed soon for them to do so. This way."

Taking the lead once more, she led them through more poorly lit corridors. She was obviously in pain as she took them up a flight of stairs. Knowing there was nothing he could do and not certain he would want to anyway, he ignored it and focused on their upward trek. At least she seemed to be heading in the right direction, for now.

~o~o~o~

It took nearly half an hour before the Wraith led them to a ladder that exited an iron-grilled grate on the surface. Thankfully, they didn't run into anymore Genii on the way. Sheppard wasn't sure how much more his elderly, exhausted body could take. Taking in their surroundings, he was pleased to see they were far from any buildings somewhere in a forest. At least this way they were unlikely to run into anymore of Kolya's men until they were much closer to the gate. Depending on their direction, they might have the element of surprise on their approach, too.

Turning his attention to his guide, he frowned slightly at seeing the Wraith queen stumble as she doubled over in pain due to the still-bleeding gunshot wounds just under her ribs on her right side. Wondering how long the truce would hold with her needing to feed to heal herself, he asked gruffly, "How far is the stargate?"

"It will be guarded," she stated gruffly.

"We've got guns."

"They will be waiting for us," she growled.

"Don't be so negative," he shot back.

At that point the Wraith queen could no longer deny her pain and weakness. With a groan she fell to her knees breathing heavily.

In a voice laces with irritation Sheppard asked, "You think you're gonna make it?"

With some effort she appeared to regain some control of her breathing, "If I feed."

"Don't look at me."

As she lurched unsteadily to her feet, Sheppard gave in to instinct raising his gun to her. Appearing not surprised in the least, she grinned in amusement. "We had a deal, remember? Would it be in my best interests to kill you?"

"Well no, but I'm just making sure you remember."

Huffing a short, dark laugh, she turned to lead them away from the grate.

~o~o~o~

Nearly two hours later Sheppard and the Wraith queen had spoken not at all as they trekked laboriously through the thick forest.

"I was blindfolded the whole way to the bunker. It wasn't this far."

"If I could just move faster," she mumbled in response, seeming as if in a daze.

As if that was some sort of trigger, her legs finally gave out and she collapsed to her hands and knees. Breathing heavily himself from the unaccustomed exertion on his now greatly aged body, Sheppard stood over her for a moment before stepping away.

"We'll rest here for a few minutes."

He heard her struggling as she attempted to regain her feet. But her next words brought his attention back to her.

"You should go on without me," she growled.

Without hesitation, he replied, "No. The gate's guarded. We've got a better chance of taking out the guards in a crossfire. I still need you," he finished, eyeing her warily as she gave up trying to stand and sat for a moment on her knees.

"Very well," she finally responded, seeming almost disappointed.

Turning his attention back to the night-time forest around them, Sheppard added, "That is, even if we're going in the right direction."

Seeing no response was forthcoming as the Wraith queen focused on her breathing from where she knelt, he turned back to her keeping her distance.

"You have no idea where the stargate is, do you?" he accused openly.

Her entire demeanor wilting in open disappointment. "It was many years ago—"

"Way to go, Sheppard!" he erupted furiously. "Listen to a Wraith!"

Collapsing backward to a full sitting position, she struggled to stay upright obviously exhausted and in pain. "It was not my intention to deceive you, Sheppard," she snapped.

Before he could respond to that the radio he had taken from one of the Genii soldiers suddenly crackled to life.

 _Our reinforcements have arrived at the Ancestral Ring, Commander_ , one soldier said.

Kolya's response was swift, as he must have been waiting for this news.  _Kill the Wraith on sight, but I want Sheppard alive._

Turning back to her, Sheppard said much more calmly than before, "One, he likes me better than you," which set the Wraith queen shaking her head and laughing darkly at his sense of humor. "Two, we probably would've never made it to the stargate anyway."

Flopping onto her back in the leaves thickly covering the forest floor, she grunted painfully, "Then it is over."

"No," he shot back. "My people don't leave each other behind. That's three things you've learned."

With no small amount of amusement she grinned, "You still believe that?"

"Kolya doesn't know where we are. If he's wasting manpower that could be used searching for us to guard the gate, the odds of my people finding us are going up and up."

Her silence was all he got in response. Squatting down next to her to see if she was still conscious, Sheppard jumped slightly as the radio went off again.

 _Tell Kolya there's no one at the Ancestral Ring,_ a distorted voice came through.

Seeing that she was still alive and her eyes were once again open, he commented, "Sounds like they're still concentrating their search around the gate. They must think we knew where we were going."

Instead of responding to his jab, she fixed her eyes on the night sky above. There three moons glowed softly in a sky filled with more stars than Sheppard had ever seen on Earth.

"It was worth it," she whispered, as if to herself, "if only to see the sky one more time."

Huffing a dark laugh, Sheppard shot back in a voice laden with sarcasm, "I've got slightly higher expectations."

Not taking her eyes off the sky above, she said, "My wounds are deep. If I do not feed soon, I will die," she confessed.

"Buck up," he shoots back. "We've got a deal, remember? We get out of this together and we'll make you human."

She continued to stare at the sky, not dignifying his repeated promise with a comment. Seeing she wasn't going to be moving from her spot any time soon Sheppard decided here was as good a place to wait as any for their rescue.

"Get some sleep. I'll take first watch."

Without protest she remained where she was as he moved off a few feet to sit up against a tree.


	2. Chapter 2

Hours later the Wraith queen was awakened by the sound of several pairs of boots crunching their way through the forest. The sun had apparently risen as they slept. Struggling to remain silent as she sat up, she realized they were not far off. Nearby, Sheppard's head rested on his chest as he snored slightly in deep sleep. Cursing the man in her head, she moved to kneel in front of him. His eyes flew open in momentary panic. She gripped his arm as he tried to bring his weapon up to shoot her. Staring into his eyes intently, she appeared to contemplate him.

"Do you really believe you can make me human?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Don't scare me like—"

"They are coming," she whispered intently. "Be strong, Sheppard."

Before he could react, she slammed her feeding hand to his chest once more while using the other to muffle his screams behind her had.

Seconds later screams resounded through the forest as she located each of the three Genii soldiers and fed on them. Feeling better than she had in more years than she could count at the moment, she almost regretted what she had to do next. Turning back to Sheppard, she was surprised to see him still conscious, sitting up against the tree. What was left of him was a mere husk of the man he had been. The scrawny form appeared as if it would shatter in a stiff breeze. And yet he found the strength to summon defiance even now.

"Finish it," he growled with what might very well be his last breath.

"There is much you do not know about Wraith, Sheppard. Besides, we had a deal, remember?" she said in a void laden with sarcasm.

She placed her hand gently on his chest in the same place as before. Instead of agony, Sheppard gasped as a flood of warmth, comfort, and something he could only liken to a drug-induced experience from his university years spread through his body from that single point of contact. For what seemed like an eternity, he just drifted in this feeling of rapture.

The Wraith felt herself growing weaker and weaker as her connection with Sheppard continued. Suddenly the connection was severed as explosions of agony ripped through the left of her abdomen. Screaming, she fell sideways as Sheppard was slammed back to reality violently.

"Stop!" he screamed. "Hold your fire!"

Lurching to his feet, he shook off the rapturous effects of whatever had been done to him as he brought his mind to focus on the images of his team and several additional Marines. Ronon was taking aim on the Wraith queen when the realization of what happened finally sank in.

"Ronon, wait!" he ordered. "Leave her. That's and an order!"

The shock finally beginning to wear off for the others, Doctor Beckett said, "I don't understand. We all saw what it did to you."

"Yeah, well, she just undid it," Sheppard replied, not taking his eyes off the wounded Wraith queen lying on the ground not far from where he had been only moments before.

She was breathing heavily, though her wounds were healing visibly as they watched. But she made no move to leave her current position; obviously, she was expecting a swift and fatal reaction. For a moment he took in the sight of her and the feeling of renewed youth and vigor that he had thought never to feel again. Glancing around briefly, Sheppard realized they were surrounded.

"Lower your weapons!" he barked the order.

"How is this possible?" Teyla asked incredulously.

"Don't ask me," Sheppard replied, motioning for the Wraith to rise.

"The Gift of Life," she began to explain. "It is reserved only for our most devout worshippers…and our brothers."

"Well, I guess there's a lot about the Wraith we don't know," Sheppard replied sarcastically, but not without some wonder.

"You gave me back my life," she said. "I merely repaid the debt."

"What debt?! Are you kidding? I mean, he looks younger than he did before!" Doctor McKay interjected.

"What about Kolya?" Ronon asked, shutting Rodney up for the time being.

Suddenly remembering what had brought them to this in the first place, John turned to locate the radio lying on the ground nearby.

"Kolya, this is Sheppard."

He waited for a moment. When no response came, the threat in his voice was unmistakable. "Kolya! I figured you'd run. Next time I kill you on sight! Do you hear me?!"

Still getting no response, he threw the radio down as if wishing it was Kolya's body being broken to pieces.

"Let's get off this rock," he finally said, having spent his remaining rage.

"What about it?" Ronon asked, more than a little eager to finish what was started a few minutes ago on the Wraith.

The Wraith queen stood tall and proud as she faced him. It was clear in her features what she expected next. When Sheppard took Ronon's gun, she nodded slightly in no way surprised by the outcome of all of this. Hesitation clear in his body language, Sheppard returned his gaze to her yellow alien one.

"We had a deal, right?"

"I did not expect you to honor it, in the first place. Though, it was a nice dream," she replied, refusing to break eye contact.

Sheppard nodded slowly. With a look of regret, he brought the gun up and fired before she had a chance to react. Taking back his gun, Ronon checked the setting.

"You didn't kill it," he said, irritated.

"No, I didn't," he replied distantly as if deep in thought.

After a few more seconds he nodded as if coming to a decision. Turning to the marines nearby, he said, "Get her into the jumper. She's coming with us."

Before anyone had a chance to object, he turned to his friends, "Thanks for finally showing up. Let's go home."

Wondering what he was going to tell Doctor Weir, he boarded the jumper hoping his obvious exhaustion would stave off the worst of their reactions and objections until he could at least formulate a coherent argument; because this was likely to get ugly fast.

~o~o~o~

The conversation with Doctor Weir went about as he had expected. The moment he entered her office, he knew she already knew. And she wasn't about to hold back on her opinion.

"Are you insane?!" she started off. "Or maybe what happened to you has damaged your powers of reasoning. Because I'm having a very difficult time here figuring out exactly what it is that makes you thinking bringing a live Wraith—and a queen, at that—to Atlantis!"

Her green eyes blazing as she waited for an answer did nothing to still his nervousness. Though he hid it well underneath a flippant veneer, she certainly had a way of putting him on edge when she was in a temper.

"Tried, convicted, and sentenced and my butt hasn't even warmed the chair yet," he commented with a lopsided grin to try to break the mood. "Whatever happened, to 'Welcome back, John. Glad to see you home safe, John.'?"

"I'm serious, John. Why have you brought a Wraith to Atlantis? You know what kind of risk it poses."

"She helped me escape."

"I get that, but it still doesn't explain—"

"We had a deal," Sheppard cut her off, seeing his tactics weren't going to work. "She helps me escape and we make her human. She—"

"What?!"

"Hear me out, Elizabeth. Doctor Beckett has been working on the Wraith Retrovirus for a year now. He's up against a wall. Without a live subject, he can't go any further in his research."

"And you think it'll agree to this?" just barely holding back complete incredulity.

Heaving a sigh, Sheppard wondered where to start with the story. Instead, he was saved from answering by the arrival of Doctor Beckett.

"Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Weir," he greeted, eyeing Sheppard closely as if expecting him to suddenly turn back into the elderly man they had all seen just hours ago. "You called?"

"Yeah, Doc, have a seat. This is going to be a long story," Sheppard said, resigning himself to the inevitable.

To his surprise Doctor Weir remained silent through the entire retelling. It was Doctor Beckett that appeared to question Sheppard's sanity now.

"Ye can't be serious!" he blurted. "You saw what happened to Ellia, and yourself! I'm years away from anything usable."

"But you said it yourself, you need a live subject for study and testing," John pointed out.

"Yes, but the female Wraith are more closely related genetically to the iratus than human. It could be years yet before I find a formula that works on males, and years more before I find one for females. And there's no guarantee that it would  _ever_ work."

"What if you had a willing subject?" John persisted.

"Do you really think it'll agree to this?" Doctor Weir cut in to ask again before Beckett could answer. "You didn't promise it we would work on it. You promised to make it human."

"And what about feeding?" Beckett tossed in. "If this is going to be in the works for years, it's going to have to feed or die."

Knowing they were both right, he began to doubt his own decision. "Okay, look, if she agrees, and this works, we have an ally with more information on the Wraith than we could have hoped for. On the other hand, if it comes down to it, we can always release her. Right now she's locked up in the prison, and she doesn't know where we are."

"And let it alert the Wraith to our continued existence?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.

"Well, no, but—"

Whatever he was about to say was cut off as their radios came to life. "Colonel Sheppard. This is Sergeant Holmes in the prison."

"This is Colonel Sheppard. Go ahead, Sergeant."

"It's awake."

"Thanks, sergeant. If she says anything, tell her I'm on my way."

"Yes, sir. Right now, it's just sitting there staring."

"Don't say or do anything else unless she turns threatening. The force field will keep her in place. Just call me if she does."

"Yes, sir."

Looking back to the other two, he raised his eyebrows in question. "Well?"

Elizabeth's features took on a pensive expression for a few seconds. "Do you really trust it, John?"

"No. But she's earned the benefit of the doubt, at least."

"Doctor?" she asked, turning to Beckett.

Heaving a sigh, he considered for a moment. "If it's willing, I've got no reason to argue. But I make no promises."

"Fair enough," Sheppard agreed.

"Very well, you may proceed," Doctor Weir said formally. Then she turned her angry expression on John, green eyes blazing. "But if you're wrong, we've just given Atlantis to the Wraith. Remember that."

"You don't need to remind me," Sheppard popped off as he hopped out of his chair. "Come on, Doc. Time for some introductions. And it'll be a lot easier if you explain some of this to her."

"Right behind you," Beckett agreed, still very unhappy.

Both were silent as they made their way across the city and into the bowels of its layout where the prison cells were kept. They nodded to the guards as they entered the room with the single, bare cell in the center. As described earlier, she sat on the floor staring blankly ahead. She glanced up as they entered, but made no move to rise.

"You didn't kill me," she commented in a voice devoid of emotion.

"We had a deal, remember? I'd like you to meet Doctor Beckett. Doctor Beckett meet…what do I call you, anyway? Don't you Wraith have names or something?"

With a wry grin and a slight chuckle, she replied, "You couldn't pronounce it if you tried."

"Fine, we'll call you Alex, then. I dated a psychotic girl in high school named Alex."

"As you wish," she said neutrally from her seated position on the floor.

Despite their elevated position, Sheppard began to feel as if she were looking down on him. And the chill in the air could not have just been his imagination.

"Okay, fine, you're locked up…again. I get it," he finally said. "Not a pleasant position. But things are a little different here. The cell is as much for your protection as ours. And, if you'll notice, you are conscious instead of stunned, and there's no metal sleeve binding your arm. I'm honoring our deal, but it'll be on my terms."

"I did not expect otherwise," she said, still neutrally.

"Good. Well, I've got a few things to explain, and you're probably not going to like this," he said, glancing at Doctor Beckett in a clear signal to take over.

Frowning and not liking the feeling of looking down at the Wraith queen, Beckett squatted before it on the other side of the force field. "Colonel Sheppard promised to make you human with my drug. But what he failed to tell you is that it is not ready." He paused, as if expecting a reaction. When she gave none, he continued, "I've been working on it for over a year. The last…test…didn't end very well. I've continued to work on it, but lacking on test material, I've hit a standstill. As far as I can tell the serum works quite well with male Wraith, but has had an opposite effect on female Wraith. It turns them into something more like an iratus bug than even a Wraith."

"And you wish to use me as a test subject to perfect the serum." It was not a question.

"Yes," Carson replied not breaking eye contact.

She seemed to consider this for a moment before asking, "How long?"

Heaving a sigh, Beckett said, "I'll not lie to you, it may never work. Days, weeks, months. I just don't know."

She nodded slowly, turning her gaze away from both of them. "And this is something you believe could be used as a weapon against Wraith?"

Beckett nodded.

Finally seeming to come to a decision, she rose to her feet and Beckett did the same. "I was wounded by your men. What little I kept for myself mostly went into healing my wounds. I will not last very long without feeding."

The implication was clear. But before she could continue, Beckett interjected, "Have you ever tried feeding on animals?"

Cocking her head curiously, she shook it slowly. "No. Why?"

"It just occurred to me, there could be other options and other tests, if you're willing."

"Elaborate, please," she said, her curiosity obviously piqued.

"Colonel Sheppard said you disliked feeding. That you wanted to survive without taking the lives of sentient beings. Is that true?"

"Yes," she said a bit more vehemently than she intended.

Nodding, Beckett continued. "What if you could survive by feeding on animals instead of humans? Has it ever been tried?"

"If it has, I am not aware of it. But I would be willing when the time comes, yes."

"That's one thing. For the rest, are you willing to provide samples for me to experiment on?"

"Yes, but I have one condition, for Sheppard."

Looking wary, John asked, "And what might that be?"

"I accept being your prisoner, for now. I accept the need to perfect the drug and the tests that will be required. I have no doubt you wish to gain information from me about the Wraith, and I will do all I can to assist. But, if this fails, I will have your word that you will not keep me starved and burning from the inside out as did the Genii. If the time comes, you will end it for me."

"You're talking execution!" Beckett jumped in, not happy with the idea.

Both of them ignored him as Sheppard nodded. "Fine by me."

"Then it is agreed," she said.

"Good," Sheppard added, feeling as if he had just agreed to something far more unpleasant than simply killing another Wraith. "In the meantime, while Beckett is working on the formula, we will do what we can to make you comfortable. And, yes, we'll provide you with what you need to give us information once we've made arrangements. Just let the guards know what you need and we'll see to it, within reason."

"Thank you."

"In that case, I'll go get my stuff. I'll return to gather samples shortly."

To this she simply nodded as he turned to leave the room. As Sheppard turned to follow she called, "Sheppard, may I speak with you alone?"

For a moment he hesitated before giving the guards a nod toward the door. Once the door was closed, he turned back to her feigning impatience. She appeared deep in thought for a moment before bringing her focus back to him.

"You do not run this city." It was not a question.

"No," he replied uncertain where this was going.

"Who then?"

"Doctor Elizabeth Weir."

She nodded slowly as if taking this in. "Female?"

"Yes."

"She has agreed to this?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Please convey my gratitude."

"That's it?" he asked, eyebrows rising to his hairline.

"For now. Is it daytime or nighttime on this planet?"

"Daytime."

"Ah," she said simply turning away to pace the confines of her cell.

Curiosity piqued, Sheppard asked, "What does it matter? Do Wraith sleep?"

"Not in the sense that you would understand it. But no, that is not why. I did not have a chance to see the daytime sky while I was free," she said almost sadly. "I should like to have seen it one last time."

"You sound like you don't believe you'll live."

"I do not. But I will remind you of your promise when the time comes."

Feeling a bit uncomfortable as if he was being goaded into confessing to betrayal, he gave her an irritated glare. "Look, I didn't lie to you. We  _can_ make you human. It's just going to take a little while. Doctor Beckett is the best there is. If anyone can make it happen, it's him. And he's got a whole team of scientists to help move this along."

"I understand."

"Fine. Whatever. Anything else?" he asked, still feeling as if she had judged him and found him lacking.

"No."

"Good. Let the guards know what you need and they'll have it brought."

To this she nodded before returning to her pacing.

~o~o~o~

Roughly half an hour later Doctor Beckett returned to find the cell much changed from his last visit. From somewhere in the city they had managed to dig up a folding cot, a table, a chair, and some paper and pens. Despite these things being fit into the small area, they didn't seem to crowd the small space as much as he would have thought. The Wraith queen, Alex, as he tried to come to think of her, was sitting at the table attempting to wield the pens as if testing for the most comfortable. She looked up as he entered the room almost as if she was glad for the diversion.

As Sergeant Holmes dropped the shield and Alex rose to her feet, it suddenly dawned on Beckett that he was about to be within arm's reach of a live Wraith queen. And likely a hungry one, as well. No matter how calm or reasonable it may have seemed on the outside, he knew he was standing in the presence of death. Kit in hand, facing the open door to the cell, he found himself hesitating and wondering about all the decisions in his life that had led him to this point.

"Please, enter, Doctor Beckett," she said, standing by her chair.

His heart racing, he could feel the plastic handle of his kit slipping in his now sweaty palm. Hesitantly, he forced one foot in front of the other. She remained utterly motionless as he finally stood right before her, looking directly into those piercingly yellow alien eyes. Knowing she had his undivided attention, she leaned forward.

"Boo," she whispered, feeling the tension in the air as the guards watched her closely, guns at the ready.

Blinking in confusion, Beckett took a second to process this as he realized what she was trying to do. This time his face flushed in embarrassment realizing his terror must have been plain on his face. "I-I'm sorry. I mean…I just…"

Alex laughed quite heartily for a moment as she stepped backward around the chair to give him more room and put a solid object between them.

"Come, Doctor, we cannot continue like this. Here, sit. I will seat myself on the cot," she offered, making good on her word as she sat down unthreateningly. Seeing him still standing there, she waved at the chair. "Please?"

Finally Beckett came to his senses as she sat a couple of feet away from him and out of arm's reach.

"Now, what can I do to put you at ease?" she offered. "The Genii kept my feeding hand and arm wrapped in a sleeve of iron with a lock. Though I would much prefer that not be necessary, I will accept it if it makes you more comfortable."

Mentally kicking himself, Beckett shook off his previous fear. "No…Alex," he said tripping on the name. "Are you okay with that name?"

To this she gave a lopsided grin filled with razor pointed teeth, "Psychotic, he said?"

Beckett nodded.

"It's as good a name as any, I suppose. But you do not need to use it. You may give me another, if you prefer."

"No, no, it's fine." Taking a deep breath, he continued. "Colonel Sheppard described what was done to you. You'll not get the same treatment from us, I assure you. I'm sorry if I am…tense. It's not every day one finds themselves face to face with a Wraith and not in a desperate struggle for survival."

"I quite understand."

"Do you now?" Beckett shot off before he could stop himself.

Her raised eyebrow was the only response he gave as he mentally kicked himself.

"I apologize, that was uncalled for."

"Accepted. Now, what can I do to put you at ease?"

Beckett considered for a moment. "The truth is, I don't think there is anything. You must know we don't trust you anymore than you likely trust us."

"True."

"And I've explained that this might never work."

"Yes."

"You, yourself even said you did not expect Colonel Sheppard to keep his word."

"Correct."

"Then why did you help him escape? And what exactly did you do to restore him?"

As if understanding at last where this was going, Alex nodded and leaned back as if to encourage him to release his own tension.

"You are aware that young Wraith eat what you consider normal food, correct?"

"Yes."

"Wraith society is unlike anything you humans could understand. On the outside we are a brutal, murderous race; and I don't entirely disagree. But when we are young we are cherished; females destined to become queens, especially. We are given free reign until we begin what you call puberty. It is then that we begin to show what we will become. The transition from food to feeding on the sentient is but one part. The greater part is the instinct of what is considered to be the typical Wraith. We females grow in dominance over the males among other things."

Turning her gaze to see if he was following, she continued, "I never did."

She let this sink in before following with, "I had no desire to hurt people, to watch the death glazing their eyes as their bodies turned to dust in my grip. I had no desire to dominate the males, the warriors, or other queens. I had no desire to join the ranks of my kind in their complex society and all its expectations. I would sneak away frequently to watch the humans in their villages. The more I saw of them, the more I wanted to be among them. I wanted to live among them in their simple lives uncomplicated by expectations of a society to which I felt alien.

"But it didn't last long. As I reached sexual maturity, I was given my own hive and expected to do my part in the war against those who once inhabited this city."

Beckett's blue eyes widened in shock at the realization of what she was saying hit him. "You were here ten thousand years ago?"

"Yes."

"I knew Wraith could live a long time, but I did not expect that long."

"Obviously we hibernated from time to time. But, yes, so long as we are able to feed, we are as close to immortal as you can conceive."

He nodded and motioned for her to continue.

"During the war I did what I could to stay clear of the fighting, but there wasn't much I could do. Eventually there were periods of hibernation. I ensured our hive slept the longest. I had no desire to feed, or to allow my people to feed. Then, what I believe to be several hundred years ago, now, possibly longer…I came to a planet that was to be culled by my hive and the rest of my fleet of hives. The other queens had long suspected me of being too weak to keep control of my hive. Even I wondered how I had managed for so long. But I sensed them closing in. They had already chosen another, younger queen to assassinate me. It was just a matter of time. Thinking to escape them, first, I fled to the nearby planet in a single-manned fighter."

"A dart?"

"Is that what you call them?" She waited for Doctor Beckett's nod. "A dart, then, yes."

For a moment she hesitated, as if casting back through her memories. "There I found a village. I knew I had no hope of disguising myself, and it was only a matter of time before I would have to feed. But, for a while, I was free of the cares and threats of the hive and Wraith society. From a nearby forest, I watched a family. There were children that reminded me of what it was like to play. A father who smiled often and laughed heartily. A woman who would sometimes shriek her displeasure at the mice that would invade her home before running off to join her husband and children at play. They were happy. They were alive."

Here she sighed, turning away from him slightly. "Then my hive came. The new queen was all that a queen should be. I ran to the family, trying to warn them, to protect them; but they thought me a threat and ran from me. They managed to make it to the safety of a nearby cave, but it was no use. When the darts couldn't just snatch them up, the warrior drones on the ground took little time in locating them.

"I tried to stop them. Weaponless, I attempted to wrest control of their minds from her, but she was too strong. There were too many of them for me to fight. The man stood just inside the entrance to the cave, wielding his ax as a weapon. He would not back down. He fought to the very last in the hopes of giving his wife and children time to escape. The defiance and hope in his eyes…"

Shaking herself, Alex returned to the present and met Carson's blue eyes with her own intense yellow ones. "I returned to the…dart, and to the hive. I snuck up on the queen and slit her throat. At last I had become what they wished. I killed. I killed my own kind, especially. I regained control of the hive and recalled all of the darts. Once everyone was on board, I murdered my Hivemaster. I forced the rest to obey me. Then I took the hive to the nearest allied hive and attacked. The surprise was so utter they never even had a chance to fire back. Though shocked, those on my own hive thought I was just exerting my dominance at last. They continued to obey me as I attacked three more hives. But, by then, the word had spread. I was not exerting my dominance and making a name for myself. I had betrayed them.

"On my fourth attack, the ship was so heavily damaged, there was no way to regain control. Though I destroyed that last hive, we were caught in the gravitational pull of the planet and would soon impact the planet. I did what I could to aim for a land far from the gate and people. I had not expected to survive."

With a wry grin she continued, "Obviously that was not the case. I fed on the few remaining survivors of my hive, and then began walking in the direction I thought was toward the gate. But, long before I could reach it, the Genii caught me. From then, until now, I have never forgotten that man and his courage. All these centuries, I have never met or seen one with such strength…until Sheppard."

So caught up in the story was Doctor Beckett, that he only just now remembered what had led to this moment. He had been listening so intently, that he had forgotten his nerves and the fact that he was essentially sitting a couple of feet away from a Wraith queen—from death incarnate.

"Strength, courage, and unbreakable faith that his friends would rescue him. They intrigued me. And, I suppose you could say, inspired me. No, I did not believe I would leave that planet alive, but I was going to make sure he did."

Beckett nodded in understanding.

"Feel better?" she asked, with a half grin.

Still somewhat surprised by this, but knowing she was right, Beckett was surprised to find himself smiling back at her. "Aye."

"Good," she nodded decisively. "Where do you wish to begin?"

"First I will need some samples of hair, skin, and possibly some deeper tissue, if that is alright?"

"Whatever you need, Doctor."

With little more to be said, he set to getting the samples and packing them away in his kit. She sat patiently as he examined her thoroughly and grumped about not having the proper equipment for a more detailed exam and recording. She said she would be more than willing, should the opportunity arise. He thanked her. The entire exchange felt amazingly normal to him after her story. As he rose to leave, though, she stopped him one last time.

"Doctor Beckett, I see that you are wearing a timekeeping device on your arm. Is that correct?"

"This watch?" he asked, somewhat perplexed.

"A watch, you call it?"

"Aye. What of it?"

"When will it be nighttime on this planet?"

"Another five or six hours. Why?"

For a moment she appeared as if she didn't want to continue before asking, "Do the stars shine at night? Are there many moons?"

His eyebrows shooting up into his hairline at these questions, he nodded. "Yes, like jewels in the sky. The moons reflect blue here."

"You seem surprised."

"Aye, on my planet there is one moon, and it is white and plain."

"Ah. Thank you, Doctor."

Still somewhat perplexed by this odd conversation, he left the prison and turned his attention to the nearly impossible task he knew lay ahead.

~o~o~o~

Over the course of the next several days, Alex spent her hours alone and in near silence. Occasionally her two guards would hold soft conversations, but appeared reluctant to speak in her presence. For her part, she passed the time writing out all she knew of the Wraith. What she had not told Beckett or Sheppard was that the hunger had already started that same day. Having to heal her most recent wounds combined with returning full life to Sheppard, she had not had nearly enough. Having hundreds of years of experience, she knew she could last several weeks, if not a couple of months, before the hunger and burning would drive her to delirium. But it certainly made attempting to focus on this crude form of written communication very difficult and frustrating.

Though she had no way of keeping time, she judged approximately half a day passed between the changing of her guards. Alternating between attempting to write and often just seeming to stare off into the shadows at nothing, the guards soon grew bored watching her; as she grew bored watching them. After what she judged to be three days, she gave up trying to focus on her writing and hoped to turn her attention to learning more about these humans. It soon became evident that not only were these guards reluctant to speak in front of her, but they had likely been given orders not to speak with her, either. Giving up in frustration, she asked the guards on duty that if they could not speak with her, could they perhaps find something she could study to learn more about them. At this, one guard glanced at the other before speaking, finally.

"Let's get one thing clear. It's not that we aren't permitted to speak with you. We don't want to speak to a Wraith. Understand?" he said threateningly. "As for your request, we are required to bring you whatever you need 'within reason'. And I don't believe books were in the list of what you need. You might claim to want to be human, but you'll never _be_  one. So just shut up and go back to whatever it is Doctor Weir wanted you to write."

"As you wish," she replied, disappointed, but not entirely surprised by his hostility. "I wish to discuss the matter with Colonel Sheppard."

"Too bad, he's off-world."

"Then please convey my request at your convenience," she stated, flatly.

"Yeah, right," whispered the guard.

Heaving a sigh, Alex moved to the cot and lay idly, much as she once had while a captive of the Genii. Luckily, it was only two more changing of the guards before Doctor Beckett returned in need of more samples. But, he carried something in his other hand that he set before her on the table.

"It's a clock," he explained. "It was modified by one of the scientists to reflect the number of hours for a day on this planet. On my home planet our days are twenty-four hours long. Here they are twenty-six. Now you can keep track of the time and the day and night cycles for yourself."

Seeing in his expression that Doctor Beckett meant the gift in the genuine spirit in which it was offered, she bit back the sharp reply of the thoughtless cruelty this device could have represented. "Thank you, Doctor," she replied with a smile. "How goes the research?"

"Not well, I'm afraid," he admitted with a sigh. "I've used up the samples you have given me and I am in need of more already. I supposed that's progress, but the results are not promising."

"That is to be expected, I'm sure," she replied. Glancing briefly to her guards, happy to note they were not the ones she had spoken with recently, she asked, "How is Colonel Sheppard?"

"Colonel Sheppard? He and his team recently returned from an off-world mission to a trading planet. But nothing remarkable. Why?"

"Idle curiosity. I had wished to speak with him at his convenience."

Out of the corner of her eye, she was pleased to see the guards glance at each other nervously. Obviously they were of like mind to those she had spoken with and did not like the idea of her speaking with Sheppard.

"Certainly," Beckett replied turning on his radio. "Doctor Beckett for Colonel Sheppard."

"Sheppard here. What's up?"

"I'm down here with, with A-Alex," he started, still stumbling over the name. "I was getting some more samples. She mentioned she would like to speak with you."

"Me? What does she want?"

Glancing back to Alex, Beckett checked a sigh realizing this wasn't going to be as simple as he would have liked. "Well, I'm not quite sure. Would you like to ask her yourself?"

"You know what? Never mind. Tell her I'll be down later. The great Doctor McKay has issued his demands, and—"

"Hey! I simply said—" Rodney started from somewhere nearby.

Smiling in amusement, Beckett cut in before his friend could really get started hoping the Colonel would hear him. "Great! I'll let her know. Beckett out."

Turning back to the Wraith, he grinned. "He'll be coming to see you shortly. Now, about those samples…"

As expected, Alex submitted herself to his examination and gave him all he needed. She answered a few questions he had, and then bid him goodbye. The moment the door closed behind him, she found herself locked in a dark, threatening glare by her guards. Feeling no need to provoke them, but now knowing the extent to which she could trust them, she began to consider how she could ensure regular contact with Sheppard and/or Beckett, just in case.

Almost as soon as Beckett left, Sheppard arrived with a handful of papers in his hand. He lowered the force field and handed them over with no explanation. To her delight, they were full page pictures of the sky. Some were of nights filled with stars and others were of daytime skies of blue and green with a variety of cloud formations and sun angles.

"Thank you for these," she said sincerely.

"No problem," Sheppard waved it off. "You seemed interested and pictures are easy to come by on our expeditions. Beckett said you wanted me?"

"Yes. I was wondering if you had any resource materials on you humans. Society, history, physiology, anything really."

"That bored already?"

"Not as such, but I have little else to pass the time. Study would be helpful."

"What about the writing?" he asked, nodding toward the small stack of papers on the desk.

"Ah, that," she said, stepping over toward them. "This rather crude form of written communication is exceedingly slow. And, from what I surmise, any sort of access to technology my pose a threat."

"Yeah, about that. Doctor McKay says most of what you've given him so far is useless. He says it's the kind of stuff he already knows or doesn't need."

For a moment Alex just considered this and nodded. "What kind of doctor is he?"

"Astrophysicist."

"Yes, he would find most of it useless. Thus far I've tailored most of the information toward Doctor Beckett's research. Physiology, our oral traditions regarding our evolvement and origins, and other such information. Though, as I mentioned, it is exceedingly slow."

"That's what he said. I'll just tell him it got to the wrong doctor, then."

"Please remind Doctor McKay that I was not a scientist, engineer, or other specialist. I was a queen, I had a Master of Sciences Physical and a Master of Sciences Biological and warriors to do the work for me. What little I am able to provide may not be of any interest to him at all. And, at the rate I'm going, it might be months before I have any amount of information available."

"I'm seeing if we can work out a Wraith-modified computer for you to use that is not connected to the network so there's no threat. But at the rate McKay is going, we'll die of old age, first."

"I see. Is he having complications with the adaptations, or is it more of a dislike of the idea of me having technology of a useful nature?" she asked with a wry half-grin to show she was not being serious.

"Both, but that's another story. Anything else?"

"No, thank you for taking the time."

"Right, I'll try to swing by more often. But I make no promises."

"Not necessary, Colonel Sheppard. I am kept in good company here."

Cocking an eyebrow as if wondering if she were being sarcastic as he glanced to her guards, he let it go and exited. Alex could only hope he made good on his word to check in every once in a while. And, she hoped, he would be able to provide her with some materials to study. Perhaps it would distract her from the hunger and the first feeling of burning beginning to creep into her veins day by day.


	3. Chapter 3

Days came and went as Alex sat alone in her cell. It wasn't long before the hints of burning throughout her body turned into a full-blown blaze. If it wasn't for her many years of experience, she knew she would already be more than half-mad from the hunger. As it was, it drove her to distraction. Not for the first time she found herself envying humans. She would have much preferred sleeping through most of the ordeal. What little she had been able to write now came out repetitious or meaningless babble. The length of time it took to compose a single thought in writing her own language was enough for her to lose track of the thought in her distraction. The books that had been brought were of little use. She had never had cause to learn human written language and was struggling to learn it now through a haze of hunger and distraction.

Despite the clock Doctor Beckett had given her, there once again seemed no point in keeping time. Time was something for humans. She knew their lives trickled away in seconds and minutes; and, she hoped, hers would too some day. But, for now, her seemingly eternal existence felt more and more of a curse as the hunger gnawed away at her. Over the next couple of weeks, Doctor Beckett made two more visits both to check on her as well as to gather more samples and give progress reports. Though he seemed much more comfortable in her presence, the undeniable frustration due to his lack of real progress in the formula rubbed off on her to a point she almost wished he just wouldn't come back until he had something to report. She quickly reminded herself, however, that without her samples, he would make no progress at all.

Finally came a day nearly three weeks into her stay when she found herself pacing her cell in agitation as the hunger raged in every fiber of her being. She had just reminded Doctor Beckett within the last few days that her time was short. This seemed to spark something in him that he didn't feel like sharing at the time. Today he entered the prison room with a large, fluffy animal on a lead. It followed him with a dull, uninterested look in its deep brown eyes.

"Here we go, then," Carson said as if presenting a prize-winning beast. "This wee beastie is from one of the planets the Athosians trade with. They use it for anything from food, to hair to make clothing, to pack animals."

As understanding bloomed in Alex's mind, she stared at the creature with a blank expression. The Wraith part of her loathed the idea of feeding on such a lowly life form. The human part of her saw it no differently than any other food source. But, under all this was a hunger so desperate she didn't care what it was, so long as it soothed the raging inferno in every pore of her being. Nodding slowly, she forced herself to step back and away from Doctor Beckett as she didn't entirely trust herself at this point.

"I would still like to study more of the feeding process, but I didn't want to take the time to setup the equipment. I thought we would find out if this works, first. Then I can always study later," Doctor Beckett told her as he walked the animal into the cell.

Flexing her feeding hand in desperate anticipation, the Wraith queen heard none of this. The moment Carson released the rope lead, she was on her knees. Her hand met the tender flesh below the neck where there was slightly less fur, and she fed. Her eyes locked onto the deep brown ones before her, she saw them go from shock, to paralyzed agony as she fed. The pathetic wailing of the creature almost made her stop. All too quickly the animal was little more than skin and bones as Alex released the husk and sat back on her heels.

For a moment she sat with her hands on her thighs staring down at the desiccated corpse with her hair blocking her face from Doctor Beckett's view.

"A-Alex?" he stuttered, still tripping over such an ordinary human name for something as inhuman as a Wraith queen.

Instead of responding, Alex smoothly rose to her feet and paced away, keeping her back to him. "Please have it removed, Doctor Beckett," she practically whispered.

"Are you all right?" he asked, stepping over the remains of the animal.

"Yes. Please, give me a moment, Doctor."

"Sure," Carson said softly, clearly not believing for one moment that she was well.

Instead of pushing the issue, he turned to the guards and motioned for them to help him gather up the remains on a blue tarp to haul out for bio disposal. By the time he returned, she was sitting calmly at the table as if nothing had ever happened. The pen sitting idle in her grip, she seemed at a loss what to write. Alex glanced up as he returned, lowering the force field and entering without invitation. Concern as well as curiosity were clearly painted on his features. One glance into his blue eyes told her she was not going to get away without at least something of an explanation. With a sigh, she set aside the pen.

"Before you ask, no, it didn't work as anticipated."

Curiosity turned to disappointment, but the concern still remained. "Were you hurt? How did it affect you?"

"Is that the scientist asking or the medical doctor?" she asked in a flat voice.

Not sure what to make of this, Doctor Beckett blinked in confusion before saying, "Both, I suppose."

Alex's eyes continued to bore into his as if trying to read his deepest thoughts and pick him apart. After a few uncomfortable seconds she lowered her eyes. Staring instead at her hands in her lap, she let her long cascades of white hair conceal her face, as she knew her own pain and disappointment would be evident.

"In the purest sense, yes, it would sustain me; but the quantities required would outweigh the benefit. What that…animal…gave me would not be enough to sustain me for more than a few hours, at best."

Sensing something else, Beckett kept his silence while she seemed to gather her thoughts. His hunch paid off a few seconds later.

"For the rest…I wish to never do that again."

Surprised by this and not understanding, Carson squatted down in an attempt to meet her gaze and determine if she really was unharmed by the experiment. The alien features were clearly twisted by something, but whether it was rage, feeding lust, or pain he could not make out.

"Tell me, please," he prompted gently, not daring to make physical contact, though he felt the inexplicable need to do so.

As if pulling herself back from something to return to the present, she met his eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. Now staring at her open feeding hand she said, "Feeding on a human means looking into their eyes, seeing the intelligence and life turn to agony and death. What I saw in that poor creatures eyes was gentleness, innocence, and complete trust. At least humans know what is coming and will fight when they can. But it just stared at me. I felt its pain, saw its confusion…"

"Say no more," Carson spoke softly, gently touching her knee.

Startled by this contact, Alex brought her gaze to meet his once more. For one brief moment, the empathy for that animal was clear in her alien yellow eyes before she seemed to shake off the moment. Taking that as a sign, Doctor Beckett took back his hand and stood back to give her room.

"I'm sorry. I had hoped to find an alternative for you. I had not considered the consequences."

The moment passed, Alex rose to her feet. "No apologies needed, Doctor. It was a worthy experiment and had potential to solve some very difficult problems. The consequences to me are minimal and acceptable. But I will not be doing so again."

"Understood," he said, the disappointment still evident. "Well, thank you. I'll get back to work on the serum, then."

To this Alex just nodded and appeared to return her attention to the papers on her table. Knowing she would not be able to accomplish anything worthwhile with those sensations still haunting her, she let the pen go where it would.

~o~o~o~

During the week that followed, Alex struggled to learn human writing. She seemed to have more and more luck. But without a reference source, it was difficult at best and infuriating at worse. The hunger gnawed her to mindless agony at times. Sometimes she shoved the table and cot to the sides just so she could pace the confines of her small cell. Other times she lay in a complete haze on the cot for hours at a time. Then there were times she simply growled and mumbled to herself, only to realize she was chasing mental phantoms.

By the time Doctor Beckett returned just a little over a week after their last experiment, she was beginning to seriously think that this wasn't going to work. He would not find the solution before she either lost her mind from hunger, or gave in to the growing desire to have Sheppard execute her. The only thing that kept her from doing so was the unshakeable hope and faith in his friends he had shown when they were imprisoned together. She had a strange desire to match that strength of hope so as not to disappoint the Colonel. Then again, much of what she thought, felt, and did no longer made sense; nor did it matter. After so many years imprisoned and starving, she had plenty of cause to doubt her sanity in any case.

Doctor Beckett entered the prison room to find Alex once again pacing her cell in short, agitated steps. Too tired to think too much about it, he simply lowered the force field and stepped into her cell. At first she seemed not to notice his presence.

"I'm needing some more samples, if you don't mind," Beckett spoke up to get her attention.

The blazing glare of mania in her eyes as she stopped in mid-stride to spin around and face him had Beckett unconsciously stepping back in fear, certain she was about to attack. Instead, she visibly took herself in hand and reached for the nearby chair. As was their custom, she would sit on the cot as he took the chair facing her. But, as she glanced up at him a second time, something seemed to change in her expression, making it once more piercing and calculating.

"Are you well, Doctor Beckett?"

Blinking a moment in confusion, Beckett waved off her question. "I'm fine. I just need some more tissue samples. I might have found a combination of RNA that could reverse the effects—"

"When was the last time you slept?"

Completely caught off guard, Carson hesitated. "Excuse me?"

"Sleep, Doctor. It is something I believe humans must have to function," she snapped.

"I've been busy. As I was saying, I—"

"And food, Doctor Beckett. I believe that is something else you frail humans require."

"I'm well aware of that," Beckett snapped back in the same tone. "And I thought you wanted to be one of us 'frail' humans."

To his utter astonishment she responded with a hiss and growl, and shoved the chair away from them. "Out! Get out!"

Stepping back involuntarily, Beckett stared in shock for one heartbeat as she stepped forward threateningly. It wasn't until he found himself standing between a Wraith stunner and a P90 aimed at her that he realized he had just backed completely out of her cell in fear. Seeing the guard with the P90 about to shoot, he grabbed the gun and pushed upward.

"Wait," he said when the guard yanked the gun away and tried to take aim again.

As expected, the threat of being shot and having no way to heal herself was enough to keep her within the confines of the cell. Seeing that she wasn't going to chase him beyond the confines of her cell, the guard lowered his P90 and turned the force field back on. Her chest heaved as she stared at Beckett across the force field, completely unconcerned with the guards at this point.

"Get out of here," she ordered again before turning to the guards and saying, "Get me Colonel Sheppard, now."

As the door closed behind Beckett, he could hear one of the guards already keying in his radio for Sheppard. His heart racing and practically panting as bad as the Wraith queen had been moments before, Carson leaned back against the wall, ignoring the other two guards posted outside the door. From within the prison room there was an eerie silence that made his hair stand on end. Beckett wasn't sure what he was expecting, but that calm silence was not it.

Colonel Sheppard must have run most of the way to arrive as quickly as he did. Doctor Beckett had only just gotten his heartbeat under control when John appeared at the far end of the hallway. The adrenaline rush and gradual falling off had left Carson even more exhausted and just a bit lightheaded.

"What happened?" Sheppard demanded, visually checking the doctor over for any signs of injury with blazing green eyes that threatened murder.

"Nothing, Colonel. I'm fine."

"Like hell you are," Rodney piped up as he entered the corridor. "You look like death warmed over. What did she do to you?"

"Thanks, Rodney, you look just peachy yourself," he shot back in irritation. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I heard the call to Sheppard on the radio."

"And it wants to see me, alone," John said, obviously irritated by Doctor McKay's presence.

"Look, I was fixing Zalenka's radio and I overheard. I knew Carson was down here and got worried," Rodney told them, as if daring them to dispute.

Heaving a sigh, Carson leaned back against the wall for support as he rubbed his temples. "I'm fine. She did nothing. She ordered me out of her cell, and then demanded they call you, Colonel."

Now certain the doctor had not actually been attacked, Sheppard considered this for a moment. "You think it's that time?"

Dropping his hands and staring at the ceiling, Doctor Beckett's expression took on a tinge of pain. "I hope not. But the animal feeding experiment didn't work. And she's been growing more and more agitated."

"Yeah, they told me," Sheppard said, staring at the door as if he could see through it. "I did promise."

"Promise what?" Doctor McKay popped in wariness coloring his words.

"Never you mind," John shot back before Carson could answer. "Take Carson and head to the infirmary, I'll update you on the radio."

Shaking off his exhaustion, Beckett stood straighter. "I'll wait here, if it's all the same to you."

"Doc, she's my responsibility. I'll—"

"And she's my patient," Carson cut him off, a little more forcefully than he intended. Softening his expression and tone he said, "Go on, John. I'll wait here."

Sheppard and McKay both knew there was no moving Beckett once he declared someone was his patient. The planets would move around him, first. Instead, Sheppard nodded slowly and glanced at Rodney before turning toward the door. Both sets of blue eyes followed him as the door opened. What Rodney had seen in that flat expression before Sheppard had turned away had his gut lurching, but he knew that expression well enough not to interfere. That expression meant the Colonel was taking on a duty he was not going to like, but would do as he had to. The moment the door closed, however, he pounced on Carson.

"Just what did he promise?" Rodney demanded.

Heaving a sigh, Carson let his head fall back against the wall with a small thud. He expected to hear the gunshots any moment. "That he would kill her rather than let her suffer in starvation indefinitely as the Genii had done."

"Oh, that's all?" McKay said, relieved.

"'That's all?'" Beckett repeated incredulously, his blue eyes turning icy in anger.

"Oh, come on, Carson. It's not like its murder. It's just a Wraith!" he pointed out, his voice rising in pitch as he got more irritated at the doctor's anger.

"She's my patient!" Beckett hissed. "And she's not just a Wraith. If she was, she wouldn't be here helping—"

"Helping?! It's given me exactly squat. Why can't you—"

"Enough! Just…stop," Carson said, his exhaustion and defeat weighing him down. "Just go back to whatever you were working on and let me—"

"No, I will not just scurry off," Rodney cut him off, softening his tone. "You need to give it a rest. You're running yourself into the ground. For what? To make that thing human? Even if it worked, it's still a Wraith. They're not like us. It doesn't—"

"Rodney," Carson growled warningly.

"Oh, I get it. You failed. That's what this is about."

His blue eyes threatening violence, Beckett seemed about to unleash all his pent-up frustration on his friend when the door opened interrupting whatever he was about to say. Both doctors turned to Sheppard in mute surprise. For his part, Sheppard seemed to be staring right at Doctor Beckett as if deciding what to do next. Finally he sighed and shook his head.

"I'll be damned. She's right," he said almost to himself.

"Right about what?" Doctor McKay interjected.

John ignored him and turned to Beckett, "You're not going to believe this."

~o~o~o~

Sheppard let his hand lightly touch the grip of his pistol as if to ensure it was there as the door closed behind him. As the guards had described, she had gone from pacing to standing facing the far force field wall opposite the door. He glanced to the guards to see if they had anything further to add. Both simply shook their heads and shrugged. Turning his attention back to the Wraith queen, it was obvious she had not heard him enter.

"Doctor Beckett tells me you're not being very cooperative," Sheppard called out.

Still facing away from him, she replied in a distant, uninterested voice, "Did he?"

Seeing she wasn't going to face him, Sheppard slowly began to walk around the cell. "Yep, say's you're not playing nice. Threatened him, even."

To this, Alex simply chuckled. "Perhaps I did, a bit."

Coming around the corner to the rear of the prison room to see the force field lit up a brilliant blue where Alex was holding her feeding hand against it, Sheppard found himself frozen in shock for a moment. Knowing from personal experience the level of shock the field provided on contact was enough to deter anyone, he only barely refrained from asking her if she'd lost her mind. Seeing his shocked expression, Alex removed her hand.

"The pain distracts me," she said.

"From the hunger?" Sheppard put in, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. But that is not why I called you," she said, giving him her undivided attention, now. "Have you seen Doctor Beckett recently?"

"I just saw him in the corridor outside. Why?"

"How did he look to you?"

"I don't know. Beckett-y. Why?"

This made her frown darkly as she turned to pacing her cell. "He is pale. He has dark circles under his eyes. He's lost weight. From these I can surmise he has not been sleeping or eating well and is at the limits of his endurance."

"Okay, so he did look a little tired," Sheppard conceded. "What of it?"

Now she growled. "The human body is frail, Sheppard. It can only go so long without rest and food."

"And here I thought you wanted to be like us," he shot back sarcastically.

"I do!" she hissed, facing him through the force field. "But not at the expense of the life or health of another."

"What?"

"Let me rephrase it for you, then. I'm renegotiating our arrangement. I refuse to cooperate until my demands are met," she said more calmly, in an almost haughty demeanor.

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you're in no position to make demands. Or has the hunger finally made you insane?"

"Perhaps. But these are demands that you can, and should, agree to."

"Such as?"

"There will be no more research, no more tests, no more samples, and no more exams from me willingly until Doctor Beckett has had three days of rest and enough food to revitalize him."

Taken aback by this, John's eyebrows stayed in his hairline. "Fair enough. Is that all?"

"For now. But if he ever returns to this cell looking this poorly again, I will have you make good on your promise, instead," she reminded, nodding to the gun on his hip.

His expression turning serious again as his hand brushed the grip for the second time. "And what makes you think I wouldn't accept that alternative, instead?"

"Because you need me if you're going to create an effective weapon against the Wraith."

"How long?" he finally asked. There was no need to clarify.

"Not long," she replied. "I will hold out as long as I can. Did his test on the male samples you brought back work? I've not had a chance to ask him."

"Well, it might have been easier to ask him if you hadn't been raging at him," Sheppard shot back. "And, yes, so far as I know, they worked. But you'll have to ask him for the details."

"Good, that is good," she said, exhaustion clear in her own voice. "And, no, he will not be allowed in this room again until my demands are met."

"Anything else?"

She started to shake her head but cut it short as something seemed to occur to her. "Do the full moons reflect on the black waters of the night on this planet?"

Confused by the sudden change of subject, Sheppard answered, "Yes, most nights. Would you like some pictures?"

"If it is not too much trouble, yes."

"I'll see what I can do."

"You have my thanks."

"Don't mention it," he said, turning to exit the room.

Once outside he was caught a bit off guard by the furious look Beckett was aiming at McKay. Not knowing and not wanting to know what the astrophysicist had done to set him off this time, he focused on Beckett. Initially he had been so concerned about the doctor having been attacked he hadn't really taken notice of his condition. The Wraith queen was right. Beckett had lost weight, and looked like the walking dead.

He shook his head ruefully and mumbled, "I'll be damned. She's right."

"Right about what?" Rodney jumped in.

Ignoring him, Sheppard directed his next statement to the doctor, "You're not going to believe this."

~o~o~o~

"It what?" Doctor Weir asked incredulously.

"She said she's not going to cooperate until Beckett has had three days of R&R," Sheppard repeated, glancing at Beckett, who had, by this point, had gotten over the initial shock.

"Let me get this straight," Weir said, staring at him across the desk incredulously. "The Wraith queen—"

"Alex," Carson threw in, suddenly feeling the need to reinforce the fact that she had a name and was more humane than some humans he had known.

"Very well, Alex, has demanded that Carson take three days to rest."

"And eat, because she says he's wasting away," Sheppard threw in with a jaunty grin making Carson roll his eyes.

Turning her attention to the doctor, she had to agree with the Wraith's assessment. "You do look pretty rough, Carson."

Heaving a sigh, Carson practically launched himself out of his chair. "I don't have time for this nonsense! I've only just proven that the formula works on the male DNA. I found an RNA sequence that might be the breakthrough I need to help her."

"Help her?" Weir said, almost surprised.

"Yes, help her," Beckett snapped. "In case you all have forgotten, she actually wants to be human. She isn't some faceless test subject, or intellectual debate. She is starving to death in that cell, and I've found nothing so far that would help her survive as a Wraith, and nothing concrete that will make her human. I need time to test the serum, and she won't give me the samples I need."

"I understand, Doctor, but—"

"What if we just stun her?" John tossed in.

Beckett's face twisted in dislike of the idea, but he was obviously considering it.

"No."

This statement from Weir had a finality to it that was the sound of a door slamming. Beckett didn't have to look at her to know this argument was already lost.

"It's right, Beckett. You need rest, and you can't deny you've lost some weight. You're no good to it or anyone else if you're too exhausted to function or think clearly."

Leaning on the back of the chair from where he stood, Carson nodded slowly. "Aye, you're right."

"Well, that's settled, then. Where would you like to go?" Sheppard piped in with a grin.

"Go?" Beckett and Weir asked in unison.

"Well, we all know that if he stays here, someone will find him no matter where he hides. And, despite having the best medical team in two galaxies, he's going to want to be in the mix of whatever may come up. And, as long as he's hanging around here, we'll have to guard his lab to keep him away from it. So, it's either house arrest in his quarters, or we can get him out of Atlantis so he can actually do what…Alex demanded," he said, as if struggling to remember her name.

"No. I—"

"That is an excellent idea, John," Elizabeth put in, sealing the deal. "Let me know when you and your team are ready to depart."

"Wait a minute! I didn't say anything about us being shipped off to—"

"Oh no, Colonel," Beckett cut in with a huge grin. "Doctor's orders. I could make it official, but I don't think Elizabeth would care for all the extra paperwork."

"Besides, John, you and your team haven't had any real downtime in a while. Even if you don't want it, I'm sure the others wouldn't mind a few days out of the city."

Knowing this fight was lost before it started, Sheppard shook his head. "Fine. I'll let you know what we come up with."

"Great. That's settled. Bring me back some souvenirs," she called as they exited her office.

Almost envying them, she watched the two of them leave. Already her mind had turned back to the current goings on of the city she found herself running. But the perplexing puzzle of a Wraith that did not want to be a Wraith continued to tickle the back of her mind. Deciding it was time to meet this unusual character for herself, she made a note to remind herself to take a detour down to the prison tomorrow.

And promptly forgot it as the next crisis landed on her desk a few minutes later.

~o~o~o~

Instead of finding themselves dropped off without radios, a Jumper, or other contacts with Atlantis, the group of four found themselves essentially marooned with meager supplies for three days on the mainland; the meager part being Rodney's opinion of the situation, of course. Teyla had taken to visiting her fellow Athosians on New Athos while Ronon and John had gone to the beach where the Colonel thought to teach the former runner how to surf. In short order Ronon was teaching him a thing or two about riding the waves. Meanwhile, Carson and Rodney stationed themselves a few hours' walk from the ruins of an old settlement near a river teaming with fish; Rodney, of course, complaining the entire time as Beckett had the time of his life.

The three days that started off feeling as if they were some sort of a punishment, were gone all too soon. When the Jumper came to pick them all up, reluctance was the theme of the day. But, without complaint, they all packed up their gear and supplies and returned to the reality of their existence in this foreign galaxy. As promised, John brought a handful of printed pictures he had taken of the moons on the late night waters. Carson dropped his fishing gear and was back in his lab coat before anyone even had a chance to register the fact that he was back. Handing the pictures over to Beckett, Sheppard headed to Weir's office hoping no one had noticed his return, yet. Grabbing up his kits, Beckett headed toward the prisons with an enthusiastic grin and bounce in his step.

He greeted the guards outside Alex's prison room with a smile as they let him in. Once inside, the reality of the situation struck him all over again with a near crushing force. Alex, sitting on her cot, seemingly staring off at nothing, failed to notice his entrance. She seemed little more than a lifeless husk of what she had been only weeks ago.

"Good morning, Alex," Carson called, as he reached for the force field controls.

"Stop," she called, still not turning to face him. With what appeared to be a greater effort than the movement warranted, she heaved a sigh and pulled herself to her feet, tottering slightly. Moving toward the door of the cell, she eyed him critically. "You're looking better."

Eyeing her just as critically, Carson forced a smile. "Oh, aye. Your demands have been met in full."

"Good," she said, nodding in satisfaction. "To explain, I've decided it is not safe for you or anyone else to enter my cell while conscious. While I may be somewhat in control of my faculties at the moment, that can change swiftly. As I believe you experienced for yourself."

"Think nothing of it," Doctor Beckett replied, hoping to brush off the whole thing.

"No, Doctor. This is my new demand, so to speak. I will be stunned, or otherwise incapacitated, before the force field is dropped."

For a moment Beckett seemed to want to argue, but recalling the terror he had felt when last in her presence left him no choice. Nodding sadly, he turned to the sergeant on duty that held the stunner. Alex turned back toward her cot and sat leaning back slightly as she waited for the inevitable.

"Alex," Carson called, motioning Sergeant Holmes to wait a moment.

"Yes, Doctor?" she said, not bothering to face him.

"I'm sorry."

Seeming confused, she cocked her head at him. "For what?"

"I had hoped to have a working serum before now."

"Ah, yes. Don't let it concern you Doctor. I knew what may happen when I agreed to this. Please, continue your work. I will hold out as long as I can."

Carson nodded sadly again. "The formula works on the male DNA. I may have found an RNA combination that will work for female, as well. I will begin testing it today."

"Very well."

As it seemed there was nothing more to say, Beckett nodded for Holmes to drop the force field. Alex sat rigidly on her cot as Holmes took aim and fired through the bars of the cell before the door had even opened. Three shots later she lay motionless on the cot with her feeding hand extending over the side. When Beckett moved to enter the cell, Holmes held him back gently.

"Let me check first, Doctor," Holmes said.

Sliding past Carson, the man knelt beside the feeding hand and gripped her wrist in an iron fist. Seeing she gave no reaction, he nodded to Beckett. Hefting his kit, Beckett followed. Not sure how long she would remained stunned, even in her weakened state, he gathered his samples as quickly as possible while Holmes continued to keep her feeding hand in an unbreakable grip. Once finished, he remembered the pictures Sheppard had given him. He left them on the floor beside the cot as he exited with Holmes close behind. With one last sad look, Carson took his samples and offered up a small prayer that this RNA sequence would be the one. Otherwise he was soon going to lose a patient he had never expected to have, but was fiercely devoted to saving.


	4. Chapter 4

Carson lost count of the hours and even days that passed as he continued to test and retest the new formula. He couldn't remember the last time he slept in his own bed, as he had a cot moved into the lab. White lab coats flowed in and out of the lab around him, and he barely seemed to notice. Almost all duties of the infirmary had been passed to his administrative staff. Once again food had become something he remembered only when his body left him weak with hunger.

Day after day the results of his tests on the tissue samples improved. But the hair samples seemed entirely unaffected. It was promising, but not enough. The tissue samples would change, but the remains also left a horrific vision in his head of what the formula would do to Alex. He no longer thought of her as a Wraith at this point. She was just a patient, and it was his duty to find the means to save her. Everything else faded to background noise.

Finally, once again nearly as exhausted as he had been when she demanded he rest, Carson found his radio crackling to life in his ear. It had been so long since anyone had called for him on it, that it startled him slightly. Realizing the call was not only for him, but that it was close to three in the morning jolted him from his observation of the latest round of tissue tests. He already knew he was close to needing more samples, but didn't have the heart to face her with little more than a maybe. Shaking off these thoughts, he keyed his mic.

"Doctor Beckett here. Go ahead, Captain Radford."

"Doc, the Wraith—"

"Alex," he cut in with more energy than he felt.

"—has collapsed. It-She's lying on the cell floor. We think s-she's unconscious."

Before the overnight shift guard had even had a chance to finish his sentence, Beckett had doffed his lab coat and grabbed a nearby kit and was out the door.

"What happened?" he asked, jogging toward the nearest transporter.

"She was…growling…hissing, and talking to herself. Something we couldn't make out. Then she started screaming and thrashing. Before we had a chance to call Colonel Sheppard or you, she just collapsed."

His heart twisting, Beckett asked, "Is she breathing?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Think so?" Beckett asked dangerously, now almost at a flat run as the transporter came into sight.

"Yeah, she's breathing. Just really…irregular, I guess."

"Have you entered her cell?"

"No."

"Don't. We can't risk stunning her just—"

Beckett cut off with an uncharacteristically coarse invective as he nearly collided with Sheppard headed for the same transporter.

"Alex?" Sheppard asked.

Beckett just nodded and jumped into the transporter. "Don't stun her. Unless something else happens, just watch her. Let me know if anything changes."

"Roger that. Captain Radford, out."

Turning to Sheppard, he found the Colonel checking his pistol to ensure he had a full clip. "There'll be no need for that," he snapped.

"We'll see," was all Sheppard said in a tone so neutral it almost made Beckett wince.

Not taking the time to respond, Beckett ducked out of the transporter ahead of Sheppard. He stopped only long enough for the door to the prison room to open. Any thought for anyone else present fled his mind as he saw Alex lying in a heap on the floor of her cell, her white cascade of hair splayed out around her. Without a thought for his own safety, he reached for the force field and door controls.

"Wait, Doc," Sheppard called, taking the stunner from the guard. "I'll go first."

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Beckett knew the Colonel was right. Stepping back, he let John enter first with the stunner aimed at her head. Her feeding hand was laid out with the palm up. Gently, Sheppard pressed his boot down on her feeding arm to keep it in place while the stunner stayed trained on her head. After a few seconds with no reaction he nodded to Beckett, never taking his eyes off her prone form.

Wasting no time, Beckett knelt beside the Wraith gently brushing the hair from her face. Pale as Wraith were naturally, her skin now bordered on translucent. Her cheeks were even hollower than he remembered and her clothes appeared nearly ready to fall off. Carefully he checked her vitals, not liking what he found one bit.

Turning to the guards he asked, "She had been talking to herself? Pacing? Agitated?"

"Yes, sir," one answered as the other nodded.

"Do you recall seeing such behavior when you were imprisoned together?" he asked Sheppard.

"No, but we weren't there very long. And I don't know when the last time was she fed before I arrived."

"I need her in the infirmary."

"No way, Doc."

"I can't help her, here! I need more equipment," Carson snapped. "She's no threat to anyone in this condition."

"And it might be a ploy to get her out of here," Sheppard countered.

"I'll have her restrained on a bed," Beckett agreed, packing up his equipment.

"No," came the faint whisper startling both of them.

"Alex, I—" Beckett started.

"Sheppard," she said, her voice gaining some strength, but not much. Struggling, she tried to lift her head to look up at the Colonel. "Now," was all she managed before she gave up trying to move.

"No," Beckett cut in. "Alex, listen to me."

"Doc, you might want to stand back," Sheppard said, moving the stunner to his offhand so he could reach for his pistol.

"No!" Beckett shouted. "Alex, listen to me," he said, turning his back to Sheppard and blocking his ability to take aim.

Alex's yellow eyes slid open a fraction, but she made no attempt to turn her head.

"I have a formula that might work. I…I didn't want to use it until I've run more tests. We can get another one of those alpaca things from the Athosians. I just need a little more time," he practically begged.

"Sheppard," she growled.

"Carson, you tried. Don't do this to yourself," Sheppard said gently, still not moving the stunner away from her head.

"Damn it, Alex. I know I can—"

His next words were cut off as she used her left hand to reach up and grip him by the throat. The sudden movement startled Beckett, but he knew there was no strength behind her grip. She was obviously trying to force Sheppard's hand. Before Sheppard had a chance to react, he moved his body once again to block the Colonel's aim. Now beyond frustrated, Beckett pulled her hand away and glared into her now open eyes.

"Now you listen to me, damn it. I have a serum we can use now. But it will just as likely kill you as make you human. I'm that close. I wanted more time to test it. But if you're so determined to die, at least let it mean something. Let me use the new formula and study its effects."

This seemed to get through to her, finally. She sat for a moment considering this, her glazed eyes trying to focus. Eventually her eyes slid shut as her whole body relaxed.

"It burns. Make it stop," she begged in a whisper so softly Beckett was surprised even he could hear.

"I'm sorry," he whispered back, too softly for Sheppard to hear, as he lowered her arm. Turning to Sheppard he nodded to the pistol. The sadness evident in his expression. "You'll not be needing that, Colonel."

Sheppard eyed the doctor and the Wraith dubiously, but turned on the safety and slid it back into its holster at his side. Meanwhile, Beckett keyed his mic calling for a gurney with a restraining harness. John continued to keep a wary eye on the Wraith and a boot pinning down her feeding hand as they waited. Their wait wasn't very long. In minutes they had her strapped down to the gurney and on their way to an isolation room far from where most of the city's population lived and worked. He had had this place set up for weeks in the hopes that when it was put to use, it would be under much more hopeful circumstances.

Knowing he had more supplies to retrieve from his lab, he tried to put the thought of his next task out of his mind. As he returned to the room to check on Alex before heading to his lab to retrieve his stuff, he was shocked to find her screaming and thrashing. The two guards that Sheppard had posted in the isolation room stood across the room with their stunners trained on her. Stepping into the room fully, he attempted to approach. It didn't take him long to realize that there was nothing of Alex in her now. She was a starving, terrified, tortured Wraith queen screaming and thrashing and cursing.

With a heavy heart, he gave orders not to stun her unless it appeared she was escaping the bonds and then headed for his lab. It didn't take him long to get what he needed and return. The eerie silence that emanated from the isolation room concerned him enough to poke his head in. Now she appeared unconscious, but still restrained. Glancing to the guards with a questioning expression, he was only slightly relieved as they shook their heads in response. This episode must have been short lived due to her weakness.

Now approaching sunrise, Carson entered the isolation room with all the equipment he needed in tow. As he approached her, she seemed unconscious and her breathing irregular as he had seen before. Knowing that delay was not going to make his next task any easier, he quickly set about setting up all the monitoring equipment and getting her connected. All the while she remained motionless. As he tested the equipment finally breaking the oppressive silence, he beat himself up mentally for his failures.

Finally he returned with a handful of syringes filled with a murky pinkish fluid. As he set the tray beside the bed, he was surprised to see Alex's alien yellow eyes wide open and watching his movements. Picking up a syringe, he showed it to her. Putting aside the healer part of himself, he forced himself to become wholly the scientist for this next part.

"I'm going to need to inject several of these to ensure the correct concentrations. Then, the same dose will be administered at regular intervals until the process is complete."

"Or I'm dead," she added, her voice almost a whisper.

The façade of pure scientist crumbled as the weight of his failure came crushing down once more. Not trusting his voice, he nodded. Pulling up a stool so he could position himself nearby to watch the initial effects as his equipment recorded the rest, he let the hand with the syringe fall into his lap.

"I'll not lie to you. The effects I've seen on tissue samples are hopeful, but horrific, also," he said, unable to face her. "The DNA is ripped apart and re-sequenced into almost pure human DNA with the iratus DNA and excess materials forming into a waste substance. Even if this works, it will likely do the same to you."

"I understand."

"I could show you the results. I have time lapse video. I can just—"

"No."

For a moment the two sat in silence. "I'm sorry."

"Doctor," she called softly.

Finally meeting her eyes he surprised himself by saying, "Call me Carson, love."

"Carson," she said as if tasting the name. "I like that. Whatever happens, I thank you. I know you tried. Take what you learn. Use it to defeat the Wraith. Know that I do this willingly."

Feeling the lump in his throat, Carson very nearly fled the room. Instead, he nodded sadly, forcing his mind and heart to stillness. He glanced at her briefly before putting the syringe to the IV and emptying it into the line when she nodded weakly one last time. This he repeated four more times. For a few minutes they sat as if waiting for something to happen. But as the minutes dragged on and nothing appeared to happen, he began to relax thinking that perhaps this was a failure.

His exhaustion pulling at him, Carson began to feel himself nodding off when the screaming began. At first she just seemed to twitch as her arms and legs seemed to spasm. Almost immediately she cried out about the burning. Disappointed, he chalked it up to another one of her fits. Nonetheless, he injected her IV with the next dose on time. But the thrashing continued, seeming more like some kind of seizure than thrashing, now. It wasn't long before her mumbled words about burning turned into screams. As minutes became hours and the spasms and screaming continued, he realized it wasn't just another one of her hunger-fueled episodes. He very nearly knocked over his stool as the full effects of what he was seeing struck him.

"It's working," he murmured in shock.

Running to the nearest of the numerous computers recording all of the data from many sources he began to check them all. She wasn't thrashing. These were seizures. He could only surmise that the burning was the formula working as it ripped apart and remade her DNA. The elation was crushed almost instantly, though as he took in the horror of what he had done. Alex's screams reverberated through the isolation room. As soon as she ran out of breath, she took in more air to scream again.

"My God," he whispered in horror. "What have I done?"

It was just as he had feared. She was being ripped apart on a microscopic level from the inside out and there was nothing he could do to ease her suffering. He had no idea what kind of pain killers he could give a Wraith, and anything for humans might not work. Worse, even if something did work, there was no telling what kind of interaction it would have with his serum. Despite the fact that the formula worked as he'd hoped, she was going to die screaming in agony. When was all that remained for them to find out.

Pale and shaking, Carson somehow made his way to the door. Despite not having eaten in longer than he could remember, he found himself on his knees beside a waste bin in the lab just inside the door to the isolation room heaving until he was too dizzy to move. He was surprised to feel hands gently tugging at his shoulders as the heaving stopped. The blackness around the edges of his vision forced him to close his eyes as someone leaned him back into a sitting position against the nearby wall.

After several deep breaths, certain he wasn't about to pass out, he forced his eyes open to find a pale-faced John squatting in front of him with an equally pale-faced Rodney standing just behind the Colonel.

"Better?" Sheppard asked, as if not knowing what else to say.

It was then that Beckett realized that despite the incredibly advanced sound proofing the Ancients had used, he could still faintly hear her screaming. Squeezing his eyes shut he let his head fall back against the wall with a thud. They must have been watching from the observation room above.

"Dear God," he whispered. "I've done this."

"Is it working?" Sheppard asked gruffly, staring off toward the door.

To this Carson only nodded, his head still tilted back with his eyes closed.

"It's your call, Doc," Sheppard said, his green eyes boring into the doctor as he finally met the Colonel's gaze.

There was no need to elaborate. John was offering to end the Wraith's agony with a bullet. Rodney, unusually silent, watched the entire exchange. It didn't take an astrophysicist to know that his friend was suffering, and that Wraith was the obvious source. He knew, too, that Carson wouldn't appreciate his interference or opinion, so kept his peace.

Carson's ghastly pale face contorted in blatant agony as he wrestled with a decision that he had never found easy, even when a directive was in hand. With uncharacteristic tenderness, Sheppard gripped the doctor's shoulder and shook him gently.

"Carson, don't do this. You tried. That's all anyone can expect. You didn't know it would do this to her."

His expression suddenly twisting from agony to anger startled Sheppard enough to take back his hand.

"The hell I didn't!"

Suddenly he struggled to his feet startling Sheppard and McKay into stepping back. He turned to pace across the lab and back, his steps quick and agitated.

"I bloody well knew! I've seen the results. But I-I had to try. I couldn't just let her give up. But, my God, do you hear her? It's tearing her apart. Literally!"

"Let me take care of her now, Doc. You—"

"No! I'll bloody well not let you just go in and kill her," he snapped. "I warned her, again. But she insisted we try, so I have to honor that. But I'm a damned, bloody fool. I should have—"

"Should have what, Carson?" Rodney finally cut in. "To you it's not a Wraith, it's your patient. You weren't going to let it be executed. John was the best chance at an easy death it had, and the Wraith rejected it. So it's got no one to blame but itself. Besides, it deserves what it gets. Who knows how many its fed on that died in agony them—"

Sheppard found himself then doing something he never thought in all his days he would ever have to do. The shock left him slow to react in pulling Carson off their mutual friend. The usually non-violent medical doctor had not only punched the astrophysicist right in the face, but had him pinned up against the wall after body slamming him into it. Neither of them were scrawny men by any stretch of the imagination, but at that moment, the enraged doctor made McKay look like a kid being picked on by a school bully.

"Get out," Beckett finally managed to growl as he got himself under control. "I'll update you when I know something."

"Sure thing, Doc," Sheppard said.

Still gripping Rodney by the collar he dragged the whining scientist out the door. Once the door closed behind them and they were in the silence of the corridor, Sheppard turned his blazing green eyes on the scientist.

"Just what the hell was that about?"

Rodney pulled his hand away from his cheek. "Damn! I wish I'd known he could hit that hard. What did he do in university, boxing?"

"Rodney," Sheppard growled threateningly.

"Oh come on, Sheppard. Isn't it obvious? He was ready to fold."

"What?"

Turning to walk down the hall knowing the Colonel would follow. "Forget it. They better have some ice packs in the infirmary this time, or he's going to get a piece of my mind."

"You baited him?" Sheppard asked incredulously.

"No, I was asking him out on a date," McKay shot back. "Of course, I baited him! Why else would I let him hit me?"

"Wait a second. Hold on," John said, trying to come to grips with exactly what had just happened.

"What? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah, that might be a good idea, because from where I'm looking, the other cheek might need a matching shiner."

Groaning in disgust and rolling his eyes, Rodney turned the corner toward the transporter at the far end of the corridor. "He's exhausted, again, and not thinking clearly. It just now hit him that he is, essentially, torturing to death a Wraith in the name of science. His ethics is clashing with the scientist and who he is is being ripped apart in the middle. I just sparked the doctor part of him that won't give up on a patient until they're dead three times over. Hopefully he'll get over the ethical problem and move on with the results. Besides, you heard him, it's not going to survive this, anyway. The least we can do is learn something useful from it instead of him letting you just execute it."

At this John stopped dead in his tracks. For a moment he was equally stunned by Rodney's rather profoundly deep understanding of their friend and doctor, and the coldness with which he analyzed the Wraith's current situation. For one moment, the whiny, hypochondriac astrophysicist transformed in his mind into the heartless mad scientist many already thought him to be.

Realizing Sheppard had stopped, McKay turned around. "What? Do I need to use smaller words? Come on, I'll explain on the way to the infirmary. I want an ice pack before this swells up."

Shaking his head in something akin to shock, Sheppard followed.

~o~o~o~

As hours rolled into a day, and a day turned into two, Carson paced the lab and injected Alex's IV with the formula every four hours. Sleep wasn't even an option at this point, as every time he moved beyond the lab to quieter areas he could still hear her tortured screams in his head. From time to time he glanced up to the observation windows in the isolation room to see who was watching now. A parade of scientists, doctors, and even his friends had all made appearances; but none bothered to speak with him. Whatever they may have thought of his work before, the results of this experiment horrified them enough to keep them away. Her screams reverberated throughout the room to a point even the guards seemed ready to crack. Knowing she was no threat to anyone, and likely never would be again, he dismissed them with word sent to Colonel Sheppard via Major Lorne at some ungodly hour of the night.

Too tired to make any sense of the exabytes of data that was being collected on dozens of computers and monitors surrounding her thrashing, screaming form, Carson simply watched in mute horror. While the horror had all but overwhelmed his senses, at first, he refused to give up. Some tiny part of him still believed he could somehow save her. He wasn't going to give up on Alex until there was nothing left to save. Though, at this point, he worried that she might be broken mentally from the ceaseless agony of the experience.

Then, on the second day, it finally happened. He was surprised Alex's weakened body hadn't given out long before. He was in awe of her endurance as the screams had gone on and on and on. The resounding silence rang in his ears as her screams stopped. Before he had a chance to fully register this, the cardiac monitors began screaming as both her hearts finally stopped. Slowly he shuffled to the end of the bed and glanced at the still-active EEG. With a defeated sigh, he dropped his head to his chest for a moment.

An instant later, behind his closed eyelids, an image of her expression filled with wonder as she gazed upon some pictures of the nighttime sky he had given her flashed into his mind. Feeling some part of him surge in denial, he reached for the crash cart. Somewhere far away, he thought he heard someone call his name. Taking off his radio he threw it across the room as he started in on her.

In a fury of desperation, he worked alone alternating between chest compressions, the ambu bag, injections, and defibrillator. Time seemed to crawl as he worked furiously, never realizing he was speaking in a nearly pleading tone.

"Come on, love. You can do this. Don't give up on me now," and a host of other phrases he didn't even realize he was speaking came flowing out as if he could reach inside her mind and pull her back with his words alone.

Suddenly the screaming of the cardiac monitors changed, just slightly. One continued its ceaseless whine of a flat line while the other blipped. For a moment he froze, listening. One. Two. Three. Yes! One of the cardiac monitors was definitely beeping in an irregular rhythm. Stepping back and staring at Alex's prone form as if waiting for her to crash again, he watched in breathless anticipation for a moment. Finally he came around the bed and switched off the sound on the right monitor before coming back around to focus on the left one. He gasped in realization as he finally understood why her heart sounded wrong.

He wasn't seeing the beating of a three-chambered heart. The heartbeat he could see on the monitor was that of a four-chambered heart. A human heart! Not entirely believing this, he scrambled for a stethoscope. The smile that followed this rather low-tech confirmation nearly split his face.

"Carson, what's happening?"

Coming back to the reality of his surroundings, he only then realized that the voice he'd heard on the radio earlier was Doctor Weir. Now it was coming from the intercom that linked to the observation room above. His hopeful smile still in place, he walked across the room to retrieve his radio hoping he hadn't broken it.

"Sorry, Elizabeth, I didn't see you up there."

"You seem rather pleased."

"Oh aye. She now has one human heart instead of two Wraith hearts," he said, looking up to her through the glass.

"I take it that it looks promising?"

While this had been a huge breakthrough and confirmation that the formula was working as hoped, he still wasn't sure Alex would survive the ordeal. If her internal organs were being redesigned back into something more human, it was quite possible all of them would shut down at one point or another, if they hadn't already. It still seemed very unlikely anything could survive that kind of transformation. The only thing that came to mind when he considered how the transition was affecting her was a butterfly; and she was definitely no butterfly, despite the insect DNA.

His expression turning grim, Beckett turned his gaze back to the still form of the former Wraith queen. She was so still now, he had to look closely to see that she was still breathing. At least the screaming had stopped; though, he was certain the sound of her screams reverberating off the isolation room walls would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"I'll update you when I have more. Beckett out." he finally said abruptly, turning off his radio.

With that, he returned to his stool and continued his vigil.

~o~o~o~

From then on, Alex remained silent. Her EEG had decreased to virtually nothing. There was no doubt she was deep into a coma. Considering the changes taking place in her body, Carson could only be thankful for this. He'd already come to terms with what he'd done to her and that there was no going back. He was certain the extended hours of agony had destroyed her mind, anyway. And the prolonged time in cardiac arrest had finally finished it. Nonetheless, he continued the treatments.

Alex had been comatose for nearly three days when the first visible signs of her change became apparent on the outside of her body as well as the inside. As he periodically checked on her, he found her pale almost amphibious skin sloughing off to reveal nearly translucent pink skin that was clearly human. After nearly a week of practically living in the isolation room alone, he finally found himself calling in a team of assistants to help him with cleaning off the dead flesh as it peeled away and what remained of her previous organs were excreted little by little.

Not a single part of her body remained unaffected. From the internal scans of her organs to the nails of her toes; everything changed rapidly from Wraith to human, leaving behind an even thinner shell of the former woman. Even the skin of her head sloughed off taking the long tresses of unnaturally white hair with it. Not entirely certain her digestive system was ready for it, he went ahead with adding a feeding tube and sustaining her on a steady diet of liquid nutrients in the hopes of giving her changing body some form of fuel to assist in the change. It was several days before the nearly skeletal figure began to show any improvement. But once she did, it was just as rapid as the alterations from Wraith to human had been. He was quite amazed at the amount of recovery she showed in such a short time.

But her brain activity remained almost completely flat.

Within two weeks of her cardiac episode, Beckett was convinced she would never wake. But, the changes were nearly complete, and her now mostly human body was steadily improving in strength. Finally he allowed himself short periods away from the isolation room and lab for food and rest. By this point he had seen pretty much everyone at one point or another watching him and Alex through the glass of the observation room; Sheppard most frequently. None had spoken with him throughout the ordeal, and he didn't blame them. He would not have been very good company in the present circumstances.

Nearly three weeks since the first injection, Carson returned to check on the silent, still figure of the former Wraith queen when he found himself entranced with her EEG. There was obvious activity where he expected none. Turning to her bedside, he found her eyes open. He had long before found them to have changed from the vivid yellow common to Wraith to a bright blue that was almost unnatural. The puzzling part was that despite losing layers of her eyes as she had most of her body, the iris remained the same cat-like shape of the Wraith. These eerie cat eyes seemed to roam around before settling on him.

Carson felt his heart jump as he forced the rising hope back down. Though he didn't often deal with comatose patients, he was well aware of how frequently they would show signs of cognition that were little more than infrequent blips. Leaning closer, he found himself smiling as he looked down into her eyes now definitely tracking him.

"Alex? If you can understand me, blink three times," he instructed gently.

She blinked, but it was only once. So, these were likely involuntary movements. Nonetheless, Beckett felt the need to offer some comfort. Gently he stroked the fuzzy white hair that had begun to grow back just above her forehead. Surprisingly, she seemed to lean into it, but nothing more. Returning to his scans and insane amounts of data collected over the weeks, he dismissed this as an anomaly.

Hours later he found himself intrigued by those eyes as they seemed to remain open for longer and longer periods of time. Doctor Beckett began to develop the distinct feeling of being watched by an intelligence. Though her EEG fluctuated intermittently, there was nothing to give a clear indication of emergence from her comatose state. Unable to ignore this completely, however, Carson found himself returning to his stool beside her bed to watch and even speak with her. As often as not, the brilliant blue eyes focused on him giving him the impression she was listening.

Following this, various parts of her body began to spasm intermittently. Again he found himself repressing hope he knew he had no right in feeling. After what she had experienced, no one would have come out intact mentally, even if physically. Time and time again he gave her gentle instructions and whispered encouragement. Time and time again, she failed to respond.

At some point Beckett finally lost track of the days. Though he could have looked at one of the numerous computers surrounding him, he felt a lethargy too great to bother. Though he would not admit it to anyone else, a part of him desperately wished Alex had survived; not so much for the research, as for the fact that she had wanted to be human so badly, he cursed this disappointment. Sitting on the stool beside her bed, he eventually dozed off yet again.

Somewhere in the darkness of his seemingly ceaseless nightmares where Alex—now human—screamed in never ending agony, he heard something that startled him awake. Where his dreams had shown him nightmares only a doctor could appreciate, he woke to find himself in a dream he could not comprehend. Colonel Sheppard stood beside Alex's bed on the other side, holding her hand. Realizing the doctor was awake, he fixed his green gaze on him in question. Blinking away the remnants of sleep, Carson realized that this was no phantom, and what he was witnessing was no dream.

Sheppard was holding Alex's left arm and hand in a gentle grip even as her right arm moved across her abdomen.

"I told him not to wake you," she slurred as if speaking through an unfamiliar mouth.

Beckett's shock was complete. He came to his feet so fast the stool crashed behind him.

"Alex!" He took her other hand and smiled down into those bright blue eyes. "Welcome back, lass."

For a moment those eyes alternated between Carson and Sheppard as she seemed to be slow processing. Her eyes settled on Beckett as she said, "Carson, correct?"

"Aye, lass."

To this she just nodded slowly before turning to the Colonel. "Sheppard."

"The one and only," he tossed back with a lop-sided grin before saying to Beckett, "I was just swinging by the observation room when I saw her flailing about. I figured you had things in hand, but I'd just come down for a quick peek."

Having checked most of the monitors to find them relatively unchanged other than her EEG, Carson was satisfied with the preliminary data to return his focus to her. Taking her right hand in his, Beckett watched as her intelligent, yet glazed eyes closed, making him think she was going to fall asleep again. Suddenly they flew open in a panic and she tore her hand away from his. She seemed to struggle to raise her head and focus her eyes as she stared at the now empty, pink palm of what had once been her feeding hand.

"It worked?" Alex whispered, as if not daring to hope.

"Looks like it," Sheppard commented.

"Let me see," she whispered turning her pleading eyes on Beckett.

Not sure where to find a mirror, Carson turned toward the lab and returned a moment later with a surgical instrument tray. Its surface was by no means clear, but it reflected enough, he thought. As he held it in front of her with a beaming smile, she raised trembling hands to touch her face, her new flat white teeth, and even the inch-long hair that had grown more rapidly than he had expected. Sheppard and Carson sat in silence as she absorbed her new human appearance.

Tears poured down her cheeks as her head fell back onto the pillows and her eyes turned back toward the ceiling.

"I'm free."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The last thing she said before exhaustion took her back into deep sleep was, "I'm free."

Sharing a look with the doctor, Sheppard nodded toward the lab door. Carson checked on Alex visually one more time, and the monitors, before turning to join the Colonel. Once in the lab, Sheppard turned to face the doctor with his arms crossed. He obviously didn't like what he was about to say.

"So, it worked," he stated the obvious. "What now?"

"To be honest, Colonel, I hadn't thought that far ahead. I didn't expect her to survive. Once she was in the coma, I didn't expect her to ever wake," Beckett confessed. Running his hands through his hair, he continued, "Given what she's been through, I'm quite frankly startled that she appears intact mentally. As a matter of fact, she even remembers what I told her just before the first injection. So far as I can tell, there's been no permanent or severe brain damage. It's going to be a while before I know for certain how far or how well she'll recover both mentally and physically, but the results thus far have been nothing short of miraculous."

"How so?"

"A week ago she was still shedding parts of her body. Two weeks ago she had no hair and skin thin enough to break if touched with too much pressure. Now, she looks to be a healthy young woman in her early to mid-twenties. Her body is rapidly healing itself from the effects of the transition, including hair that's grown almost two months' worth in just a few days. A normal human in a similar situation I would expect months, if not years, of recovery. With Alex, it may be days or weeks before she's up and about. She'll likely need a considerable amount of physical therapy considering how much muscle mass she's lost, but the recovery is likely to be staggering in its speed."

Sheppard seemed to take all of this in as his gaze alternated between the floor and the door to the isolation room. His green eyes darkened somewhat as he seemed to come to a decision.

"I'll radio for some guards. I want at least two posted in the isolation room at all times. I'll have two more stationed outside the lab."

"Colonel—"

"Not up for debate, Doc. I'll instruct them to stay out of your way. But, as you said, you're still not entirely sure about her mental state. It could be she takes to this change as she said she would. Then again, this could turn out to be a 'be careful what you wish for' scenario for her. We take no chances. We don't know the full effects yet, or how far we can trust her."

Despite his distaste for the Colonel's statements, Carson knew Sheppard was correct. They didn't know enough yet. Regardless of how much he wanted to believe she was telling the truth, there could still be some underlying twisted Wraith plot involved. Sighing, he nodded his agreement. In an uncharacteristic display of comfort, Sheppard gripped Beckett's shoulder.

"You did good, Carson. Let's hope she's legit, but expect the worse, okay?"

"Aye, you're right. I'll keep you updated."

With that Sheppard turned his attention to his radio and security arrangements.

~o~o~o~

Doctor Beckett's vigil continued throughout the day and most of the night. It was in the early hours of the morning when Alex finally reawakened. Seeming much more aware and less dazed than before, she took in her surroundings a bit more thoroughly. Awake and perched on the stool beside her once more, Beckett was absorbed in reading something he had in his hand. Hearing her stir slightly, he glanced up and gave a beaming smile at seeing her eyes open.

"Welcome back," he said warmly. "How are you feeling?"

For a moment she matched his grin, before frowning slightly and touching her face in confusion. Remembering that he had retrieved a mirror earlier in the day, he turned around to grab it off the tray.

"Yes, you're still human. I imagine even the littlest things are probably going to feel awkward for a while. But you should adjust," he told her. "Here, I brought this for you."

With unsteady hands, she reached up to hold the round metal mirror. For a moment Alex was completely absorbed in inspecting her face and moving many muscles Wraith did not possess. Carson sat back and let her explore her new features. After a few minutes she stopped, frowning in consideration. Turning those intense blue eyes on him, she asked, "Am I…pretty?"

This brought another genuine smile to Carson's face. "You're beautiful, lass."

This invoked a dubious frown as she returned her attention back to the mirror. Her complexion was something just shy of outright albinism. The white hair of her eyebrows did nothing to dispel the effect. Though her face was sharply angular, he knew some of it would fill out in time as she gained some weight. For now, though, she no longer looked Wraith, but not quite a normal human, either. But, to him, the fact that she was alive, awake, and animated made her a beauty to him.

Over the top of the mirror, Alex finally spotted her guards across the room. Before she could comment on this, however, her body decided to speak for itself. A long, angry growl erupted from her abdomen as her stomach demanded food. Beckett's eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he repressed a grin.

Seeing Alex's confusion, he explained, "That is your human stomach demanding food."

"It hurts," she told him more in confusion than actual pain.

"Aye, it'll do that when you've gone long enough without food. It's our body's way of reminding us to eat at regular intervals."

As if it only just dawned on her, her face lit up in excitement, "I can eat food again? Now?"

Rubbing the back of his neck, Beckett considered this for a moment. "Well, I hadn't thought you'd be ready for food for some time yet. I wanted to start you on liquids, first."

Alex's features fell in disappointment as she said in a light voice, "I understand," making him wonder if she was even aware of how much expression showed in her human features, now.

"Do you remember what it was like to eat?" he asked, curiously.

"Yes, fruits were my favorites," she said, regaining some of her enthusiasm.

"Were they now? Well, sweet stuff usually is the first. How about some juice, then? I have apple juice in the lab next door."

"Yes, please," she replied with obvious uncertainty since she had no idea what an apple was.

"Very good, then. We'll start with juice and broth and work our way up from there."

Turning, he left Alex alone for the minute it took to get the juice from the lab's mini refrigerator. When he returned, he was surprised to see her sitting up entirely unaided looking around at all the equipment she was connected to. Biting back his instinct to remind her how close to death she had been so very recently thus scolding her back to a prone position, he decided that as long as she didn't try to leave the bed, he would let her be.

"Here you go, love. One gourmet apple juice," he said, handing over the little carton and straw with a flourish.

For a moment Alex stared at it in confusion as if wondering what to do with it. Gently Carson guided the straw to her mouth and instructed her to suck. At first her eyes widened in shock as the cold liquid hit her tongue, but then her face lit up in delight as her new taste buds absorbed the sugary goodness. For a moment, Beckett had to fight the feeling he was dealing with a child and remind himself how far from it she really was.

"Yes," she said excitedly. "This is very like what I remember."

"You remember taste?"

"Yes. I never outgrew the love of human food, especially talikia fruits. Though, it has been many decades, if not centuries, since I lad had any. The Genii would not allow me food."

"Not to worry. We have plenty more of that and many other things for you to try, when you're ready."

Nodding, Alex returned to her juice, caught somewhere between wanting to drink it all in one gulp to satisfy her stomach's demands, and sipping it slowly to savor it. Beckett, meanwhile, watched in fascination. After a few moments, he knew he had to get on with his job, though.

"Aside from your stomach, does anything else hurt?"

Alex cocked her head as if to consider this before shaking it. "No, just my…stomach you called it?"

"Aye."

"Just that." As if this were a queue, she began to stretch her arms and legs and all the different muscles she had yet to grow accustomed to. "I feel smaller, weaker."

"Well, compared to a Wraith, humans are, overall, a bit smaller. As for the weaker part, that is to be expected after your ordeal."

Suddenly Alex shivered as she closed her eyes as if to block something out. "I remember some of it, I think. But that's over now, right?"

"Yes," Beckett agreed, shaking of his own memories of the early days of her change. "So long as you get injections at regular intervals, you should remain human."

"How often?" she asked, digesting this.

"Until last week we were keeping them up at a rate of one every four hours. For the last seven days, however, we've been tapering off. Today you've had one, and that was nearly twenty hours ago. Based on the cell growth and consistent response, you likely will not need more than a single injection daily, maybe less. But I feel one a day for now would be safe until we know more about the long-term effect of the change and how long it will hold."

To this she only nodded. Finishing off the last of the juice, she frowned at the carton as if expecting more to appear. "It still hurts," she told him.

"I don't want you to overdo it on your first attempt. Why don't we give it a few minutes and then I'll get you some more juice and possibly some broth later?"

Nodding, she accepted this and sat back a little, still looking around. Eventually her eyes found the windows of the observation room up above. Carson followed her line of sight to find Doctor Weir standing just in the shadows staring down at them. He wasn't sure how long she had been there, but wasn't entirely surprised to see her out and about at so early an hour. What did surprise him, however, was that she had not used either her radio or the intercom. It was obvious even to her up there that Alex was awake.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"That's Doctor Weir. She's the head of the expedition here in Atlantis."

Alex just nodded as she continued to watch the shadowy form of Elizabeth. Obviously she didn't want to be disturbed, so he let it go and returned his attention to Alex. Assuming Weir would talk to Alex on her own time, he soon forgot her presence.

~o~o~o~

Over the next three days Alex progressed so rapidly Beckett didn't know what to do. Before noon on her first day attempting liquids, he found himself left with no choice but to start her on real foods. Soft foods turned into more average meals by the end of the day. But, by that night, her seemingly insatiable hunger had him severely concerned that she was perhaps using food as an emotional and/or mental crutch after having been starving for so long. Either that, or her body was still craving Wraith sustenance and didn't know what else to do.

This all changed, however, after Alex's first bowel movement. It came out utterly normal, if a bit awkward for her as he explained how the human body works. He also brought along a female doctor to assist with much of what she would have to grow accustomed to. Not only was the bowel movement normal, but the scans showed her body was absorbing the food at a phenomenal rate. To add to this, her hair and nails were growing almost before his eyes. Her musculature the first morning after real food had virtually doubled and she was walking around the bed carefully avoiding disturbing the numerous wires still attached to her.

Shaking his head, Carson marveled at her recovery. At this rate, he would be discharging her in a day or two. Aside from her restlessness, there was little more to learn from her on this side of things. He continued to pour over the exabytes and exabytes of data gathered over the last several weeks, but he knew it could be months or even years before it was all properly processed.

Three days after Alex had emerged from her coma everything seemed to normalize. Her eating habits became more normal, her body seemed that of a perfectly healthy twenty-something, and she showed no signs of mental side-effects other than restlessness and the occasional shudder as she recalled some of the time that led up to this drastic change. Declaring her fit for release with a huge grin, Carson called for Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir to see how they wanted to arrange things.

On the morning of the fourth day Beckett handed over some sweatpants and a sweatshirt as he began to disconnect her from all the equipment. Practically bouncing with excitement, Alex forced herself to patience as he removed the last of the monitors. Moments later she followed Doctor Pressely to a restroom adjoining the adjacent lab. The guards followed silently and placed themselves in the lab to wait. Not two minutes later Sheppard arrived as if summoned.

"Heya, Doc," Sheppard greeted. "I heard she's ready to go. I figured I'd show her around a bit and get her settled in."

"I'd like that," Alex said, emerging from the restroom with Veronica close behind.

Sheppard only barely managed to keep his eyes in his head as he came face to face with Alex. Aside from the fact that she was as tall and shapely as any model he'd ever seen, she looked nothing like the frail, miserable form he had seen in the hospital bed just a few days ago. The cat-like intense blue eyes and stark white hair did nothing to detract from her appearance, either. Creepy as the hair color was, especially her eyelashes, it was easily overlookable when compared to the Wraith she had been, or the miserable scrawny human she had started out as.

"Wow, lookin' good, Alex," he commented.

Feeling her cheeks flush, Alex put a hand to her face and looked to Doctor Beckett in confusion.

Carson chuckled at her red cheeks. "It's natural, lass. He's just saying you look much better than the last time he saw you." At least, that's what Carson sincerely hoped was the case.

"Right," Sheppard added. "You ready for a grand tour?"

"Yes," she smiled brilliantly.

"Don't have too much fun," Beckett warned good-naturedly. "And I'll see you in the infirmary tomorrow morning for your next injection."

"And I'll let the guards know the moment anything feels off in the meantime," Alex replied, as if she'd heard this at least a dozen times before. "You have my word."

Knowing he was presenting himself as a worried parent almost, Carson just patted her shoulder and turned away. Sheppard threw out an arm toward the door to the corridor with a flourish and a warm smile. As she exited the room he nodded toward the guards. He was fairly certain she hadn't come this far just to try something now, but this was also her first time actually walking through Atlantis. For anyone who may very well have super human speed and strength, as Beckett suspected, this would be an ideal opportunity to slip away and wreak havoc.

As Sheppard joined her in the corridor, her intense blue eyes seemed to take in everything. She hardly seemed to notice the guards or anything else as they headed for the nearest transporter.

"We've arranged living quarters for you, but Doctor Weir wanted to see you, first. She has a few things to discuss," Sheppard told her.

"Doctor Weir is the one who runs this city, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Like a queen?"

Sheppard's face scrunched up a bit as he considered how to explain. "Not really. It's more like leadership than rulership. She may give orders, but she accepts the advice of those around her, as well. And she shares the position with others, in a way."

"How so?"

"Well, for example, she's in charge of civilian activities and much of the diplomatic duties. She oversees the scientists' progress and keeps track of daily goings on and facilitates communication and trade between Atlantis and the rest of the galaxy. But in a military or combat situation, I generally make the orders and she sees them enacted."

"But not always?" she asked, catching on to something more here.

"Right. Sometimes we disagree and cross over into each other's territory, I guess you could say."

For a moment she seemed to let this sink in as her eyes continued to take in every inch of the corridors they traversed. "Shared power as equals. And this arrangement works well?"

"For us it does. Other human societies have other means of rulership or leadership that is unique to their people."

"I see."

For a while they walked in silence as they came around the corner of a corridor in the main spire. Sunlight filtered through numerous windows that lined the left wall. Most of them were too high to see out of, but that didn't stop Alex from looking through each one up at the clear, blue sky. Just up ahead Sheppard spotted a balcony that overlooked a portion of the city. Hoping it was unoccupied this early in the day, he led her toward it with a gentle hand on her arm.

"Come here. Let me show you."

Letting herself be guided, Alex waited as Sheppard opened the door. Sheppard watched her face light up like a child's with unabashed delight as she took in the scene before her. The sun was only about a third of the way to its apex and a good portion of the city lay below. The sky was a clear blue unmarred by any clouds leaving the sun to reflect like a path of diamonds in the water beyond the edges of the city. Sheppard crossed his arms and watched Alex's reaction with pride as he enjoyed showing off what he now felt was his home.

"It is beautiful," Alex said in awe as she approached the railing.

"I like to think so."

"I could stay here all day and night," she said, almost to herself. Turning back to Sheppard, she said, "Perhaps another day. I believe Doctor Weir is waiting on us?"

Turning back toward the corridor, they resumed their short trek to the command center. Again Alex's eyes widened in wonder as she took in the control room on their way to Weir's office. The head of Atlantis saw them coming from where she sat at her desk and put aside her tablet.

"Come on in, John," she called as they approached.

"Doctor Weir, meet Alex. Alex, this is Doctor Weir."

Alex just nodded quietly, deliberately breaking eye contact with Elizabeth so as not to appear challenging.

"Please, have a seat," Weir motioned to the chairs facing her desk.

"Thank you," Alex murmured, keeping her voice and appearance as non-confrontational as possible. She was in Weir's territory, after all.

For a moment Weir just took in the sight of the former Wraith queen as she considered where to begin. Alex appeared perfectly content to let Doctor Weir led the conversation. Meanwhile, Sheppard sat tensely in his chair, though he tried to disguise it.

"How are you feeling?" Weir finally asked.

"Quite well, thank you. Though I have much to learn and grow accustomed to."

Weir nodded, dropping her eyes to her desk for a moment. Pleasantries over with, she sighed and nodded to herself. "I really don't know how to beat around the bush with this, so I'll just come right out and say it. I appreciate that you chose to be human voluntarily. I appreciate the fact that you helped Colonel Sheppard escape that Genii prison. But let me make one thing clear. I do not trust you."

"Elizabeth," Sheppard started to cut in.

"No, Colonel," Weir glared at him. "I'll have no misunderstandings about where she stands."

For her part, Alex had nodded to this and made no comment. Weir turned her piercing green eyes back on the former Wraith queen.

"As I said, you are not trusted. So, what I want to know is, why? Why did you trade in immortality for a human body that will age and fail in a handful of decades? What do you hope to gain by all of this?"

For a moment Alex sat, as if pondering her answer. "First and foremost you have my utmost gratitude for the opportunity. It is my understanding that all of this is possible by your grace alone. Is that correct?"

Glaring a moment as Sheppard, Elizabeth eventually nodded. "I suppose so. Why?"

"Just that I have you to thank for my new body and my new life here. So, let me ask you something, Doctor Weir. What if you woke up tomorrow with a horrific disease that required someone else die to keep you alive? What would you do?"

Doctor Weir frowned darkly. "It would never happen."

"But if it did?" Alex persisted, keeping Doctor Weir's gaze firmly locked.

"Then there's no choice. I'm not going to sacrifice someone else just to keep myself alive for another day or year or whatever," she finally replied annoyed.

"Exactly."

"I don't understand," Weir said, her brow furrowing in irritation.

"You are aware that Wraith age much like humans in their first years of life?"

"Yes."

"Then, one day we wake up in the first stages of puberty with a hunger that cannot be sated with food. We are shown how to feed on humans to sustain ourselves."

"And that bothers you?" Elizabeth asked, still not quite convinced.

"Yes. And that is the core of why I've chosen this," she said, her eyes boring into Weir's. "With this body I will grow old and die, or so Carson believes. But at least I don't have to look into the eyes of the men and women I would murder to stay alive indefinitely. I will suffer those nightmares for however long this body lasts. But I will never have to do so again. I would rather die—and attempted to do so many times—than to feed as a Wraith ever again."

Elizabeth seemed to accept this with some reservation.

"As for what I hope to accomplish, I admit there is an ulterior motive in my continued survival."

Doctor Weir's piercing gaze focused on her once again in open suspicion bordering on hostility. "And what might that be?" she asked coldly.

"Carson no more believed I would survive the ordeal than I did, once it was explained to me. I can remember an eternity screaming in agony as my body burned from the inside out. When the darkness finally took me, I gave in without a fight as I was certain I would not wake up and was glad for it. But, I…died, so to speak, with the full knowledge I had at least helped Carson develop what could be a very powerful weapon against the Wraith.

"Since I did, survive, though. I imagine there is much more I can contribute in your fight against the Wraith; and I very much wish to do so. I want them eradicated perhaps more than you do, as I have a unique understanding of what they really are; and 'monster' doesn't begin to describe them."

"From what Doctor McKay has told me, you've given him nothing useful."

"I agree," Alex said. "Most of what I attempted to put down with what I was given to use was directed toward Carson and his research. I had thought physiology information would be at the top of the list of information needed."

Weir glanced to Sheppard for confirmation.

"She's telling the truth. Ask Beckett. But, hey, we've got humans that struggle with using a pen and paper these days. You shouldn't be too surprised that it was slow going."

She seemed to consider this for a moment. "Fair enough. But we have some concerns about giving you any of our technology to use. Under the circumstances, however, I'll allow a laptop that is off the network. If we have any reason to even suspect you of trying to connect it to Atlantis' systems, confiscation of said laptop will be the least of your concerns."

"I understand. I've heard it said amongst humans that trust is earned and not given. That seems quite appropriate to the situation. I will do all I can to earn your trust. But, for now, may I ask if the laptop," she said the unfamiliar word as if still acclimating to her new teeth and mouth, "will be modified for Wraith language?"

"I can arrange that."

"I was going to request that you not. I have begun to learn your language and would like to continue. May I ask that any programs you have to assist in my learning be included on the laptop?"

"Of course, if that is what you wish."

"Thank you. And I ask that you all bear in mind that I was not a scientist, or an engineer, or any other positions within Wraith society that you might find useful. I was a queen. I was isolated and taught only how to control the weaker minds of the males and avoid being murdered in a succession by another queen. But, I will give you all I know."

"Fair enough. Any data that you do have will be turned over to Doctor Rodney McKay. He will report to me. He will make arrangements for how the data is to be transferred. In the meantime, you are assigned two guards at all times. They will not follow you into your quarters, but that is the only place you will ever be alone. Even then, arrangements have been made to track your activity. Your room is isolated with no windows and no way to leave, save the front door. For the moment, you are allowed to move around some areas of Atlantis, such as the infirmary and mess hall. The guards will show you where you need to go." Here Weir hesitated and glanced to Sheppard who nodded briefly. She reiterated sternly, "You are allowed to move around the rest of the city, but the guards will warn you away from any restricted areas; and there are many. Should you make any attempt to enter those restricted areas after a first verbal warning, the guards are instructed to shoot to kill. There will be no second warnings, no stunning, and no exceptions."

"Understood."

"Good. That is all I have for now. Colonel Sheppard or your guards will see you to your quarters," she finished in clear dismissal.

"Thank you, Doctor Weir. May I ask you a question?"

"Yes," Weir agreed cautiously.

Alex frowned as if considering her next words carefully. "Please forgive my awkwardness, as I am new to being human. If I am being impertinent, please let me know."

"Okay," Elizabeth said, her expression neutral.

"You color your face and lips, but Sheppard does not."

Her expression relaxing in understanding, Weir sat back. "Yes, it is common for human females to alter their appearance while men do not."

"Thank you," was all Alex said. "As I said, I have much to learn."

With that she stood to follow Sheppard out of the office. At just that moment McKay stepped through the doorway looking at a laptop in his hands nearly running right into John.

"Oh hi," Rodney said, finally looking up.

"Rodney, meet Alex. Alex, this is Doctor Rodney McKay."

Before Alex could reply, McKay fixed his cold stare on the former Wraith. "Oh, its Carson's pet—"

"Rodney," Sheppard growled warningly.

"Project," McKay added, as if to cover up whatever he had been about to say before. Brushing past Alex, he turned his attention to Doctor Weir.

Sheppard opened his mouth with an angry glare. Before he could speak, however, Alex put a hand on his arm and glanced toward the door. Following her lead, Sheppard escorted her out of the office and away from the command center.

"Is he your friend?" she finally asked, when they were relatively alone in the adjoining corridor.

"Yeah, sometimes," Sheppard grumped, obviously unhappy.

"Ah, forgive me for not being as familiar with this, but the intricacies of friendship are something I am having trouble understanding. But, if I am correct, a friend does not easily forgive an injury done to another friend. Is that right?"

"Yeah, something like that," he said, still frowning.

"I fed on you and they watched. Correct?" She waited for his nod before continuing, "If he is any friend to you at all, he is not likely to ever forgive me."

"That's just crap," Sheppard said. "You're not a Wraith anymore. And it was you who pointed out that Kolya was torturing the both of us."

"Nonetheless, I expect he will continue to hate me as I am the one that inflicted such agony that they witnessed for themselves. Is Doctor Weir also a friend?"

"Yes."

Alex simply nodded to this, and let the subject drop. Minutes later they arrived in a virtually abandoned corridor of living quarters, her guards in tow. Sheppard seemed to have regained some of his good humor and motioned with an elaborate wave toward her door.

"It's not the Hilton, but I hope it's comfortable since there don't seem to be any managers to complain to about the service in this place," he quipped.

Taking in the sparse room with a bed, a table, a chair, and a chest of drawers, she nodded. "It'll do."

"I'm not sure what kind of living space you're accustomed to, but this is about the best we got. The only thing really all that much better would be having a balcony, but those are all taken."

"Yes, I imagine that would be nice," Alex agreed seeming to picture that. "But there appear to be plenty of balconies elsewhere in the city. I'm certain I can find one that is not within a restricted area."

"Absolutely."

"Want me to show you around a bit, or would you rather hang out here?"

"I would be extremely grateful if you'd show me where the mess hall is located."

Sheppard glanced at his watch. "It is almost lunch time. Hungry already?"

"Yes."

"Beckett did say you were likely to eat more frequently at first. Tell ya what. I didn't have much for breakfast this morning, would you mind if I joined you for lunch?"

Alex smiled brilliantly, forcing Sheppard to remind himself not for the first time today that she was older than most of documented human civilization no matter what she looked like. They walked in relative silence as she seemed to be memorizing their path as well as taking in all the sights. She seemed to scrutinize the women they passed, more so than the men. John could only guess that she was learning what she could without openly questioning everyone she met. He was still a bit surprised about her question to Weir earlier. Thinking of this, it dawned on him how awkward and uncomfortable her questions might become if he hung around too long. He hoped the food would distract her, because he wasn't about to cover for Beckett if she started asking more detailed things.

Finally they reached the mess hall that was thankfully not too crowded. It was still an hour or so before the lunch rush would begin. Grabbing a couple of trays and a few items he thought she would like to try, he turned toward the tables. Spotting Ronon at a far table along the wall opposite the entrance, he made a beeline with Alex in tow. At first Ronon glanced up to see Sheppard and then turned his attention back to his food.

Turning slightly Sheppard started introductions. "Ronon, I'd like you to meet Alex. Alex meet—"

Before Sheppard could blink Ronon was on his feet with his blaster aimed at her chest. A vicious expression twisted Ronon's face into something nearly inhuman.

"What the hell? Put that gun away!" Sheppard roared. "That's an order!" he added when Ronon didn't budge.

For a moment it seemed he was about to disobey this order and consider any consequences worth it. But then his eyes flicked to Sheppard for the merest fraction of a second before returning to the former Wraith queen.

"You stay the hell away from me," he growled dangerously before walking away from the table as he holstered his gun.

"As you wish," Alex said, seeming to be utterly unruffled by all this, and making sure he knew it.

"Look, I'm sorry about that. He's a bit rough around the edges. But once you get to know him—"

Whatever he was about to say he cut off as Alex practically dropped the tray on the table and gripped the sides of her head. Her eyes sought out Ronon across the room. There they could see him talking to Teyla, who glanced over her shoulder once before following her friend out of the mess hall.

"I can feel it," she murmured, a little overwhelmed by the intensity of the hatred she had just felt.

Already Sheppard was on the radio with Beckett when she returned to her surroundings; only after Teyla and Ronon were out of sight.

"Sheppard, please tell him I'm alright," she cut in, as Sheppard eyed her with clear concern.

"She says she's fine, but whatever just happened, it wasn't good. She's pale as a sheet. Well, paler than before, anyway," Sheppard described.

He listened for a moment to Beckett on the other end. "Yeah…yeah. Any lightheadedness, or headache?" he asked Alex.

"No. As I said, I'm quite well. I was just caught off guard. I felt…something. It was from the woman that left with Ronon."

"Teyla?" Sheppard asked, his expression taking on one of concentration as he appeared to make a connection.

"Hey, Doc, is it possible she could sense things just like Teyla?"

He listened again for a moment. "Will do. Sheppard out." he said, finally, and keyed off his mic.

"You're sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Yes," irritation at having to repeat herself clear in her tone.

"Let's have a seat, then," he said, pulling out a chair for her.

"May I inquire what Carson said?"

"I was just trying to figure out how to explain. Teyla's one of my team. She's an Athosian, one of the first human settlements we encountered after we arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"Arrived? You're not from this galaxy?"

Toying with the food on his tray, Sheppard hesitated, not sure how much he should tell her considering how little they all trusted her. "No. It's a long story, and I can't go into detail. But, Teyla is the leader of the Athosians and they kind of got caught up in a bit of a mess we created. Anyway, she joined my team. Later we found out that she not only can sense the presence of Wraith, but she has some Wraith DNA."

Alex's white eyebrows shot up at this. "How is that possible?"

"You'll have to ask Beckett for the specifics, but the gist of it is that a Wraith scientist was cross breeding humans and Wraith. Teyla and those like her who can sense the Wraith, are all descendants of the original test subjects."

"There's more," Alex said, now seeming more into her food and tasting each item on the plate.

"Not really. It's just that in Teyla it is strong enough that she can communicate with the Wraith, and not just sense them," he added, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"And Carson suspects that I may be the same?"

"Yeah, something like that. He was getting all science-y on me, but he thinks it's the remaining mostly dormant Wraith DNA. You likely have the same ability, only stronger even than hers."

Alex paused in chewing for a moment. "I may still be able to communicate with Wraith, then?"

"Yeah," John agreed, his expression darkening.

"And that is a security problem, I believe?" she asked, obviously already knowing the answer.

"Yep."

"Let me put you at ease, if I may. I was able to call to the Wraith in my mind the entire time I've been here. Had a ship been close enough, I would have sensed it. I believe at one point during some of my delirium, there may have been one within range. But it was little effort to convince them I was a lone, mad Wraith queen abandoned and left for dead by my generals due to my madness. But I am not certain since I was rather delirious."

During this little spiel, Sheppard's hand halted midway to his mouth as his green eyes widened first in suspicion and then in shock. "Well…that's…comforting, I suppose. Would have been nice if you had warned us."

"I apologize if I concerned you. But, as I mentioned, I wasn't quite myself."

He took another bite of his sandwich as he nodded to this. "In any case, you may be able to sense Teyla from time to time."

"Understood. It should not be a problem, as I believe she feels much the same as Ronon."

"Teyla?" Sheppard asked, surprised.

Alex just nodded to this, finishing off the rest of the celery on her tray and staring as if she wished for more.

"Still hungry?" he asked, seeing her expression.

Coming back to herself, she shook her head. "Is Teyla also a friend to you?"

"Yeah, like I said, she's on my team."

"Team. As in you work together?"

"Yeah, we go out on expeditions to other planets, making alliances, killing Wraith, that kind of stuff."

This seemed to gain her interest. "How many are on your team?"

"Just Ronon, Teyla, and Rodney."

"Doctor McKay?"

"Yep."

"And you fight Wraith?"

"Any chance we get that doesn't involve costing our side too much. For the most part, we try to avoid them, though."

To this, she nodded. "There are many teams like yours?"

"Right now we have about fifty-six permanent teams. Then there are a few dozen more that rotate personnel depending on the situation."

This time as Alex nodded, she seemed disappointed, but didn't say anything more.

Not sure exactly why she was disappointed, and not liking the implications of it, John popped in hoping to prod without being too obvious. "Why? Wanting to join up?"

Her intense blue eyes shot back up to meet his green ones in clear surprise. Then her expression hardened an instant later. "You're mocking me," Alex accused.

"Whoa, wait a minute. You're serious?" he said in surprise before he had a chance to process this.

"I'm well aware of my status among you," Alex said angrily. "But is it so far-fetched that I would like to take the battle to the Wraith, instead of sitting here documenting every scrap of information I can recall about being a Wraith?"

"Sorry, no offense," he mumbled an apology. "It's just that you're so new to all this. It kinda caught me off guard."

"I understand," she said, her expression softening. "But, yes, I would like to do more than sit around here all day and night. Should the opportunity to do more ever present itself, I'll happily take it."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, glancing at his watch.

"I hate to eat and run, but I've got a meeting with Major Lorne in a few minutes. I'll let your new buddies show you back to your quarters," he told her taking his tray and standing up.

"Thank you for your time, Sheppard."

"Don't mention it."

~o~o~o~

And that was it. After possibly centuries of imprisonment with the Genii, weeks of imprisonment here on Atlantis, and weeks in an isolation room, Alex found herself at a loss for what to do next. She had no desire to return to her quarters, but did not know where else to go. Taking Sheppard's lead, she set her tray with the others and exited the mess hall. For a moment she stood at the junction of two corridors looking in each direction. She already knew the way back to her quarters, but was curious about the other direction.

Turning to face her guards and pointing down the left corridor, she asked, "Am I permitted to go that way?"

To this they nodded. Deciding that acquainting herself with the city was as good a use of her time as any at this point, she began to wander the halls aimlessly. Any time she came to a cross-section or junction in the corridors, she asked before taking a direction. She attempted to ask questions of her guards on a few occasions, and met with little response. They made it clear that they had no interest in holding a conversation. She eventually gave up and continued her exploration in silence.

Alex judged several hours had passed when her stomach again made its displeasure known. Not entirely sure what time it was she asked her guards to point her in the direction of the mess hall. Silently they moved back to a position behind her and verbally guided her in one-word directions. Eventually she found herself hitting a wall of noise as she approached a very busy and crowded mess hall. Hesitating just outside the door, she felt her stomach squeeze slightly as the noise and confusion jangled her nerves.

Not to be intimidated, Alex took a deep breath and made her way into the wall of noise heading for the food tables. Feeling a change in the atmosphere, she noticed that many of the voices were still speaking, but they had lowered to the hum of a whisper. Glancing over her shoulder as if brushing her hair out of her face, she found she was not, in fact, being paranoid. Most, if not all of the people present in the room, were now staring at her. Feeling distinctly uncomfortable with all the attention, Alex decided to take her tray to her quarters. Not making eye contact with anyone, she summoned all her former arrogance as a Wraith queen and threw her shoulders back and marched out of the room, guards following closely behind.

She had just made it to the door of her quarters and was wondering how she was going to open the door when a friendly and familiar voice called out from the end of the corridor.

"Alex!" Carson called with a smile. "They told me I just missed you. I figured you were headed back here. Would you mind some company? I thought we could celebrate your first night out on your own. "

Smiling brilliantly, Alex nodded happily. Balancing his tray in one hand, Beckett opened the door and motioned her inside first. Taking in the sight of her quarters, his expression fell.

"It is a bit cramped," he commented, eyeing the one chair at the table. "Are you sure you'd rather not join me in the mess hall?"

Setting her tray on the bed, Alex considered this quandary for only a moment before pulling the chair out of the way and moving the table up toward the bed. Now one could sit on the bed and the other in the chair. She motioned for Beckett to take the chair as she curled her feet under her on the bed.

"So, how was your first day?" he asked cheerfully.

"I spent most of the day walking around the city."

"And how did you like it?" he asked, still chipper.

"It's quite impressive."

"How did it go with Doctor Weir?"

"About as expected," she started, but seeing the genuine curiosity in Carson's eyes she continued. "She doesn't trust me at all. I hope to gain her trust in time. In the meantime, she's going to have Doctor McKay give me a laptop with human programs I can use to work on learning more about your written language. And I will be able to give as much information as I can about Wraith. Meanwhile, I have acquired two guards who will follow me around and keep me out of restricted areas."

"Well that's not bad at all," Beckett commented still being cheerful.

Alex agreed with a nod, as she explored the contents of her tray with little enthusiasm.

"Sheppard tells me you had a run in with Ronon," Carson started, tentatively.

"Yes, in the mess hall."

"Don't let him scare you. He's a big guy, and a bit more prone to violence than some; but overall he's a good man."

"Do you think it's the fact that he still sees me as a Wraith that incites his hostility?"

"Perhaps," Carson admitted, considering this. "It is also just as likely he still sees what the rest of us continue to have nightmares about."

"Feeding on Sheppard?"

To this Carson only nodded.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, keeping her eyes on her tray.

"What for?" Carson asked surprised.

"I should think that would be obvious. Though, I probably should apologize to Sheppard as well."

"I doubt he holds it against you."

"Perhaps not. But it would still be appropriate, would it not?"

"I suppose. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. He seems well over it. Do you care to explain what happened with Teyla?"

"Nothing, really. I only caught a glimpse of her as she was leaving the mess hall with Ronon. I felt her…emotions, for a moment."

"Really? And what was it like?"

"Cold. Hateful. Directed hate, like a weapon, almost."

"Oh come now. She's not that bad."

"I can only tell you what I felt. And I apologize for scaring you. I startled Sheppard as her intense focus on me for a moment caught me off guard. It was my understanding humans do not communicate in such a way. I had not expected it."

Frowning slightly as he played with his food for a moment, Carson considered this. "Aye, it's true. We don't. And, to be quite honest, I hadn't thought of it. I probably should have expected it."

"Not to worry. Much as Teyla's ability serves her and her team, perhaps one day I can use it the same way."

"That's true," Carson agreed brightly.

The rest of their dinner passed in relative silence occasionally broken with some small talk. Almost reluctantly, Carson left with the trays in hand. Alex promised to be in early in the morning for her expected injection. Again Alex found herself at a loss for what to do with herself. A lethargy stole over her that had nothing to do with the day's activities. Recalling vividly her encounters throughout the day, she found she had no desire for the time being to venture back out. Perhaps, in time, they wouldn't see her as a Wraith anymore.

Lying on her bed considering what she could do to change her appearance to maybe shake off the image of Wraith that so many still saw in her, she gradually dozed off.


	6. Chapter 6

Early the next morning Alex woke feeling refreshed. Having slept away the lethargy of the night before, she smiled brightly as she showered and changed clothes. Only then did she realize she had no idea what time it was. For all she knew, it could be in the middle of the night. Recalling the clock Carson had given her, she decided to see if it was possible to retrieve it. Feeling excited about the new day ahead, she poked her head outside her door to see her guards posted across the hall from her door.

"Do you know what time it is?" she asked.

"Close to oh six-thirty," one replied.

Frowning slightly Alex considered before asking, "Is that considered unusually early to be out and about?"

The two guards shared a glance before the other answered, "It depends. Some like to be up before the sun rises and some prefer to get up closer to mid-day."

"Good," Alex said, accepting this as a normal time to be moving about the city. "I would like to return to my prison cell. I left something behind I would like to retrieve."

The two young-faced guards shared a look again, this time frowning.

"We'd have to cut through…that one section," the one on the left said, obviously being deliberately vague.

The one on the right nodded considering this. "I can't think of any other way around. Major Lorne should be on duty. I'll see what he says."

Alex stood patiently waiting as the guard keyed on his radio.

His eyes stayed on her as he called, "This is Captain Song for Major Lorne." A few seconds of silence and then, "Yes, sir. She would like to retrieve something from her prison cell." He turned his attention to her, "What is it you're wanting, ma'am?"

"A clock given to me by Doctor Beckett. It is likely still sitting on the table unless my items have been removed."

"She says it's a clock, sitting on the table," he relayed to Lorne. He listened for a few more seconds, his eyes still on Alex. "Understood, sir. Captain Song out."

"Major Lorne says all of the items left in the cell were packed up and taken to a lab for inspection. He will find out which lab and have all the items boxed up and brought to your quarters."

"Thank you."

Considering what to do for a moment, Alex glanced down the corridor in both directions. The resounding silence was such a stark contrast from the busy corridors she had explored the day before. Deciding there was little else to do with her morning, she turned her feet toward the mess hall. She might as well get breakfast out of the way before it was too busy.

Alex felt her heart speed up just a little as she could hear the hum of early morning conversation coming from the mess hall long before she sighted the entrance. Steeling herself, she just hoped she didn't draw as much attention this morning. Her guards following close behind, she came around the corner to find the mess hall even busier than it had been the evening before. She headed toward the line of people meandering around the food tables. Already her mouth watered with anticipation at the smell of a table full of fruits.

Beside the many trays of fruits stood a small cluster of people having a conversation. Maneuvering around people and closer to the abundance of fruit trays, she ignored the change in the hum of activity as several people caught sight of her. The small cluster of people near the fruit table, however, were blocking her access. Not wanting to interrupt, she brought her eyes up to meet the dark brown ones of one of the women. The woman's eyes widened in shock as she recognized Alex. Ignoring her reaction, Alex nodded and smiled.

"Blain, move," she hissed to the man who had his back to Alex and talking to the others.

"What? Oh, I'm sor—"

His apology was choked off as he realized he was facing the former Wraith queen everyone had been talking about. Startled, he jumped back with a yelp knocking someone's tray out of their hand. In the crowded space this caused a domino effect of people that culminated in the near destruction of a table full of food as three people landed partially on it. Alex watched this with wide-eyed horror as the mess hall came to an absolutely standstill in dead silence. By this point every eye was focused on her. As she glanced around, she found some eyes filled with hostility and accusation, some with curiosity, but all of them held an edge of wariness as if expecting her to attack.

Feeling her face flaming, Alex set down her tray and turned to flee the mess hall with as much dignity as she could muster. Knowing that breaking into a run would likely cause her guards to just shoot her in the back, she kept her strides to a fast walk. Only when she was two corridors away and around a few corners did she finally stop. He heard the boots of her guards stop several feet behind. By this point her heart raced as her hands shook and her mind swirled with a mix of feelings she couldn't recall ever having felt before. She was scared, embarrassed, sad, hurt, and so many other things she didn't have a name for. Leaning against the wall absorbed in the tide of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her, she almost didn't notice the guards behind her attempting to stifle their laughter. Thinking their laughter aimed at her, she glared at them.

"And then Melinda took out three by herself," the other was whispering to Captain Song starting them both choking on laughter as they tried to regain their composure.

Recalling with agonizing detail the scene that had unfolded around her, Alex realized they were not laughing at her, but the situation. Still not accustomed to human humor, she wasn't sure if their laughter was appropriate to the situation or not. Before she could make any sense of this, however, she realized her cheeks were wet. Raising a hand to touch her cheeks, she confirmed that the salty smell and sniffles she began to feel were a result of liquid leaking from her eyes. Not sure what to make of this, she just sat there considering what it all meant and how her body seemed to react to things she couldn't understand.

"This is Captain Vasquez. Go ahead, sir."

Whatever he heard over the radio sobered him in seconds. "Yes, sir. We're in corridor F, Section A Nine. She's just standing there…crying." He listened for a second. "No, sir. Doctor Pontner was startled when he turned around. He fell taking someone else with him and it was a kind of chain reaction. Yes, sir. No, sir. No, sir. Understood, sir. Vasquez out."

Captain Song waited patiently until the conversation was ended. Then he caught Captain Vasquez's attention and whispered in a very serious expression, "Look out below."

This had both men almost incapable of staying upright as they fell to laughing hysterically. Seeing as they were either ignoring her or she was virtually forgotten, she watched them for a moment as she let her heart gradually slow down. Whatever hunger she may have felt earlier was long gone. She was surprised to realize that their laughter had somehow affected her, making her want to join in. Forcing this reaction back down, she let the feeling wash over her, instead. The feeling was quite enjoyable. Not sure what time it was, but hoping Carson would be available, she waited for their laughter to die down a bit before asking them to take her to the infirmary.

As usual, they followed behind giving verbal instructions. Lost in thought, replaying the scene over and over in her head, she almost didn't realize she was at the entrance to the infirmary. Entering the open double doors, she was confronted with a scene of barely controlled chaos. At least a dozen people were sitting on gurneys sporting a variety of minor wounds as the infirmary staff, including Carson, tended to them. Initially she had intended to come get her daily injection and hopefully ask Carson some questions. Seeing how busy it was, she instead turned to leave, thinking to come back later.

"There she is!" someone shouted. "She did this to me!"

Carson along with just about everyone else in the room turned their attention to Alex.

"Alex?" Carson asked.

"She did it," someone else spoke up, sporting a swollen wrist. "She's the one that attacked Doctor Pontner."

"Yeah," several others agreed in angry mutters.

"Major Lorne said it was an accident," Carson pointed out, nodded toward a man standing nearby with his arms crossed.

"She needs to be caged again," one guy started, getting off his gurney to stalk toward her. "Wraith shouldn't be walking the city."

Carson jumped in front of the man, "Just take it easy. Major Lorne will handle it."

"No! We all know she's your little Wraith pet," he argued, pushing his way around Carson as several others in the room grumbled angry agreement.

Somehow maneuvering himself in front of the man a second time, Carson gave him a gentle shove in the chest, his face red with barely contained fury. "You sit your arse down right now, Eckley, or you'll be the one in the prison. Do I make myself clear?"

Seeing the naked fury on the gentle doctor's face seemed to rattle something inside the man as he nodded and began backing toward his stretcher.

Turning to take in everyone with his glare, Carson asked, "Does anyone else here feel the need to assault my patient verbally or physically? If you do, I suggest you take it up with Major Lorne over there, or Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir. Take your pick, but this ends now."

Certain that no one was going to take him up on his offer, Carson turned toward a woman in green scrubs. "None of these are serious injuries. Get them patched up and out of my infirmary. I'll be in Room Three. When Colonel Sheppard arrives, send him in."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Come with me, Alex," Beckett said, taking her gently by the arm with a warm smile.

On the other side of the infirmary a set of blue eyes watched the scene unfold with open curiosity. Though he had been suspicious at first, he trusted the word of her guards. Seeing the open fear on the woman's face as it seemed she was about to be attacked hadn't been a cover. It was genuine. For a moment, she had almost looked like she was going to run. Filing this away for later, Major Lorne turned back to the mess that had been dropped into his lap.

Alex allowed herself to be led around the corner and into a larger room that branched out into several smaller rooms with curtains across their open doors. He led her to one of the rooms and motioned for her to have a seat on the lowered gurney. Captain Song and Captain Vasquez stationed themselves just outside.

Heaving a tired sigh, Carson sat in the chair nearby rubbing his face. "I'm sorry, Alex," he started.

"There's nothing to apologize for," she told him, somewhat confused. "Are you feeling well?"

"Me? I'm fine. I just got woken up a little earlier than I would have liked, and not nearly enough coffee for that kind of asinine behavior." Trying to make light of the situation, he grinned at her, "I'm a grumpy morning person without my coffee."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Alex. Major Lorne told me what happened. If anyone would be to blame, it's Doctor Pontner. From what I understand, his reaction was uncalled for."

"He turned around, and…I supposed I startled him," she said, again not bothering to include the fact that wherever she went, people stared and watched her.

"There ya go. It was an accident," he said a bit more cheerfully. "Now, I'm waiting on Colonel Sheppard, because Major Lorne woke him up to report this incident before all the facts had been gathered. So I expect he'll be here any moment. I expect you were coming for your injection?"

To this she nodded.

"Very good. Give me just a moment to grab a quick cup of coffee and I'll be right back," Carson told her, exiting through the blue, sheet-like curtain.

Left with little else to do, Alex just stared around at the equipment and supplies scattered throughout the room. Some of it was familiar to her, while others were a complete mystery she could only guess at. As promised, Carson didn't leave her alone for long. Having changed his previous lab coat that was dotted with a few drops of blood, he returned with two cups in his hand that steamed slightly.

"God bless the founders of Keurig. Here ya go, lass," he said brightly, handing over one cup of cream colored brown liquid. "It's called coffee. It's a warm, comforting drink that contains caffeine, a stimulant. Most humans drink it or something similar in the mornings to help us shake off sleep and improve our alertness."

Eyeing the liquid and sniffing it, Alex found she very much liked the aroma. It was warm and earthy and comforting. Taking a tentative sip of the hot liquid she let it roll around her tongue. First she was met with a delightfully woody and sweet taste that mellowed to a slightly bitter, but not unpleasant, aftertaste. Carson watched as her eyes lit up in delight at her first experience.

"Now, I know it tastes good, but you'll want to limit yourself to no more than two cups a day. It's not healthy to have too much of anything," he cautioned, sipping his own cup. "But, in the case of coffee, unless you've had a lot of it very recently, or your body is accustomed to stimulants, the side effects of too much caffeine can be rather unpleasant. Just so you know what to look for, they include tremors, shakiness, accelerated heartbeat, and dizziness."

"Thank you," she said, still smiling over the warm beverage.

"That cup has cream and sugar in it. Some prefer milk instead of cream, or calorie-free sweeteners, and a variety of flavorings. I won't tell you all of them, there's just too many. But we have a pretty steady supply of coffee around the city, so feel free to experiment."

"I will."

For a while the two of them just sat enjoying their coffee, Carson appearing much less tired than he had before. Meanwhile, Alex's mood seemed to lift. She marveled that just being in the doctor's presence made her somehow feel better. Something of these thoughts must have come through in her expression as she stared down into her coffee.

"Penny for your thoughts," Carson prompted softly.

Not understanding, Alex cocked her head slightly in question.

"It's a human expression. It means I'm curious what you're thinking, but don't want to be rude by asking directly," he explained.

Alex considered this for a moment, not sure where to start. "What is crying?" she found herself finally asking.

"Crying is a physical reaction to an emotional stimuli. Sometimes people cry when their happy, or angry, or sad, or hurt," he explained.

Alex nodded. "There was liquid coming out of my eyes."

Eyeing her a bit more closely, Carson said, "After the incident in the mess hall?"

She nodded.

"It's normal. I imagine you probably were a bit unhappy about what happened."

"I felt…a lot. I can't put it all into words, but it was a bit overwhelming."

"I hadn't thought to ask you this with all that was going on, but what about the emotional state of Wraith. Do you feel happy, sad, love, comfort?"

Considering this for a moment as she sipped her coffee, Alex shook her head. "No. Thinking back on it, I think most Wraith feel little beyond a territorial instinct, dominance, anger, lust, and a twisted sort of euphoria when feeding."

"Then you're likely in for many more such episodes," Carson warned. "Humans feel many things good and bad. Some feel them more strongly and frequently than others. You understand I'm a medical doctor and that I work with the body, right?" He waited for her nod to continue, "There are many other types of doctors. Some that have specialties. One type of doctor addresses issues of the mind and emotional state. We have one here in Atlantis. Her name is Doctor Kate Heightmeyer. I can introduce you, if you'd like?"

Alex considered this for a moment. "Perhaps later. For now, I'm still getting adjusted to my surroundings and this body. But I will keep her in mind. Thank you."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm sure you're going to have plenty more questions as time goes by."

To this, she nodded. Before she could say anything else, however, they heard the sound of Colonel Sheppard speaking with her two guards just as they were finishing their coffee. There was a brief exchange before he dismissed them knowing the new morning guards would be arriving shortly.

"You can come in, Colonel," Carson called.

"Hiya, Doc. Alex," Sheppard greeted poking his head around the curtain. Then he caught sight of the cup in her hand. "Doc, did you really just give her coffee?" he asked incredulously.

"Aye," Carson said, as if irritated at having his judgement question.

Turning back to Alex with a serious expression Sheppard said, "You'd think he'd know better. Caffeine is a highly addictive substance. You'll soon find yourself unable to function without it. And that's if you don't wind up building an alter to worship at."

At this Carson thumped Sheppard on the arm. "I do not!"

Barking a laugh, Sheppard pointed out, "You have over fifty flavors of coffee and a dozen flavors of creamer and every sweet thing you can think of to put in it. There's an entire room of the infirmary just for your coffee."

"It's not just mine, and it's called a break room," Carson argued.

"See what I mean?" Sheppard said. "He even has to justify it. That's a clear sign of addiction."

"You're just jealous that I was able to smuggle in a Keurig," the doctor shot back smugly.

Alex found herself unable to stop a smile of her own at their banter. Play time over, Sheppard crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway, eyeing her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Major Lorne told me what happened. You wanna give me your side?"

Frowning slightly, Alex recalled once again the events of the mess hall. Again leaving out the fact that the mood of the entire room changed whenever she entered. Sheppard and Carson listened in silence their expressions neutral. For a few moments after she fell to silence, Sheppard seemed to consider this before turning to Carson.

"They all seemed pretty hostile?" he asked the doctor.

"I wouldn't say hostile, but there was a definitely feeling of anger and accusation."

"Has anyone else threatened you or given you any trouble?" Sheppard asked Alex.

"No."

Sensing there was more to this, Carson reached out and touched her knee gently, "You can tell us, lass."

"I'm sorry," Alex apologized, realizing that Carson was thinking she didn't trust them. "It's not that I don't trust you. But I'm accustomed to isolation, I suppose. Being surrounded by hundreds or even thousands of hostiles is nothing new to me. I was a Wraith queen. They must always watch their back."

"See, Doc, hostile," John shot back with a lop-sided grin.

"I mistakenly hoped I would not be seen as a Wraith among humans," she told them, her disappointment clear. "But when I seem to draw a considerable amount of attention wherever I go."

"Don't worry, Alex," Sheppard said casually. "They'll get over it. You're just new, that's all. It's human nature to take a dislike to whatever is new or unfamiliar. They just don't know you, yet."

"He's right," Carson added. "Give them time."

Alex just nodded to this, still hearing the echo of "pet Wraith" in her mind. Catching sight of a lock of her stark white hair she said hesitantly. "I've seen many colors of hair amongst all of you. Do you think coloring my hair would help them see me differently?"

Knowing this conversation was ranging way out of his territory, Sheppard glanced to Carson. Carson didn't miss a beat in his reply.

"Perhaps, but that is your choice. It's unique, that's for certain. Personally, I think it suits you."

Alex nodded again, processing this. Hoping the moment was passed, Sheppard stepped in.

"Doctor Weir wanted to meet us in a little while. I can take you up there. I told your day shift guards to meet us there. If you're done with her, Doc, we can get out of your hair."

As if only just remembering, Carson reached into his lab coat pocket. "Just a moment, Colonel, and you can be on your way."

Fetching a band aid and an alcohol swab, Carson made quick work of the injection. Alex still marveled at his gentle and deft touch. It was virtually painless. With a smile Beckett sent them on their way and returned to his morning infirmary rounds. Feeling somewhat exposed without her guards, Alex engaged in small talk with Sheppard as they made their way to the command center. As they approached the walkway to Doctor Weir's office they could see McKay pacing and shouting as Weir sat calmly at her desk.

"…Carson's little pet—"

"Rodney!" Weir interjected seeing Alex and the Colonel approaching her door.

This he ignored completely. "It's true!" McKay continued. "Who knows what it's really going to do? If it really wanted to, it could wreak havoc just through the control panels in her room. It needs to be back in that prison cell, behind a force field, where it can't touch anything."

Alex stopped Sheppard's attempt to cut Rodney off with a restraining hand on his arm. Weir, eyes locked on Alex, her face white with anger and her lips thinned, seemed to take her cue from the former Wraith queen and let Rodney have his say.

"It shouldn't be left alone. You heard about what happened in the mess hall! It attacked a dozen people! It needs to be locked up. Or, better yet, send it to some barren planet…where…"

Rodney's words tapered off quickly as he realized he'd just paced back around to find himself face to face with Alex and Sheppard. Feeling the heat in her cheeks, Alex struggled to remain utterly calm.

"Oh, hi…Sheppard," Rodney said.

"McKay—"

Alex cut him off. "Please, Doctor McKay. Don't let me interrupt your conversation. I can wait my turn to speak with Doctor Weir."

"Oh, well, that," Rodney seemed to fumble. Glancing at Sheppard's furious expression he cocked his head back angrily, "Oh come on! It doesn't matter how you disguise it. It's a Wraith in human clothing!"

"Rodney…" Sheppard growled.

"No! I'm not going to sit here and just let it con you guys. I don't know what game it's playing, but you would do well to remember that a few months ago, it was sucking the life out of Sheppard on camera. Forget Wraith plots. This could be another one of Kolya's games!"

"That's true. You have no way of knowing what plots I weave," Alex replied, still showing utter calm. "I could be working for Kolya. But have you ever known a Wraith to work for humans rather than enslave and murder them?"

"There's always a first," he shot back. "You might have been working with him to buy your freedom."

"And that is why I wished to become human?"

"Maybe you just wanted to become human to serve Kolya better."

Instead of replying, Alex nodded as if having come to a decision. "I see there is no convincing you, so I'll not try. You're opinion means little, anyway. Those who actually matter will know where I stand. Are you quite finished?"

Weir dropped her head trying to hide a grin and Sheppard struggled to keep an angry glare as he crossed his arms. Meanwhile Doctor McKay began spluttering in near-speechless fury.

"'Those who actually matter'?! You have no idea. Without me this city—"

"Yes, Rodney. We're all quite impressed with your accomplishments," Weir cut him off. "But this is not the time nor the place. Come, sit down Alex."

Rodney stormed off to a nearby corner leaving the other seat for Sheppard, who flopped into it lazily; still occasionally glaring over his shoulder at McKay. Weir continued to glare at the astrophysicist until she was certain he would not start up his angry tirade again. Finally she turned her attention to Alex. Her expression softened somewhat.

"How are you settling in?" she asked.

"As well as can be expected."

"Doctor Beckett informed me of the incident in the mess hall earlier this morning."

Her cheeks coloring slightly again, Alex nodded. "It was an accident."

"So he said. You startled Doctor Pontner?"

"The way Captain Song tells it, Doctor Pontner pretty much jumped out of his skin. And somewhere in another galaxy there are Pomeranians jealous of his yelping skills," John piped up.

Doctor Weir's mouth twitched slightly as she repressed a grin. "How are you feeling about all of this?" she finally asked.

Alex considered this for a moment. "As I said, there is much for me to learn and adjust to. But it is…uncomfortable, at times."

"That's understandable. Did Carson mention a Doctor Heightmeyer?"

"Yes."

"Good. She can help you adjust. I've informed her of your situation. You need not make an appointment. Just let her know when you would like to speak with her."

"Thank you. I will."

"That's all well and good. Small talk over. Can we get to the real reason it's here? I've got lots of important stuff to be doing."

Again Weir's mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile, but didn't. "Very well, Rodney. Explain."

Grabbing one of the two laptops stacked on the corner of Weir's desk, Rodney started, "This is a laptop. It is a portable computer for humans," he stressed. "These are capable of storing a terabyte of data. There are two assigned to you. They will be switched out daily. I will send someone each evening for the one you're using and they will give you the other. Each day the data will be dumped and the disc wiped clean for the next day. They have no network access and no way to connect. All that hardware was removed, completely. Every program on here is written by me. I know my code. If there is a single line of code altered—"

"Doctor McKay, that's enough," Weir barked.

"Fine. Just know that I'm watching. Any questions? No? Good."

Not waiting for a reply or to acknowledge anyone else in the room, McKay stormed out of the office. The silence that followed was one of exasperated thanks that he was gone.

"Now then," Weir asked, glad to continue. "Each of the laptops has a program that translates Wraith to human English, the most common language of this galaxy. And it has the ability to translate from English to Wraith. I know you mentioned that you did not possess much engineering or other knowledge. But, what you do know, I expect you to give thoroughly. Leave out no details. Assume nothing. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Good. Would you like someone to help you get started?"

"No, thank you."

"Very well. This is a charger. The average battery life—portability life, I guess you could say—is ten to twelve hours. This you will plug in here," she instructed, "and the other end plugs in to an outlet with the same number of holes. Your guards today…" she glanced to Sheppard.

"Black and Cruz," he supplied.

"Black and Cruz can show you the outlets in your quarters when you get there. Any questions?"

"No. Thank you."

"Sheppard?"

"Nothing here," he added.

"In that case, have a good day, Alex."

"Thank you."

Taking the laptop and charger in hand, Alex followed Sheppard out of the office. At the end of the little walkway two more Marines waited their turn at guard duty. For a moment Sheppard eyed the two of them with his hands on his hips. Finally he motioned for them to follow away from the command center and into the adjacent corridor that would lead to Alex's quarters in the nearly abandoned living areas.

"Listen up. I'm sure you two have heard about the mess hall incident by now."

"Yes, sir," they said in unison.

"I don't know what you heard, but it was an accident. Pontner was startled and lost his footing. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"You're here to protect the city from Alex. The other half of your duty is to protect Alex from the city. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now I want there to be no misunderstandings, and you will share these words with anyone else you know is in the rotation for guard duty. If anything happens to her at the hands of anyone else in this city, you will be held responsible and you will answer to me."

The one on the left that had been glancing to Alex and back to Sheppard asked, "Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Always, Captain."

"Sir, we're aware of what really happened in the mess hall and what took place in the infirmary. Word has spread through the city about Doctor Beckett's 'pet wraith'."

Sheppard's face looked like a thundercloud about to burst, but he kept his peace.

"Song and Vasquez filled us in. Would it not be best to keep her restricted to her quarters for the time being?"

"No it wouldn't, Captain. She's been imprisoned by the Genii for possibly centuries. She earned her freedom in helping Beckett with his research. And if I hear that suggested from any of you again, a distasteful guard duty will be the least of your concerns when I move you to clean-up crews in the lower levels of the city mucking out layers of sea slime. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir!" they both snapped.

"Good."

Sheppard glared at them both one last time before relaxing his expression and turning back toward Alex. For a moment he considered her before he grinned slightly, "Not the auspicious start you had hoped?"

Shaking her head, Alex felt her heart sinking.

"Tell ya what. I skipped breakfast with all the hubbub going on. You hungry?"

"Yes."

"It's a date, then," Sheppard quipped. "Let's drop off the hardware. I've got an idea."

Alex followed as they returned to her quarters where Sheppard showed her where and how to plug in the laptop. Leaving it behind, he guided them to the mess hall. Again conversation nearly ceased, though the low hum of whispers continued. Sheppard made a point of ignoring it openly but made a mental note of it, and Alex followed suit. There they grabbed a couple of trays of what remained of the breakfast foods, and he led them back out into the corridor and in a different direction. A few minutes later he poked his head out through a door leading to a balcony and smiled at seeing it empty.

"Picnic brunch," he announced, settling himself on the balcony floor with his legs stretched out and crossed in front of him.

Looking around in wonder, Alex sat on the opposite side of the balcony. Here in the sunlight her cat-like eyes became all that much more distinct as the pupil narrowed to a mere slit. Her pale skin and white hair with those blue eyes gave her an almost angelic appearance in his mind. There was no doubt she was a beauty in an innocent sort of way. The lack of makeup and artificial agents made her seem all the more innocent to him.

Alex was so absorbed in her view of the sparkling city sprawling below them and the sky dotted with fluffy clouds that she nearly forgot to eat. Sheppard grinned and let her be as they shared their meal in a surprisingly comfortable silence. Sadly this interlude was short-lived as Sheppard's radio went off all too soon.

"This is Colonel Sheppard. Go ahead." A few seconds later he replied. "I'm on my way. Sheppard out."

Heaving a sigh, he helped Alex to her feet. "Duty calls."

"Thank you for this," she said.

"Don't mention it. I'll take the trays since I'm headed that way. I'll catch you later."

The peaceful moment over, Alex glanced one more time over the balcony railing at the beauty before her. With a sigh of her own, she turned her feet toward her quarters and to the one thing of use she could still contribute.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

As instructed and expected, Alex learned her way around the laptop, the programs, and the language. It was slow going, at first, but soon she found herself moving along with ease. Instead of coming himself to retrieve the laptop nightly, Doctor McKay sent one of his numerous underlings with the next day's laptop. Alex found herself spending more and more time either alone in her quarters, or wandering the halls when she needed a break. She saw less and less of Sheppard as he resumed his normal duties with his team. And even Beckett was available for her injections only infrequently. More often than not, it was relegated to one of his assistants.

For her part, Alex took to watching people. When she wasn't cooped up in her quarters working furiously, she wandered the halls. Many people who saw her coming either glared hate at her, or watched her pass by warily. The presence of her guards did nothing to ease their minds, apparently. Only Teyla did she feel even when she wasn't looking. The sharp, intense cold of her hate came at odd times and without warning. Never reacting to it openly, Alex filed it away. Ignoring the open reactions of those who encountered her and focusing on those she could view who did not see her gave her at least some insight to the social on-goings of the city.

Despite the clock Carson had given her, Alex felt herself again losing her sense of time. Day and night only held meaning in the sense of how busy the corridors would be when she chose to leave. At one point she was surprised to realize that she ascribed this mild neglect to a sense of loneliness. Scoffing at this, she tried to deny that she wished for company. But she simply could not get Sheppard and Carson out of her thoughts when she felt this way.

Her loneliness and feeling of having been virtually forgotten and discarded as useless eventually led her to wandering the city at later and later hours. It wasn't long before her schedule was almost completely reversed. To herself she justified this by thinking that it was easier to get her food by going to the nearly empty mess hall late, late at night and just taking a loaded tray with enough food for the entire day back to her quarters.

So desperate, yet afraid, was she for some sort of human interaction that Alex took to eavesdropping on her guards' conversations as they wandered the halls. After weeks of this, she learned many things about the men and women that guarded her around the clock. Their love lives, their families, their hobbies, their hopes and dreams and wishes. At times she even caught herself fantasizing about actually joining their conversations; asking all the questions she dared not ask now. Of course, she quickly threw that idea back into the darkness of her thoughts where it belonged.

Alex eventually found her way to a gym that served as a sparring room. Hearing the grunts of people fighting, she made her way to the shadows of the doorway and watched, hoping no one would notice her. More often than not, once she was noticed, people stopped whatever they were doing to either stare at her or whisper about her. She was surprised to see Ronon and Sheppard engaged in a heated battle. Despite the difference in sizes, Sheppard was having no problem keeping up. Both were heaving deep breaths from the exertion. But she found there was no sign of anger in either of them. If anything, they appeared to be enjoying this.

Taking all of this in, she watched for a few more moments as the two opponents seemed to wind down. Not wanting to disturb them, most especially an already keyed-up Ronon, she quietly turned and slipped down another corridor. In another nearby sparring room she spotted two people engaged in combat with sticks. Again she watched briefly before moving on so as not to let them catch her watching. But she was fascinated by this. It had never before occurred to her that humans practiced fighting as a form of recreation. She was intrigued.

That was when her schedule began to change somewhat back to a daytime oriented one. She found that most people did their sparring in the daytimes, rather than at night. Going from one gym or sparring room to another, she would watch as long as she could remain unseen by those sparring. Once caught, they would, inevitably stop. But while unnoticed, she watched intently their every fluid move trying to memorize them. Her guards never stopped her or made any move to alert those within the room, for which she was thankful. Eventually she came to a sparring room later one night to find it empty. The walls were lined with an array of wooden weapons she found enthralling. Some she had seen used before, others she could only guess as to their use.

Her guards now stationed just inside the door did nothing to stop her as she picked out one of the weapons she had seen used before. It was a sword, she had heard it called, and was longer than her arm. It was surprisingly heavy for its size. She took a couple of experimental swings with it, judging how quickly and accurately she could do so. From there she began to move as she had seen some of the combatants do. Flowing from one stance to another, she began to get a feel for the weapon and increased her speed incrementally.

"So that's what you've been up to," a voice called from the doorway, startling her into nearly dropping the wooden weapon.

"Sheppard," she said, trying to calm her racing heart. "Am I not allowed to be here?"

"You're fine. But your guards mentioned you've been watching for a while now and hadn't bothered to join in."

"I'm not welcome," she said simply.

"So I've gathered. They're still giving you the cold shoulder?" he asked.

Not entirely sure what he meant, but deducing it she shrugged. "It is not a problem."

"If you say so," he said. "Want to learn?"

"Aren't you usually asleep at this time?"

"Yeah, but I just got back from a two week mission where their times are almost opposite ours. I'm staying up all night and all day tomorrow to readjust."

"I see."

"What about you? Not sleeping well?"

"I'm restless."

"Well, then some exercise will do you some good. Come on, I'll show you."

Taking a wooden sword of his own from those hanging on the wall, Sheppard walked her through a dozen or so stances. Within minutes the two were swinging away at each other. Sheppard was stunned that she easily gave a good as she got. Within an hour he estimated her to be a nearly even match for any beginner.

"You're a fast learner," he commented between breaths.

"Is that good?"

"Unless it's someone newer going up against you, yeah."

"Good. I would like to learn more."

"Then swing by sparring room six anytime between four and eight in the evening. There's always an instructor hanging around then."

Alex frowned as she considered this. "Do you think it's a good idea?"

"I'll have a word with some of them. Don't worry."

"Thank you."

"Sure thing. Well, I'm off to grab a quick shower. I'll drop in on you later. Maybe we'll go for a run sometime."

"I'd like that."

"Great."

Alex remained for a few more minutes continuing to inspect the array of weapons on the walls before placing hers back in its place and turning toward her quarters to follow Sheppard's example. A couple hours later she found herself sleeping soundly for the first time in weeks.

~o~o~o~

As promised, Sheppard spoke with several of the martial arts instructors and military trainers. The next day Alex showed up to find herself one of about a dozen people. The instructor was a man of sleight build with arms made of sinewy muscle hardened by decades of combat training. Everyone there appraised him with a look of respect. Taking note of Alex's presence, he didn't pause in his instructions. Listening closely, Alex picked up the premise, the expected outcome, and the motions quickly. As the man's dark eyes kept wandering back to her throughout the talk and demonstration, Alex began to sense she was not as welcome as Sheppard might have thought.

She had already expected he would choose her for the first live demonstration in the hopes of making an example of her. Checking a sigh, Alex stepped forward onto the mat as people finally noticed her presence and slid away from her as if afraid of her touch. Ignoring them, she faced the instructor and nodded to his final instructions. Without warning he lunged at her arms raised. Reacting in exactly the way he had been instructing Alex took him by the wrist and spun with his momentum sending him to his back on the mat. The surprise was clear on his face as he stared up at her from the mat with wide dark eyes. The crowd had shared a collective gasp of shock at her success. Regaining her feet, the instructor nodded grudgingly.

"You're extremely fast, and strong. That's very good. That is exactly how it is done. Now, I want you all to pair off and practice."

Alex found herself standing alone facing another woman who gave her a smirk that she didn't like at all. The blonde introduced herself as Sergeant Daniels and Alex gave her name. Introductions complete, the woman felt no need to delay, apparently, as she attacked without warning, also. Standing nearby, the instructor said and did nothing to stop her; but he watched the exchange intently with a calculating expression. In the heartbeat she had to react to this, Alex instead ducked and came up with her shoulder in Daniels' midsection, again using her opponent's momentum to flip them away from her.

Daniels blinked up at her from the mat as if not quite sure how she had ended up there. Instructor Glover leaned over her and asked, "Did I call nap time?"

"No, sir," she growled, flipping to her feet.

Not intending to underestimate her opponent a second time, Daniels took a stance and squared off with Alex. Not knowing what to do, but certain the instructor wasn't going to stop whatever happened, Alex stood still and waited for whatever would come. As expected, Daniels came in with a flurry of punches and kicks that took Alex by surprise in their fury. Daniels' face twisted from fury to hateful triumph as several of the blows landed on their intended targets.

Biting back cries of pain, Alex dodged and blocked as many as she could, which was most. But she soon found herself backed to the edge of the mats. By this point the rest of the class had backed to the walls to give them room and watch the show. Gradually Alex's mind caught up with the flurry of activity and caught a pattern. Soon she was starting to make retaliatory punches of her own, though far more clumsily than her opponent. As Daniels began to wear down, she found the opening she had hoped to see. In a spin ducking under her opponent's outstretched arm she grabbed the woman by the waist expecting to flip her sideways to the mat. To her surprise Daniels rolled on the mat taking Alex with her sending her flying painfully into the mat shoulder first. Certain Daniels would continue the attack, she forced herself to her feet once again with her good arm for balance, keeping her nearly numb arm close to her side.

By the time she turned around it was to see Daniels bowing to Glover. Apparently she had missed something in her pain-filled daze. Glover nodded to Alex as a signal that it was ended.

"Anyone here wish to comment on what you all just witnessed?"

The room was silent, all eyes on him. "Alex, please tell the class how long you have been studying martial arts."

"I haven't."

"Exactly. What you all just witness was adaptation and improvisation. As you all know, Alex is a former Wraith queen. She had minions, generals, armies of warriors to do her fighting. She was never taught how to defend herself. Am I correct?" he asked her for confirmation; to which Alex just nodded.

"And yet in a matter of minutes she used her enhanced speed and strength to block and then to adapt to the Sergeant's attack style enough to start fighting back. In a few more minutes she was able to spot an opening and take advantage of it. Because Daniels did not change her repetitive attack style.

"On the very first attempt, she countered my strike following exactly the instructions I had given all of you. Adaptation is critical to survival when taking on any opponent in any situation. If you cannot adapt to their fighting style, or you become unbendingly rigid in your own style, you might as well just lay on the ground and take it; because that's what's going to happen. Thank you for that demonstration, Alex."

Alex just nodded, not sure if she was entirely happy with what had just happened. But, since it was already done, she felt no need to say anything more.

"Pair up," Glover called out again as he motioned for Alex to come over to him. "Let me see your arm."

Keeping her expression neutral, slowly she moved her nearly numb arm out to him and he took it in a gentle grip. Watching her expression closely, he began to rotate her arm. "Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Yes," she replied, seeing no point in denying it.

He inspected her shoulder and arm a bit more closely before declaring, "Well, nothing's broken and your shoulder isn't dislocated, but you're going to have some spectacular bruising. Why don't you head to the infirmary for an ice pack?"

Alex nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. Obviously she failed somehow, despite his praise. Seeing this, Glover crossed his arms.

"I needed to know where you stand in relation to the others in this class so I can determine where to place you," he explained. "Normally I would test you individually outside of the class. But Daniels presented me with an opportunity, and you didn't appear to mind."

In truth, it had not crossed her mind to protest.

"In the future, if you don't like something, say something. What you learn here may teach you combat skills. But I can't teach you confidence, self-respect, or discipline if you're not willing to do so for yourself, first. Understand?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Don't thank me, yet. You've shown a huge amount of potential. That makes you a threat," Glover continued, his expression now deadly serious. "You have some catching up to do compared to the rest, and I'm willing to hone that potential into some real combat skill. But, I need to report to Colonel Sheppard on your progress, too. I'll see what he says."

"I understand."

"I suppose you do," he admitted, his serious expression giving way to a genuine smile. "Can you meet me here at ten hundred hours tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good, come ready for some more mat kissing. I'm going to get you caught up in one-on-one sessions. If you learn as fast as what Sheppard says and what I just saw, you'll be back in this class in a few weeks."

"Thank you," Alex said, unable to keep from smiling.

"Now go on to the infirmary. And if Doctor Beckett says anything, you can tell him I beat you senseless so he would have something to do with his time other than telling everyone about the one that got away," he told her with a wink. And, with that, he turned away to monitor his class.

Occupied with his own partner at the moment, Major Lorne watched the exchange between Glover and Alex out of the corner of his eye. She was good, there was no doubt about that. But he knew Daniels and how hard she could hit. He almost felt sorry for Alex as he watched her force herself upright and try to walk out normally. Having studied martial arts almost his whole life he was accustomed to seeing people take a beating, but that had been brutal for a first-timer. Briefly he wondered if she was going to be coming back. It almost seemed a waste for someone like Daniels to discourage someone with so much potential.

Unfortunately, this preoccupation with the woman now limping out of the sparring room cost him his opening. His opponent grinned triumphantly as she flipped him to the mat. His face flaming red at this slip, he glared dangerously at Glover to keep the man's mouth shut. Glover just chuckled and walked away. Knowing Lorne as he did, that incident was nothing short of amusing.

Following Glover's instructions, Alex found herself headed toward the infirmary struggling to walk normally, her guards shadowing her talking quietly. From what she could hear, it had obviously been about her. It felt as if her whole body was throbbing. She wondered if she would be in any kind of condition to learn from Glover tomorrow. Putting that worry aside, she focused on making her way to the infirmary and the relief she knew she would find there.

Not surprisingly, Beckett was nowhere in sight when she entered. As was normal, the infirmary was pretty quiet in the evenings. A lone female doctor sitting at a desk was playing solitaire and waiting for someone to need her medical expertise.

"Doctor?" Alex called softly, not wanting to startle her.

Glancing up, the middle-aged woman turned away from her game. "Alex, right?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

"You're not scheduled for your injection until tomorrow morning. Are you alright?"

"I'm a bit bruised up. And my shoulder hurts pretty badly," Alex said, hesitantly.

Doctor Knightley's eyebrows shot up as she motioned for Alex to take a seat on a nearby gurney. "Let me take a look."

Beckett chose that moment to make an appearance through the open double doors to the infirmary with a bag in hand grumbling something about the stupidity of scientists. Tossing down the bag in a convenient corner, he caught sight of Alex and Doctor Knightley.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" he asked with a warm smile.

"She's been in a fight," Doctor Knightley announced, having seen a couple of the bruises.

"What?!" Carson shouted, his brows coming together dangerously. "Who?"

"I was in Glover's class. He had Sergeant Daniels test me."

"Test you? You mean he cut her loose on you," Knightley commented, gently prodding various bruises now showing on her legs, face, arms, and shoulder.

"Aye, if it was Daniels, it was more like unleashing a beast. She's a mean one," Carson commented. "And you're referring to Glover teaching hand to hand combat?"

Alex nodded, wincing slightly as Knightly rotated her arm in much the same fashion as Glover had done.

"That arse," Carson grumbled. "You'd think he'd have enough decency not to put you through the grinder on your first day."

"Well, nothing appears to be broken," Knightley announced. "But you're going to be in a world of hurt for a few days."

"Would you mind getting some cold compresses and some eight hundred milligram ibuprofen?" Carson asked Doctor Knightley.

"I'm on it," she called, leaving the two of them alone.

For a moment, Carson considered her. "Did Glover really pair you with Daniels?"

"Not exactly," she said, shaking her head. She recounted the entire ordeal to him, including what Glover had told her to say.

Carson's face darkened for a minute, before lightening up with a chuckle. "He's just still sore that I caught a bigger space bass than he did last year," Carson explained.

Having no idea what that was all about and suddenly too exhausted to care, Alex just nodded. Carson's brows furrowed again as he scrutinized her.

"Did Sergeant Daniels hit you in the head at all?" he asked, seeing her pale, exhausted expression.

Alex just shook her head as her stomach decided that that moment was the perfect time to announce its displeasure at being empty.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"A few hours ago."

"Have you been eating regularly?"

Alex just nodded, too tired to answer suddenly.

"Alex. Alex look me," Carson said with an edge of concern obvious in his voice, tilting her chin up and trying to shine a light into her slitted eyes.

Groaning, Alex tried to turn away from the light. She began to feel disconnected from her body, as if she was floating away.

"Rebecca!" Carson shouted.

Knightley poked her head around the corner from the storage room she had been in. "Yes, Doctor?"

"I need you to get me any food we have in the refrigerator in the break room. I don't care who it belongs to, just get it."

Sensing his urgency, she dropped what she had in her hands on the counter and dashed off toward the back of the infirmary.

Returning his attention to Alex, he found he was practically holding her up. "Alex, I need you to focus now, love. Can you do that for me?"

Groaning again, Alex struggled to keep her eyes open and nodded weakly.

"Tell me what you're feeling. Aside from tired, are you lightheaded?"

She nodded.

"Are you dizzy or is the room tilting?"

She nodded her head slightly.

"Hold up your hand for me."

With what felt to be a monumental effort, Alex struggled to comply, but she shook so badly she wasn't sure if she managed it or not.

"That's good. Hang in there just a little longer," he said, seeing Doctor Knightley returning with an armload of food.

"Pick whichever soda has the most sugar and open it up," he instructed, keeping Alex leaning on him so she wouldn't lie back or fall off the gurney.

As instructed, Knightley located a Mountain Dew and popped the tab before handing it over.

"I need you to drink this for me, Alex. Carefully now. I'll hold it, you just drink. Understand?"

Not even feeling she could hold the can at this point, Alex let her eyes slide shut and opened her mouth slightly. The tangy tingly sensation and citrus flavor would have been an absolute wonder for her were she not feeling as if she were sliding right out of her body and into a never-ending darkness.

"That's good, love. Keep it up," Carson coaxed, his voice trembling slightly. "I need you to keep drinking. Just a little more. That's it. Good girl. Take a breath. Now some more."

It wasn't long before the can was gone and he was turning to the pile Knightley had on the table beside him. Spying some chocolate-covered marshmallow sweets, he tore off some pieces and placed them in Alex's mouth.

"Come on, now, Alex. I need you to eat. Just a little bit. Good," he continued to coax gently. To Knightley he instructed, "Get a glucose meter."

Without a word, she did as instructed and returned seconds later. Swiping Alex's finger with an alcohol wipe and then pricking it, she gasped at the results. When Carson glanced over, she showed him the results. The forty-nine confirmed his suspicions.

"Start an IV with a ten percent solution. Run it wide open," he instructed, returning to coaxing Alex into eating more of the sugary sweets.

Within about fifteen minutes, Alex began to show signs of being more alert. She even struggled to sit up on her own. Instead, Beckett tilted the gurney so she could lean back, but still be mostly upright. Crisis averted, he instructed Knightley to get a full tray of food from the mess hall. Meanwhile, he had Alex eat anything she could handle from the pile from the breakroom.

"What happened? What's wrong with me?" she finally managed to slur in question.

"You were going into insulin shock," Carson said, still a bit rattled by the incident. "But I think I know why, too. For now, just eat and rest. We'll discuss it in the morning."

Alex nodded, still appearing too tired and confused to do otherwise. She continued to munch slowly on the sugary things Carson handed her until Doctor Knightley returned with a tray loaded with fruits and other foods.

"You said she likes fruit," Knightley, told him as he eyed the tray seemingly filled with half a produce aisle.

"Help her with that, if you would. I need to run some scans," he told the Doctor. To Alex he smiled, "Eat as much as you can, but stop when you feel full. Understand? Good girl. Then I want you to rest. You're going to stay with us tonight, all right?"

Again, she nodded. He patted her hand and then turned to the scanners. Returning to the data he had collected previously from the handful of days she was recovering after she'd woken from her coma, he found his confirmation. Much like the Wraith, her body possessed the means to regenerate so some extent. But, to do so, she had to eat unusually large quantities. If she didn't, then the body would take its energy where it could. The ramifications were nothing short of frightening. He wasn't sure if this was a temporary issue, or if her body would continue to regenerate indefinitely depending on how much she ate. Not unlike a wraith, she might very well still be immortal.

Suddenly feeling the stress of the long day and the last few hours, Beckett yawned as he wandered back into the room where Alex had been moved. By this point she was sleeping soundly. Knightley must have removed the tray and other food. Glancing at his watch, he realized it was almost midnight. Seeing Alex sleeping so peacefully, he decided to sit with her for just a few minutes to make sure she was sleeping comfortably before heading to his own bed.

The next thing he became aware of was whispering on the other side of the curtain to Alex's room as her guards swapped out for the morning shift. Glancing at his watch, he cursed himself for falling asleep. His back cursed him in return just as vociferously as he groaned his way to an upright position.

"Are you hurt?" Alex asked, startling him.

"No, no. I'm just—" he yawned hugely, "excuse me—too old to be napping anywhere I sit. I haven't been this sore since med school."

"I'm sorry."

"Not to worry. It wasn't your fault."

Alex looked at him dubiously, but made no further comment.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, eyeing her, but not seeming too concerned.

"Much better."

"Good. That was a bit unexpected, but we caught it in time." Seeing she was waiting for more of an explanation, Beckett continued, "The brain and body run on glucose. Glucose, or sugar, in our bodies is pure energy. Without it the brain shuts down and we die. Your body pretty much used up all that it had and was still trying to use more to heal itself."

Alex's cat-like eyes widened in shock as she began to move her previously injured shoulder.

"Yes, it's healed. Along with a number of other minor injuries you sustained."

Alex's already pale face impossibly manage to pale even further. "Like a Wraith," she said, horrified.

"Something like that," Beckett agreed. "But don't concern yourself over it. It might be temporary, as your body is still recovering from the transition. Or, it might be I need to modify the formula to further suppress the remaining effects of the wraith DNA."

"But it's not failing? I haven't started to change back?" she asked, trembling slightly.

"No, no," Carson assured, putting a comforting hand on her arm. "Nothing like that. I promise."

Alex took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself before facing the Doctor again. "You'll tell me if the formula ever loses its effectiveness, won't you?"

"Of course," he promised, squeezing her arm gently. "For now you have nothing to worry about. You should be fine, but possibly excessively hungry. From now on, before any strenuous physical activity, eat a large meal. Anywhere you go, I want you to take something to eat with you. Maybe carry a purse or a bag. I'll see if anyone has any suggestions for you. Immediately after an injury or strenuous activity, eat until you feel full, but no more. If you feel lightheaded, shaky, unusually tired suddenly, eat or drink something, preferably with sugar. Until I find a more permanent solution that should keep you from going into insulin shock again."

Alex nodded.

"In the meantime, I'm going to head to my quarters for a shower and a quick nap. I'll let the doctor on duty know you're ready for discharge."

"Thank you, Carson."

"Don't mention it, lass," he said, patting her shoulder.

Watching him exit through the blue curtain, Alex wondered at the feeling of safety she felt around him and was curious about the nearly electrical feeling she had when he touched her. For just one moment, she wondered what it would be like to touch him back. Realizing what she was thinking and envisioning, Alex shook herself thoroughly and rose from the bed to meet the doctor on duty so she could get out as quickly as possible.

~o~o~o~

The doctor on duty was a young one she had never seen before, but he was quick and efficient with getting Alex released. He repeated Beckett's instructions as he checked her over, removed her IV, and gave her Carson's daily injection. He was not, gentle, however and made no apology as he kept his eyes averted the entire time; leaving her feeling as if he couldn't stand the sight of her. Grateful to be leaving the infirmary, Alex turned and nearly fled the infirmary with her morning guards in tow. She had only managed a few steps out of the open double doors when she caught sight of Sheppard. The concern was clear in his expression as he jogged the last few steps toward her.

"They told me you spent the night in the infirmary. What happened?"

Feeling a weariness at having to repeat the whole thing she just said, "Insulin shock."

"What?" Sheppard replied incredulously. "Hinton and Larchwood said you tangled with Daniels last night and had to stay here."

Sighing, Alex nodded and turned her steps toward her quarters. "I did. But my body regenerated using glucose. Carson said I went into insulin shock and I need to eat more before any more strenuous activities and immediately after."

"Regenerated?" Sheppard repeated. "You mean like a Wraith? But with blood sugar?"

Alex nodded.

"And you're totally healed? Just like that?"

Tired, hungry yet again, and desperately wanting a hot shower, Alex snapped, "Yes, 'just like that'."

"Whoa, I didn't mean anything by it," Sheppard said raising his hands with palms outward in a sign of surrender. "I think it's pretty cool, actually."

"Carson said he would modify the formula to further suppress the effects of the remaining Wraith DNA."

"And you want that?" Sheppard asked incredulously.

"Yes!" she snapped again. "I want to be human, not just look it." She laughed darkly. "I can't even manage to actually look human!" she told him gripping a fistful of her white hair. "I don't want to be Carson's 'pet Wraith'. I want to actively participate in Atlantis, contribute something worthwhile. I want to fight the Wraith; maybe find a way to eradicate them completely. I want to experience life as you do. I want to feel what humans feel; yes, even pain. I want to love. I want to fear. I want to dream.

"What I don't want is my remaining Wraith DNA nearly destroying this body in order to heal it. I don't want to see those I call friends—when I have them—grow old and die while I eat a handful of food and keep on going. Is it so hard to believe that I just want something you all take for granted?"

She finally seemed to run out of energy. Her face already red from the obvious frustration, now it was turning red for a whole different reason. She opened her mouth to apologize for her outburst, but Sheppard cut her off.

By this point Sheppard's expression had turned contemplative as he nodded to what she said. Giving her an apologetic glance once he realized she was finished, he said, "No. It's not. I'm sorry if I offended you. In case you hadn't noticed, I have a tendency to run off at the mouth."

Heaving another sigh, Alex stopped and dry scrubbed her face with her hands. "No, Sheppard. I should apologize. I'm just…never mind. I need shower and some breakfast. Maybe then I'll be able to think straight."

"Sounds like a plan. And call me John. That's what people do when they're friends. They use first names," he explained.

Alex's blue eyes widened and her expression changed to one of surprise and wonder as these words sank in. Before she could say anything, though, Sheppard added, "I'll let you get to it. I'll poke Carson once he's back up and about and we'll put our heads together. In the meantime, you should talk to Doctor Heightmeyer. Kate's a great listener. And she'll have some insight for you on being human. Really, go see her today when you get a chance. Tell her what you just told me."

"I will. Thank you," she said, still processing this most recent revelation.

With that Sheppard headed off down the corridor to his own breakfast and day's duties. For a moment Alex just stared after his retreating back as she processed what he had told her. By his estimation, Carson had been her friend since she was still a Wraith. Feeling a thrill as this sank in, Alex didn't even realize she was smiling all the way back to her quarters.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

With all that had been on her mind that morning, she hadn't even noticed the crowds in the mess hall, or how they parted whenever she came near. Not wanting a repeat of the previous night, she loaded the tray with enough food for at least two meals. This she took back to her quarters. One portion she ate until she could eat no more. The rest she stashed in a bag and took with her when she headed out.

As agreed, Alex began her private sessions with Instructor Glover. And, as promised, he made her "kiss the mat" more times than she could remember. Bruised and battered after the one-hour session, she explained what had happened the night before and sat down in the corridor just outside the sparring room to eat what she had brought before leaving. After this she returned to her quarters for another shower and a change of clothes.

Eyeing the laptop, she knew she'd been neglecting it lately, but had begun to feel, too, that she had nothing of value to contribute anymore. Nonetheless, she took it with her when her stomach growled painfully just two hours after her last meal. Knowing how crowded the mess hall was likely to be, she considered her options. She still hadn't come up with any solutions by the time she reached the mess hall, since pretty much every balcony she passed was occupied.

This time, however, Alex noticed how the crowds parted as she approached. Slipping her laptop under her arm, she took up a tray and roamed the tables of food blatantly ignoring everyone else as the hum of conversation shifted once again to a darker, whispered tone. Acting as if she were the only person present, she filled her tray and turned toward the tables. As expected, every one of them was occupied. Checking a disappointed sigh, she turned toward the doors hoping she might find a quiet place outside her quarters, at least.

"Alex!"

Hearing her name called, Alex glanced over her shoulders to a woman seated at a far table near the wall opposite the doors. The blond waved to get her attention and smiled invitingly. She felt the familiar stab of cold hate as she spotted Teyla rising from her chair opposite the blond woman and leaving with her still-full tray in hand. Alex hesitated for a moment before turning to make her way across the floor. As before, people stood up, pulled chairs away, and did everything they could to avoid making contact with her. The blond also appeared to ignore this, but her sharp eyes definitely noticed.

"Hi, Alex. I'm Doctor Heightmeyer. Doctor Weir and Doctor Beckett told me about you. I was just talking to Colonel Sheppard about you earlier today. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to meet you, yet. Have a seat. We can have lunch together."

Alex glanced over her shoulder to where Teyla had moved to another table. "What about Teyla?"

"She decided to have lunch with some other friends. Please, sit down. I don't bite."

Seeing no way out of this without being bluntly rude, Alex sat her tray down and placed the laptop beside it. Heightmeyer eyed the laptop with a bit of a grin as Alex pulled out a chair to sit.

"Doctor McKay won't even let you have a lunch break?" she asked with a grin to show she was teasing.

Glancing at the laptop, Alex shrugged. "I had hoped to perhaps find something of use to give him today."

For a moment Heightmeyer eyed Alex before saying, "This is just lunch. Not a session."

"Session?" Alex asked, forcing herself to relax somewhat.

Kate nodded taking a sip of her juice. "Yes. When I meet with my patients, it's usually in a one-hour session."

"I see. And what happens in these sessions, if I may ask?"

"I listen. Sometimes prompt them to talk about relevant things. I try to get to the core of any emotional or mental issues they may be struggling with. And I give advice on how to deal with those issues."

Alex nodded as she chewed, seeming to take this in. "Humans feel so much. It's no wonder a doctor is needed to specialize in such things."

"Right," Kate said with a smile. "In any case, I'm on my lunch break. You're welcome to talk, but it doesn't have to be formal. We can just be two friends having lunch."

"Friends," Alex said, contemplating this. "Are friendships really formed so casually among humans?"

"Sometimes. Circumstances and personalities aside, its human nature to want to connect with others. To share experiences with others. We are social animals."

Alex frowned darkly. "Not animals," she corrected.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking of your background when I said that."

"No apologies needed. It was just that distinction that lead me to despising the Wraith as I do."

"Understandable."

"On the subject of relationships, I have read of dedicated relationships," Alex seemed to struggle with wording for a moment. "Love relationships, I guess they're called. I understand the physiology of humans and that there is a deeper physical bond in such relationships. Are they so casually formed as well?"

Sensing there was more to this question and not wanting to give the woman a false impression, Heightmeyer considered her next words closely. "They can be. There are many different types of love and relationships. Some physical relationships are mutually satisfying without ever having any emotional connection. Other types of love relationships are focused almost entirely on the emotional bonding. And then there's the love of friends with no physical connection. And, of course, sibling love. Just to name a few. Relationships can be formed on an instant, or take many years to develop. But no two are the same."

Kate gave Alex a few moments to digest this as she continued her own light lunch. Eventually she asked, "Is there someone you have feelings for?"

Alex refocused her cat-like eyes on the doctor almost suspiciously. Having to remind herself that humans cannot read other's thoughts as Wraith do. Finally she shook off this suspicion.

"I do not know, exactly," she finally decided to reply. "I only just today learned that Carson and John consider me a friend."

"That's good to hear," Kate said with a genuine smile. "Everyone should have friends."

After a few more minutes of eating in silence, Doctor Heightmeyer glanced at her watch. "I have a meeting in a little while. I imagine you have lots of questions. Whenever you feel like dropping in, your shadows can show you the way to my office. You don't need an appointment. It's nothing official. But I'll be more than happy to help you adjust."

"Thank you. I will," Alex said, unable to deny a smile to match the doctor's.

~o~o~o~

Days came and went and Alex found herself keeping busy. She was once again roaming the halls of the city in the daytime hours with the other occupants. They still avoided her or eyed her with open hostility, but she had learned to ignore them. Word spread quickly of her taking up hand-to-hand combat training leaving many even more wary of her. Dark rumors about her seemed to spread like wildfire no matter what she did or did not do. Tales of her near legendary prowess in all things martial arts were quickly followed with rumors of her closeting herself with Glover in over to control his mind. Other told of her epic failure as a student making Sheppard force Glover into teaching her in private lessons to put her in her place. And, inevitably, there were those who whispered even darker things in the shadowed corners of the city about Alex, Doctor Beckett's Pet Wraith and what else she might be up to.

When Alex found herself confronted with no idea what else to add to Doctor McKay's growing database, she inevitably found herself in another gym or sparring room. More often than not, she was alone. On rare occasion, those she had thus far encountered in Glover's classes would tolerate her presence, at best; and leave her to her own devices on the other side of the gym or sparring room opposite them.

She kept her daily one-on-one sessions with Glover who was virtually speechless as her ability to learn and put into practice what they had gone over. In less than a month, she had learned all she could from him and was recommended to another. They and Carson speculated that her adaptability was likely a side effect of her being so new to her human body and still adapting to it; that, combined with a Wraith's natural speed and strength being superior that of a normal human definitely gave her an edge. Carson cheerfully encouraged her to go out and learn anything else she had an interest in while her mind and body were still adapting at a rate even more pronounced than that of a child.

In the meantime, she returned to Glover's evening classes. Lorne was surprised to see Alex back in the group one evening. When she hadn't shown up after her tangle with Daniels, he figured she had given up. Seeing her back and far more skilled as well as more confident than he had ever seen her, he couldn't help but be happy for her.

Meanwhile, Carson made good on his promise and modified the Wraith Retrovirus formula to further suppress her Wraith DNA. To test this, she had a particularly brutal session with Glover that left her hurting from head to toe. Carson, overseeing this experiment, winced in pain more than once; but found himself just shaking his head as Alex's smile convinced him she was thoroughly enjoying the match.

When she finally did limp over to him and all his equipment in the corner, her chest was heaving and she looked positively radiant to him with her beaming smile; despite the numerous areas that were already beginning to swell and change color. Her glucose test came out just a tiny bit below normal, but in no way life threatening. After he was certain Alex would not go into insulin shock, he led her back to the infirmary. There he ran more thorough tests. As expected, her appetite was voracious; but Carson was prepared. By the next morning, Alex's food intake was normalizing and she was still covered in bruises. They were healing far more rapidly than any human, but in no way would she be in danger of going into insulin shock again.

Alex seemed disappointed.

"What's wrong, Alex?" Carson prodded, disconnecting her from an array of equipment.

Not for the first time, Alex reminded herself that she needed to be more careful with her expressions. Human faces were nothing like a Wraith. "I'm still regenerating, if more slowly."

"Aye," he agreed, returning his focus to her.

"And that means I could live indefinitely, still."

"True," he said cheerfully.

Seeing that he wasn't grasping where her thoughts were going, Alex frowned slightly as she considered how to say what she was thinking. "Some of the things and experiences humans hold so dear is because of a finite existence. What we have today can be gone tomorrow, and certainly will not last forever."

Carson's expression softened as understanding dawned in his blue eyes. "That is very true, love. I could not have said it better myself."

"I don't want to outlive my friends, my mate, my children, and everything that I know."

Sensing the dark mood turning oppressive, Carson fished for something to lighten it up. As an idea struck him he asked, "You want children, then? Screaming little buggers running around breaking stuff and getting more food on themselves then in themselves?"

Alex frowned slightly. "I wasn't like that."

With a grin he replied, "You've never spent time around the really young humans."

"You don't want children?"

"I do. Someday. Maybe when I find someone to settle down with. For now, I've got my hands full with the Athosian children I see from time to time. That's quite enough."

The dark moment having passed, Carson patted her on the shoulder. "Not to worry, lass. I'll continue to work on the formula. In the meantime, off with you. And take those statues of yours with you."

With a smile, Alex bounced up off the bed and headed for her quarters. She suddenly remembered something about Wraith reproduction and technology that she was certain she hadn't yet included in her information for Doctor McKay.

~o~o~o~

One day rolled into another, and Alex kept with her routine of trading out laptops daily, getting her injection in the infirmary every morning, meeting with various martial arts instructors, and meeting almost daily with Doctor Heightmeyer. She was amazed how much she learned in so short a time. She began to feel as if she was finally making progress in really becoming human. Kate gave her occasional advice, but more frequently just answered her questions or listened. She listened when Alex discussed her plans, hopes, and dreams for the future. She didn't mock or try to dissuade her. She often encouraged and even gave ideas on how to make it things happen.

The open hostility and suspicion Alex still found herself surrounded by daily eventually began to wear on her, however. The sense of isolation grew incrementally. Despite seeing dozens or even hundreds of people daily, none would interact with her. Often they would cross to the other side of a corridor or even change directions entirely to avoid coming too close to her and her guards. Though she voiced this to Heightmeyer, she had nothing to really advise in this situation other than the opinions of those she cared about were all that mattered.

One evening Alex found herself restless and not wanting to just roam the halls. Grabbing a few things, she headed for a little-used sparring room. Taking up the bantos, she began flowing from form to form pushing away all other thoughts and feelings. For a while she just let herself be lost in the motions of her body.

She was jarred out of this suddenly when a cold spike of hate felt as if it had stabbed her in the back of her head. Turning, she caught a glimpse of Teyla just passing between the guards at the door.

"Teyla, stop," she called a bit more forcefully than she intended. She winced internally as she realized that it came off more as a command.

"Excuse me?" Teyla turned around, a dangerous glare in her eyes.

"I can feel it," Alex said.

"Feel what?"

"Your hate. It's cold and sharp, like a blade."

Taking a couple threatening steps forward, Teyla's face twisted in open fury, "How dare you invade my thoughts."

"You're projecting!" Alex snapped, feeling her own hostility rising. "Didn't Carson or John tell you?"

Taken aback, Teyla stopped just beyond the edge of the mat. "No."

Alex nodded, as she turned to put away the bantos sticks. "There's no need for you to leave. I was just about to go."

Teyla continued to hold her bag and eye Alex warily.

"Why?" Alex asked, wearily.

"Why what?" Teyla asked, all outward calm once more.

"Do you hate me because you still see me as a Wraith? Or is it because I fed on John?"

Teyla seemed to consider this for a second before saying, "Both."

Alex nodded. "Since you seem to share the general feeling of Atlantis regarding my continued existence, may I ask you something?"

Teyla remained silent.

"Am I never to be forgiven? Is there nothing I can do to prove my humanity aside from dying?"

Teyla's expression softened a little as she seemed to be seriously considering this. "What does it matter to you?"

"Kate says that only the opinions of my friends should matter. And yet, earning the trust of the people within this city and finding something I can do to be of use in fighting the Wraith still matters to me very much."

"So you want our approval?"

"No. Maybe," Alex said, confusing her own thoughts and feelings. "Never mind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Your feelings are your own. I promise I have never, and will never invade your thoughts."

Teyla just nodded.

"One last thing, though. What would you do if Carson's formula works and it is spread from hive to hive? Hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of former wraith populating the galaxy. Would you hate them, as well?"

Seeing in Teyla's glare that she had no intention of answering this hypothetical question Alex grabbed her bag and headed out the open door. Instead of going straight to her quarters, she meandered a bit reluctant to return to the confines of her quarters. Passing an empty balcony, she glanced out to see a scene that still held her in awe. Three moons had risen over the black nighttime waters. Their rippled reflections left distinct paths across the seemingly endless ocean.

For one moment Alex fantasized walking those paths out into the sky and leaving all this behind. For the first time she realized she just wanted to disappear. Despite the three friends she had made, she felt as if she had begun to drift without an anchor and without purpose. Perhaps this whole thing really was some kind of experiment and nothing more to Carson. Perhaps Kate was just studying her to gauge how other Wraith might react after their conversion. Perhaps John hadn't really forgiven her and all of this was just some sort of twisted revenge for him.

And she couldn't even age or die like a normal human.

The thought of this going on forever was almost enough to make that well of feelings inside her burst. Suddenly she wished more than ever that Carson was with her. She wanted his comforting presence to soothe away this pain, this fear.

Realizing her cheeks were wet and she had begun to sniffle, Alex shook herself. These thoughts would accomplish nothing. Somehow she would earn their trust. And, one day, she would make herself useful. For now, she had the laptop and any knowledge she could provide to help them fight the Wraith. It would have to be enough, for now.

Leaving the balcony after one last look at the awe-inspiring beauty of the night sky, she headed back to her quarters. Stashing her bag on its shelf, she spotted an unfamiliar laptop sitting on her bedside table. It wasn't the one Doctor McKay usually gave her, as it was a different color. Picking it up, she noted that it felt heavier, too. Thinking that perhaps he was just changing them out or one of them had malfunctioned and he replaced it, she sat it back on the bed side table and headed for a shower.

~o~o~o~

Despite a long, soothing hot shower, Alex found herself still restless. Trying to sleep left her tossing and turning. Her mind was a mucky mixture of emotions and thoughts she couldn't untangle. She considered her earlier display of emotions, inevitably coming back to Carson. Aside from her obvious feelings toward him, she had begun to feel as if she had somehow failed him. Her lack of usefulness seemed to reflect on him, in her mind; and on John.

Her mind and emotions too snarled by this point to let her sleep, Alex gave up on sleep and decided to get an early breakfast before it got too busy. At five o'clock in the morning, she had at least some hope of finding a seat and being left to herself. Glancing at the laptop, she heaved a sigh as she hefted it. If she was going to prove her usefulness to herself and them, she had to keep going. She had to keep digging for things she could remember of the Wraith that would help them.

As ever, her guards followed her to the mess hall seeming entirely unconcerned with her unusually early stroll. Alex very nearly gave an open sigh of relief when she entered through the open double doors to see the mess hall virtually empty. At most there were maybe twenty people. Setting her laptop on a table, she opened it up and hit the power button. Knowing it would take a few minutes to boot up, she headed toward a long table filled with several pots of fresh coffee. There she found Major Lorne pouring himself a cup of coffee. Seeming more asleep than awake, he gave her a smile of acknowledgement; which somewhat surprised her.

"Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Major Lorne."

"You're up early," he commented, sipping his coffee. "I don't usually see you in here before six."

"I couldn't sleep," she explained, pouring herself a cup of coffee and repressing the urge to smile giddily at this seemingly mundane human interaction. "I thought I'd—"

In the next instant the world exploded in a haze of impossibly bright white light, noise, and pain. Slowly she came back to her surroundings as she felt someone moving under her. They gently moved her to the side and rose. So dazed was she, that she couldn't make sense of what was happening. For a moment, she wondered where she was. She found herself struggling to her knees facing a closed set of double doors. From somewhere nearby the sounds of screams eventually began to penetrate the humming that had taken over her mind.

"It was her laptop!" someone screamed. "She's trying to kill us!"

"Would you just shut up? Get over here and help me with the wounded," a familiar voice shouted back.

Attempting to turn herself around to face these distant, hum-muted voices Alex felt as if her body was somewhere far away. Instead of turning, it leaned sideways against the wall. Turning her head, she was able to make out a scene of devastation that her scattered mind could not comprehend. Still feeling distant and numb, she saw that the table on which she had set her laptop was no more. Her guards, Birchmore and Weiss, were now across the room in broken, bloody heaps against a wall close to her. Many other people who had been further away from the blast sat holding bloody, ragged or burnt wounds. The hum of voices continued to enter her ears, but meant nothing to her numbed mind.

"Huxley, just keep pressure on the wound. Beckett and his team will be here soon."

"We said she should be locked up!" a hysterical woman screamed. "She's been plotting to kill us all!"

Alex continued to watch the scene as it played out, but she was too numb to care to try to make sense of it all. Somehow, even in the fog of pain and encroaching numbness, she knew they were talking about her. Still sitting against a wall watching with blank expression, Alex saw someone pick up a knife from the floor and start toward her. It never even crossed her mind to move or defend herself. She just stared mutely as he approached, her limbs too far away to obey her commands anyway.

Suddenly the man was shoved violently away as someone stepped between her and the rest of the angry mob of four that appeared to be gaining momentum. Drawing his pistol, he held it ready.

"Hasn't there been enough bloodshed here? We don't know what happened. She was caught in the blast as much as all of us. I doubt she's trying to kill anyone."

"That's bullshit. It was her laptop!"

"Enough! Anyone else wanting more blood is going to have to get through me. We'll sort this out later. For now, leave her alone. Get back to helping the others."

Seeing that they were going to obey without further argument, Major Lorne holstered his pistol. He turned to eye Alex for a moment.

"You alright?"

Thinking he was referring to the incident with the man and the knife, she nodded.

"Just stay here. I've got to help the others."

Lorne turned back to the remaining survivors of the blast and resumed his interrupted conversation on the radio. "All I know is that the laptop Alex brought in exploded. There are at least four fatalities, a couple of people look critically injured, and most of the others are burns and flesh wounds."

He listened for a moment. "Yeah, I tried the doors. They're sealed. And I think the blast doors, too. The control panel on this side is fried. You're probably going to have to cut through, unless you can get McKay to work a miracle." He listened again. "Understood. Lorne out." He paused for a moment. "Major Lorne to Doctor Beckett…That's good, Doc. But we're trapped for the moment. I need you to talk me through some field work here."

Listening intently to the radio, Lorne moved toward several of the people at the far end of the mess hall. He described the conditions of each person and relayed instructions to those able to assist. Eventually he made his way back around to those who were obviously dead. He shook his head sadly at their bodies, but made no move to disturb them, knowing everything from their positions to the damage done to them would be needed as evidence in this investigation.

Alex, for her part, during most of this, did as she was told. She sat against the wall and stared numbly at her distant surroundings. She was so completely disconnected from her body by now that she only dimly felt the well of pain on her back and right side below her ribs. She watched in fascination as a pair of boots walked right up to her. Too tired and weak to bother looking up, she just stared at the boots.

Catching on to Alex's total lack of reaction when he called to her, Major Lorne began to feel an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. He knew she was pale, but now she looked deathly white. Her intense blue eyes were half-closed and glazed, as if she didn't have the energy to open them all the way. Squatting down, he tried to get her to meet his eyes.

"Alex? You with me?"

Her expression was dull and lifeless as she struggled to focus her eyes on him. His brow furrowed in obvious concern as he reached out to touch her neck. The chill of her clammy skin already confirmed what he suspected. Her pulse did nothing to soothe his fear.

"Damn," he muttered. Grabbing her gently under her chin, he shook her slightly. "Alex, you're going into shock. I need you to focus. Can you do that?"

She just blinked. Giving up on this tactic, he began to search her. It didn't take long to spot the pool of blood that ran along the wall away from the mess hall toward the door. Cursing himself, he leaned her forward gently. What he found made him stop dead, certain she could not still be alive with a wound that big and open. He could see her exposed, ravaged internal organs through the hole.

"Major Lorne to Doctor Beckett," he called in a tightly controlled voice, not certain there was anything he really could do for such a wound. He'd been in combat before. Blast wounds were not new to him, but the fact that she was still alive shocked him to his core.

"Beckett here. Go ahead, Major," the doctor replied, sounding as if he was in a room full of people.

"Alex is badly injured. She's going into shock."

The crash and cursing Lorne heard had him wincing.

"What's the nature of the injury?" Beckett finally asked, seeming to struggle for control of his own voice.

Lorne described the wound and her obvious symptoms. Beckett was quiet for a moment. When he finally spoke, it was a flurry of instructions the Major followed to the letter. After cutting up his jacket and covering the wound. He gently laid her down and elevated her feet. Amazingly, Alex reacted very little to the change in position or the pain he knew he was causing her.

"Hang in there, Alex. They're going to get us out of here, soon," he told her as soon as Beckett ended the radio contact.

"What the hell are you doing over there?" one guy shouted, catching sight of Lorne. "We need help over here. Let the damn Wraith die."

His lips thinning in anger, Lorne glared dangerously at the man with icy blue eyes. He patted Alex on the shoulder comfortingly before going to check on the others. This new position seemed to do something to Alex. She found her head throbbing along with a well of pain under her. Still feeling too lethargic to try changing her position, she just looked around. Her thoughts were still vague and distant, but now she understood something terrible had happened.

Her eyes fell on the mutilated forms of her guards, Weiss and Birchmore. Her distant thoughts and memories replayed themselves in her mind. Snippets of conversations she had overheard, all that she had learned about them. Her eyes burned and her vision turned watery as she felt tears flowing freely. After a couple of minutes, the boots returned followed by Major Lorne squatting down beside her.

"Alex? Are you with me, now?"

Alex nodded slightly. "Major Lorne," she whispered.

"Yeah, that's right," he forced a smile.

Again her eyes sought out her guards as the tears continued to flow.

"Three little girls. They'll never see him again," she whispered. "Weiss was going to retire on a boat and take his wife sailing around the world."

"What?" Lorne asked, confused.

"Birchmore was raised by his uncle. His parents died when he was little. He likes to fly designer kites," she continued to mumble.

Catching on, Lorne glanced behind him at the bodies of the two guards. "Someone grab some table cloths and cover them up," he ordered.

Turning back to Alex, he heard her say, "I killed them."

"Alex, look at me," Lorne commanded, his blue eyes hard. "Did you put that bomb in the laptop?"

She shook her head.

"Then you didn't kill them. Whoever put that bomb in there is the killer. Not you. Understand?"

Tears still pouring down her face uncontrolled, she just turned her head away. "I just wanted to be human. I wanted to be useful. I wanted to fight, to destroy the Wraith. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. And now they're dead," she continued mumbling, not even sure anymore of what she was saying as her slur grew more pronounced. "John should have left me to rot."

"It's not your fault," Lorne said flatly, watching as two people began covering the bodies with table cloths.

Feeling her tension seeping away under the hand he had on her shoulder, Lorne snapped his attention back to Alex. Her eyes were closed and her breathing irregular and shallow. Gently she shook her.

"Don't sleep, Alex!" he warned. "You've got to stay with me. Open your eyes."

Weakly, Alex opened her eyes to slits.

"Talk to me, Alex," Lorne ordered. "What's your favorite food?" he asked, desperate for anything to engage her.

She mumbled something too soft to hear.

"Speak up. I can't hear you."

This time she just turned her head away again. Grabbing her by the chin gently, he turned her face toward him. "Alex, look at me. Open your eyes right now."

Slowly her eyes slitted a bit more than last time.

"Listen to me, closely. If you fall asleep, you'll die. You can't help anyone if you die. Understand?"

Again she mumbled something that didn't even sound human this time.

"You want to fight? You want to be useful? You can't do anything if you're dead, Alex."

Finally her eyes seemed to shift toward him. She even seemed to be trying to focus.

"Stay awake. Stay with me. When you get through this, I promise, I'll give you your chance to help us. Nod if you understand."

She nodded once, slowly, her eyes becoming wider as she struggled to stay awake.

"That's good," he said.

Almost half an hour later Lorne was finding it harder and harder to keep Alex awake. He'd been hearing muffled bangs and voices from the other side of the closed doors for a while now. He hoped they would get through in time. He knew she was fading fast, and was quite amazed she had held on for so long. As she was the most critically injured by far, he put some of the less badly wounded in charge of keeping an eye on the others, and focused entirely on her.

Alex had gone all but totally unresponsive when the doors finally flew open. A small army of medical personnel overseen by Doctor Beckett poured through the door. Beckett himself was on his knees beside Alex in seconds. Lorne moved back to give him room, surprised to see the doctor's usually calm demeanor pale and bordering on barely controlled panic. Much as everyone else in the city, he'd heard the numerous rumors about Beckett's 'pet Wraith'. He had never believed any of them. But what he could believe now as he watched the man set to work on her was that she definitely was not just a patient in his eyes.

"Hello there, love," Beckett called to her, already starting an IV. "Major Lorne here tells me you're not feeling very well. Perhaps caught a sniffle, did we?"

Realizing the blurry figure was Carson, Alex smiled genuinely. "Carson." Knowing now she was safe, Alex let the darkness take her.

The reaction in Beckett was instantaneous. He was a flurry of motion as he barked orders. His hands practically blurred as he confirmed she had crashed and was going from one item to the next and instructing his staff to start working on her, too. Lorne was certain now. He had not mistaken his gut reaction. Beckett was desperate to save her, and not just because she was his patient. And the smile that had graced Alex's delicate, angular features was sincere.

Seeing Colonel Sheppard approaching, Major Lorne shook off these thoughts and brought his focus back to the seriousness of the situation. He had bigger problems than someone else's emotional entanglements to worry about. At first Colonel Sheppard was focused on the Major. But the moment he caught sight of Beckett's frantic battle and who it was lying on the ground in that pool of blood, his focus shifted entirely to that scene. Lorne doubted the Colonel was even aware of his own expression as it transformed from one of tension, to stark white, to thin-lipped relief as Beckett finally managed to drag Alex back from the brink of death. Finally he turned his attention back to Lorne, knowing better than to get in Beckett's way with a bunch of questions right now.

Lorne nearly took a step back as Sheppard's eyes focused on where the laptop had sat when it exploded.

"You're not injured?" Sheppard asked, looking him over critically.

"No, sir. Alex was in front of me and took the brunt of it," he explained, obviously still very pissed off with himself over this.

Again Sheppard chewed his lip somewhere between furious and still concerned about Alex. But he seemed satisfied with whatever he had seen in his second in command's expression. "Help me figure this out, then. I want the son of a bitch that did this."

"Yes, sir," he replied whole heartedly.

~o~o~o~

Beckett led the entire team of people now working on Alex into the surgical ward. Still barking instructions, he forced his racing heart back to calm as he prepped. He'd already seen the wound. He wasn't sure there was much even he could do. A whole section of her back had been ripped open. He was pretty sure several of her internal organs were damaged beyond hope. And there was no telling how much shrapnel was still in there. At best, he hoped to keep her alive until his budding, insane, and desperate plan could be put into action. For now, he could remove as much shrapnel as possible and stitch up what he could.

He focused on the task at hand while he laid out the plan in his mind. He already knew her body would be trying to regenerate, but much too slowly right now to save her. But, if he switched back to the original Wraith Retrovirus formula, it would still keep her from changing into a Wraith. But it might trigger the previous stronger regenerative abilities. Now he just had to keep her alive until it worked…if it worked.

Shaking off the terror he felt gripping his heart, and the unspeakable pain he felt in his chest at the thought of her dying; he finished up the surgery and gave his instructions on her care while he went to clean up and check on his other patients.

"Dear God, please let this work," he whispered heartfelt prayer as Alex's last smile played itself over and over in his mind.


	9. Chapter 9

"It was Doctor Belby."

"What?!" Weir asked, utterly shocked as Rodney leaned across her desk with a grim look on his face.

"The security video confirms it. He entered…her…quarters last night while she was in the sparring room," Doctor McKay said, still not able to address what he considered to be a Wraith still by its name. And, after the last time he referred to it as 'it' causing Sheppard to jump all over him and then not talk to him for days, Rodney had made a concerted effort to at least use a female pronoun to avoid further conflict. "He entered with one laptop, and left with another."

"And he planted explosives in the one he left behind," Doctor Weir finished, watching the video for herself with a dark expression.

"Best guess is that the laptop wasn't used at all last night, and it was triggered to explode when it was turned on."

Weir nodded. "Have you told Colonel Sheppard?"

"He's already on his way to Belby's quarters."

For a moment she sat thinking. "Any idea why?"

"Do I look like Heightmeyer?"

Elizabeth frowned in annoyance. "Have Sheppard report to my office once he's got Belby in custody."

"Do I look like a messenger boy?" Rodney snapped, clearly very unhappy that one of his own direct underlings was responsible for multiple deaths.

"Rodney…"

"Fine, fine."

With that he whisked out of the office headed for who knows where.

~o~o~o~

Silently Sheppard arranged his men around the door to Doctor Belby's quarters. Once they were all in position a safe distance from the opening, Sheppard called out to the man inside. Getting no response after several attempts and a handful of warnings, Sheppard nodded to Rodney to bypass the door lock. With a dark look, Rodney stood as far off to the side of the door as he could and still reach the controls. In seconds a swarm of Marines were in the room, but there was no sign of the crazed, homicidal scientist.

"You said he was in here, Rodney!" Sheppard stormed out, far angrier than the situation warranted in McKay's opinion.

"He is! Look! It's right here!" he said, shoving his tablet in Sheppard's face. "His sub-cutaneous transmitter signal is maybe four meters away, in that room."

Sheppard looked at the blinking image on his screen for a moment. "He removed it. Is there any other way to track him?"

"With the sensors, no," Rodney replied, much more calm now that he didn't feel his head on the block.

"Damn," Sheppard growled, his expression changing from contemplative to alarm in under a second. Keying his radio he called out, "Colonel Sheppard to Doctor Beckett."

After a few moments there was a reply, "Doctor Beckett is in surgery. This is Doctor Muntz. Go ahead."

"I'm posting a security team to the infirmary. Doctor Belby is behind the bombing in the mess hall and his whereabouts are unknown. He may be trying to finish what he started."

"Understood. I'll inform Doctor Beckett. Doctor Muntz out."

His next call was to Weir, and it wasn't so pleasant. Certain that Doctor Beckett and Alex were safe for the time being, he focused on the contents of the Doctor's quarters. The place gave him an eerie feeling. It was so…sterile. There was nothing of the man in those quarters. A handful of clothes in each drawer was about the most personal possessions found. No pictures, no electronics, no books, no real evidence that anyone even lived in these quarters. Even the bed would have made the Colonel's commander proud.

Standing the center of the now empty room, Sheppard reflected on this as he considered the standard housekeeping Rodney employed. Rodney used what was commonly referred to as stratification. Most things were organized in layers of interest and frequency of interest, at best. Organized chaos would have made more sense to Sheppard. But it worked for the astrophysicist; and Sheppard, admittedly, had little experience with the living habits of the average scientist. Yet the eerie feeling of wrongness would not go away.

"Rodney, what do you make of this?"

"Make of what?" he asked, in obvious confusion.

"Exactly."

"What?"

"Look around. What do you see that says who or what Doctor Eddie Belby is? Where are the things that show his personality?"

Frowning, Rodney looked around. "Okay, so he's clean. Not all of us have time for those kinds organizational habits," he replied almost defensively.

"Where are the pictures? Posters? Books? Music? Anything that says he's interested in something other than his profession? Hell, where is something that says what his profession even is?"

Again Rodney looked around. "So, maybe he left in a hurry and didn't have much time to pack."

Sheppard shook his head. "No. This isn't him. This isn't where he lives. What lab or labs does he work in?"

Rodney returned to his tablet. "He was in a lot of places," he said, somewhat confused. "Sheesh, based on this resume, I need to question whomever let him in the door. There's no specialties, no accomplishments, no awards, no scientific publications, no…Oh, no…"

"Rodney…" Sheppard prompted, a hint of warning in his voice.

"His father is in the IOA. He was assigned here about a year ago. His brother died during the Hive attack on Atlantis a year and a half ago. He was working in Stargate Command R&D when they brought back what was left of his brother. He was one of the victims that was fed on," Doctor McKay explained, a horrified look on his face.

"Where does he do most of his work?"

"I don't know," McKay said. "He has connections in almost every lab, from medical to biochemical and even nano viruses. He could be setup to take out the entire city with enough planning!"

"Well, why don't you find out where he spent most of his time, then?" Sheppard told him in a dangerously suggestive voice.

"How?"

"Figure it out, Rodney. But do it, fast. He may have contingency plans in place in case the first one failed. And if he's desperate enough, he might be willing to take out the entire city to get to Alex."

"You really think he'd do that?" McKay looked up from his tablet to ask.

"Yes, Rodney. Now hurry it up."

Rodney's usual grumbling took on a slightly darker tone as Sheppard heard something about 'pet Wraith' that very nearly had him jumping all over the scientist again. Knowing this would do nothing to help their current situation, he bit his tongue and waited. There would be time for that later.

"Okay, I think I've got a general idea of his usual activities. I suggest we form five teams and hit each one simultaneously. But carefully!" McKay warned as Sheppard keyed on his radio.

Minutes later Sheppard was leading a small team to one of the nearby locations. Not surprisingly, the place was just another one of many labs. One after another, each team reported in with nothing but a normal looking lab shared by a number of specialized scientists. Nothing special, and no Doctor Belby. From there they ran down a list Rodney was making on his tablet of all the places he could find that Belby had been assigned to work. Nothing. Nothing. And more nothing.

At the end of what already felt very long morning, they had come up empty handed. No more bombs. No booby traps. No revenge crazed psychopathic scientist. Sheppard kept a team stationed just outside the infirmary just in case. But he was starting to doubt more and more that this had been just about Alex. Something about this whole mess was just wrong. And it wasn't just the pile of bodies from the mess hall, either.

Finally they regrouped in Weir's office to report the same nothing to her. Trying to capture whatever it was that kept tickling the back of his mind, Sheppard tuned out the others as they discussed the situation and how they might find the man. Again, his mind came back around to the empty room.

"We're missing something," he mumbled to himself.

"Duh," McKay shot back. "Took you long enough to catch up."

Suddenly something began to coalesce in bits and pieces. "No, think about it. His quarters are practically sterile enough to use as surgical ward. It's almost as if he just wants us to think that's his safe place just by keeping a few things there. But he would know that the quarters we assigned would be the first place he'd look. If he'd been planning this for a while, he wouldn't have used any of his usual locations. Rodney, you said the traces in the mess hall were consistent with C-4. How hard is it to make C-4?"

For a moment, McKay blinked at this sudden change in the conversation. "It isn't for a chemist. But the components are highly toxic."

"So the C-4 had to have come from somewhere, but none has been reported missing."

"So?"

"So, Belby's not alone," John concluded grimly.

Doctor Weir sat back in her desk, not liking the implications any more than did the Colonel. "Military or civilian?" she asked.

"Could be either," Sheppard replied. "If civilian, they've got a C-4 manufacturing lab hidden somewhere in this city. If military, they covered the missing C-4."

"Rodney, can you pull up the city surveillance cameras on that tablet and trace Belby's movements over the past week?" Sheppard asked, still pulling together all the bits and pieces his mind had begun to latch on to.

"Maybe. That's a lot of data. I could just go out there—"

"No!" Weir and Sheppard cut in simultaneously.

"No one can know that we know we're looking for more than Belby. If they got a whiff that we're looking into missing or manufactured C-4, then his accomplices are going to go underground, too. We need to find him. I doubt that one bomb was his goal. He's not out to make a statement, he wants revenge. And, apparently, so does someone else."

"But why Alex?" Weir asked, still seeming confused. "I mean, I get that his brother was killed by a Wraith, but is that enough? She doesn't even look Wraith. And few people outside of her original prison guards ever saw her as a Wraith."

"I don't know. But I agree, there's more to this. First things first. We need to find where he's been operating from, because that's his most likely hiding spot. And, if we watch closely enough, we might catch his accomplice."

"This is going to take a while. The tablet was designed to interface with Ancient technology, but this is a lot of data. You're talking thousands of cameras."

"You don't need all of them," Sheppard pointed out. "Just find one with him on it; one of the labs, maybe. Then you can hop from camera to camera to find him. When you see him in an area with no labs, that's where you're going to find him. If you see anyone else going in and out of that area, that's most likely our second target."

"You're sure about this?" Weir asked.

"Positive."

"He's right. It's out near the East Pier. The section that flooded and was never cleaned up because the tides just keep flooding it again and we don't have the equipment to seal the breach."

"That was fast," Sheppard said.

"It's what you said. He's returning to his hidey hole to wait until news of the success comes in. I just followed him from Alex's quarters to somewhere near the East Pier. It's a huge area, though. And most of it is without power. So I lost track of him long before he reached his destination, I'm sure."

Sheppard considered this. "Did he still have the laptop with him?"

Rodney ducked his head as he returned his attention to the tablet for a moment. "Yeah," he said wonderingly. "I can tune in to the tracker I installed!"

Weir and Sheppard waited impatiently for a couple of minutes. Finally Rodney slammed his hand on the arm of his chair. "Damn! He either destroyed the laptop, or removed and destroyed the locator."

"What about power? They would have to have power to run a lab making explosives, wouldn't they?"

"Well, yeah, but…"Rodney's face lit up as he snapped his fingers several times. "A naquadah generator!"

"Which would give off a distinct EM signature," Sheppard supplied, catching on. "Can you tune the city's sensors from, say the spire to detect something that far off?"

"I can try," McKay said, not entirely certain.

"But not without attracting attention," Weir added.

"Bingo," Rodney said before throwing his head back against the seat of the chair.

"Actually, we may not have to," John said, vaguely as if formulating a plan. "We know we're being watched. Whomever it was that helped Belby is likely still on the outside knowing Belby himself would get caught in the act, so to speak. So, his partner is not only watching us, but waiting for us to figure it all out."

"What's your point?" the scientist asked.

"We need a decoy. A very visible decoy. One that knows everything about Atlantis there is to know; including where to find someone hiding anywhere in the city."

"I'm not liking where this is going," Rodney commented suspiciously.

"You want to use Rodney as bait?" Weir asked, her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline.

"What?!"

"Hear me out," Sheppard said, now sitting on the edge of his chair and leaning forward. "I don't think they made the C-4. If he has an accomplice, he wouldn't have to. The missing C-4 can easily be covered in the records by any number of military personnel. Secondly, we most likely have a missing naquadah generator, also not reported. Whether we're looking for one accomplice or multiple, I'm betting they're military."

"I'm not seeing how I become bait in all of this."

"Easy, you and Elizabeth make a show of looking for Belby here in the command center."

"How?" Rodney asked, still incredulous.

"I don't know. Make something up about city sensors and bio readings or some such. I don't care," he said forcefully, staving off whatever it was McKay opened his mouth to say. "But ops is the safest place for the both of you, if you're going to play bait. Make it known that Belby's going to be easy to locate, but it's going to take a while to reprogram the city sensors. Sooner or later, word will get around to the right ears. And, when they do, rather than going after you, they're either going to silence Belby, or try to finish what he started."

"So then Alex becomes the real bait," Weir added.

"Maybe," Sheppard agreed. "But it's just as likely he'll go after his partner. Better to shut him up before they're both discovered. That leaves him free to finish when it all dies down."

"But he's got to know that sooner or later we'll figure it out based on the missing C-4 and naquadah generator," Rodney pointed out.

"Not necessarily," Weir said. "We've given no indication outside of this room that we know about the missing C-4 or the naquadah generator. As long as we don't let on or try to check the records, they won't know."

"But who's going to watch the cameras in Section Seventy-Two to see who goes in?"

"Zalenka can do it," Sheppard pointed out. "I'll just need to get a message to him so he can find a nice, quiet lab without prying eyes. I'll have him watch the one in Section Seventy-Two and the one outside the infirmary. He'll have nothing to do but watch. I'll figure something out. In the meantime, I'm going to make a show of walking away from this grumbling about psychotic scientists and staying as far away from the weapons caches and generator storage as possible."

Weir nodded in agreement as Rodney considered this.

"And, Rodney," Sheppard said as he stood. "Do not even attempt to actually find Belby. Until we know who else is involved, anyone walking through ops visibly armed or unarmed, could be our target."

The implication of the endangerment to Weir was clear on Rodney's face; but still he said, "Are you kidding? What kind of head trauma did you sustain that makes you think I would be that stupid?"

But Sheppard could see that Rodney understood. With a near murderous look, he stormed out through the glass doors visibly pissed off and audibly grumbling about psychotic scientists needing more hobbies like football to release their pent-up aggression. As hoped, every eye was on him as he headed down the nearest corridor. He was so deep in thought about how to get the message to Zalenka without anyone noticing that he didn't realize his destination until he was almost there already.

Seeing the guards posted outside the infirmary doors, he looked them up and down. Sergeant Holmes and Captain Cruz stood at attention, their eyes roaming the corridor steadily. For a moment he considered adding to the detail. He quickly rejected it thinking it might just alert Belby's accomplice to the fact that they might be watching for someone armed and dangerous instead of one psychotic scientist.

Stepping up to them he asked, "You both have seen Doctor Belby's picture?"

"Yes, sir," they responded in unison.

Sheppard nodded. "Good. I doubt in his deranged state, hell-bent on revenge as he is that he'll do too much to disguise himself. Just keep your eyes open and report. Engage, if necessary. Lethal force is authorized."

For a moment Cruz's face seemed to twitch. Whether it was from surprise or something else, Sheppard didn't know. And, at this point, he didn't care so long as the man did his job. With that, he passed between them and into the infirmary. The chaos of the earlier rush of casualties from the mess hall had died down. Several of the beds now held sleeping patients. Sheppard frowned darkly when he didn't see Alex in any of them.

Catching sight of a nurse, he asked quietly, "Where's Doctor Beckett?"

"He was monitoring the Wraith's vitals."

"You mean Alex's vitals," Sheppard snapped quietly.

The man blinked his brown eyes mildly, but seemed more irritated than angry. "Whatever you say."

Biting back some excessively rude and loud comments, John asked, instead, "Where?" through gritted teeth.

"Room Nine."

He made sure to give the guy one last disgusted look before headed to the all too familiar ward of recovery rooms. He had once joked with Beckett that they were beginning to feel more like home than his quarters. Finding number nine was no problem. To make it even easier, the ward doors were wide open and the sheet to Alex's room was open. He stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of Beckett.

The doctor had been standing beside Alex's bed and just seemed to fold into the chair beside the bed with his face in his hands. For a split second before his hands covered his face, Sheppard caught sight of a misery on the man's face so profound it made him feel as if he was invading a very private moment. Why he felt this, he didn't know. But it was a strong enough sensation that he spun on his heel to leave just as quietly as he had entered. He had thought he'd made a clean getaway as he approached the ward doors when he heard the doctor call out.

"Colonel?" Beckett asked, seeming surprised.

Spinning around a second time, Sheppard smiled disarmingly. "Hiya, Doc. I was just coming to check on Alex. But she's sleeping, so I'll just be on my way."

Whatever it was he had seen on Carson's face seconds before was gone. Now the man just seemed pale and tired, nothing more. Nodding sadly, Carson approached; he glanced over his shoulder at the pale still form one more time. Only then did Sheppard realize that Alex wasn't sleeping. She was on life support.

"That bad?" Sheppard asked.

"Aye," Carson said sadly. "The bomb…" he took a deep breath before could continue. As if shaking off something, he refocused his attention on John. "The bomb tore open a jagged wound approximately twenty centimeters in diameter and seven centimeters deep. It destroyed her liver, kidney, gallbladder, and a large part of her intestines."

Even Sheppard paled slightly remembering how long they had been trapped in the mess hall without help. "Is she going to make it?"

For a moment Carson's face spasmed painfully. But it was gone as fast as it appeared. "I don't know, Colonel. It's nothing short of a miracle she's alive now."

"But you said she could regenerate."

"The new formula further suppresses the Wraith DNA. Presently she heals not much more quickly than a human."

"You have her on life support. Do you have some idea?"

Carson nodded, his expression seeming distant for a moment. "I'm hoping I can keep her alive long enough for the old Wraith Retrovirus formula to work. If I can, and if it works as I suspect, the Wraith DNA abilities will return more strongly; as they had before."

"And then she can regenerate?"

Carson sighed again, dry scrubbing his face with his hands before running them through his hair. "Most likely, but it may very well kill her in the process."

"How so?"

"When she was regenerating as a human her body used up all its natural energy, glucose. And, if my suspicions are correct, aside from the inevitable cessation of brain functions, it would start eating away at her own body. Much as the body consumes its own muscle mass in someone suffering from an eating disorder, like anorexia."

"So, to heal itself, it would consume itself?" Sheppard asked grimly, now understanding Alex's comment about her body destroying itself.

Carson just nodded. For a moment the two of them just stared at the pale, still form in the bed. While Carson's face was clearly grieving, Sheppard's darkened again in barely contained rage. The former Wraith queen had survived nearly impossible odds, suffered as a Genii prisoner for possibly centuries, survived a conversion that should have killed her, only to die by the hands of some insane, revenge-bent scientist. Sheppard had never been one to see things as fair or unfair, but this one came close. There might not be anything he could do now to reverse what had been done, but he'd be damned if those responsible were going to escape justice.

"Colonel?" Doctor Beckett asked, somewhat concerned at seeing the man's expression.

Sheppard softened his expression. "Sorry, Doc. Don't worry. We're going to get this guy. You do what you can for her. But whatever happens, remember that Alex would rather die as a human, than live as a Wraith. You gave her something extraordinary. Remember that."

Carson nodded sadly. "I'll do what I can."

"I know you will."

"In the meantime, I've got to…" Suddenly an idea struck him and his face lit up. "Doc, I need a favor."

~o~o~o~

Thirty minutes later Zalenka arrived at the infirmary with an armload of equipment grumbling in Czech. The two guards stood back and let him through, sharing an amused look. Every head turned toward him as he stood in the middle of the infirmary wondering where he was going to dump all this equipment.

"Hey, Radek," Sheppard called happily. "Carson's got a problem in the back he says is messing with his equipment. Better hurry up before he tears the wall apart."

"What?" Zalenka asked, obviously confused.

"Yeah, I just dropped by to check on Alex. And he's ready to rip the wall out because he can't get accurate results. He swears it's something in the wall behind room ten. Says it happens all the time to him."

Keeping a casual grin, Sheppard gently guided the confused scientist to the back. Beckett greeted him with a shouted, "About bloody time!" as Sheppard checked to make sure no one was too close or listening.

Once he was convinced, he headed over to room ten with Doctor Zalenka in tow, and Beckett took up a place just inside room nine with Alex where he could watch the doors. Sheppard closed the curtain and turned to the thoroughly confused Czech man.

"Okay," he started to explain, helping Zalenka set down all the equipment on every available space. "Nothing's wrong with anything in here. I needed to pass you a message. You heard about the bomb in the mess hall, right?"

"Of course, everybody has."

"We think Belby had an accomplice, and we're trying to flush him out."

"But Rodney is already doing that."

"Rodney's a decoy," Sheppard explained. "I need you to be my eyes and ears. I couldn't tell you over the radio in case they're listening. I need you to act like you're working in here for about fifteen minutes or so. Make some noise, complain, that kind of thing. Then, pack up your stuff and head back to your lab. Make sure everyone sees you complaining about hallucinating doctors and taking their own meds or something."

"What?"

"Just make a scene on your way out, okay?" Sheppard said, more patiently than he felt. "Do you have a laptop in your quarters that can tap into the city surveillance cameras?"

"It should be. Why?"

"When you get back to your lab, complain about a headache Doctor Beckett gave you over nothing. Tell whoever is nearby that you're calling it a day and take another laptop with you that can tap into the city's cameras. Lock your door and do not open it until I give the all clear, understand? While you're in there I need you to watch two locations. One is going to be Corridor Six in Section Seventy-Two heading toward the East Pier, and the other is the infirmary."

"That section is flooded with the tides. No one goes down there."

"Belby did, and he hasn't come out. I suspect he and his cohort have a lab or some kind of hideout there. But we can't make a move until we know who the other guy is, understand? Rodney's going to make it look like he's going to find Belby in a few hours with some tweaks to the city sensors. Sooner or later his partner is going to go to silence Belby, or finish what he started with Alex."

Zalenka's expression turned grim. "I understand."

"When you see either someone in Section Seventy-Two or someone trying to force their way into the infirmary, we've got our guy. Radio me. And then I'll give you the all-clear later."

"If they're monitoring the radios, how can I—"

Sheppard held up a radio he had pulled out of his pocket. "Something Rodney and I have been holding on to for a special occasion. These are tuned to subspace. So no matter what radio frequency they're monitoring, they won't catch it. I've got this one, and I'm about to go get the other from Rodney."

"Clever," Zalenka commented, pocketing the radio.

"I'll leave you to it. Time for me to go check on Rodney's performance. Don't forget. Make a scene on your way out."

Zalenka nodded, turning to the wall panel with some tools. "You just make sure you catch them, Colonel. She deserved better than this."

The statement had Sheppard pausing to watch the scientist's back as he began to dismantle the wall panel. Not sure where that had come from or what Zalenka meant by it, Sheppard started to ask. A moment later he closed his mouth as he remembered what he'd heard of Doctor Zalenka's life. If anyone would know what it was like to be kicked around when life already sucked, he would. He glanced one last time toward Beckett and Alex as he headed out of the ward. He hadn't even made it beyond the door yet before the two of them were shouting loud enough to be heard all the way in the front. Perfect.

Time to head back to the control room to check on Rodney's "progress". He was wrapped up in his thoughts trying to figure out a way to station a team completely concealed near the corridor near the East Pier to catch whomever heads that way, that he barely noticed the guards as he passed by.

"How is she, sir?"

The question stopped him in his tracks. "Excuse me?"

"Alex. How is she? It sounded pretty serious," Holmes said.

For a moment Sheppard eyed the young man. Part of him screamed warnings at the guard's sudden interest. But the openness of the expression screamed against his suspicions.

"She'll be fine in a couple of days," he told them.

Holmes' smile seemed genuine while Cruz's face spasmed again before going blank. Sheppard filed this away.

"Thank you, sir," Holmes said.

Too late Sheppard realized that either one could be Alex's attempted assassin. He should have added more guards sooner. To do so now would be announcing that he suspected one of them. Above all, he had to keep his suspicions to himself until they could be certain who Doctor Belby's accomplice was. Not liking the situation, Sheppard continued his trek toward the command center. He just hoped Zalenka would be on the lookout when the time came or this whole thing could go from bad to FUBAR.

~o~o~o~

After a brief, but spectacular blow up with McKay in ops, Sheppard pocketed Rodney's modified subspace radio and made a show of dispersing teams throughout the city to try to find Belby. Hoping that would be enough to throw off suspicion as well as have someone passing by the infirmary regularly to keep an eye out, he waited.

In an hour Zalenka was in place in his quarters. Rodney was cursing and throwing things around the command center and taking apart consoles left and right. Weir paced her office. Beckett sat beside Alex's bed trying to convince himself he was not feeling what he thought he was feeling. Sheppard made a show of prowling the city checking on teams via radio every few minutes. Some three hours after his argument with Rodney, the scientist announced he was going to be ready in about thirty minutes.

Time to move. Damn! He had hoped the guy would make a move by now.

Knowing there wasn't anyone he could trust among his own men, Sheppard headed toward the East Pier as if he was checking up on the teams sweeping that area. He hoped word had spread and that the person aiding Belby panicked accordingly. He also hoped he wouldn't be the first to find him, because he wasn't sure he could control his temper right about now.

~o~o~o~

Meanwhile, Carson witnessed a miracle. His earliest estimate of visible signs of regeneration had been measured in days. Mere hours after surgery, Alex was showing signs of slow, but still inhumanly fast healing. She had even begun to regain consciousness. In a flurry of activity, he took her off life support and extubated her. She was clearly breathing on her own. And, as expected, her glucose was dropping. As fast as he could, he pumped her full of vitamins, nutrients, proteins, and as much sugary liquid as he could. He feared he was replacing what little blood she had left.

And that's when it hit him. Most of the Wraith Retrovirus was carried in the hemoglobin. It broke down fairly quickly, but not that quickly. She had bled out more than the survivable amount, and he replaced it with fresh, and he'd given her only the original formula. It was reducing the suppression of the Wraith DNA as the new formula broke down in what little remaining blood she had.

Carson's smile could have lit up the entire ward as Alex started to stir and open her dull, glazed catlike eyes. Gently he ran a hand over her white hair on her crown soothingly. "Just rest, love. You're healing. It's probably going to hurt, but you'll be okay."

Mumbling something he couldn't make out, Alex moved her head slightly as her eyes slid closed once again. Still beaming, Doctor Beckett stood back heaving a sigh of relief so profound he nearly found himself back in the chair limp as a rag doll. Instead, he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye. Before he had a chance to react, his head exploded in a burst of bright light.


	10. Chapter 10

Watching the cameras from his quarters, Zalenka sat back to rub his eyes. It felt as if he'd been watching the monitors all day and night; when, in fact, it was only approaching suppertime. Speaking of which, he wondered if Sheppard intended him to starve tonight. Slipping his glasses back into place, he watched as one of the infirmary guards appeared to stifle a laugh at something in his hand. A moment later he motioned for the other to take a look. While the man was focused on whatever was in the other guard's hand, the first one's hand whipped up and caught him on the back of the neck. As the second one began to fall, he caught him and delivered a few more carefully aimed blows. He laid the man out on the floor and seemed satisfied that he wouldn't get back up.

Already Zalenka was cursing himself. He's left the radio in the pocket of his work shirt in the other room. Tipping over the laptops in his scramble, he ran to retrieve it.

~o~o~o~

The world erupted in pain for Doctor Beckett. But gentle arms were holding him and moving him carefully as they lay him down. They murmured something soothing in a calming voice as he felt himself released on the cold, metal floor. His limbs were far away and useless as he fought to keep the darkness in his vision from taking over completely. Despite the gentle touch and soothing voice, his heart was screaming warnings. A pale, angelic face with intense blue eyes and white hair floated in front of his closed eyelids. Finally he managed to get his eyes open. The world was upside down and tilting crazily. He found himself looking up at a man in uniform from where he lay on the floor. He felt like he should know him, but his mind was too foggy.

The man's face was twisted in rage as he held the knife from his belt sheathe. Suddenly it all came back into focus. To the day he died, Carson could not say how it was that he went from prone on the floor to tackling Sergeant Holmes, but he knew he was too late. The whole scene played out in a sickening slow motion he had heard of many times in his career; but had prayed he, himself, would never experience. As he forced his slow, stunned limbs to motion and threw himself at the man, he knew he wouldn't make it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he saw Alex's intense blue eyes open wide in confusion. She started to roll away from the Sergeant and the knife, but it was too late. Like Carson, she was too slow.

The knife came down with all the force of the man behind it, burying itself to the hilt in Alex's ribs just under her right arm. She gave a choked off scream as Holmes pulled the knife out preparing for another stab. Even as the knife was leaving her flesh, Carson impacted the man with his full weight. Alex rolled off the other side of the bed taking half the equipment to the floor with her.

Holmes, struggling like a wild animal, tried to throw Carson off. He struggled and flailed trying to get around the doctor and back to his feet. Not able to entirely control his own body, Carson did what he could to keep the man off balance while trying to get to his own feet. Never having had any combat training beyond the use of basic firearms, he knew he didn't stand a chance against someone trained. But he would be damned if this maniac was going to kill one of his patients without one hell of a fight.

He wound up catching the man by the belt and then eventually wrapping one arm around the muscular man's waist. When Sergeant Holmes realized Doctor Beckett's grappling wasn't going to stop any time soon, he reversed the blade and swung blindly behind himself. He connected with flesh at least three times that he felt, but the stubborn doctor just wouldn't let go. Growling like an enraged beast, he twisted and thrashed, trying to break the doctor's grip around his waist. He only managed to drag the two of them to the end of the bed, instead. Finally he was able to twist around enough to get a good aim at the doctor's face with the hilt. He really didn't want to kill the man. He knew Beckett was a good man, just misguided in his overwhelming compassion even when pure evil was involved.

Before he could crack the doctor's skull, though, a screaming beast attacked him from behind. It was the Wraith. She had come to feed on him. He knew she would. He had always known. His screams joining hers, he twisted his upper body violently enough to shake her off, but the extra weight of the doctor on his lower half sent him crashing to the ground. The time for being gentle and compassionate was over. If Beckett refused to understand, then he just had to die.

With all his one-armed force, he planted the knife in Beckett's back just below the shoulder blade. The pain-filled gasp when it impacted bone was enough of a reaction to tell Holmes he was free. He was sadly mistaken. Instead of just holding on, Beckett now fought. Realizing he had nothing to lose and was likely going to die anyway once Holmes got a good aim with the knife, Carson swung and kicked and bit and punched with all the fury of his famed Scottish ancestry. Left with no choice, Holmes retaliated blade-first. Time and again he sliced and stabbed at the doctor inflicting wound after wound after wound. Blood was everywhere. Yet it seemed like an eternity before he finally got an opening to plant the blade somewhere useful. Right between the ribs on his left side under the arm. Holmes didn't have to check how deep it had gone in, he was good enough to know the doctor would not be getting up again.

Kicking violently one more time, he flung the corpse away from himself. Turning, trying to find the damn Wraith, he found her pathetic form trailing a small river of blood as she dragged herself toward the doctor. Beckett lay on his back, motionless.

"No, no, no," she cried over and over again.

Approaching, Holmes cocked his head watching in curiosity. Seeing him coming, Alex threw herself over the doctor as if to shield him.

"Stop it! Leave him alone!" she screamed.

"Fine by me," Holmes replied, raising the knife again.

As if something inside of her had snapped, Alex turned and lunged at Holmes' knees. The knife still came down, but being so off balance it only managed to tear down the left side of her back instead of puncture her heart. Rolling with the fall, he was barely back to a crouch before she was on him again. Unlike Beckett, she knew was she was doing. With inhuman strength and trembling muscles, she grasped his arm and twisted over her shoulder ripping the tendons, ligaments, and muscles, and snapping the bones like twigs. Screaming, Sergeant Holmes collapsed to the floor cradling his mangled arm.

Having used the last of her strength, Alex collapsed a few feet away from Beckett. Coughing up copious amounts of blood, she sobbed. Somewhere in the mix of sobs and coughs, she begged the doctor not to die, not to leave her alone. Holmes, recovering from the shock, found his knife and picked it up. Staggering toward the vicious bitch, he roared animalistically.

The three gunshots that rang out were a distant pop by comparison to the roar the man unleashed. But, the moment they sounded, his scream of pure rage ended as his face and most of the upper portion of his head exploded. Numb with fear for Carson, knowing she was going to die, Alex stared up at one of her guards.

"Please, help him," she begged around a mouth full of blood. "Don't let him die."

Cruz's face had gone from horror to grim determination. Already his radio mic was hot and he was calling for help. Wondering where the hell all the infirmary staff were, he reported the situation to Sheppard. Already Sheppard was close by and relaying instructions to all available medical personnel. In the meantime, Cruz took in Alex's condition and Doctor Beckett's as best he could. Already she was unconscious and lying across the doctor. Not sure if she was alive or not but seriously doubting it given the enormous gaping wounds, he could see through her open hospital gown, he gently moved her aside. Surprised she still had a pulse considering the gaping wound in her back alone, he was reminded once again that she most certainly wasn't human. Deciding to ignore her, he focused on Doctor Beckett. Given the amount of blood and the sheer number of wounds, he was amazed the doctor was still alive. Doing what he could to slow the flow of blood from the innumerable amount of wounds, he waited for help to arrive; hoping it would come before it was too late.

~o~o~o~

Late that night, Doctor Weir still sat in her office staring at her laptop. Her green eyes focused intently as the scene played out in all its high definition horror. The entire incident had happened in less than a minute. Sergeant Holmes had knocked out Captain Cruz, entered the infirmary, told the one doctor on duty that his partner had collapsed, said he was getting Beckett, and headed toward the back ward where Alex was being kept. There he closed the door to the ward effectively sealing off any chance of help for Beckett. Seconds. That was all it had taken. In seconds he had ensured his privacy enough to finish what he started and to hell with the consequences. Were it not for Cruz's ATA gene and the memory of watching Doctor McKay override a door lock once before, both Carson and Alex would now be dead.

Weir's brow furrowed and her lips thinned as she watched it over again. Part of her wondered what had happened. What went on in the mind of that Sergeant that led him to this? She watched Beckett's desperate struggle, not in the least surprised by the man's tenacity to defend his patient. But what surprised her to displaying open shock on her face the first time she watched it, was the sight of Alex struggling up off the floor to attack Holmes not once, but twice.

The first time she launched herself at the crazed Sergeant Holmes, her piercing scream of, "Leave him alone!" made her think her eardrums were going to rupture. This time there was no shock. Weir frowned deeply. She watched again and again as Alex, a horrific wound still wide open on her back and now a new knife wound in her side making her bleed through her mouth and nose, dragged herself to Beckett's prone form and protected him. And, with that camera angle, there was no mistaking the kiss she planted on the doctor's forehead while begging him not to die.

Until now, she'd had no reason to believe there was anything more between Carson and the former Wraith queen than a friendship, at most. Now she wondered. She wondered at what point Carson had gone from seeing her as a patient to seeing her as something more. When had she begun to see Carson as more than just her doctor? What affect would this have on his research? Did this really change the fact that Alex couldn't be trusted? Had Weir been wrong about her? Was there more humanity in Alex than she first believed?

Still glaring at the paused scene as if it would give her the answers, Doctor Weir was so absorbed in her thoughts, she failed to notice Sheppard enter her nearly lightless office. When he tapped the desk to get her attention, she glared up in irritation at the interruption. Seeing Sheppard, she softened her expression.

"You alright?" he asked, sitting in the chair opposite her desk.

Leaning back, Weir crossed her arms. "I don't know."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up. That was not typical of the Elizabeth he knew. "What's up?"

"Have you seen the video from the infirmary?"

John shook his head. "No, I've been busy rounding up Belby and anyone else under suspicion until I have enough to satisfy my paranoia. Why?"

Heaving a sigh, Weir contemplated the laptop for a moment. Finally, coming to a decision, she set the video back to the point where Holmes entered the infirmary and turned it around. Sheppard leaned forward and hit play. The dark look on his face sent a shiver down her spine. She knew full well what the man was capable of when pushed. But she knew he'd gotten to the spot that had captured her attention when his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Still, he played until Captain Cruz began working on Doctor Beckett before stopping it.

"Did I see what I think I just saw?"

"There's no mistake."

Sheppard sat back in the chair and considered this. "Well, she is human, now," he pointed out.

"More human than some born that way, too, it would seem," Weir pointed out darkly.

"But Beckett?"

"Aside from the obvious affects to his research, I'm not sure I like where this is going?"

"Whoa, wait a minute. This is Carson we're talking about, here. Just because she's got a thing for him, doesn't mean he's reciprocating. He's too professional for that."

"Have you seen any evidence?" she asked.

Sheppard's mind flashed to the brief scene he had witnessed earlier that day when he'd walked in on Beckett alone with Alex. If the man was in love with a former Wraith and a patient that was his business.

"No."

"What should we do?"

"Nothing."

"Are you certain that's wise?"

"Well, considering Beckett's on death's door and no one can tell me if he's going to survive and Alex is no better, I don't see that there's anything we can do. Besides, what would you do? Order Beckett back to Earth?"

For a moment Elizabeth seemed to consider it. "No. Maybe I'm overthinking things. But…"

"But what?" Sheppard prompted as her expression seemed distant.

"Do you really think it's possible?"

"What? That she could be in love with someone?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"I don't see why not. Aside from the obvious that I've pointed out already, she's never struck me as a Wraith…Wraith," he said, not sure how to explain it.

Weir nodded again. "Did you see Carson's video of her feeding test on the pack animal he brought in?"

"No. But I know she refused to feed on them again. Why?"

"She refused to do it again because it hurt her to look into the animal's eyes and see the innocence and trust before she fed."

"Seriously?"

For a moment they both considered these things. Doctor Weir still couldn't bring herself to trust the former Wraith. In many ways, she still saw Alex as a Wraith, if one in disguise. She had no idea what Colonel Sheppard saw, but she knew what the rest of Atlantis felt. Aside from a very small group of people, most viewed her as just another Wraith. Which is part of what had led to today's bloodshed and death. At this point, Weir was thinking it was time to remove Alex from Atlantis altogether. She even considered moving her to the Alpha Site. But this attachment to Beckett could prove a serious complication in that plan.

"You're doing it again."

"Excuse me?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"That face you make when you've got a plan, but you don't like it."

Heaving a sigh, Weir shook her head. "It's late. You should get some rest."

"Not going to share?"

"Let's see if Beckett and Alex pull through. We'll go from there."

"Agreed."

With that Sheppard bounced up out of the chair with as much energy as he had left. "You get some rest, too."

"I will," she promised, watching him leave.

Of course, there was a huge difference between rest and sleep. Rest she got in the privacy of her own quarters. Sleep eluded her as the scene between Alex and Beckett played itself over and over in her mind.

~o~o~o~

Late the next morning, Colonel Sheppard, the head of the military contingent for the entire Atlantis Expedition found himself in his seldom-used office trying to sort through all the reports of the incident with Holmes and Belby. This was an aspect of his command position he hated; but this time he couldn't fob it off on Major Lorne. He was fairly certain at this point that the two had acted alone. Based on what he could guess, Holmes had found a willing partner in crime some time after Alex's arrival and his tour of guard duty in the prisons. Now he faced the daunting task of going through months of Holmes' activities to see what else he had been up to and who with. Meanwhile, Rodney was doing the same for Belby's activities. Neither really expected to find anything or anyone else once the lair had been raided; but better safe than sorry.

Feeling like he was drowning in administrative nonsense, Sheppard began sorting through the stacks hoping some semblance of order would present itself. Based on the numbers involved, there was a one in ten billion or so chance of that happening without human intervention. He wondered if he could call on Weir's expertise. This, inevitably drew him back to the message he was going to have to send back to Earth sooner or later. At some point, he was going to have to send a message to Holmes' family; possibly the worst part of his command position.

And then there was Carson. The surgeons had managed to patch the man up, giving all of them a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo that Sheppard took to mean it looked worse than it was. While it looked promising, Sheppard still wasn't going to believe the man wasn't dead or dying until he could see him for himself. The doctor had been covered head to foot in his own blood and had left a pool big enough for three people on the ward floor. Sheppard had seen it for himself. Having had enough combat experience, he knew people did not survive that kind of blood loss.

Then there was Alex. She they didn't know. Her body was regenerating at an insane rate, but this was causing her to lose muscle mass and maintain extremely low glucose levels. They estimated that she was far more likely to die of the regeneration process than the wounds at this point. But, only time would tell. Apparently Doctor Knightley was the only one on the team with enough experience with Alex to give any kind of real answer. Though he didn't like it, he could understand the woman was doing all she could. Beckett had warned him, too. It just didn't make it any easier. Much as he hated to admit it, he'd grown to like Alex, in a way. There was something about her that was just…childish and innocent. It was almost irritating to realize he thought of her like something of an annoying little sister.

Feeling helpless and overwhelmed with meaningless papers, Sheppard slammed down a stack with a grunt and rubbed his throbbing temples. He hadn't had nearly enough sleep for this shit.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

"What?" he snapped, not meaning to be so harsh.

"I see you're busy, sir. Never mind. I'll come back another time."

"Stop right there. Get in here, Major. I'd welcome the distraction. Unless it's more reports or bad news. Then you can take that with you on your way out," Sheppard said tiredly.

Lorne gave an impish grin. It always annoyed him that the man looked at least a decade younger than he actually was. It must be those rounded cheeks or something.

"I'll not say what I'm thinking about that, then," Major Lorne commented. "But I did want to talk to you about something."

"Good or bad?"

"Well, I guess that depends on you, sir," he said, all seriousness now.

Sheppard heaved a sigh. "Out with it."

"Well, the good news is that I found a replacement for Doctor Parros."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up. "It's about time."

"That's where I think the bad news might be." Lorne's face became stony. "I want Alex."

"What?" Sheppard blurted.

"I want Alex on my team, in field, on off-world missions," Lorne spelled out, and then waited for his commanding officer to make the next move.

His face transforming from surprised to intrigued, Sheppard sat back in his chair. Instead of asking the obvious, he asked, "What exactly happened yesterday, Evan?" The use of first-name signaling that this conversation was off the record and informal. "What was not in your report?"

"Let me ask you something, John. When you and Alex were in that prison, was your promise to make her human just so she'd help you escape?"

Somewhat uncomfortable with this even today, he hesitated a moment before answering. "I didn't exactly promise. I said we could do it. I just never got a chance to explain beforehand that it wasn't ready yet. But I didn't lie."

Nodding, Lorne accepted this. "So it wasn't just to get her cooperation?"

"No."

"What was it that made you trust her?"

Sheppard considered his next words carefully, not sure he liked where this was going. Finally he sighed. "I don't know. I had no reason to trust her, and I didn't really trust her. It wasn't until you guys showed up that I actually believed her story about wanting to be human. And, even then, I still doubted."

Lorne nodded again. "I believe her. I'll spare you the details, but I will tell you that she wants to do more than sit around with guards, and passing on her information to Doctor McKay hoping something will be useful. She wants to make a difference, and that's not happening as things stand, John."

Cocking his head slightly, Sheppard nodded. "I'll ask you again, Evan. What exactly happened?"

Running his hands through his hair as if still experiencing some of what had happened yesterday, Lorne said, "The bomb…ripped her open. She was dying. All I wanted her to do was hang on until Beckett and his team could get in there. I don't know if it was something she said, or maybe her compassion for Weiss and Birchmore and even for the others when they showed her none. Maybe it's because I feel like everyone should be given a chance. Maybe all of those reasons. I don't know.

"Sir, Alex wants to fight. She wants to do something useful. She wants to make a difference. And, given what we've seen so far, I see no reason why she shouldn't be given that opportunity. If nothing else, what she did for Beckett yesterday proves she's trustworthy."

Sheppard took all of this in, his green eyes boring into Lorne. "Have you spoken to Doctor Weir about this?"

"Yes, sir," the Major replied, all formality again.

"And what did she say?"

"That she would take it under advisement."

"As in 'absolutely not'?"

"Yes, sir."

Sheppard stood and paced a few steps away from his desk toward the back of the windowless office. Sensing there was more going on in his Commanding Officer's head, Lorne kept his peace.

"What about the rest of your team?"

"I haven't told them."

"Do you plan on telling them or asking them?"

"That's up to them."

Putting his hands on his hips, Sheppard paced for a moment, deep in thought. Round and round he went in his head, trying to find the flaw in the plan. Aside from the obvious trust issues, which he didn't feel were an issue at this point, he could see no downside. Once she stabilized, if she survived, Beckett could revert back to the new Wraith Retrovirus formula and her body wouldn't try to self-destruct every time she got injured. Obviously, he was going to have to butt heads with Weir. But after what he had seen last night, he wasn't entirely sure it was going to be so difficult to convince her to let Alex loose.

"You do know she's not likely to survive, right?" he pointed out.

"I just came from the infirmary. Beckett's awake and proving the saying that doctors make the worst patients, and Alex should be on her feet in two to three days."

Lorne's grin betrayed his emotions regarding this. Sheppard almost felt it was smug. Shaking off all the complexities of his thoughts, he just shook his head at himself.

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes, sir," Major Lorne replied, all seriousness again.

"I'll go talk to Weir, then."

Lorne's smile was just too young and enthusiastic. Sheppard like the guy, but sometimes those features just rubbed him the wrong way. "Thank you, Colonel."

"Don't thank me, yet. You're going to owe me one for this," he shot back, letting Lorne think the battle with Weir was going to be a fierce one.

With that, Lorne bounced out of his chair to talk to the other two members of his team. Sheppard would have given just about anything to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. But, he had way more important things to do. Glancing at the piles of papers on his desk with a mental groan, he quickly fled to face Weir. That would be far easier than all this paperwork.

~o~o~o~

"Are you out of your mind?" Weir asked.

By this point in their working relationship, Sheppard had come to expect that question. "I like to think not," he shot back.

"A few months ago she was a Wraith queen. An imprisoned one, but still a Wraith queen. She's barely been human for more than a few months. We still don't know the long-term effect that has on a Wraith. And Carson, himself, even questioned her mental state after such a conversion."

Sheppard kept his peace, knowing Elizabeth would have to get it out of her system before she would listen to anything he had to say, anyway. After a few more minutes of listening to her side of the argument, he began to lose patience and had to force himself to stay calm. Finally she seemed to run out of things to say. Keeping his expression neutral, he waited until the silence had grown uncomfortable for her. It was a trick his father had taught him that he rarely employed unless he wanted someone's undivided attention.

"What?" Elizabeth finally asked warily, as if expecting an explosion.

"You want to tell me the real reason, now?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Enough with the games. I've been patient because I know you well enough to know that sooner or later, you'll face the truth to yourself. But, since that's not happening, I'll spell it out for you.

"The real reason you don't want Alex being treated like another human being is because to you she is not. What you see every time you look at her is a Wraith that was used as an instrument of torture on me by Kolya. A torture you had to watch, and could nothing about."

Taken aback by this, Weir had opened her mouth to protest twice during his little speech; but she had been too shocked to know what to say. Her cheeks colored slightly as she stared at the hands she now kept folded on the table. Seeing he had gotten through to her, Sheppard sat back and gave her the time she needed to process this.

"You're right. And I'm not usually so irrational," she admitted, still staring at her hands.

After another moment of silence she stood from her desk and paced away a bit. Seeming to have regained some of her composure, she spun back to face John's patient expression.

"Have you really forgiven her?" she asked.

"For what?"

"Be serious, John."

"Really? What is there to forgive? She was being tortured as much as I was, and for a hell of a lot longer. Knowing I wouldn't keep any promises once we were free, she still helped me escape. Then, to top it all off, she gave me back my life; at the expense of her own, I might add. And she still expected me to execute her before we left that planet.

"So, you tell me. What is there for me to forgive?"

Elizabeth let all this sink in. "When you put it like that, it does seem kind of ridiculous."

"The only person in this room that seems to need or want forgiveness is you. Let it go, Elizabeth. There was nothing you could have done other than what you did. You made the right choice, no matter how it had ended."

Weir shot Sheppard a piercing look. Now he was treading on dangerous territory. Squaring her shoulders, she sat back down at her desk.

"Why Major Lorne's team?" she asked.

Feeling they had moved on to safer ground, Sheppard sat forward. "A few reasons, but mostly because it's his choice. I trust his judgment."

"And you're certain she's not a risk?"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"A week ago I would have told you for certain Holmes wasn't a risk. There are no guarantees, Elizabeth. We trust our instincts and get on with it. We can't stop to question every detail, or we'd never get anywhere. We just make the best choice we can and hope for the best. So, no, I can't promise you she won't pose a risk at some point intentionally or inadvertently. But I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, what good is she here? Aside from being an irritation to Rodney, I mean; because that's just fun to watch."

"John…" heaving a sigh she nodded. "Fine. I'll authorize it on a probationary period. It goes without saying that I want regular reports on her performance."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"Why?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"No reason," John tossed back with an impish grin as he jumped up out of the chair and headed out of the office.

She watched for a moment, still wondering at the man who saw right through her, but let everyone go on thinking he was just another gun-wielding flyboy. Staring at the various projects on her desk, Weir decided it was time for lunch. She had some serious thinking to do.


	11. Chapter 11

Beckett's return to consciousness was a violent one. Where most would have let the darkness fade to gray and then to white as they were finally forced to relinquish their dreams to the light, the darkness was pierced by the face of a woman with white hair. At first he didn't know who she was. But that didn't last long. Jerking awake with a full body spasm, Carson looked around in a panic. The world was dull and slow and far away to his vision and hearing. But he was in the familiar surroundings of his infirmary. With terrifying clarity, his last moments of consciousness replayed themselves.

Hearing his cardiac monitor beeping in tune with his rapidly increasing pulse, Carson fought to shake off the effects of whatever drugs they had given him. Pain flared in his arms, chest, and back. His head throbbed in tune with the heart rhythm as it continued to pick up speed. He hadn't even had a chance to work his way upright when the curtain was thrown back.

"Doctor Beckett, stay still. You're in the infirmary," nurse Sheedy said, trying to calm him down. "You're safe."

"I know where I am," he snapped. "Where's Alex?"

"Sir, just relax, I'll get Doctor—"

"I'll not 'just relax'. Tell me—"

"Quit making a fuss, Doctor Beckett. Alex is fine, thanks to you," Doctor Knightley said moving back the curtain.

Hearing this, Carson relaxed slightly. But the careworn, ragged look of Doctor Knightly did nothing to instill confidence.

"Where is she?" Carson asked.

"She's fine. I have her in the third ward under constant observation."

Throwing back the sheet and biting back a curse Beckett said, "I need to see her."

Her obvious irritation finally snapping, Doctor Knightley asked, "Do you trust me?"

Beckett stopped as he turned his piercing blue stare on her. "Of course, I do."

"Am I competent?"

By this point a slight crowd had gathered to peek in and check up on the beloved doctor.

"Don't be silly buggers."

Crossing her arms and glaring at her boss she asked directly, "Then for what reason do you feel the need to attempt to get out of that bed while loaded on dilaudid and having enough stitches to compete with my niece's first rag doll just to see to her care?"

Carson's face went stony. He knew she was right. Without help he was likely to land face-first and tear most of the many sutures. But in his drugged up state, he didn't dare open his mouth where something could slip that he wasn't ready to address yet. He watched as Rebecca's eyes widened slightly as she seemed to see something. She uncrossed her arms and took a quick look around.

Turning to all the staring faces she said, "Don't all have something better to be doing?"

Taking a hint, they all scattered with warm smiles for Carson as they passed. Taking the curtain in hand, Doctor Knightley pulled it all the way around back to the bed so she could get to the door controls. Closing the door so they would have complete privacy, Knightley turned back toward Beckett and crossed her arms again, this time looking more contemplative than confrontational.

"So it's like that, is it?"

"Excuse me?" he asked red-faced, not liking where he thought this was going even in his drugged state.

"Don't play that game with me, Carson," Rebecca said, stepping up to the right side of his bed. "I was there when you met Perna."

"I beg your pardon?" he said dangerously, struggling to sit up.

"I was there after, too," she continued.

"Are you questioning my professionalism?"

"No. But I am questioning your judgment at the moment."

Carson's reddening face went white as the tug of the wound under his left arm froze him in place, not daring to even breathe for a moment.

"Go ahead. Hop on out of that bed. If you can make it all the way to the third ward and into her room, I'll put your bed right next to hers," Rebecca taunted.

"How dare you—" he cut off as another twist of pain ripped through his chest.

Taking a syringe out of her pocket, Doctor Knightley waved it in front of him. "You're a bit overdue. But if you feel well enough to cross the infirmary, I don't see why you'd need this."

"You're a bloody sadist!" he snapped, finally relaxing back into the bed.

She waited a moment to be sure he wasn't going to continue being totally pig headed. Satisfied, she said, "Good. Are you ready to listen, now?"

Carson glared at the ceiling in bitter silence.

"I'll take that as a yes," stepping closer to the bed, she took Carson's hand in her own. "I'm happy for you, Carson. If anyone deserves a little happiness in all we deal with, it's you."

This seemed to startle the stubborn doctor into actually looking at her. Then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm sensing a 'but' here."

"Are you sure she's ready? Emotionally or mentally?"

Sighing, Carson turned his gaze back toward the ceiling. "No. And that's why I've not said anything. You'll not let on, either," he warned.

"I won't. Just be careful, Carson, for both your sakes. I like her. I wouldn't want to see her hurt any more than you."

"Aye."

Taking the syringe back out of her pocket, she reached for his IV, "Now that that's over…"

"Dilaudid?" Carson asked.

Rebecca nodded, unscrewing the cap.

"Don't."

She raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"I need to clear my head. A couple of Vicoden will be enough. You're right. I'm not thinking clearly. What's the damage?"

She glanced to the syringe still in her hand, but respected his wishes. "As I mentioned, you've got enough stitches to make any rag doll proud, but none of the wounds by themselves were life threatening. Mostly deep slashes with a few shallow punctures; so no serious damage. You lost seven pints of blood before we could get the bleeding under control. You have a mild concussion from where he hit you with the knife handle to get you out of the way, I assume, though I haven't seen the video. I had to confirm it with Colonel Sheppard. The one stab wound on your back was shallow due to stopping on the bone." Carson winced as he remembered and didn't need to guess how long that was going to hurt. "And one deeper stab wound under your left arm. Amazingly, it only barely punctured the chest wall. No damage to your lung or arteries."

Taking all this in, he recounted those desperate seconds. In his mind he knew it could not have taken more than a minute. But it seemed like an eternity. Seeing his expression, Rebecca laid a comforting hand on his arm.

"You saved her life, Carson."

Coming back to the present, he focused on Knightley. "You said she was recovering? How?"

"Well, from what I understand, she saved your life, as well. There were just two knife wounds. The minor one was a long, jagged gash on her back. The other entered under her right arm and puncturing her lung and nicking an artery. It was bad, Carson. I don't think anyone else would have survived."

Keeping his peace, Carson waited for the rest.

"As soon as I got here I checked her over and realized the wound in her back showed signs of regeneration. I picked up where you left off. I pumped her full of as much nutrients as I could and just tried to keep her alive. She crashed twice, but she's stable, now."

Rebecca ran a hand through her auburn hair. The dark bags under her eyes seeming all the more prominent. Beckett wondered when the last time was she slept.

"She's in bad shape, Carson. But I believe we're past the worst. She should pull through. There's nothing you can do for her in your condition. I know what I'm doing, thanks to that surprise she gave us the last time. Trust me, and let me take care of her. As soon as she's on her feet, I'll bring her here to see you."

To this Carson grunted. "That's assuming I'm not out of this bed before she's out of hers."

Smiling at his feistiness, Knightley said, "We'll see, then. In the meantime, you can't tell me a couple of Vicoden are going to cut it. You and I both know you're in enough pain to not be able to sleep. You're likely to die of boredom sitting in a bed with nothing to do while in pain. And I won't have you giving orders from your bed. So let me give you this so you can sleep until the worst of the swelling goes down, at least."

Nodding in resignation, Carson relaxed back onto the pillow as she injected the clear liquid into his IV line. The warmth spread throughout his entire body in seconds. Almost before she had the door opened and the curtain pulled, he was sleeping peacefully.

~o~o~o~

The next day started quieter than they had known in a little while. The city almost seemed to be waiting in breathless anticipation for the next wave of events that would send them all scrambling again. Instead, life went on. Sheppard enjoyed his morning run with Ronon, Weir had a peaceful breakfast, and the rest of the city just hummed with low whispers of what had actually taken place.

Some said Alex had gone back to being Wraith and they had her in the prisons again. Other said she tried to murder Beckett, and most definitely did kill Sergeant Holmes. Many still believed she planted the bomb in the mess hall and it just went off too soon. The stories circulated around and around the city growing darker and gorier with each retelling. But no matter which version you heard or believed, Doctor Beckett's pet Wraith was behind it all and the bodies were stacking up.

Overhearing a handful of scientists at the table behind him in the mess hall during the lunch rush, Sheppard was hard-pressed to mind his own business. He wasn't one to typically get into other people's rumor mongering, but this was getting out of hand. In disgust, he finally slammed down his tray and left the mess hall. Heading toward the infirmary, he hoped that the one good rumor he'd heard all day was true. Supposedly Alex was awake. And, to his amazement, Beckett was still in his bed in the infirmary; though that may have more to do with the drugs they pumped into him to keep him quiet.

Hearing voices coming from behind the sheet to Carson's room, Sheppard knocked on the wall beside the curtain.

"Colonel Sheppard," Carson called, an edge of something in his voice that John couldn't place.

"Hiya, Doc," he started, moving aside the sheet.

The three tense faces that greeted him stopped him in his tracks. Beside Carson was a young nurse looking frantic. Carson's pale visage seemed almost desperate. And Knightley's lips had been pressed white.

"You've got perfect timing, Colonel. We've got a problem," Doctor Knightley said, putting a hand on Carson's leg to forestall him.

"What kind of problem?" Sheppard asked hoping it wasn't more hell-bent homicidal psychopaths.

"The Wraith escaped," the nurse said in disgust.

Three sets of eyes bored into the young woman making her visibly cringe, but it was Knightley that spoke in a soft, dangerous voice. "Nurse Yaxley, you're dismissed for the day."

"But—"

"I suggest you leave, now," Beckett said, equally softly.

Sheppard, knowing he had no right to interfere, bit back a few choice words of his own. Once she had marched out red-faced and fiery-eyed, he did, however, say, "You should probably get used to it. There's a lot of it going around." Seeing Carson's furious look, Sheppard raised his hand to stop him. "I'll fill you in later. Right now, what's going on?"

Sighing heavily, Rebecca dry scrubbed her face. Only now did John notice how absolutely exhausted she looked. Her cheeks colored slightly as she said, "I fell asleep at my desk. We've had Alex in a separate ward to keep her away from any prying eyes. She was recovering, more like regenerating, I should say. But she was still in pretty bad shape this morning. I fell asleep working on a report. I couldn't have been asleep more than a few minutes, though. She must have stolen some scrubs and slipped out a side door."

"How long ago?"

Glancing at her watch she estimated, "Maybe fifteen minutes ago."

While listening to this exchange, Carson had subtly been moving his still throbbing limbs and aching body toward the edge of the bed. "Rebecca, give me a hand. We need to find her. She could still go into insulin shock, or worse."

"You think I don't know that?" she snapped. "Get back in that bed. You're not going anywhere. We can find—"

"Like hell I will," Beckett snapped back.

"I leave you two to work it out. I think I've got an idea, though. No need to panic, yet. I'll be right back."

The two watched as Sheppard ducked back out around the curtain and disappeared.

~o~o~o~

Sheppard already knew where he was likely to find her. The only question was which one. Recalling as much of the layout of the nearby corridors as he could, he found himself coming up short. Giving up, he keyed on his mic.

"Colonel Sheppard to Doctor McKay."

"McKay here. What's up, Sheppard?"

"I need you to pull up the blueprints for level five of the main spire."

"Gimme a second. What are you looking for?'

"How many balconies are there and which one is closest to the third ward of the infirmary's hospital wing?"

"Nine balconies. The closest is at the back of the ward. Should be pretty obvious."

"Thanks, McKay. Sheppard out."

Turning back toward the ward, he stepped into the central room. Nothing obvious. Going to the back of the room opposite the door, he did find a set of controls for a door just peeking out from behind a curtain. He heaved a sigh of relief at finding Alex there, as expected, but curled into a little ball of misery. She was clearly sobbing quietly into her arms folded atop her knees. He wasn't sure if she refused to acknowledge him, or if she simply hadn't noticed. Turning around, he scanned the small, empty ward hoping for a way out. Seeing none, he mentally sighed in resignation. Not bringing along Beckett or one of the others was not his brightest move. He had never been good with this kind of touchy-feely stuff. Hoping he didn't drive her into jumping off the balcony, he stepped out and onto the balcony beside her. There he sat with his back to the open door and his legs outstretched and crossed.

"Nice view," he commented. "I usually prefer the ones on the west side of the tower because they have the best sunsets there. But this is nice and quiet."

Alex gave no indication she was listening, but her sobs did seem to slow slightly.

"I imagine this would be a better view of the night sky as the stars and moons are rising. What do you think?"

Alex appeared to somehow fold. Her legs crossed in front of her, she brought her hands up to cover her face folding her skinny arms at the elbow. At least now she was visibly trying to take control of herself. Only now did Sheppard see the full extent of what they had meant by the regeneration taking its toll on her body. She appeared little more than skin and bones covered in pale yellow scrubs.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" he finally asked as her sobs were reduced to deep breaths.

Again she gave no indication of responding. Irritated now, John said, "Come on. I get it. You wanted to come out here and have a good cry. Can't say I blame you after all that. But you scared probably ten years off Doctor Knightley's life disappearing like that. And Carson's about to tear the place apart."

Finally pulling her hands away, Alex said, "It's Carson. She won't let me see him. She says he's okay, but I don't believe her. I saw what Sergeant Holmes did to him…"

"Has she given you any reason not to believe her?" John asked.

"No," she said, staring at her hands in her lap. "But there was so much blood."

"Do you trust me?"

She nodded, her face scrunched in pain and still not able to face him.

"Then believe me when I say, he's going to be fine. He's gonna have some battle scars to show off to the ladies. But he's a real hero now, scars and all."

She nodded, her entire being still screaming misery.

"What? There's more?" he said, clearly not happy at the prospect.

"How many died?"

"Look, it's not—"

"How many?" she asked more forcefully, still staring at her boney hands in her lap.

"Seven, including Holmes."

Again her face crumpled in misery. "I shouldn't have come. You should have—"

"Whoa, wait a minute," he said, gripping her boney shoulder gently. "We had a deal, and I don't go back on my word. More importantly, this wasn't your fault. Belby and Holmes were a couple of crazies in desperate need of some nice, relaxing hobbies. Heightmeyer must be slipping to have missed that."

She seemed to let this sink in. "Carson's really going to be okay?"

"Yes. He was pitching a fit about your disappearance, last I saw. I think he was about to get himself out of that bed. And I'm not exaggerating when I say he'll take this place apart. He's really obsessive about his patients."

Again Alex seemed to fold in on herself. The tears started again, too, as she hid her face behind her hands. Sighing to himself, he did the only thing he could think of. Hesitantly he put an arm around her back and pulled her closer. Her whole body shuddered with her sobs. She was as pathetic a sight as he'd ever seen. Strangely, this only wanted to make him hold on that much more. At first she seemed to resist, but in a heartbeat, she was burying herself against his side, taking in the comfort he offered. Mentally he cringed at this trying not to think about the tears and snot she was going to get on his shirt. Sheppard forced himself to kept still.

Carson, you so owe me one for this, he thought to himself.

Again she seemed to gradually bring herself back under control. With a growl Alex scrubbed at her face.

"How do you put up with this?"

"Put up with what?" Sheppard asked, confused.

"I feel so much. It's all so strong. And every time I think about Carson and…" she took a deep breath, "I just…get overwhelmed."

"Ah, that. Well, that happens to people when they fall in love," John told her casually, waiting to see the reaction.

Alex's whole body twitched with that revelation and her eyes went wide. "Is that what's happening to me?" she asked in a shocked whisper with John's arm still around her.

"That's what it looks like. But I'm no expert, mind you. You might be better off to ask Heightmeyer about that stuff."

"What about Carson?"

"Him? Yeah, you could ask him. As a matter of fact, that might be a really good idea, considering it seems he's the one you're falling in love with."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know," he said. "I'm just not very good at this kind of thing. But I still say you should talk to him. You never know, he might just feel the same way."

Why he didn't just come out and tell her, he would never know. But this had dragged on long enough. Aside from his bottom being sore from the solid, cold metal underneath, he wasn't about to play matchmaker. They would just have to figure it out on their own. She seemed to go quiet, after this. But he could tell she was still awake by her breathing.

"You're right," she said softly. "It is a nice view."

"Yep, I'll have to remember this spot."

"Thank you."

"For what? Barging in on you to drag you back into the confines of the infirmary?"

"I should go back. Doctor Knightley is not going to be pleased."

"Nope," Sheppard agreed maneuvering to his feet.

He reached down to help Alex only to see her trembling from head to foot, weak as a newborn kitten. With a sigh, he hefted her scrawny form into his arms and turned back toward the ward. Though surprised, Alex didn't resist. Almost as soon as he turned around, he found himself staring down Carson's stony expression.

"I told ya not to worry, Doc. When in doubt, check a balcony."

"Carson," Alex said, smiling brightly from her position in Sheppard's arms.

"Come on, Alex. Let's get you back into bed," he replied wearily.

Leaning heavily on a cane, Carson led the way back to Alex's bed. Sheppard gently set her back in it just as Knightley came around the corner.

"What are you doing, Carson?" she said, her face a thundercloud. "I thought you had enough sense—Alex!"

Alex bowed her head, obviously expecting the worst. Knightly just rushed over and started reattaching her to all the equipment. For a moment, Carson just watched before turning to make his way slowly back toward his ward. Surprised by this, Sheppard followed.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Sheppard asked, "What gives? Aren't you going to at least talk to her?"

"Aye," Carson said, his expression neutral. "But first I have some questions. I saw you two out there."

"I could have used some backup."

"If I'm not mistaken, that's the last thing Alex needed."

"What?"

"How is she?"

"Emotionally, she's a wreck. You saw her."

"Aye, but I didn't hear anything," Carson admitted. His blue eyes grew distant as he seemed to consider something. "Fragile, would you say?"

"Confused, is more like it," John supplied. "She's still getting used to human emotions and a lot just fell into her lap. Aside from the obvious guilt over the deaths, she's been dealing with a few other things we weren't aware of, until recently. There's the overall feeling of hostility around the city about her, which she probably isn't ignoring as well as we all would like to believe. And, of course, there's you."

"Me?"

Glancing around to make sure no one was within earshot, and still lowering his voice to a whisper, John's green eyes bored into Carson's blue ones so there would be no misunderstanding in what he said next. "Look, Doc. I know you would fight like that no matter who the patient was. But I saw her do the same when you were down."

Carson's cheeks colored, but he kept his peace.

"I've seen it, Carson," John said, eyes still locked. "She's thinks she's falling in love with you. And I see nothing wrong with it. That's going to be between you two. But, she's really confused and running without a direction right now."

Carson whispered fiercely, "You think I don't know that? Just what kind of—"

"I don't," John cut him off. "But I don't want to see either of you hurt."

Standing back and raising his voice back to normal, Sheppard crossed his arms and rocked on his heels with a grin. "Besides, there's some good news coming, now that she's awake. Just give it a day or two, you'll see."

Carson's blue eyes seemed to want to pierce right through to the back of Sheppard's head. Finally his tensed expression released. He nodded with a sigh. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Oh, and you should probably get off that leg. That looks painful."

"Why thank you, Doctor Sheppard. I would never have considered that."

With a lopsided grin, Sheppard waved toward Alex who had been watching them both closely, it would seem, and then headed out of the infirmary.

~o~o~o~

The moment Carson had managed to get Doctor Knightley out of his room, he was struggling to his feet. The throbbing all over his body had overshadowed the one in his knee. This newly recognized dull pain turned into a sharp pain as he planted his feet on the floor. Removing the IV and other equipment, he limped out of the room. Spying a nurse, he waved to her and requested a cane. There was no way he was going to be able to deal with a wheelchair, and he had no intention of letting Knightley know he had escaped.

After a few woozy moments on his unsteady feet, Carson made his way across the infirmary to the third ward. He already knew where Alex would be. It had only taken him a few minutes to consider the options available to her before realizing there really was only one place she could have gone in her condition. Ignoring the looks of everyone else present in the infirmary, he slowly made his way to the entrance of the ward. Every inch of his body felt as if it were on fire and throbbing. Every suture screamed in protest at his movements. Sweating slightly from the pain an exertion, he made his way through the doors. Directly across from him at the back of the ward, he saw the balcony door open. Making his way around the nurses' station, he caught sight of someone and almost called out.

As he watched, the larger figure reached over and wrapped an arm around the smaller figure. Already knowing he was seeing Sheppard and Alex, Carson bit down on what he'd been about to say. Too far away to hear, he leaned against the empty nurses' station and watched. Seeing her cuddling up to Sheppard had him chewing his lip to stave off what he knew to be a totally irrational spike of jealousy. But, nonetheless, it was there. The whole reason he hadn't told anyone where to find her once he realized it himself was because he wanted to be where Colonel Sheppard was at now.

Shoving these thoughts and feelings down, he watched, but kept far enough back not to hear. Sooner or later Sheppard would bring her back in. For now, he needed a rest. Fetching one of the chairs from behind the counter, he bit back a groan as he lowered his grateful body into it. Folding his hands on the handle of the cane, he leaned forward to rest his forehead atop them. The throbbing that resounded throughout his entire body was now matched by a pulsing behind his eyelids. Feeling lethargic, he let his thoughts go where they would.

Recalling his conversation with Rebecca, Carson quietly cursed himself. Of all the damn things to happen, it had to be that. Not since Perna had he met another woman that even caught his eye briefly. He still kept a picture of Perna in his rarely-used quarters. He knew one day the pain would fade, and he might meet someone else. But knowing and feeling were two different things. His heart screamed to be with Alex. But his mind knew that to do so now would jeopardize her continued development as a human, let alone any chance of a relationship they might ever have.

Besides, he still didn't know how she felt. He had no right to even hint at his feelings for her when she was likely so new to all of this and obviously fragile. Any indication he gave to her might be suggestive and make her feel obligated to reciprocate, or worse. Brining his head back up, Carson contemplated the two silhouetted figures outlined by the daylight beyond the balcony. Tamping down another spike of jealousy, he took a good long look. No, letting on to Alex that he wanted more than to just be her friend and doctor was wrong. Though she appeared as a woman, in many ways, she was still a child.

But could he keep his own feelings in check?

Growling to himself, Beckett toyed with the idea of a transfer back to Earth. Which, of course, he immediately rejected. Before he had time to think up other options, he saw Sheppard rise to his feet and help Alex up into his arms. Forcing his protesting body up and out of the chair. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he'd been there for a while. Though surprised, Sheppard didn't seem the least bit concerned about anything that may have been overheard.

Good, Carson thought. At least it's not…that.

Silently Carson brutally crushed the seemingly never ending spikes of jealousy and cursed himself. Maybe it was time for a transfer…

~o~o~o~

Alex knew almost without looking up that Doctor Knightley was furious. She kept her head down and complied as the woman reconnected her to all the necessary equipment. To her surprise, Knightly laid a hand gently on her shoulder comfortingly.

"Carson's going to be okay. See?"

Alex glanced back to where Carson and John were speaking before nodding.

"Good. Now, you've got some recovering to do, and I expect you to stay in this bed until I say you can leave. Understand?"

Again she nodded mutely.

Eyeing her for a moment longer, Knightley's brown eyes softened. "Hasn't Doctor Heightmeyer told you that such emotional outbursts are normal?"

Alex nodded again, her cheeks coloring slightly. She still felt foolish. "Yes."

"Then why did you run?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Knightley said. "Remember, you have friends. And that's what friends do. They talk to each other, help each other when we're upset."

"I'm sorry. It's just…so much right now."

"I know it is. But you're strong. You'll be fine," she assured before turning back to make sure all the equipment was working properly.

Obviously finished with their little chat, Alex watched as John left and Carson turned toward her. Where before there had been uncontrollable tears, now there was a warmth and brightness at the sight of him. She could not repress a smile as he approached. Carson, apparently felt the same. He could not help the smile he felt on his own features at seeing Alex safely back into her bed. Not needing a hint, Rebecca nodded that everything was fine and then left the ward.

"Does it hurt much?" Alex asked, seeing all the numerous bandages.

Looking down, Carson just now realized he was still in the blue scrubs he had escaped in. Oh how he hated what those drugs did to his mind. Glancing back up, he quirked a grin. Instead of answering he asked, "Do I really look all that bad?"

Her eyes glistening, Alex nodded.

Carson lowered himself into the chair formerly occupied by Doctor Knightley. "Well, you're not looking so peachy yourself," he tossed back, with a grin to show he wasn't too serious.

Glancing down at her boney hands and arms, Alex just now began to realize how much she had lost.

"Aye, lass, you've lost a lot of weight. When we couldn't keep your body properly supplied with enough energy and nutrients, it essentially started to consume itself. This is what I had worried about, initially, with the original formula. But if you were to have any chance of surviving your injuries, I had to go back."

"No, no, it's fine. I just didn't realize…How bad was it?"

A shadow of pain twisted Carson's features for a moment. Giving in to his weakness, he took her boney hand in both of his. "It's over now, love. You're going to be fine."

"What happened? I don't understand."

Sighing heavily, Carson focused for a moment on her icy hand in both of his warm ones. "No one really understands these things," he started hesitantly. "You understand that humans hate Wraith?"

"Of course, and rightly so."

"Some still see you as Wraith, not human."

"And they don't like that." It was not a question.

Carson nodded sadly. "Doctor Belby and Sergeant Holmes were more than just a little blind to your transformation. They wanted revenge."

"For what I did to John?"

"No, not at all. Don't worry yourself about that. They were out for revenge of a kind that only makes sense in the minds of those who are possessed by such madness."

Alex sat quietly for a moment, considering this. "What about the others? So many hate me, still call me 'pet Wraith'. Is there any hope of ever changing that?"

Sighing deeply, Carson put her hand to his forehead for a moment and he leaned down. "I'm sorry," he said bringing his head back up. "I don't know. Humans, by our suspicious nature, hate and fear what we don't know. And once that hate is started, it can take a lot to convince anyone otherwise. And, sometimes, it never changes.

"On our own planet, there are many different ethnic groups. As a result there are wars fought over religions, instead of just land. Riots and murders caused by those who hate others of a certain gender or sexual preference. People oppressed and enslaved for no better reason than the color of their skin."

This whole time he had spoken while staring at her delicate hand in both of his. Now he brought his sad blue eyes up to meet her intense and curious ones. "But there are also many millions, possibly even billions of people on the same planet who believe we are all just human, and the rest doesn't matter. They embrace diversity and culture. "

"Billions? All on one planet?" she said, awed.

"Yes."

"Here they are spread throughout the galaxy, and I would not estimate them to be more than millions. Though, Wraith number in the billions," she added bitterly.

Carson just squeezed her hand gently and continued. "Most of the people in Atlantis are those who embrace diversity. There are people here from just about every ethnic group, every nationality, and every religion. And we all coexist. But also, there isn't a single person on Atlantis that hasn't lost a loved one or friend to a Wraith at some point in the almost four years we've been here."

"And that is why they hate me."

"Some. For others it's just a matter of not knowing what to make of you since your change. There is little you can do except be who you are. Let them see you as human, and not Wraith. And maybe things will change."

Alex huffed a dark laugh. "And who am I?"

Frowning Beckett didn't get a chance to answer as boots came around the corner.

"Am I interrupting?" Major Lorne asked.

Carson, sitting up a bit straighter, waved the Major closer. "Not at all, Major Lorne. See for yourself, she's well on the mend."

Lorne smiled warmly. "So I see. You ready to get out of this bed, yet? Or is Beckett, here, keeping you chained down?"

"Chained down? I'll have you know I reserve the chains only for the likes of Colonel Sheppard and Ronon."

The mental image of Ronon chained to a bed made Alex giggle. That behemoth would take more than a few chains to hold down.

"Looks like someone should have used them on you, Doc," Lorne quipped.

"Did you just come here to question my bedside manner or was there something I could help you with, Major?" Carson said, in mock offense.

"Actually, I'm here to see Alex," he told them. "But you can stay. Word will get around soon enough, anyway."

"Oh?" Carson asked, curiously.

"Well, you certainly don't look up to your usual fit shape," Lorne commented somewhat seriously eyeing Alex. "But Doctor Knightley says you'll be back to normal in a few days, if all goes well."

Carson nodded in agreement to the silent question.

"Yes, that's what she says," Alex said. "Why?"

"Remember what I said in the mess hall?"

Alex's white brows furrowed together as she tried to recall through the fog of shock and pain what exactly had happened. She just remembered the Major's gentle voice and soft touch urging her to do…something.

"I'm sorry, I don't," she finally said.

"No problem," he told her, stepping up to the end of her bed and leaning on it slightly. "I promised that if you stayed awake—stayed alive—until Beckett and his team could get to us, I would give you a chance to do more than sit around with a laptop all day and night. And I meant it."

Alex's eyes widened and her face lit up as understanding began to dawn, but she kept her silence.

"Welcome to my team, Alex," Lorne said warmly with a smile.

"Thank you!" Alex said, breathlessly.

Lorne chuckled. "You may not be so thankful when we're sleeping in swamps and running from locals, but you're welcome. Once you're back on your feet, let me know. We've got some training to do to get you ready before you can go off world."

"I will," she said, excitedly.

"Good. In the meantime, get some rest. And convince this guy he needs to be back in a bed," Lorne tossed over his shoulder good-naturedly.

Carson had kept his peace while this exchange had taken place. To say he was surprised was an understatement. He had mixed feelings, without a doubt. He didn't like the idea of what could happen with her out in the field. He had watched numerous other friends leave through the gate and never return. Part of being the chief medical officer in a community such as Atlantis, was that sometimes the doctor and the friend were one and the same.

"You're not happy about this," Alex commented, her excitement dampened somewhat.

Coming back to himself, Carson smiled warmly. "I'm sorry, love. I am happy for you. I believe the Major is right, though. I should be making my way back to a bed."

"Thank you, Carson. For everything."

Carson just squeezed her hand one more time before painfully pulling himself back to a standing position and leaning heavily on the cane as she shuffled out of the ward.


	12. Chapter 12

Two days later and feeling much improved himself, Doctor Beckett returned to the infirmary for Alex's release. She was practically bouncing with excitement as she tried to wait patiently to be disconnected from all the equipment. Finally Carson and Rebecca finished and she pecked Carson on the cheek as she all but ran out of the infirmary. Stunned by this, Carson's face was a classic study in surprise. Turning back around, he caught Rebecca failing miserably at hiding a grin.

"Well, we have your answer, at least."

Carson glared darkly. "It means nothing."

Knowing she was on dangerous footing, Doctor Knightley let it go.

Since Major Lorne was busy in a meeting with Colonel Sheppard when she first got out, Alex wondered the city for a little bit feeling weird without her guards. Eventually she made her way to a practice room and worked out some of her fidgetiness. After a shower, she figured a quick lunch and then she'd have the rest of the day for Lorne to get her started on whatever she was going to need to know for off-world missions. Still practically bouncing with excitement, she headed into the mess hall. As ever, the voices either stopped as they turned to stare at her, or dropped to little more than a whisper. And, as ever, she ignored them. She hoped that with her change in status given by Doctor Weir, Colonel Sheppard, and Major Lorne, she might one day cause no more of a stir than anyone else when entering the mess hall.

Her tray in hand, Alex turned to find a seat. No way was she going to hide in her quarters anymore. Seeing an open seat near the back at a table with only a couple people, she started to weave her way through the crowds. It was bad enough that they would back away from her whenever she got close. But now, when she approached a table, they all picked up their trays and moved elsewhere. After three tables of this, Alex felt something bubbling up that was more than familiar to her even as a Wraith.

Turning around to take in all the staring eyes, she asked, "What? You've never seen a person eat before? Or is that that you're all so afraid of one little woman you can't handle being near me?"

"Did you bring a bomb?" a voice called out of the crowds.

All eyes on her, Alex gave a disgusted groan, she put down the tray at the table she was standing beside that was almost dead-center of the rows and rows of tables. She glared defiantly at those who had abandoned it. When no one else moved or spoke, Alex took to eating and to hell with everyone else.

Sitting quietly near the front, Weir watched the whole incident. She had to admit, she was more than curious how Alex would handle such rough social encounters. Seeing the woman's reaction almost made her want to applaud and join her. Almost.

She never did find out who threw the first piece of food, but the scene that unfolded was something she had never, ever thought she would have to break up while living in the ancient city of Atlantis. After the first bit of edible ammunition was thrown, several others joined in. Alex was pelted on all sides with food of every kind, hot and cold. Even as Weir was standing up to take control of the situation, someone grabbed an entire serving tray of hot gravy off the table next to them and slung it at Alex, managing to lightly splatter several humans as well as coating Alex from head to foot in scalding liquid. The only thing that likely saved the poor woman from permanent damage to her eyes or face was the fact that she already had her arms up to defend against the other food still being thrown at her.

Alex's scream of pain pierced the eardrums of every person in the room. Weir's voice went entirely unheard as she ran right up to Alex and began to strip off her jacket and wipe off as much of the scalding liquid as she could. Seeing Doctor Weir, everyone scattered. Alex bit back further screams as Weir's removal of some of the gravy soaked clothes took a layer of skin with it. Horrified, Weir called for a medical team. Looking around, there wasn't a person left in the mess hall. Her soul burned in fury. Seconds after the medical team arrived and she had explained the incident, she stormed to her office calling for Rodney and Sheppard on the radio. The mess hall was to be sealed off and untouched until further notice.

Minutes later the two met Elizabeth in her office. Her fury was visible in every inch of her being. It was a wonder to them that she did not start screaming like a banshee as she described what happened and what she needed. Sheppard himself wound up crossing his arms and pacing out onto the nearby balcony to control his rage. Rodney, keeping his expression utterly neutral, even seemed disturbed by this incident.

Within minutes of pulling up the footage of the cameras available in the mess hall they were all three watching and compiling a list of those involved. Weir didn't care if it was a cup of water, a leaf of lettuce, or something more. Every single person caught throwing anything was to be named immediately. Once they compiled a list as thorough as possible, Weir took it and Sheppard and headed to the infirmary.

There a red-faced, blazing-eyed Carson caught them as they were entering. He opened his mouth looking like he was about to tear into someone when he caught the fury in Weir's expression; and anyone that knew Weir, knew that was terrifying enough to silence anyone.

"How is she, Carson?" she asked; there was no need to specify who.

Visibly taking ahold of himself, Carson said, "She'll be fine in a day; three at the most. Her glucose dropped until she had a seizure. I think we can keep it up high enough that she won't lose much weight or muscle mass. She still hasn't completely switched to the new Wraith Retrovirus formula, so she's regenerating, but slowly." He paused, running his hands through his hair in abject frustration. "She's going to be in a lot of pain for at least the next twenty-four to thirty-six hours. And nothing I give her will work while her body's regenerating. I had tried that the last time."

For a moment, they all let this grim news settle in. In the silence, muffled screams from a nearby ward could be heard, making Carson flinch. Then his blue eyes took on a cold glare that made Sheppard and Weir concerned.

"You find who did this, Elizabeth. You find them, and put them away where I can't find them. Understand?"

"We will, Doc," Sheppard replied, his own expression just short of murderous.

"Good."

"Carson, I need a favor. May I have some pictures of the damage done to her? I'm going to need them for evidence in the criminal trial and something else."

"Aye, anything to help get that bastard out of this city and into a cage where he belongs."

"Thank you, Carson."

~o~o~o~

A couple hours later, several pictures of Alex's peeled-away skin and horrendous blisters were hanging from every wall of the mess hall. That's when she had them all brought in. Every single man and woman involved that she could identify now stood in a nervous group to one side of the mess hall. Weir entered, her expression still dangerously furious.

"Look at them," she demanded. "See what it looks like to have your skin scalded right off. Think of the pain. Every single one of you participated in the events that led to that. Every single one of you is being charged assault at the least, and possibly accessory to murder, depending on whether or not she survives," she told them, feeling no remorse at such an exaggeration.

"Now look at each other. I'm sure I've got most of you here who were involved. I will give you one chance, and one chance only, to gain any kind of leniency. If you see someone missing in this crowd, tell me now who they are and I will speak on your behalf at the trial, once I have confirmed their involvement with the security video footage."

They all looked around, as if trying to find someone so they could save their own skins. Three or four jumped forward with hands raised or just called out names. Within minutes the twenty-two people she had already had grown to thirty-seven.

"Is there anyone else? This is your last chance," she called out.

After a few more seconds of silence, Weir moved on; Colonel Sheppard still standing dangerously silent behind her.

"I hope you all have had a chance to let these pictures sink in. As we speak, Alex is in the infirmary missing nearly twenty percent of the top layer of her skin. Another fifteen percent is blistered into what you see here and peeling away rapidly. Doctor Beckett and a team of burn professionals are having to peel and scrub away the rest so that what is underneath can grow back healthy. And, unlike each and every one of you, pain killers do not work on her. She must suffer this entirely without relief.

"Imagine that? Think of the last time you burn your fingers on a hot plate or a hot cup. Then picture more than thirty percent of your body burning like that with no relief."

"But she's a Wraith! She'll just regenerate. So what does it matter?"

"Wraith?" Doctor Weir asked in a dangerous tone. "Does that look like the clammy green and yellow skin of a Wraith?! She is human! And, obviously, more human than all of you. Yes, she will regenerate, at a pace faster than yours but far slower than a Wraith. For the next twenty-four to seventy-two hours her suffering will be inconceivable to you all."

For a moment she sat silent.

"She's a Wraith. She's 'Carson's pet Wraith'. Am I to assume that's what led to this? Is that why you oust her? Or is there something you're not telling me?"

No one spoke or moved.

"Very well, then. Captain Mendoza, please step forward."

For a moment, fear flashed across Mendoza's face as he glanced toward Colonel Sheppard. Then his face turned into obvious anger and defiance as he did as requested. Now it was Sheppard's turn.

"Captain Mendoza, you are under arrest on charges of attempted murder. You—"

"Like hell I am!" he shouted, taking a swing at Sheppard.

Almost glad for the opportunity, Sheppard grabbed the fisted arm twisted, pulled, and ducked. The sound of Mendoza's back hitting the ground was echoed by the sound of his skull. Not quite unconscious, Mendoza shook his head trying to bring Sheppard into focus. Sheppard maintained a grip on Mendoza's twisted arm that was just a hair shy of tearing tendons and breaking bones.

"As I was saying, you are under arrest for attempted murder. You will be detained in the Atlantis prisons. You are to be returned to Earth for a military trial. And I hope to God they discharge your ass dishonorably, at the very least.

"Now, are you going to play nicely or do I need to knock you out before I send you off to your new quarters?"

"She's not human. You're just hot on her. That's why you're protecting her. You want to bang that piece of—"

Sheppard twisted the arm just a bit more with a smile, making Mendoza bite off his words and a scream. "So, you're not going to play nice, then. I was hoping you'd say that."

With his unoccupied hand, Sheppard pulled out a pair of handcuffs. He flipped the man over roughly with a boot to the ribs to cuff him. Nodding to two others waiting nearby he released Mendoza to their custody.

"Cell nine, if you would be so kind, gentleman," Doctor Weir called, giving a satisfied smile.

Sheppard gave a grin of his own realizing that that had been Alex's cell.

"Now, for the rest of you," Weir called to them. "You will start by cleaning every inch of this mess hall. If you're going to act like children, I'm going to treat you like children. Once you've cleaned up this mess, you will all return to your quarters. You are to remain on lockdown in your quarters until further notice."

The groans and angry mutters did little to improve Weir's already strained control.

"Do you all have a problem with this?" she asked in a dangerously cold voice.

"It was just a food fight!" one woman called out.

"Doctor Foreman, correct?" Elizabeth asked.

The blond woman stepped up. "Yes."

"Do you have more to say?"

"Yeah, it was just a bloody food fight. One person made it more. One person. Not all of us."

Weir nodded, seeming to accept that. "Very well. Then if it was just a food fight, why was there only one target?"

"Oh come on, you're making too much of this," yet another person spoke up near the back. "It was just food."

"Just food," Weir repeated musingly. "Just one target. Just one man. It was just all of you against one person. It was just an open attack on a woman who has done nothing to wrong any of you. It was just a disgusting display of human behavior.

"You may not want to accept it, but Alex is human. She has done nothing but be helpful since she got here. She's helped Doctor McKay get months ahead on his research into Wraith tech. She's helped Doctor Beckett's research by leaps and bounds, just by volunteering herself as a test subject. She's helped us to understand more about Wraith society in a few months than we would have ever learned in years of study.

"Alex suffered a transition from Wraith to human so horrifying you can't begin to imagine it. Her internal organs liquefied. Her exterior flesh shed itself in sickening globs. Her hair was lost along with her entire scalp. She suffered for days feeling as if she was burning from the inside-out, screaming in agony. And everything she has suffered was because she wanted to be human. To be like you. And I'm almost ashamed on her behalf after today.

"But, no. To you she's not even human. Do you all agree?"

Most of them looked at one another, but a few nodded their heads vigorously.

"And do you all agree that I'm making too much of the situation? That Mendoza is the only one that did anything truly wrong?"

To this everyone nodded enthusiastically.

"And yet not a one of you tried to stop him, even the ones who turned to watch him pick up the gravy tray. Not a one of you came over to help Alex. Not a one of you called a medical team to assist."

"You had it under control," one guy called out. "You didn't need us."

"Do you all agree?"

Again, they all nodded.

"So, instead of helping, you decided to save your own asses. Yes, you all are absolutely right. It's not right for me to make you clean up this mess and confine you to your quarters like children. You are all adults. You are thinking, reasoning, intelligent adults. You all knew exactly what you were doing and that it was wrong."

Weir paused, glancing to Sheppard. She had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but she needed to make an example. She had hoped they would take their punishment quietly and that would be the end of it. Colonel Sheppard nodded once in the affirmative. Weir turned back to the crowd.

"Very well, then. I am charging each one of you with assault. You will all be sent to the prisons where you will remain until the Daedalus returns. Then you will be transferred to the brigs on that ship and returned to Earth. You careers on Atlantis and in Stargate Command are over."

The roar of outrage at this made Sheppard and Weir glad they had brought backup. Sheppard pulled Weir back by her arm as he spoke into his radio. A half a second later more than sixty armed Marines flooded the mess hall. Within seconds the situation was under control as no one wanted to get shot over this. Sheppard and Weir watched grimly as each little group was led away to the prisons.

~o~o~o~

Meanwhile, in the hospital wards of the infirmary, Alex's screams could be heart in every corner. Doctor Knightley and Carson worked to remove the dead and damaged skin as gently as they could. But there was no position that would relieve the pain, for Alex. Even the air hurt on her scalded flesh. Carson had tried every painkiller and sedative he had with no visible results. Finally Carson did the only thing he could that might have any chance of relieving her pain even just a little. He brought out the tank. The tank was little more than an oversized glass tub seven feet long and two feet deep. He filled it with cool water and a variety of oils from plants all over the Pegasus Galaxy that had been known to relieve pain on the skin.

Carson's lips were a thin line of white as they helped Alex over to the tub.

"There's a good lass," Carson whispered in her ear. "You can do this."

Every inch of Alex's body was trembling. Her screams had lessened to exhausted sobs. She kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut as they led her to the tank and then carefully started to lower her into it. At first contact on her damaged skin, Alex flinched and screamed again. Carson very nearly yanked her back out of it, but he knew this was their only chance to relieve her suffering even a little. Forcing the voice in the back of his head to silence, he instead took Alex's weight completely from Doctor Knightley and pushed the suffering woman down into the tank. He held her torso down with one hand while using his other to keep her head above the level of the water.

At first the shock had Alex screaming and thrashing weakly. But, after a few seconds, the cold water and numerous oils began to take effect. Her thrashing slowed and her screaming again diminished to sobbing cries. Still standing with his feet in the tank on either side of Alex crouching until his muscles trembled in that uncomfortable position, Carson watched as her body began to relax.

"That's it, love. Just relax," he coaxed. "It'll start to feel better, soon."

Alex gave no indication that she understood, but Carson nodded to Rebecca to bring the prop they had designed to hold up her head. Carefully he slipped it under her head and set it down. Not for the first time he thanked God that her arms had already been up to protect that beautiful, innocent face. He accepted Doctor Knightley's hand to help him balance as he stepped out of the tank. Alex's trembling continued, but her sobs were slowing and weakening. There was still no indication of awareness or consciousness, but Carson had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that she was aware of everything.

Stepping over to a chair, Beckett collapsed into it surprised to find himself trembling. Rebecca squeezed his shoulder gently, but kept her peace.

"I'll tell Colonel Sheppard to come back later," she whispered.

Suddenly recalling that at some point in the last few minutes while they were trying to get Alex in the tank, Sheppard had showed up and barged right into the ward that was reserved just for Alex at this point in time. Seeing what was happening, Sheppard stepped back to the doorway and stood silent through the whole ordeal. His expression had been one of mixed pain and fury at the sight of her suffering. Seeing Carson trembling in the chair beside the tank, he waited for the man to collect himself.

"No, thank you. That's quite alright. I could use some good news right about now. And that better be what he has, or someone is not sleeping safe tonight," he replied, scrubbing his face with his hand.

Again she squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

"Come on over, Colonel," he called, sitting up as Rebecca walked away.

He wasn't sure about his legs, yet. So he waved at another chair for Sheppard who swung it around and straddled it.

"How is she?" Sheppard asked staring down at the tank.

Carson was relieved to see her trembling slowing though her breathing was still very fast. He would have to get another IV with glucose going soon.

"I think you can see for yourself," Carson said sadly. "This is the best I can do for the pain. But the amount of damage combined with the second formula…it could be two, maybe three, days."

Sheppard bit his lip as he nodded. "You said something about good news. You ready for it?"

"Yes, because if you heard the rest of it, you might want to keep me under lock otherwise."

Sheppard flashed a slight grin at what he hoped was a joke, because the doctor's expression and eyes said it most definitely was not.

"Then you don't need to worry. It was Captain Mendoza that threw the gravy. He's under arrest for attempted murder, for the time being. He's going to stand a military trial, and hopefully, be in prison for a while. Worst case scenario the charge is reduced to assault on an unarmed civilian and he's still going to be discharged and possibly imprisoned."

"Good," Beckett said, his expression filled with fiery rage.

"There's more."

"Well don't keep me in suspense, Colonel," he prompted tiredly, grimacing slightly as he realized some of his sutures had probably torn getting Alex settled into the tank.

"This one is split down the middle. Some good, some bad. Which do you want first?"

He was still frowning, but his expression was much softer by comparison; in the same way granite is softer than diamond. "Bad."

"You're going to lose three doctors and two nurses."

"What? Who? Were they involved in this?"

"You could say that. I'm sure you caught on to the gravy, but the rest of it was a bombardment of lunch items hurled at Alex. From what Elizabeth says, Alex was going to grab lunch before meeting up with Major Lorne. When she tried to find a seat, entire tables of people abandoned their table to get away from her. So she spouted off something and sat down to eat. That's when they started throwing food at her."

Carson's eyes were blazing, "Pardon my French, Colonel, but that's a damned scunner. Those bampots! Ye should lock up the whole lot of those roasters."

Not understanding half of what Carson just said as his accent thickened in his fury, he at least nodded. In some things, no interpretation was needed. Sheppard felt exactly the same.

"That's where the good news comes in," Sheppard said, breaking into Carson's seemingly endless tirade of curses.

"And how is finding out that five people on my staff being involved in something like that is good news?"

"Because, as I said, you'll be losing them. Along with many other departments around Atlantis. They didn't want to accept having to clean up and endure a couple of days of house arrest, so Elizabeth is having them all charged with assault and deported back to Earth on the Daedalus next month. Until then, they're just going to have to learn to enjoy their five-star accommodations in the prisons."

At first Carson's angry expression turned to consideration before he just seemed to deflate. "Is it really going to accomplish anything, though?"

"That's what we're hoping," Sheppard said, all seriousness. "I didn't like the idea of a slap on the wrist in the first place. But she was right; treat them like children. Make them very visible examples of what bad behavior around here can earn. But, she was willing to entertain my idea of sending them all back to Earth with assault charges. We tried it her way, and they argued. Be glad you weren't there, Carson. I wanted to crack heads listening to them. I'm not kidding, they were just like a bunch of kids.

"In any case, now they're going to be very invisible examples of what can happen when you act like a fucktard, pardon my French," he said with a smirk. Even Carson quirked a grin at this. "So, we'll be making a few announcements to department heads and sending names around. Let their friends say goodbye and see what happens."

"And I expect some may want to leave Atlantis before all is said and done," Elizabeth added approaching from the door.

Weir's eyes were locked on Alex's as she stared up with her intense blue eyes.

"Alex!" Carson said, practically falling out of his chair to kneel next to the tank. "Don't move, lass. I've got you in a tank with herbs and cool water that will help with the pain."

"I know," she said softly. Then her eyes turned back to Weir, "Thank you."

"For what?" Weir asked, squatting down next to the tank.

"For helping me," she said before her eyes squeezed shut briefly in pain again. "I'm sorry."

Elizabeth's expression hardened. "Let's get one thing straight, Alex. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. They owe you an apology; every one of them. And so do I. I had no idea things had gotten so bad. No one should have to put up with that. No one. Humans have not entirely outgrown racial prejudice and hatred, but I had thought this group, hand-picked for the Atlantis expedition, were at least beyond that. I'm sorry.

"And I'm sorry I didn't say this sooner, either. Welcome to Atlantis. I look forward to having you on our team."

Alex's eyes filled with tears and her entire face trembled. "Thank you," she whispered.

"See?" Sheppard piped up over Weir's shoulder as he gripped it gently. "She's not so mean once you get to know her."

Weir threw an annoyed look over her shoulder before turning back to Alex. "Once Carson has you back on your feet, you're to report to Major Lorne for your training."

"Thank you," she whispered again, as tears continued to roll silently down the sides of her head.

"Just rest, and get better."

Alex nodded and closed her eyes, relaxing into the tank.

"Carson, a moment alone, please?"

"Certainly, Elizabeth. I won't go far, love. Just shout if the pain comes back too strongly while I'm away."

She nodded one more time, not bothering to open her eyes.

Sheppard, Beckett, and Weir exited the ward but Beckett stopped them still within sight of Alex. "How can I help you, Elizabeth?"

"Did you tell him who did it?" Weir asked Sheppard.

"Mendoza," Carson growled dangerously.

"Yes. In that case, Sheppard, would you mind giving us a moment?"

"No problem. I'll come around tomorrow to see how she's doing, Doc."

"I'm sure she would appreciate that," Carson forced a smile.

With that Sheppard clapped Carson on the shoulder and headed out of the infirmary. Carson turned his attention back to Doctor Weir as she frowned at her feet as if trying to find words. Finally she just shook her head and started.

"Carson, this may be a bit of a delicate situation, and I apologize for treading on personal territory. You may not be aware, but Alex has feelings for you."

"Alex is falling in love with me," he stated flatly, having already read her expression and body language. "I'm well aware, Doctor Weir."

"Right, okay," she said, relief clear on her face. "So, what do you intend to do about it?"

Carson glanced at the ceiling trying to shake off the initial biting words that came to mind. He tried to remind himself that Elizabeth was his friend. But, he already knew she wasn't here as his friend. Finally he settled his thoughts and met her eyes again.

"I'll not lie to you, Elizabeth. The feeling is mutual. But she's nowhere near ready for something like that."

"How do you know?"

"Alex is still learning the wide range of emotions that humans feel versus Wraith. As she's pointed out to me multiple times, many of them are entirely new to her. I'm no psychologist, but I believe that would put her in a class of those who are severely underdeveloped emotionally. Which, as we both know, can affect their mental development. This presents a rare dichotomy of her mental development being far beyond that of someone in their twenties, while emotionally she may be on the level of a teenager, at best."

"So what are you planning to do?"

Carson rubbed his face as if trying to scrub away his obvious weariness. "I don't know. For now, keep my distance and hope her new assignment on Lorne's team will keep her away for a while."

Sensing the strain this whole thing was putting on her friend, Elizabeth reached out squeeze his hand gently, certain that anywhere else was likely covered in painful sutures. "I'm sorry, Carson."

"Don't be," he said, sensing her own darkening mood. "If I'd done what my mother had told me in the first place I'd be married, have a dozen kids, and running my own practice in Edinburgh by now."

"Well, I, for one, am very glad you didn't," she told him sincerely.

"Thanks, lass. And—damn," Carson cut off, noticing the spots of blood showing through his white lab coat on his left arm. "I guess I tore some, after all. If you'll excuse me?"

"Of course."

"And get some rest," Carson called over his shoulder. "You look like you need it."

Quirking a smile, Weir made no promises and left the infirmary. As a matter of fact, she expected more than a few sleepless nights in her near future as the dust continued to settle from the day's events.

~o~o~o~

Beckett and Knightley took turns watching over Alex throughout the night. As he has suspected, she had been aware of everything. Alex said nothing. She alternated between staring at the ceiling, clearly deep in thought, and crying, quietly. Carson did what he could to soothe her, but there was little he could say that would make any difference. His heart twisted with each quiet sob. One of the few places on her whole upper body that wasn't injured was her forehead and hair. He just stroked her forehead and hair softly.

At some point he must have dozed off, and so had Alex. He woke to Doctor Knightley gently shaking his shoulder to find he had crossed his arms on the edge of the tank and put his head down on top of them. Now his whole back ached from neck to coccyx. Biting back groans, he scooted back away from the tank and used the chair to leverage himself to his feet. Not wanting to risk waking Alex, he nodded toward the door to Rebecca and then followed her out.

"I was going to say that you'll regret sleeping like that, but I think you already know," the doctor teased slightly. "Why don't you go get some real sleep for a change? Even just the sofa in your office?"

"The sofa is almost as bad," he commented rubbing his neck. "How long was I asleep?"

"About an hour. Alex just dropped off about thirty minutes ago. I wanted to make sure she was in deep sleep before I came to wake you."

"Good. Thank you. Any changes?"

Rebecca sighed sadly. "Not much. I think she's asleep more out of exhaustion than any real sense of relief."

"Damn," Carson muttered.

"I heard it was Mendoza," she said, obviously fishing for an answer.

Carson sighed, sadly. "I got the update a few hours ago. We're losing Atkinson, Stream, Chellaiah, Baxendale, and Shadid."

"They're being sent back to Earth, right?"

Still obviously quite tired, Carson still managed to quirk a grin, "My, my, are you always such a rumor monger?"

Rebecca chuckled. "No, but the Atlantis grapevine is the best in the galaxy. If someone sneezes on the other side of the city, we'll hear about it before they blow their nose."

Even Carson chuckled at the truth of this.

"In any case, news like this flat exploded. I don't think you'll worry about having to keep any of it, including the names, secret. Most of the department heads were just happy to have someone actually working this evening once word got out."

"What do you mean?"

Doctor Knightley took a deep breath and crossed her arms with a frown. "Well, aside from those who normally spend more time engaging in gossip than working, anyway, there were some protests."

Beckett's blue eyes widened in shock. "Protests? You can't be serious."

"Oh I am, Carson. They were sitting in the halls and just about anywhere else they could be seen doing absolutely nothing useful."

"Why?" he asked, still trying to wrap his brain around this.

"Because they all feel that Weir is wrong for charging them with assault in the first place."

Carson shook his head and scrubbed his face. He was tired right down to his soul, now. Eyeing Rebecca he asked, "And your opinion?"

Rebecca nodded, as if expecting this. "If you had asked me two days ago, I would have agreed that it was a bit harsh. But after seeing what it did to Alex, they deserve it. Weir did give them a chance to take their lenient punishment and move on. But they didn't see the wrong in what they'd done. She's absolutely right to make an example of them. If it means shutting down the city until they can get over it, so be it."

Carson nodded. "I agree. It's starting to feel like the whole damned city has gone insane."

"There's nothing more you can do here tonight. Go on, get some sleep. I'll check your sutures in the morning."

"Thanks, love. I'll not argue. Call me if there's any change."

"Off with you."


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning Weir had had enough. She knew she couldn't charge anyone so long as the protests were peaceful, but the fact that the city had pretty much shut down was almost enough to make her want to do so. Finally, late in the morning she addressed the issue in the only way she knew. From her position in ops she turned on the city-wide intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I need your attention, please. As you are all aware, a number of you have been arrested and detained on charges of misdemeanor assault. At this point in time, I am willing to allow them to return to their lives on Earth with just that. However, for you to all have a full understanding, I am emailing you all several documents.

"This expedition represents the best of the best from just about every ethnicity on Earth. This expedition embraces racial diversity at its best. For nearly four years we have lived together, worked together, and fought together. For those of you who are not aware, hate crimes that are racially motivated are an international issue. Since 1966 international law against hate crimes has been in effect and growing stronger and gaining more support each year. Wherever you come from, there are laws protecting you from others.

"Those who were arrested yesterday were in direct violation of Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination—or CERD—Chapter Four on Human Rights Section Two and several other international laws. To put things into perspective, what they did falls under a racially motivated hate crime. In some places, that is considered terrorism. They were given the option to accept a lesser punishment, but persisted in stating openly that it was a racially motivated crime.

"I understand that many of you now protesting don't care one way or another about the former Wraith queen, now human, known as Alex. Others refuse to embrace her as human. That is your choice. You are not required to befriend her, merely not to abuse or injure her. Ignoring her is perfectly acceptable.

"But what will not be tolerated on Atlantis or Earth is racial hatred and hate crimes. If you disagree with my judgment, bear in mind I could send them all home to Earth with that hanging over them for the rest of their lives. I'm trying to find a middle ground for them, as well as for us. If you would rather live in a world where Wraith do not exist, even in human form, then you are free to leave this expedition when the Daedalus returns next month.

"Look inside yourselves. Look at each other. Look at all we've accomplished since we've come to this galaxy. Is one human being worth sacrificing all of that? Are we all still so barbaric that all we see is hate for someone who has given us nothing but help?

"Today the city is shut down. I want each of you to take the day and consider what I've said, and what you want to do. If you are inclined to leave on the Daedalus next month, feel free to email me your resignation.

"For the rest of you. I cannot tell you all enough how proud I am of our accomplishments. Thank you."

Heaving a deep sigh, Weir closed her eyes for a moment and massaged her temples. The command center was so silent it seemed no one else was breathing. Finally she opened her eyes and squared her shoulders. She turned to face her crew.

"Do any of you feel you need the day off to consider these things?"

Her heart lifted somewhat and her smile was filled with pride as every one of them shook their heads. "Thank you."

~o~o~o~

Alex woke sometime after shift change when Carson returned later in the morning. She still appeared unresponsive, but she was no longer crying. Carson hated to disturb her, but he had to change the water in the tank and needed to check on her. When he knelt next to the tank he found her eyes were dull and empty.

"Alex?"

She blinked, and her eyes moved toward him. There was a sparkle of something for a moment, before they went back to their flat stare. This concerned Carson more than her crying had.

"We need to move you for a while so we can change the water in the tank. Do you think you can do that?"

Alex nodded.

"Good, lass."

He turned to Rebecca standing nearby and nodded. She came around the other side of the tank. Together they held on to her hands and let Alex pull herself upright at her own pace. As her still scalded skin hit fresh air, her face pinched with pain; but she made not a sound. Eventually they managed to get her standing, though her legs trembled and her breathing was far too quick and shallow. They carefully walked her over to a nearby chair and sat her down. Not for the first time Carson was incredibly grateful that certain parts of her had not been touched by the scalding liquid. Gently Doctor Knightley leaned her back into the chair and made sure she was stable.

Through all of this and the emptying and refilling of the tank, Alex was silent. Her expression was flat and empty. Carson hoped it was just the after-effects of having been in so much pain, but he doubted it. Once he had her settled safely back into the tank, she resumed her empty staring. Turning to Knightly, he nodded toward the door. She took the hint and exited quietly.

Leaning over, he looked directly into Alex's eyes as he stroked her forehead and hair. "Talk to me, love. What are you thinking?"

Her eyes flickered for a moment toward him before closing. "I'm tired."

"I know. Your body is healing itself. The best thing for you now is rest. Sleep, if you can. But know that I'm here. And no one is going to hurt you like that ever again."

Now her eyes locked on his, intensity radiated from those deep blue irises. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Carson's heart twisted painfully in his chest. "Oh, Alex. Have you heard what is happening out there?"

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked softly, still stroking her head soothingly.

"I just want to sleep."

"That's it. Get some rest. You'll feel better once you're healed."

Carson's heart continued to be wrenched painfully until long after she fell asleep. It was all he had just to not break down and cry, himself. Knowing he had other duties, he stayed only long enough to ensure he was deeply sleeping before withdrawing and leaving Knightley to watch over her. Despite all their other duties, neither wanted to leave her alone or with anyone else.

For a moment Beckett sat in his office as if lost. He couldn't focus beyond those empty, lifeless eyes. Throwing down his pen he stood up and shrugged out of his lab coat. He needed to see Doctor Heightmeyer.

~o~o~o~

Sheppard found himself yet again trapped in the confines of his little office staring at a pile of paperwork of ridiculous proportions. Much as he hated paperwork, though, this time he was almost happy to do it. After what he'd seen of Alex yesterday, sending almost twenty of his men home in shame with assault charges and one with attempted murder charge was worth the extra effort. The pictures that had been hung in the cafeteria didn't do Alex's suffering justice. For a moment he wondered if he could get a copy of some of the security footage from the hospital wards of Alex's screaming and play them in every cell for a day or two. Weir would probably consider it torture.

Flipping through personnel file after personnel file, he just hoped there would never be another incident like this on Atlantis ever again. Hopefully this example would be enough. He was starting to feel like the whole damn city had gone insane.

"Have I ever mentioned how much I miss being able to slam a door?"

Major Lorne's voice trembled with barely contained rage as he planted himself in front of Sheppard's desk. The Major's face was a study in blazing fury.

"Please, come on in. Have a seat," Sheppard quipped, trying to lighten the mood since seeing Lorne angry was such a rarity that it couldn't be good.

Lorne just grunted and stayed where he was.

"Is there something I can help you with or were you just coming to complain about the futuristic ancient doors around here?" he asked, putting down his pen and leaning back.

"Ravencraft and Chung have requested transfers to another team."

"What?" Sheppard asked, shocked.

"That was my reaction. They don't want to go off world with Alex. And before you say anything, no, it's not about 'Carson's pet Wraith'," he said with absolutely unmistakable loathing for the name. "They are convinced she's a security risk. Chung even pointed out that she's too new to being human to be of any good to us. As a matter of fact, and in his own words, 'She might be socially inept enough to start a war!'."

With a groan, Sheppard shook his head. "Seriously?"

"Yes!"

For a moment Sheppard massaged his temples and grumbled some unsavory things about having to deal with this kind of idiocy. Finally he scrubbed his face with his hands. "Fine. Request granted. Who else do you have in mind?"

"What?"

"You heard me, Major. Do you have anyone else in mind?"

"Just like that? You're just going to get them off my team?"

"Yes, Major, just like that. The last thing we need right now is a couple of our guys running back to the SGC whining about how Weir said they don't have to be friends with Alex, but we're forcing them into working with her. More to the point, a team can't function if they're not willing to work together. That alone could get all of you killed. And I'm not letting Alex off world with a team that might just stab her in the back."

Lorne's expression calmed considerably. Taking all this in, he sat down. "You're right, sir."

"I know. But you still haven't answered my question. Who else would you pick or do you have anyone in mind?"

"No, I had hoped we could settle this without that. I'll have to think on it, sir."

"Don't worry, Alex is going to be a few weeks catching up once she's on her feet again, anyway."

"How is she, sir?" Lorne asked, his brows furrowed in concern. "Beckett wouldn't let me near her yesterday."

"I have been by there today, but his estimate is two to three days before she'll be able to put on clothes again."

Lorne winced. "Damn. You should have broken his arm, sir."

"Believe me, I wanted to. Why don't you drop by later today and see if Beckett will let you in? She's in a tank full of some kind of slimy stuff that seems to help with the pain."

"That bad?"

Sheppard's expression twisted for a moment and his eyes darkened considerably as he recalled Beckett shoving Alex down into the tank screaming. "Let's just say I want to play audio of what happened in the infirmary yesterday into every cell down there. But Weir would likely stop me as it probably violates every international law against torture ever written."

"Damn," Lorne said, his jaw tightening as he ground his teeth against saying something worse.

"Yeah."

Taking a deep breath, Lorne stood up. "I'll drop by the infirmary later, sir. In the meantime, I've got to figure out who I'm going to approach. Cause you may be right about literal backstabbing, if I'm not careful."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that. But might I make a suggestion? Consider making one of them female. It might help Alex adjust."

Lorne's eyebrows shot up. "I hadn't thought about that, sir. Thank you. I'll do that."

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have important CO stuff to do around here."

Smirking, Lorne headed out with a flippant, "And that's why you're the boss, sir."

~o~o~o~

Later that afternoon, Beckett found himself in Heightmeyer's office for the first time in a very long time. As a matter of fact, the last time he recalled seeing her was shortly after Perna's death. And not since. In this case, he had come for Alex. What he wound up doing was spending way more time laying out for the doctor his own plight. Heightmeyer listened in silence, nodding occasionally. There seemed to be no need for questions or prompting as the whole mess came pouring out of him. Finally, out of breath and feeling completely drained, he sat back in silence.

"I'm glad you told me. I had wondered who the lucky person was."

"You already knew?" he blurted. "Never mind, that's a silly question. So, what do you suggest?"

"Honestly, I think you've got the right idea. Believe me when I say I know exactly how painful this is for you, Carson," she told him, and he didn't doubt it for a second. "But you're absolutely right. I don't believe she's ready for any kind of emotional relationship at this stage. She needs more time to explore her emotional nature. And, she needs to spend more time with others."

"Meaning there might be someone else for her," Carson said, in dismay. "Aye, I'd thought of that."

"Maybe, but I was more referring to her needing to establish herself as human in a society of other humans. She's had very limited interaction up until now. But that's about to change. And it could open up a whole new set of problems. Or, it may help her stabilize emotionally."

Carson nodded thoughtfully. "I'll hope for the latter."

"You and me, both. But that's not the only reason you came here."

Carson smiled ruefully to himself. He knew his expressions were a dead giveaway every time. "Aye, it's Alex."

"I heard about yesterday. I won't ask you how she is, considering your expression tells me all I need to know. Will she recover physically?"

"Aye, in a couple of days, hopefully."

"But emotionally?"

"That's what I'm worried about. She's gone flat. Yesterday at least she was crying. Whether it was from the physical pain or something else, I don't know. Today she says she's tired. But I don't believe that's all there is, even for a minute. She's…hollow…flat, somehow."

Kate took this in for a moment. "Do you think she's ready to talk?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you could answer that."

"Is she accepting visitors?"

"She hasn't stated not to, specifically," Carson said, walking a fine line.

"Well, I've gotten word of another going on today that should interest her. I'm going to go poke a couple of people. You can expect a few visitors for her while she's in there."

Carson's expression had curiosity all over it. But this was Kate's specialty. He wasn't about to interfere. "You know visiting hours. But, in this case, I'll make an exception. Thanks, Kate."

"That's what I'm here for."

Carson smiled warmly and let himself out of her office.

~o~o~o~

When Carson returned to the infirmary, Alex was still sleeping soundly. Knightley was sitting in a chair nearby working on a crossword. She looked up when he entered and answered his unspoken question with shake of her head. He sighed and then nodded toward the door. Rebecca glanced one more time at Alex sleeping soundly in the tank and then quietly followed Carson to the other side of the curtain that divided this ward from others.

"Has she woken at all?"

Knightley sighed heavily. "Once. It was a nightmare. She refused to talk about it. Eventually she went back to sleep, but I'm worried about her."

"I am too, love," Carson said, squeezing her arm gently. "I talked to Doctor Heightmeyer. She's got something in the works."

"Good," she said, tiredly.

"Go on. Get some lunch and some rest. You can relieve me after you've had a decent day's sleep."

"Bless you, Carson," she said sincerely.

He smiled warmly and shooed her out of the infirmary. Turning back to Alex, he watched her steady breathing closely for a minute, before taking up the same chair Rebecca had just vacated. He knew there were many more important things he could and should be doing, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave her alone, yet. With his tangled snarl of thoughts and feelings, at least he wasn't bored.

~o~o~o~

Beckett knew it was approaching dinner time, and wasn't surprised in the least to find he had no appetite. He's spent most of the late afternoon and early evening alone with his thoughts. Alex hardly stirred the entire time. He was rubbing his eyes tiredly and stretching for the dozenth time while trying not to pull on his sutures when a nurse peeked around the ward door curtain.

"Doctor Beckett?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Tania?" he replied just as softly, hoping not to disturb Alex.

Glancing again at Alex, Tania waved at Carson to come closer. Heaving his tired body out of the chair, he shuffled over to her.

"You weren't answering your radio, Doctor."

Before she had a chance to go any further, Carson's face scrunched up with a muffled curse as he realized he'd taken it off in Doctor Heightmeyer's office and forgotten to put it back on.

"Oh, no, it's fine," Tania hurried to assure him. "I saw Doctor Knightley leave earlier and I wasn't sure if you had any lunch. So I brought you a tray and some coffee."

The food had little appeal, but Carson's face brightened at the delightful scent of hazelnut coffee. "You are an angel," he said softly, taking the tray.

Tania's eyes strayed over to Alex's tank again. Not liking someone just being nosy, Carson was about to dismiss her when she asked, "Is he going to be alright, Doctor?"

Sensing that this wasn't about anything malicious, he relaxed. "Aye, she will be."

"We all heard what was going on. I've dealt with minor burn patients before, but that was horrible. I can't believe someone would do that to her. She's so nice."

Latching on to something tickling the back of his mind, Carson asked, "Do you know her?"

Tania's cheeks flushed. "Kind of."

"If it's not too personal, I would like to know. You may be able to help me with something."

Tania shook her head her face flushed to her ears. "Not really. I just kind of got…bored. So I started going to some martial arts classes. Daniels and I hit it off and…um."

"Say no more, love. I understand," Carson said with a warm smile. "Were you there when Alex and Daniels paired up?"

"Actually then and after. She's really good. Even people who don't like her will say so. I'm a terrible klutz. But whenever we were paired up, she was really nice. I think Krissy got a little jealous, so I quit going."

Carson could have hugged the woman. Not only did he have someone he could trust to help keep an eye on Alex, but someone she was familiar with. A familiar face coming around and maybe even trying to get her to talk might be just what Alex needed. With one last glance at Alex to make sure she was still sleeping soundly, Carson gently led Tania through the curtain and around a corner.

"To be perfectly honest, lass, she's in bad shape. Her body is healing, but I think she's been hurt inside far more, if you know what I mean."

Tania nodded, a sad expression gracing her delicate features. "How can I help?"

"Nothing too burdensome. I would like you to help Doctor Knightley and me with her care, of course. But more importantly, try to talk to her. Just make light conversation. See if you can draw her out."

"Definitely," Tania said, beaming. "Krissy says I'm a chatterbox, anyway. You couldn't have asked a more qualified person."

Beckett chuckled at this. "When do you go off duty?"

"In about an hour. Want me to come back?"

"No, that's quite alright. Go, enjoy your evening. When you come in tomorrow, report to either myself or Doctor Knightley. I'll fill her in."

"Thanks, Doctor Beckett," she said happily. "I better get back before Doctor Spaulding notices I'm gone."

With that, she ducked back through the wards and out to the main infirmary. Carson watched her go, smiling. Glancing down at the tray of mixed foods, he almost convinced himself to eat. Taking the tray with him, he set it beside his chair and sipped his coffee, savoring the comforting warmth.

Not five minutes later, Alex finally stirred. And Beckett almost wished she hadn't. One minute she was clearly dreaming, and the next she was screaming and thrashing again. Coffee forgotten, he dropped the cup in his scramble to reach her before she did herself more harm. As he was calling her name and reaching to calm her, Alex shot upright in the tank with a giant splash. For a moment she seemed ready to fight or run or both.

"Alex! It's all right, lass. You're—"

"Carson!"

With this cry Alex dove into his arms, the edge of the tank cutting into her ribs completely unnoticed. Terrified of causing the poor woman more pain, Carson hesitated in reciprocating the already painful embrace. The terrified woman was shaking so violently it took him a moment to realize she was sobbing quietly into his already soaked shirt. Ignoring the pull of his sutures, he gently leaned back trying to find a place to grip her that would not cause her further pain.

"Alex, it's all right, lass. I'm here. But you're going to make the pain much worse if you don't let go."

Still sobbing Alex clung even tighter shaking her head. Carson was glad for the numbing effects of the oils in the water as he felt helpless. Finally words started to come through her sobs.

"They were burning me alive. They were going to burn you, too. I just…I couldn't…"

Placing a hand gently on her head, Carson stroked her hair, certain it was the only place he could touch that wouldn't hurt her more. "You're safe, Alex. I'm right here."

Breathing deeply several times, Alex visibly tried to get herself under control. Taking advantage of the moment, Carson gripped her head in both hands gently and tried to tilt her head back to look at him.

"You need to let go, love. You're going to start feeling the pain from touching me, if you don't. Please?"

Seeing the blood seeping through the left side of his shirt Alex's face transformed into one of horror as she released him so fast he nearly fell backward. Curling up into a ball with her knees under her chin she cried, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Not entirely sure what had made her jump, Carson checked himself and cursed quietly at the blood seeping through his shirt and down his left side. The pain killing properties of the oils in that water were not to be underestimated. Putting on a smile, he returned his attention to the still trembling woman now sitting in a less than half-full tank. Only then did he realize her arms were wrapped around her legs. Some of the worst burns had been on her arms.

"Not to worry, love. I'll just have Rebecca help me clean them back up when she gets back soon."

She refused to look up from where she buried her face in her knees.

"Alex, look at me, please?"

Slowly her head came up.

"That doesn't hurt?" he asked, pointing to her arms.

She shook her head.

"That's fantastic!" he said smiling brightly. "You've healed enough we can at least get you out of here and into a proper bed."

Alex just buried her face in her knees, still crying softly. Now certain he would not injure her, Carson reached over to pull her toward him. Gently he placed his grip just under her elbows.

"Come on, love. Let's get you cleaned up and into some dry clothes and a nice, warm bed."

For a moment she seemed to resist, but before he could say anything Knightley appeared like an angel from the sky.

"Good to see you up, Alex," Knightley said, squatting down beside the tank. "Are you ready to move somewhere more comfortable?"

Again Alex appeared not to have heard. But, after a few more deep breaths as she tried to control her runaway emotions, she nodded slightly.

"I feel…disgusting."

"That's to be expected, dear," Rebecca said. "Come on, now. Let's get you cleaned up while Carson changes into something dry."

Taking a hint, Carson patted Alex on the shoulder. Her face popped up for a moment in panic. But, before he could say anything, she seemed to swallow the fear he saw. Doctor Knightley watched as her eyes tracked him all the way out of the ward.

A few minutes later, Rebecca was helping Alex towel herself dry after a gentle shower to wash away most of the oil. She tested various areas that now sported new, pink skin to ensure the pain wasn't returning. Satisfied, she helped Alex into some pink scrubs and got her onto a bed. Alex sat as dull and lifeless as a doll throughout the exam and reconnecting to an IV. Thought Knightley kept up a steady stream of meaningless, comforting talk, she made no response except to follow instructions.

After ducking into his office for a quick change of clothes and a fresh bandage to cover the seeping sutures, Carson watched from the doorway to the ward. It seemed Knightley was having no more success than he at getting Alex to show signs of life again. Sighing heavily, he watched as Rebecca tried to get Alex to lie back. Her resistance was the only real interaction he'd seen. Knowing the poor woman was in for a long night, Carson entered the ward and approached Alex's bed, putting on a beaming smile.

"I'm sure that feels much better, doesn't it?"

Alex nodded dully.

"Why don't you go ahead and get yourself some coffee and get set up for the night?" he asked, turning to Rebecca.

Sensing there was more to this than a suggestion, Knightley said, "That sounds wonderful. I was so excited to see Alex up and about, I almost forgot. I'll be right back."

Turning back to Alex, Carson stuffed his hands in his lab coat. For the first time, he was at a loss for what to say or do for one of his own patients. The body he could heal, but her mental and emotional state was out of his territory completely. Wondering why Doctor Heightmeyer hadn't been around, yet, he sighed heavily. More than ever, he wanted to embrace Alex and protect her, to take her far away from the world she'd known here in Atlantis thus far. Ferociously squashing those feelings, he stepped up to her bed and sat on the edge.

"I can't promise you the hurt will ever go away completely, Alex. But it will get easier to bear, with time," he said gently, putting a hand on her hunched shoulder. "It's the wounds on the inside that take the longest to heal."

Her shoulder trembled under her grip as if she were fragile enough to fall apart at even the gentlest touch. Again resisting the urge to take her into his arms, he pulled back his hand and moved to stand up. Before he had a chance, she had again launched herself at him and buried her face in his chest. This time she was mindful of the stitches and held onto his lab coat instead.

"Please, just make it stop," she begged in a voice so child-like it pulled at his heart painfully.

His heart aching badly enough to make him tremble slightly in response, he said in a quavering voice. "I'm sorry, Alex. I can't."

Alex held on to Carson as if he were her anchor to the world. She buried her face in his chest and breathed in the unique scent of him that was both man and doctor.

"I love you…"

Carson closed his eyes to hold back the tears he felt stinging the backs of his eyes as he held her. What he had to do next was probably the hardest thing he would ever do as a person…and a doctor.

"Oh, Alex. I love you, too," he finally said. Pulling back, he cupped Alex's face in both of his hands. "I'm sorry, lass. But you're not ready. Right now you're hurt, and scared, and confused, and that makes you vulnerable. I'll not do that to you, no matter how much I feel for you. You need more time. You need to heal inside as much as your body needed to heal. You still need to learn what all those human emotions mean and how they affect you. You need time to just be human, without other attachments and distractions, for now.

"But I will wait. I love you enough to wait for you. Then, when and if you are ready, I will be here, waiting for you."

"Promise?" she asked in a whisper, her intense blue eyes utterly trusting.

That expression of absolute trust convinced him as nothing else had that he had made the right choice. Still cupping her face, he kissed her forehead tenderly. "I promise."

~o~o~o~

At the entrance to the ward a pair of piercing green eyes watched the whole scene unfold. The curtain gave barely a ripple as he ducked back out, leaving a small trail of blood in his wake.

~o~o~o~

Having settled Alex into her bed, Carson gave her one last pat on the shoulder as she rolled away from him. He managed to keep his composure until he made it beyond the curtain to the adjoining, also empty, ward. Just outside the door, he leaned against the wall and dug his fingers into his tightly closed eyes trying to rub away the unshed tears. He took several deep breaths trying to steady his frayed nerves and trembling limbs.

A comforting hand on his shoulder brought him back to the moment to find Rebecca offering what support she could. He had no idea what she had seen or heard, if anything, but it didn't matter now. He was just done. He couldn't do this anymore. From here on out, her care would be relegated to Knightley and Tania and anyone else he could trust. He wasn't sure he could trust himself after that. Shaking himself, he took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pocket. Rebecca, thankfully, said nothing. That was when he saw it. Just beside his shoe was a drop of blood. Looking around, he checked himself and didn't see any of his sutures seeping.

"What's wrong?" Knightley asked.

"There's blood on the floor," Carson said, now following back toward the infirmary an intermittent splatter trail.

He was just about to pass into the main infirmary when Doctor Spaulding nearly ran into him head-first. The reedy little man was so startled he nearly fell over backwards causing Beckett to reach out to steady him.

"There you are, Doctor Beckett," he started with thin lips and his nose predictably elevated. "Ronon Dex is waiting for you."

"Me?"

"Yes, something about my being a ham-fisted twit when it came to sutures," the man said, looking a little too much like a stork with ruffled feathers.

"Ah," Carson said in understanding. "Don't take it personally, Doctor Spaulding. He's not a very trusting man."

"Yes, well, it's a good thing you happened to be around, because I wasn't about to stir you out of your…other work."

Carson sensed there was something unpleasant behind the man's words, but let it go with an order to have someone clean up the blood. Thinking that perhaps it had come from him earlier in the evening, he let it slip from his mind. As described, Ronon was sitting on a gurney with his hand wrapped in a fresh towel quickly soaking through with blood.

"Well, now. What have you got yourself into this time?" Carson asked good-naturedly.

"Hey, Doc. Carmichael did it," he said.

Carson just gave a grin and shook his head. Back on safe, comfortable ground with his profession, he settled into his work never noticing the frequent glances Ronon continued to make toward the ward where Alex was being kept isolated.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day Heightmeyer made good on her promise. Now officially keeping his distance from Alex, Carson watched in amazement as a nearly steady stream of visitors came for Alex. The earliest of the morning was Heightmeyer. Though he had no idea what they spoke about, Alex did seem to talk for some time; and then she perked up a bit. She was seeming somewhat more like her usual self when Heightmeyer left; enough that Carson had to remind himself to stay away.

As expected, Alex's appetite picked up sharply as the regeneration process continued. Knightley and Tania kept a steady supply of snacks coming, and even gave her a cup of coffee. Almost as soon as she had finished breakfast, her next visitor appeared. Weir swung by on the pretense of needing Alex's signature on some stuff to get her ready for active duty on Lorne's team. But she stayed to chat for a few minutes while Tania busied herself nearby.

The third visitor surprised him only in that he hadn't expected her to be there for Alex. Sergeant Kristen Daniels strolled into the infirmary asking for Alex specifically. Carson pointed toward the ward, but curiosity got the better of him. Mentioning that he had Tania caring for Alex, he followed along. She stopped Carson right outside the ward curtain so she could peek in. Seeing Tania sitting with her back to the curtain a few feet away, Daniels waved until she got Alex's attention and then put a finger to her lips. Carson hung back near the curtain as Daniels snuck up behind Tania. Alex's intense blue eyes watched keenly while trying not to look like she was watching.

Carson's heart lifted and he couldn't hold back a smile as he watched through a gap in the curtain. Daniels grabbed Tania just under her arms making her yelp and squeal; which had Alex laughing and smiling along with them.

"Quit doing that! I hate when you do that!"

"Come on, Tania. You yip like a chihuahua! It's so cute!"

"You're terrible. You know that, right?"

"So I've heard. Guess who's now officially on Major Lorne's team?"

Tania tried to muffle her squeals and failed miserably. She practically launched herself into Daniels' arms. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks! But finding you here was just lucky," she told her girlfriend. "I actually came to see Alex."

Alex's eyebrows shot up.

"Don't look so surprised," Daniels said, hopping up to sit on the edge of the bed next to Alex's feet. "We're on the same team. When he mentioned you were joining his team I jumped all over him. I believe the last time you and I were formally introduced I did my best to turn you into hamburger, and you left me with a few marks of my own."

Alex's face colored slightly remembering that first sparring match. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What's that crap? You're awesome. No training and you held up to that? You rock! I'm going to love being on the same team with someone who kicks ass."

"Thanks," Alex said, somewhat shyly.

"You've got to drop that whole soft-spoken thing," Daniels said, wincing. "You look like a wuss when you do that. Besides, you're eyes are way to awesome to be looking at the ground all the time. The only thing that would make them any cooler is if they were purple or violet."

"We could get her contacts," Tania suggested.

"Nah, the blue suits her hair. But some day I want to make a rainbow out of your hair, by the way."

Alex grabbed a handful of her hair doubtfully. "If you say so."

"I do," Tanya piped up. "And you don't need to be on that bed, Krissy. If Doctor Knightley shows up, she'll have my head."

"What? Am I bothering you?" she asked Alex.

Alex shook her head.

"That's what I thought," Daniels shot back, smugly. "So, when are you going to get out of that bed? I'm not sure who else Lorne picked, but I'm sure they'll be coming by sooner or later. You need to quit being lazy and come get some training."

"Krissy!" Tania said, horrified as she smacked her girlfriend on the arm.

"What? I'm just sayin'."

Just then Carson was jolted by a hand on his shoulder. He only barely managed not to sound like Tania with a startled yelp as he spun around to find himself face-to-face with Doctor Knightley.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. What's going on that you of all people are peeking through curtains?"

"Major Lorne added Kristen Daniels to be on her team."

"The one that tried to rip Alex's arm off?" Knightley asked, her eyes wide with concern

"Yes, but you should see them. Look for yourself."

Carson backed up to let Rebecca peer through the curtain as Tania, Alex, and Kristen were all laughing at something Tania had said.

"She's laughing," Knightley said in wonder. "She's really laughing."

"Yes. Isn't it wonderful?" Carson whispered, practically floating on cloud nine.

Taking a sterner look at her boss, she planted her hands on her hips. "That's no excuse for you eavesdropping. I know you want to be with her, but you told me yourself—"

"I'm well aware, Doctor Knightley. But this…this makes it worth the wait."

With that he turned his mind and feet back toward his infirmary and other concerns, satisfied that he had made the right choice and that Alex would be alright.

Knightley watched Beckett walking away seeming happier than he had been in a while. She was glad for him, but sad, too. The whole situation was such a mess. With a mental growl, she shoved away those thoughts. Alex wasn't just responding, she was laughing! Putting on a dangerous scowl, she swept aside the curtain.

"Just what in the name of all that's holy do you think you're doing?" she started.

Daniels leapt off the bed so fast she nearly pitched face-first into a nearby wall. Tania's eyes widened in horror as her face paled. Alex nearly jumped right out of the bed she was so startled. Rebecca just couldn't help herself. What started as a giggle turned into nearly hysterical laughter a moment later.

"I should have brought a camera!" she wheezed out. "The reactions were hilarious! I wonder if I can get Carson to take a still from the security footage."

Daniels was the first to catch on. Obviously weak-kneed from the fright, she leaned against the bed as she busted out laughing. Tania was the next to start laughing, staying something about turn about being fair play and all. Alex scowled for a moment before, she too, gave way to laughter. The four of them were still laughing when Major Lorne showed up with someone they didn't recognize in tow a couple minutes later.

"Why didn't I get an invitation to the party?"

"Because, you're a party crasher, obviously," Daniels shot back.

"Now is that any way to speak to your CO?" he shot back.

"Probably not, but you asked," said the young man beside him.

"What? Two on one?" Lorne asked, looking back and forth between the two. "Man, I get no respect, I tell ya. What about you, Alex? Are you gonna talk back, too?"

"Are you kidding, she's going to be the worst of us. The quiet ones always are," Daniels threw in. "Especially when they're not being the scary kind of quiet. Right Alex?"

Alex gave Lorne what he interpreted to be a helpless smile. For the moment, Daniels seemed content to do the talking for her. Given what Heightmeyer had told him, he was just short of ecstatic to see this much interaction with her.

"Well, Oaksford, meet your other two teammates. Alex, Daniels, this is Lieutenant Bryan Oaksford."

"Daniels I've met before," he commented.

"You mean I introduced you to the mats," Daniels threw back with a grin.

"Yes, we were very well acquainted by the end of that day," he agreed. "But Alex I've never had the pleasure of meeting."

"Ooooh, so formal," Lorne said teasingly. "What? Are you trying to impress her with your southern charm?"

"It's called manners, sir. You might learn a thing or two about them with me around," he shot back cheekily.

The Major grunted and shook his head with a grin. "Welcome to your new team, Alex. What do you think? Wanna help me keep them in line?"

Alex beamed a smile. "I think you're going to have your hands full with the three of us."

"Gray hairs. I knew it when Colonel Sheppard accepted this team. I'm going to have hair like Alex before the year is out."

"Nah, we'll save you that trouble. You'll just be bald," Daniels corrected.

"Speaking of Colonel Sheppard, where is he?" Knightley asked. "I thought he was supposed to have dropped in by now.

"He was cleaning up a mess in one of the labs, thanks to Doctor McKay," Lorne told her, flashing her a smile, dimples and all.

Rebecca groaned. "Nothing serious, I hope."

"Something about a blue goop, but that's all I heard," the Major commented with a chuckle.

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but Alex is a bit overdue for lunch," Knightley said, surveying the group.

"Don't worry, we'll skedaddle," Lorne assured her.

"Actually, Alex, would you like to have a bit of a 'welcome to the team' lunch party? We can grab some trays and come back," Daniels offered, giving her the option of a way out if she was feeling a bit overwhelmed. "Unless you're too tired; in which case you can have a nice, quiet lunch here and we'll get out of your hair."

Alex frowned, and then flinched as if recalling the last time she was in the mess hall. Her face paled until it almost matched her hair as she stared at the fresh, pink skin on her arms. Lorne, concerned that she wasn't ready for this yet, was about to assure her she didn't have to worry about it when Alex's eyes come up to Doctor Knightley with a fierce look of determination.

"Do I have to stay here? Can't I come to the mess hall?"

Knightley's eyebrows shot up into her hairline as her expression changed from concern to consideration. Recalling the stark terror of Alex's nightmares just the day before, she wasn't entirely sure this was a good idea. But, seeing Lorne's proud smile and slight nod, she agreed.

"Certainly, if you're up for it. I don't have any other clothes for you at the moment, though."

"What's wrong with scrubs?" Colonel Sheppard called from the ward entrance as he whisked aside the curtain. "I heard something about lunch. I'm starved."

"Alex said she wants to have our little pow-wow in the mess hall, sir," Lorne volunteered.

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up much as had Knightley's. "Is that a fact?"

"Why? Did Carson say I wasn't allowed to leave?" Alex asked almost seeming defiant.

"Well…no. Not that I'd heard," Tania volunteered, looking to Knightley for guidance.

"Nope, and I'm in charge of her care for the time being, so it's my call anyway. I think it's a great idea, but only if you're up for it, Alex."

Just to prove her point, Alex threw back the sheet and hopped out of bed. "As soon as you get this IV out of me. But the floor is cold!"

Everyone chuckled at this, since every one of them had had that experience at one time or another in their time in Atlantis.

"I'll grab some socks," Tania volunteered. "Then I'll let Doctor Beckett know where we are."

"Aren't you coming with us?" Daniels asked, seeming disappointed.

"She's the boss," Tania said, pointing to Knightley on her way out.

"And 'the boss' says, you haven't had lunch break. We're not so uncivilized out here in the Pegasus Galaxy that you don't get your breaks. Clock out and come on."

Pulling out a band-aid from her lab coat pocket, Rebecca set to removing the IV. Seeing a fine sheen of sweat on Alex's forehead she turned to the others.

"Why don't you guys head on over and save us a table? We'll be right behind you."

Taking a hint, they all headed out as a group just as Tania was returning with some nice, thick socks.

"You don't have to do this, Alex. You've got nothing to prove, not even to your new team."

Realizing what Doctor Knightley was saying, Alex shook her head. "It's not that. I mean, yes, I'm afraid. That's why I need to do this. But it…my skin feels…off."

"Where?"

"I feel like…it feels…prickly and…tight," Alex said, struggling to describe the sensation.

"Is the cloth irritating it?"

"A little."

"Not to worry. Have a seat on the bed, I'll be right back."

Meanwhile, Tania helped Alex with her socks for which she smiled gratefully. A moment later Knightley returned with brown, clay jar. Taking off the lid, she showed the clear paste to Alex.

"This is made from some of the same stuff we put in the tank. Teyla sent this over, yesterday, thinking you might need it. I was going to have her come back and give it to you, personally, but well…"

"Teyla?"

Knightley ducked her head once in confirmation. "Tania, help her get her shirt off."

Putting on some gloves, she gently scooped out some and rubbed it on her palms. Gently she spread it over every inch of new, pink skin. The sweet, floral scent was very much like a perfume; but the soothing quality on her skin was immeasurable. The relief in Alex's posture and expression was immediate. Once she was back in her scrubs, they headed out, keeping her between them. Knightley waved to Carson on their way through the infirmary causing him to stop in utter shock and confusion. But, he had handed over Alex's care to what he considered to be an imminently qualified doctor, so he kept his peace.

By the time they reached the mess hall, the place was packed. Having thought she was ready, Alex was surprised to find her heart racing, her mouth dry, her legs trembling, and just barely managed not to turn and flee the moment she saw the crowds. Even with Tania and Rebecca winging her, she felt utterly exposed.

"Took you long enough," Daniels spouted to Tania, making her and Alex both jump.

"Hey, don't go rabbit on us, Alex," Daniels said, catching the start. "If you're not up for this, just say the word. We'll all head back to—"

Alex's eyes were fierce as she glared at the crowd around her friends. Summoning all the arrogance of the Wraith queen she had once been told them in no uncertain terms, "No. I won't run."

"Alex—" Knightley started, but was cut off as Alex marched ahead of them toward the line waiting for trays.

Catching sight of her, a couple of people stood and left the mess hall with trays in hand; as did some of those in line waiting for trays. Alex and the others ignored them. By the time Alex had a tray in hand, she'd ceased her trembling. But she couldn't do anything about her racing heart and clammy hands. Focusing on the food in front of her and nothing else, she turned with her tray full of food to face the rest of the mess hall; which, of course, by this time hd dulled from a roar to a hum of whispered conversation. She imagined she could feel the weight of all those eyes as she forced her squared shoulders to be still. Catching sight of Sheppard waving from a set of tables pushed together along one wall, she held her head up as she walked deliberately through the crowded rows of tables.

Only one person in the room noticed her taking a path that was wide of the hot food tables as she made her way over to Sheppard's "little" party. Lorne frowned darkly, but couldn't ignore the feeling of pride at seeing Alex conquering that fear just by being here.

"Welcome to the party, guys," Sheppard called to the four of them. "I found some other starving orphans on my way here."

Alex looked up to see Teyla smiling warmly as she motioned to a seat beside her. Taken aback, Alex hesitated only for a moment at realizing the stab of cold hate did not accompany those intense eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered as she sat down beside her.

"Ah, I see Doctor Knightley passed on the gyrers balm. How is it working?"

"It's wonderful. Thank you."

"I'm glad it could help."

Looking around, Alex realized that the group of seven had turned into over a dozen, hence the need for more tables and chairs. Doctor Heightmeyer, Doctor Weir, and Carson were further down the table having their own conversation. A couple of people Alex didn't recognize sat at the other end talking to Oaksford and Lorne. Major Lorne had moved over with a smile signaling to Doctor Knightley to sit beside him. She hesitated only a moment seeing Alex situated between Teyla and Daniels before joining the Major's little group with a smile. Alex looked around to found herself almost dead center of a group of people that only a week ago didn't trust her, and she didn't much trust them. Some of them she knew she would likely never be friends with, or close to, but at least now they weren't just tolerating her presence with barely concealed loathing. Suddenly, she felt safer than she had since being in Carson's arms. She wasn't entirely sure what she was feeling, but she hoped this sense of security would never fade away.

Carson watched from the other end of the table where he sat as far away from Alex as he could get. He had been reluctant to join them when Doctor Weir had called him on the radio. But now he was glad he did, as he was amazed. Doctor Heightmeyer had worked a miracle. He didn't know all the details of what had transpired during the visits this morning from so many people, but it had awoken something in her. Alex was so alive right now that his heart felt like bursting with joy. It was all he could do to keep his eyes off her and focused on the conversation around him.

Alex could not ever remember feeling so welcome and so safe around so many people. The tumbling mix of emotions had her picking at her food at first, before Daniels ribbed her about being too scrawny to take her down. It wasn't until then that she realized that the mess hall full of hateful eyes beyond this group no longer mattered. As long as she had friends, they were just empty eyes to her. Smiling at this thought, she dove into her food with gusto; which earned her more good-natured ribbing about becoming too fat to spar anymore.

Their little lunch party was over all too soon, as the call of duty to Atlantis and her people dragged them away from the table in ones and twos. Finally it was just Knightley, Tania, and Alex who left the mess hall together. Carson had left some minutes before on a call from the infirmary. The three made their way back to the infirmary without incident. All the excitement and emotional ups and downs of the day had taken their toll on Alex. She was asleep moments after she was helped back into the bed.

~o~o~o~

A couple days later Alex was released as expected. She had put some the weight back on and had been once again switched to the newer retrovirus formula. Doctor Knightley cautioned for the umpteenth time to be careful of injury or strenuous activity for a few days until they were certain the second formula had taken effect. In the meantime, she was given a glucose meter to keep an eye out on things. Daniels didn't even give her a chance to get to her quarters before catching her in the halls. She seemed almost more excited than Alex was about getting started. And the enthusiasm was definitely contagious, Alex learned. By the time she showered and changed into the clothes Daniels had brought, she was practically bouncing. Having to almost hold her back, Daniels commented about how awesome the white hair looked against the black uniform, but it needed to be put up. Alex watched in wonder as Daniels French braided her hair showing her how to do it herself.

Major Lorne greeted them with a smile of approval but a critical eye for Alex as he noticed she was still underweight. Not wanting to crush the enthusiasm he was seeing, he didn't bother asking if she was up for it, yet. Instead he just asked if there were any special needs he might have to take into consideration during her training. She just told him about the glucose meter and needing to keep food handy for a couple of days, not seeming concerned about it in the least. Glad he hadn't put a damper on her excitement, he was happy to note she had come prepared with a small shoulder bag full of stuff. Since he didn't have an off world team of his own and Sheppard was in the city for the time being, he had plenty of time to spare to oversee her training and results.

Alex threw herself into her weapon training and protocol training with a passion that surprised even Major Lorne. She voraciously devoured every bit of information they gave her on the different cultures and how to interact with the known settlements around the galaxy. Colonel Sheppard had even come by to see her hand to hand testing out of curiosity since Ronon refused to be the one to test her. As expected with her superior speed and strength, she passed with flying colors, even though some of the colors being new bruises of her own. Both Lorne and Sheppard had felt she would not need it in a civilian capacity, but Alex had won that argument in seconds.

Doctor Weir watched all of this from a distance. Having considered what John had told her, she realized the irrationality of her concerns. Alex was human. She was different from any other human ever known, but solidly human. Weir watched as she set to her training with determination and passion. She watched the woman's expressions range from barely contained anger at her own mistakes, to outright laughter when Sheppard, Lorne, Daniels, and Oaksford would act out. Weir almost envied her. To Alex the world was new, and likely would be for many years to come.

Alex continued to visit the infirmary daily for her injections. After about a week of this, Knightley gave her a small kit and showed her how to use it. The kit was small enough to fit in her vest or other pocket, durable enough not to be easily damaged, and quick enough not to pose a problem in the field. Alex smiled as she received it, but it was clear she was going to miss her daily visits. As often as not, though, Carson was elsewhere, anyway.

Now having even more independence, Alex almost never spent time in her quarters anymore. There was always something to learn, or something to do. Major Lorne met with her pretty regularly to check her progress, even when Colonel Sheppard had him running errands and working the usual city paperwork. The other two members of his team, Daniels and Oaksford watched and even helped a lot of the time, but said little about her mistakes. The fact that they both liked her and treated as something akin to a little sister was obvious. Their encouragement and sometimes outright teasing and flirting had a profound effect on Alex. She had seemed to come alive and begun to show her own personality around them giving as good as she got.

To Lorne and Sheppard, the team was a perfect fit. And, before long, it was time to send them out into the field together. Their first couple of missions were simple explorations of worlds that turned out to have ruins of ancient cultures with nothing of significance left. A little documentation of the layouts and they were done. Their third mission was escorting a trading caravan from one planet to another through some known bandit territory. It was quiet to a point of boring, according to Daniels.

Alex disagreed. She loved being outdoors and watching the sky; even though Major Lorne could tell she never sacrificed her attentiveness to her duties to do so. Daniels and Oaksford caught on to this before too long and started jabbing her about how she should have joined the Air Force. A few questions later and Alex agreed. But unfortunately, Atlantis didn't have its own Air Force recruiting department. She was disappointed, but by no means deterred. Still new and enthusiastic enough to dream, she considered that maybe one day she could actually join the Air Force. No one felt particularly inclined to disillusion her.

The weeks passed relatively quietly for them as Alex settled in. With Daniels' boisterous personality and Oaksford's polite one, Alex picked up the best of both traits. Lorne watched happily as she developed into her own person, and was happy to relay this to Doctor Heightmeyer when they were in the city. After a while, none of them saw the white hair or cat-like eyes as anything out of the ordinary. Lorne even had to remind himself from time to time that she was actually over ten thousand years old as she teased and played with others.

With each return to Atlantis, Alex found the tensions around her growing less and less. It was as if all those staring, hateful eyes saw more and more the people she was with and less of her. She no longer really occasioned comment, except the occasional rumor about this or that which might blossom into a delightfully malicious scandal. One would say she was cheating on Colonel Sheppard with Sergeant Daniels. Others would share it as Daniels cheating on Tania with her. Some even said Carson was wasting away in the infirmary of a broken heart because Alex had run away with Major Lorne. And there were dozens more versions, depending on who you asked. Of course, none of them were true. For her part, Alex showed no interest in anyone; and that was fine with all of them.

To her friends, she was something like a cross between a raw recruit and a little sister. She was new enough to have a million questions, but everyone had the time to answer them. When in Atlantis, she was found wandering from sparring rooms, to labs, to balconies; sometimes alone, and sometimes with her friends. She actively participated whenever anyone asked something of her. Often one of McKay's underlings would ask her for some information that may not have been included in her earlier work. Or, sometimes, they would come across old or damaged Wraith tech that needing identification.

Alex had even become the ideal test subject for makeup and hair dyes for Tania and Daniels. In a matter of weeks they had her hair in the rainbow they had previously promised. Within days it had washed out leaving hardly a trace, which disappointed all of them, but certainly didn't deter them. From one week to the next, Alex's hair color changed so rapidly no one could really keep up. Before long many other city personnel had taken to joining in on the little parties Tania and Kristen threw using Alex like some kind of canvas for every type of makeup known to man. By then Alex had learned enough to consistently use mascara and a few other things to at least conceal the pallor of her face, eyebrows, and eyelashes whenever possible.

When she wasn't visible around the city, often Alex was found reading somewhere in a quiet place. Alex was a voracious reader. She devoured fiction and non-fiction alike, as if through these words and the history of Milky Way Galaxy humans she would learn what it means to be human. She also seemed to have a knack for finding every balcony on Atlantis that others had not yet found. Usually those she shared with her friends, in case they ever needed a quiet spot to hide for a while. Daniels and Tania most definitely had enjoyed the use of them on several occasions. Oaksford's latest girlfriend had come to ask her for the perfect spot for a picnic dinner one time. Even Major Lorne had asked about the balcony with the best views of the city below.

The only outstanding issue she still seemed to have was Ronon. The man had taken to stalking her, both openly and covertly. Whenever she was on Atlantis, he was her shadow. The fact that he said nothing to her, made no threats, and gave no indication of his intentions did nothing to settle her mind. What she found strange was that he didn't do this when they were on missions together, only when she was on Atlantis. Other than that, she could not find a pattern that made any sense at all.

Things finally came to a head on one particularly bad day for Alex. Most times she was fairly calm and took things in stride. But everyone has that one day when many minor issues stack up to make the day as a whole, bad. Her first problem came when her coffee was dumped right down her shirt in the mess hall by a clumsy scientist. This was followed with a second change of clothes after a sparring partner in an early class got sick all over her. Now on her third change of clothes and second shower of the day she was already swearing that one more incident would leave her hiding in the peace and quiet of her quarters.

No such luck.

From lunch trays being toppled to a slip that left her with a sore head, her day didn't get any better. It was sometime after dinner when Alex set out to find a place to exercise that would not be occupied; because, at the rate she was going, she was either going to wind up injured or someone near her would. Disgusted with her day and needing to burn off some of that negative energy she was prowling the halls when she caught sight of Ronon following her. With a groan she very nearly stopped to bang her head against the wall. The guy was nothing, if not persistent.

Deciding to ignore him, Alex finally managed to find a sparring room that wasn't occupied with anyone else. Feeling that something was finally going her way today, she tossed her bag into a corner, tore off her sweatshirt, and tossed it on top and turned to the wooden weapon rack. She turned around just in time to see Ronon ducking back out of the doorway. With a growl she did what she thought might very well be the stupidest thing of her life; but enough was enough.

"Ronon!"

The man stopped and turned to face her. Instead of saying anything, she threw him a practice sword, knowing that was his hand to hand combat weapon of choice. He caught it, but frowned darkly at it before looking up at her as if she was crazy. She knew she wasn't the best with the weapon, but that wasn't what this was about.

"I don't know what your issue with me is, but I'd like to at least talk it out. And, this is a language I believe we both understand."

With a feral grin that made Alex reconsider her decision for a moment, he sauntered across the room, set down his gun and faced her. The next three minutes were a blur of furious swings that would have made even Teyla dizzy to watch. The two of them pulled no punches and didn't bother to stop at contact. This was not about who won or lost, at this point. It was about expressing what they were feeling.

By the end of five minutes, both of them were breathing heavy and both were going to be sporting a number of rather spectacular bruises. Now feeling fully engaged, Alex decided to start the other half of their conversation.

"So, are we still where we started? You don't trust me?"

"No."

More vicious engagement.

"No you don't trust me, or no that's not what this is about?"

"Both."

For a few more minutes they were too busy to talk beyond the steady clacking of swords and the occasional grunt as one landed a hit.

"Then what is it? You've been stalking me for weeks."

"I don't trust you."

"But you said it wasn't about that. So what is it?"

"Beckett."

That threw her off enough to totally miss blocking Ronon's next swing which collided solidly with the left side of her head just above the temple. Rolling with the blow, she landed flat on her back with bright bursts of light coloring her vision. She was almost surprised Ronon hadn't followed that with a fatal blow. Not sure if she was angrier at her slip or at Ronon's source of mistrust, she pulled herself off the mat and glared dangerously. Regaining her composure, she set on the offensive now.

For several more minutes the clacking of wooden swords was all that was heard. Eventually clacking turned into cracking and the two weapons began to give in to the stress. Ronon's was, of course, the first to break, leaving a long jagged gash down her arm. Ignoring it, she contemplated continuing, but tossed hers aside, instead. Following her lead he tossed his aside with a wicked grin as they took to unarmed combat. Here she had something of an advantage in her smaller size, but even that couldn't counter Ronon's strength and experience. And they certainly wasn't pulling any punches. One of Ronon's swings left his right arm exposed in such a perfect way, Alex couldn't resist the temptation to hit it with all she had. Only afterward when Ronon grunted and began favoring that arm did she wonder if she might have gone too far.

Finally she felt focused enough to continue their conversation.

"What do you want from me?"

"I saw you with him in the infirmary. Stay away from him."

Now they stood apart heaving deep lungsful of air.

"I love him."

"Don't care."

"What does it matter to you?"

"He's my friend. I won't let you hurt him."

"Hurt him? I love him!"

"Doesn't matter. Stay away from him."

"And that's what this is really all about?"

"Yes."

"And how exactly is stalking me helping?"

"Just making sure."

"Making sure that I'm not sneaking off with Carson, or that I'm not sneaking off with someone else behind Carson's back."

"Both."

Still heaving, Alex inspected her bleeding arm. They had certainly left one hell of a mess she was going to have to clean up later. Ronon himself was bleeding from his nose, lip, and the corner of one eye where her fingernail and almost been ripped off by accident. Tired, emotionally drained, and feeling just plain lonely, Alex flopped onto the mat.

"It doesn't matter," she said, looking up at Ronon. "He loves me, but won't be with me. Says I'm not ready."

"Good."

Alex stared at the ceiling for a moment. "What if he did want to be with me? What then?"

"Not going to happen."

"Why? Is it because that I'm still just a Wraith to you?" she asked wearily, already knowing the answer.

"No."

"Please, enlighten me, then."

"No."

Feeling something well up inside her at the ridiculousness and hurt of all of this she just barely bit back a scream of frustration. Jumping back to her feet, Alex couldn't help the tears she felt stinging her eyes. This only made her angrier as she felt even more pathetic and weak.

"What is your problem, then? I just want to be happy, like anyone else! Carson loves me and will wait for me! You don't have to worry about coming after me if I hurt him, because I wouldn't be able to live with myself!" she screamed. "Is that what you want?! You want me to just give up and die?! Why don't you finish it, then?! I can't just turn off these damned emotions! I love him! I want to be with him for the rest of my life! I want to die of old age beside him! I…damn…I just…"

Tears blurred her vision as her screams dissolved into pathetic sobs. But, try as she might, Alex could not pull herself together.

"Okay."

"What?" she asked, utterly confused scrubbing her face with her palms.

"I said 'okay'."

"What? You mean you're okay with Carson and me?"

"Yeah."

"What the fuck!" Alex said, trying out the new and unfamiliar curse word. "Just like that? You go from 'no way in hell' to 'sure'?"

"You're serious about him. I just wanted to make sure you weren't playing some kind of game with him to get something you want out of him."

Not even sure what to say to this, Alex went back to scrubbing the tears away and trying to get herself under control. She couldn't believe this was happening. Everyone knew that what went on in the big man's head was typically a mystery. They knew he was over protective of those he called friends. But no one had mentioned he was both crazy and cruel. Part of her wanted to let out a string of expletives she'd heard used all over the city, but instead found herself choking as she tried to control her sobs.

"Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary," Ronon offered. "You're going to need some stitches."

Alex jerked her arm away from him. "I can get there myself. I don't need help from you."

"Fine."

After a moment she grabbed her bag and clothes and headed out of the sparring room. By the time she got into the hall, she was already starting to see clearly again. Still angry and frustrated, she stalked up the halls just a little behind Ronon; who, she was satisfied to see, was still holding his right arm to his chest and was headed the same direction. Alex had gone from furious and hurt to numb and exhausted. Wanting nothing more than to go to her quarters and sleep for days, she dragged herself toward the infirmary. All the way reminding herself that killing Ronon really wasn't an option.


	15. Chapter 15

It wasn't until she entered the infirmary that it occurred to Alex that this probably wasn't going to look too good. Thankfully, neither Knightley nor Carson were around. Doctor Spaulding, nose in the air, humphed unhappily motioning them to gurneys nearby. Then he disappeared for a couple of minutes only to return to check them both visually while putting something into the tablet he now held. Alex felt like the man was passing judgment. Saying nothing, he continued to write down notes on his tablet only occasionally glancing up at them. Eventually he set the tablet aside and started to reach for Ronon's arm.

Perfectly content to spend the rest of the night, right where she was at, Alex just sat there facing Ronon on the other gurney and staring at the floor.

"What is this about a fight?" Carson started saying as he came from somewhere in the back of the infirmary.

Alex nearly jumped off the gurney she was so startled. She felt her cheeks flush in both anger and embarrassment at his presence. He was probably the last person in the whole city she wanted to see right now.

"You can see for yourself, Doctor Beckett," Spaulding said with his nose still in the air.

"I can see just fine, Doctor," Beckett said glaring at Ronon. "Just what the hell is this about?"

"Ask her."

"Alex? Don't tell me you started this!"

Alex rolled her eyes. "First of all, it wasn't a fight. Secondly—"

"What the hell is this about a fight?" Colonel Sheppard asked, coming in through the main infirmary doors with Major Lorne right behind him.

Alex turned to Spaulding with a vicious glare. "Anyone else you'd like to invite to the party?" she snapped.

He just gave an unhappy snort and stepped back under Alex's glare.

"I'm waiting for an explanation, Ronon," Colonel Sheppard said, eyes blazing.

"Ask her," he repeated glancing at Alex with a twitch of his lips in an almost grin.

"Alex?" Major Lorne asked, skeptically his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"Yes. Me. Now, as I was saying, it wasn't a fight. We were having a conversation in a language we both understand. And his weapon broke and caught me on the arm."

"Conversation?" Carson asked incredulously.

"Yes, conversation," she snapped at him. "We needed to talk through some stuff."

"Given the number of bruises I'm seeing and the condition of both of you, this better be the last such conversation," Lorne added leaving no room for interpretation.

"Fine by me," Ronon answered.

"Are you serious? I've seen him do worse to Sheppard and no one says anything."

Every set of eyes in the room swiveled to her at that, making her feel as if she'd just grown another head. Even Ronon's eyebrows shot up at that before he settled on a grin.

"What? He's a damn good sparring partner. Accidents do happen. But no one else says anything. Is it just because it's me? Or is it because it's Ronon and you think things got out of hand?"

For a moment they all looked a little sheepish as they realized she was right.

"That's what I thought," she said. "You guys seriously need to get over it."

Sheppard turned to Lorne and said, "She's been hanging around Daniels way too much."

Lorne raised his hands and backed away with a grin. Even Carson twitched a smile at that one.

"Well, unless someone here is pressing charges, I'd like to treat my patients and get back to my dinner."

Alex's cheeks colored slightly. "Sorry, Carson. I didn't know Doctor Spaulding was going to go rumor mongering."

Frowning darkly, Beckett turned to Spaulding. "Speaking of which, you're dismissed for the evening. I'll call in Doctor Warren. We'll discuss this later."

"But, they were clearly in a fight."

"You don't want to do this right here, son."

"Why not? I didn't do anything wrong! They were in a fight, whatever they might say. She picked a fight with him to prove—"

"Enough!" Carson barked. "You're dismissed, Spaulding."

"No, I'll not have this hanging over me. You're far too lax in your security. All of you," he said, turning his gaze on Sheppard and Lorne. "She shouldn't be walking around the city unsupervised."

"Very well, you're dismissed permanently. You can catch a ride on the next Daedalus resupply," Beckett stated, his arms crossed.

"What?!"

Turning to Ronon and Alex. "Did either of you report a crime?"

They shook their heads.

"Did either of you request your team leader be called in or made aware of the situation?"

They shook their heads.

"Did either of you request me, specifically?"

"Not yet," Ronon said as Alex shook her head.

Turning back to Spaulding, Carson's blue eyes were cold as ice. "A patient's private health record and status is a sacred trust you violated three times in five minutes. So, please explain to me, Doctor Spaulding, exactly why you contacted myself, Colonel Sheppard, and Major Lorne since they didn't fall under those categories and they were not incapacitated."

"They were in a fight!" the man repeated clearly on the verge of hysterics.

"They were having a sparring match."

"Fine. I knew Ronon Dex was going to press assault charges, so I contacted both their team leaders."

"Did you ask him?" Carson asked, crossing his arms.

"Well, no, but she's your test subject and I'm sure you, at least, would want to know she'd attacked someone."

That was the wrong thing to say, and it became frighteningly obvious as Carson's face went from red to white with barely controlled fury.

"Test subject?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

He uncrossed his arms and stalked forward, making the scrawny man back up. "Oh yes, Doctor Spaulding, you are very much dismissed permanently. And, might I suggest you clean out your areas now? Because if I see you again, there will be assault charges. She's a human being! And the fact that you insist on thinking otherwise proves you do not belong on this team. Now get out of my sight!"

The skinny little man looked like a stork fumbling to take flight as he turned and fled the infirmary with a shouted, "The IOA will hear about this!"

"I certainly hope so," Beckett said much more calmly.

Alex's giggle brought him back around with a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry, Carson. I'm sure that wasn't pleasant. But he looked like a bird trying to fly away from a cat. And I never seem picture you as intimidating. Until I see you like that, then you're just scary."

Ronon grunted, whether it was amusement or to agree was anyone's guess.

"Yes, well, not something I usually reserve for Colonel Sheppard's or Ronon's more stubborn moments," he said. "You're not going to be stubborn on me now are you?"

"Nope."

"Then you probably won't see it ever again," he assured her. Putting on gloves he continued, "Now, then. I'll not make myself a nuisance, but I will ask. Is the 'conversation', as you put it, over?"

"Yes," Ronon said.

"Good, cause I'll not want to see the two of you looking like this in my infirmary again."

"No promises, Doc."

"Same," Alex added.

"I'll have you know, I'm not stubborn," Sheppard decided to speak up, the amusement clear on his face, "I'm just not fond of big needles. And he likes to use the biggest one he can find, every time."

Heaving a world-weary sigh, Carson shook his head and then glanced toward the ceiling as if beseeching a higher power. "Why?" he asked. The glint in his blue eyes belied his irritation, though. "Unless you two have something else to add, I would like to treat my patients."

Lorne and Sheppard shared a look and then shook their heads. Seeing no need to say more they headed out of the infirmary.

Turning back to them, Beckett unwound Alex's temporary bandage while asking Ronon, "Aside from the obvious bruises, why are you here?"

"She broke my arm."

Carson raised his eyebrows to Alex, whose face instantly shaded to red. "It was an accident."

"Of course," Carson murmured, not able to hold back a grin; which immediately turned to a frown as he saw how deep the jagged gash was. "This is definitely going to need sutures. Give me a moment to call in Doctor Warren and get set up. I'll be right back."

"It's just sutures. You should go finish your dinner," Alex told him. "I'm sure someone else around here could handle it."

"And miss a chance to spend some time with my favorite patient?" Carson called lightly, tossing his gloves and walking away.

Now blushing prettily, Alex glared at Ronon. "Hush, you."

"I didn't say a word," Ronon said, laying back on the bed and getting comfortable.

"Keep it that way."

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Alex finally broke the contemplative silence. "Did you mean what you said?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you. It's good to know he's got friends watching his back."

Ronon just grunted.

"And I mean it when I say: If I ever do anything to hurt him intentionally, just blow my head off."

Ronon just grunted again. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was nodding off. She squashed the little voice in her head that screamed victory and that she'd worn him out. Carson returned with a suture tray prepped and Doctor Warren in tow a few minutes later. Ronon hopped off the bed and followed the younger Doctor Warren.

"You kids be good now," he called with a smirk which only deepened as Alex blushed yet again.

"What was all that about?" Carson asked a bit warily, as if he didn't really want to know.

Alex sighed, covering her eyes with her good hand for a moment. "He knows. He saw us in the infirmary at one point."

Carson froze for a moment remembering the time months ago when he'd found a trail of blood to Alex's ward and Ronon waiting to see him. It had been the same day he had promised Alex he would wait for her. "Is that what this was all about?" Carson asked, his face flushing angrily.

"No. Not exactly," Alex stumbled. "Look, he's just watching out for you. And, yes, I asked him to talk…to me…in the sparring room," she trailed off, feeling silly.

"Why would you go and do such a daft thing?"

Alex gazed at the ceiling as if lost for a moment. "I've had a bad day. Can we leave it at that? Please?"

"Aye," Carson agreed. "Let's get you cleaned up."

This being the first time the two of them had been alone together in a few months, Carson decided to take advantage of the situation to get some catching up in while he worked on her. For a while the two of them chatted happily about goings on in their lives. Carson couldn't ever remember a time when they had just chatted like this. He was unspeakably happy that it wasn't as awkward as he feared. But the time passed all too quickly and soon she was wrapped up and ready to go.

"Carson, since I cheated you out of your dinner, why don't we go get a late snack? I know the perfect balcony for watching the moons rising."

"Temping, lass. Very tempting," he admitted, warring with himself for a moment. "But I've got some reports to finish, an employee termination to write up, and I'm sure there are things multiplying on my desk this very minute that weren't there before I left."

"I'm sorry. About Spaulding. I mean, I shouldn't have accused him."

"Nonsense! You were absolutely correct. It was worse than a minor breach of ethics. Besides, I never liked that he always had his big nose in everyone's business and never mind his own."

"Well, then I don't have to feel guilty about that, at least," she admitted, relief obvious in her voice.

"Not at all. What is there to feel guilty about, then?"

"Just this," she said, stepping up to peck him on the lips real quick before turning to duck out of the infirmary.

Carson's face went from surprise to a huge grin of sheer joy in nothing flat. Without it being awkward, she had just answered the one question he had been fearing to ask.

Alex still loved him.

Alex returned to her quarters to clean herself up with a face still flushed. Part of her was thrilled to see Carson again. Part of her wanted to beg him to have another doctor do it because she didn't trust herself. Part of her had been terrified that he no longer felt the same way she did. Part of her had wanted to jump into his arms and tell him never to let go. Part of her had enjoyed the conversation and its simplicity. Part of her wanted to talk about more serious things.

Alex was such a tumbled mix of emotions, she was more than happy to just sit in the flow of hot water and let it wash away her feelings. Over and over she considered that quick kiss mentally kicking herself for it, hoping she hadn't overstepped. She hadn't come right out and asked him if he still felt the same. But she didn't give him a chance to object to the little peck on the lips, either. While she was mentally beating herself up, she was also desperately wanting more. Viciously squashing the idea of knocking on his door to ask, if for no other reason than that she would be able to quit thinking about it long enough to sleep—preferably in his bed.

Groaning with disgust at herself, she sighed and turned off the water. As she grabbed a towel she was happy to note that at least now she was able to identify everything she was feeling. The last time she'd been alone with Carson and he'd said no, she wanted to die. Even with the hope he'd given her, she didn't dare believe. And then there was so much confusion she couldn't figure out up from down. The other half of her emotions were so snarled she couldn't even identify them. Thanks to her sessions with Doctor Heightmeyer, and many talks with her new friends while off world, at least now she knew what they were and could deal with them.

Knowing sleep was a lost cause, Alex tossed her towel aside and pulled on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Ignoring her wet hair dangling all over the place, she hunted for her good running shoes. She could have sworn they were next to the bed.

The door chimes surprised her. Seeing that it was well into the night, but not quite midnight, she hadn't expected anyone. Heck, she didn't expect anyone even in the daytime. Daniels usually spent her time on Atlantis with Tania, Lorne had better things to do, and Oaksford was always on the lookout for a new girlfriend. Most the others usually just met up with her in the mess hall or elsewhere.

When she opened the door, she just caught Carson three meters down the corridor and rushing quickly away.

"Carson?"

Oh Lord, Carson thought, mentally cursing himself. This was an idiotic idea.

Turning around, he caught sight of Alex's wet hair and sweatpants and was relieved that he hadn't woken her up, at least. Even then, the sight of her made his heart skip a beat before it started racing again. He tried to plaster a smile on his face so she wouldn't see just how nervous he was, but he was fairly certain it had just come out a grimace and gave up.

"Alex, um, well, I was just…Is it too late to take you up on that offer of a snack?" he finally managed to get out.

Alex's smile was radiant enough to Carson to light up the entire hall. Instead of answering she stepped up, wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him. Though she had no personal experience of her own, she'd learned enough from Daniels' descriptions to lock lips with him, and then let him take the lead. Gently he probed her lips and parted them with his tongue. Within seconds the rest of the world faded away. When they at last returned to it, both were breathless and trying to slow their pounding hearts.

"I've always felt safer in your arms than anywhere else," she finally said, her face snuggled against his chest listening to the beating of his heart.

"I've waited so long for that. I'm sorry if I was a little forward," he said, finally catching his breath.

Alex laughed. "I'm not made of glass, Carson. If the fact that I practically knocked you on your ass getting into your arms wasn't indication enough that I wanted it, then I hope the kiss conveyed it."

Carson chuckled, which was music to her ears. She would have given anything to keep this moment forever. But, instead, she moved back a bit.

"So, um, yeah, were you actually hungry, or was it just a ploy?"

Carson chuckled again. "Well, now that my stomach isn't filled with butterflies, yes, I would love a bite."

"Good. I didn't exactly get dinner, either. Like I said, bad day."

Giving her another hug and a kiss on the forehead, he said, "I hope this makes up for it, at least."

Alex laughed. "I would live through a thousand days like today for this alone." Frowning as she considered something. "This is for real? You're not going to change your mind?"

"Good Lord, no! I'm just hoping I'm not too soon," he admitted, searching her eyes.

"I don't think so, but then, I never did. Just don't go back on me, here, because Ronon might kill me if you start moping about and not talking to me."

"Moping about? Honestly! I know he means well, but—"

"Forget Ronon," she said. "I'm starving. And then let's just see where this takes us. All I want is for both of us to be happy. No expectations, no tomorrow, no grand plans, and no regrets. Deal?"

"My, my, you have been educating yourself."

"How else was I going to eventually grab your attention? I figured I'd have to resort to either seduction or begging. Thankfully, you saved me that embarrassment."

With a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, he said, "Well, now. Maybe I am a bit early. Because I would like to see your talents in seduction."

Flashing him a coy smile, "Well, that will keep you interested then, won't it? You'll have to stick around to see it, now."

"I'll hold you to it," he promised.

Realizing she didn't have her shoes on, yet, she briefly toyed with the idea of bringing him into her room. But, considering her current emotional high, she wasn't sure she could trust herself not to push things or take them too far too fast. Krissy and Tania had warned her about scaring guys off with stuff like that. Instead she told him to hold on for just a moment and ducked back into her quarters.

Carson couldn't help himself. He knew if he went into her quarters or she in his, things would likely spin out of control. He wasn't sure if she was ready to go that far, yet; and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out yet, either. The idea of her having gained experience somewhere else made him force down another spike of jealousy. For now, he was happy to just spend time with her and let the rest take its course naturally. Instead, he compromised by poking his head in her door and looking around. He wasn't surprised to see various souvenirs of her several trips off-world in the last few months; but the incredible collection of pictures of the sky both day and night from so many worlds was breathtaking. She had them taped to every wall in her front room. One was obviously dedicated to sunrises, another to sunsets, one for night skies, and another for daytime skies with moons and all.

"Hey! I thought I told you to wait outside," she called from where she was half-crawled under the bed.

"I am still outside. If you didn't want me to see, you should have closed the door," he called back cheekily. "These are incredible. Did you take them all?"

"Most of them. Daniels and Oaksford took a few, too. I think one might even be from Lorne, but I'm not sure which one anymore."

"They're beautiful."

"Thanks. I figured by now you must have figured out I'm obsessed with the sky. I guess all those centuries underground in that prison made me miss it more than I thought," she said, still smiling at her photos.

Carson's expression darkened somewhat as he was yet again reminded she was in no way what she appeared on the outside.

"What?" she asked, catching sight of his expression.

"Sorry, love. I guess that reminder just caught me off guard," he admitted.

"Ah, that. Well, you'll get used to it. Everyone else does. Besides, it was another life, long behind me where it should stay. The past can't hurt me unless I let it and all that stuff, right?"

"Possessed of wisdom and beauty. How are you still single?" he teased with a warm smile.

"I'm not now, am I?" she shot back with a grin. Prodding him out her door, she hopped into her shoes and they were off to see where things would lead them.

~o~o~o~

The next few days were bliss for Carson and Alex. The two of them had their individual duties to attend, but every minute outside of that was spent together anywhere they could. Alex took him on a tour of her favorite balconies and views for various times of day. Carson showed her his souvenirs from Earth and explained some of his favorite hobbies. She clearly didn't understand his obsession with catching bigger and bigger fish; and he didn't understand her obsession with always watching even a totally clear blue sky. Yet neither of them cared so long as they were together. Outside of their time together, it seemed nothing else existed.

Most of the inhabitants of Atlantis saw the two as either the most endearing thing to grace the city's halls in a long time; or the most sickening. While there were those who still felt Alex was not to be trusted, no one dared to make a wrong move against her so long as she was protected by the "elite" of Atlantis society. Within a day word had spread throughout the city. The usual dark rumors spread of Alex now cheating on Major Lorne with Doctor Beckett was almost too common to bother sharing. Some of the rumors involving a love triangle between Sergeant Daniels, Major Lorne, and Alex now being broken up had people whispering in corners. But the really enjoyable rumors of her being pregnant with Lorne's a half-breed causing her to need constant watching by a doctor were the most laughable.

Alex reminded herself to be content with what she had. She didn't need everyone's approval or consent. Just those of her closest friends, and she had that from all of them. Major Lorne smiled and gave her a thumbs up behind Carson's back when they passed in the halls, while Colonel Sheppard just gave her an approving nod. Daniels and Tania hooked her into a makeup party just to give more dating advice. Oaksford, ever on the lookout for a new girlfriend teased about finally losing out on his chance to woo her into his arms. Doctor Heightmeyer encouraged the relationship with words of caution about it being her first experience. Even Doctor Weir, though surprised to see them together, had nothing negative to say.

From lazing about in the sun on a balcony, to cozying up on a bench or sofa just to spend time together doing individual activities, Alex and Carson found a new reason to exist just being with one another.

One evening Carson suggested they watch some movies he had stored on his personal laptop. By this point Alex wasn't entirely unfamiliar with this form of entertainment, but hadn't seen many, either. Curious what kind of movie Carson would find entertaining, she readily agreed. That evening Carson set up a quick, simple dinner for the two of them with a bit of a surprise for her. He doubted even she realized that today was the one-year anniversary of her conversion. It had taken a few bribes and calling in a couple of favors for him to arrange for a handful of cupcakes of a variety of flavors and colors, since he didn't know what she liked. Privately he was glad no one else had noticed so he could make this first anniversary a special, and private one. Maybe later he would remind the others.

When his door chimed his heart fluttered. Suddenly the whole setup seemed rather ridiculously lacking. A little fifteen inch laptop instead of a television, food from the mess hall, no romantic candles, no flowers, not even a decent dining table. He almost changed his mind and offered to take her out on a balcony, instead. But when the door opened and he saw Alex, his heart jumped. Unlike their many casual encounters in public, tonight she was dressed to kill.

Somewhere Alex had managed to find the perfect outfit to show off all her best attributes. Low heels highlighted her delicate ankles. Her black, lightweight casual skirt was modest, but showed off her nicely shaped calves up to the knee. Her blue and black blouse nicely outlined the shape of her bosom without showing any cleavage. Her fine, pale features were just barely graced by a hint of makeup that beautifully accented the angular curves of her face, eyes, and lips. Carson's mouth went dry at the sight of her.

"I take it you like?" she asked coyly.

"Oh aye," he said, motioning her inside with a gallant wave. "You look absolutely lovely."

Seeing dinner set up for them on his little coffee table, Alex smiled brilliantly. Carson's heart fluttered as he returned her chaste kiss. It was all he could do to keep his eyes off of her and on his food. Alex went on explaining where she had come up with some of the articles and who had given her advice, but it went in one ear and out the other. Clearing away the remains of their dinner, Carson setup the laptop on the coffee table and turned off the lights before motioning to the sofa. At first he wasn't certain how well this arrangement would work with such a small monitor; but feeling Alex cuddling up against him to get a better view made him change his mind.

This was perfection. Wrapping his arm around her, they watched the entire flick; and Carson wasn't sure he remembered a single part of it. Feeling her up against him, smelling her so close, was too distracting. He spent most of the ninety or so minutes convincing himself that it was too early for that kind of intimacy. But, oh his heart said otherwise. As the movie came to an end, he squeezed her close one more time before letting her go and leaning forward to close the laptop. When he sat back, he was surprised to find she had only moved enough to let him sit back on the sofa again, before cuddling up right where she had been before, against his chest in the dark room.

After a few seconds listening to his steady heartbeat, she hummed contentedly. "I could stay like this forever."

"Me too," Carson sighed happily.

Thinking about what she said, Alex huffed a gentle laugh. "Forever doesn't mean what it used to anymore. I really should remember that."

Carson chuckled in return. A moment later that chuckle was stifled as he found his mouth otherwise occupied. She kissed him with a passion that spoke of need. But, again, he reminded himself that it was too soon. When her kiss moved from his lips toward his neck, he groaned with desire.

"Alex, I don't think you quite know what that does to a person," he warned half-heartedly.

"Oh, yes. I do."

He could practically see her catlike eyes in the dark alight with anticipation. Growling softly at himself, he gently tried to move her back. She refused to be averted. His resistance obliterated, he let the sensation of her tongue on his neck and nibble on his ear make him shiver with barely controlled desire. After letting her have a turn, Carson decided when it was his turn. Turning her gently, he let her upper body rest across his lap as he returned the favor. Much as he had, she shivered and moaned in delight as his tongue explored her. Slowly, and with more regret than he would like to admit, he sat up, staring through the darkness into those barely visible intense blue eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, gently stroking her belly through the silken blue blouse.

In response Alex gave an irritated growl of her own and then attacked the buttons on his shirt. As if needing to feel his flesh against hers, she undid his buttons in record time and began to explore the unique feel and taste of him with her tongue. Now certain this was what she wanted, Carson was content to let her take the lead. He had no idea how much she had learned or where, and, at the moment, he could not have cared less. After a few moments of her playing with his nipples, he decided she wasn't going to have all the fun.

Twisting himself slightly, he managed to get a good angle on the buttons of her blouse. She was so intent on what she was doing, he wondered if she even noticed he'd gained access until his soft hands brushed her nipples. Delighted to find no bra underneath, Carson teased and played until she stopped her own actions to moan in unrestrained pleasure. Leaning back, she gave him unrestrained access that he took full advantage of. She moaned and squirmed under his attention until he felt himself growing uncomfortable in his pants. Ignoring it, though, he continued to nip, and lick, and tease her upper body while his free hand traveled slowly downward.

Alex was so utterly absorbed in the sensations she almost couldn't think anymore. Her heart pounded and the heat inside her grew, focusing on each point Carson touched, and lower down. Though she had absolutely no experience of her own, she had to admit that Daniels' description had been quite accurate. After a few moments, the brain shut down. All she wanted now was Carson, everywhere. She moaned and writhed and gasped as he continued around her neck, her chest, and her belly.

Suddenly she became aware of a new sensation that had her arching her back. One of Carson's hands had worked its way under her skirt and now pressed gently on a sensitive spot that had her gasping in surprise. Her whole body reacted to his touch, even as gentle and explorative as it had been. She felt the heat between her legs increasing to a fever that left her wanting to cry out with need. For a moment it almost seemed Carson was going to back away, but realizing her desperate grip was wordlessly begging him for more, he explored further.

Too distracted to even attempt to take control back as she had planned, Alex felt her body reacting to his touch. This might have gone on for seconds, minutes, or even hours. She had no way to know. But the pleasurable sensations were all she knew. Gripping him in any place she could, she threw her head back and wordlessly begged for something she didn't understand, but knew she needed. Lost in the feelings, she rode the waves of ecstasy as something inside her overwhelmed every part of her being.

Sometime later Alex slowly began to regain awareness of her surroundings. Carson's hand no longer moved between her legs. Now her gasping breaths and racing heart left her exhilarated. In the darkness, she knew her eyes had an advantage over his, and she could not miss his scrutiny. Though he continued to toy with her nipples and other sensitive spots, he had backed off to give her time to recover. Well, as far as she was concerned, he wasn't getting away that easy. He had distracted her, and now he was going to pay.

Turning back toward Carson, Alex started in again on his neck and worked her way down. This time he only made half-hearted attempts to distract her with his touch. These she easily ignored. With each new moan she elicited, she grew more and more excited all over again. Finally she reached the bulge in his pants. Knowing what to expect, she teased and rubbed, but left his pants zipped. His moans soon turned into a wordless need of his own. Taking pity on him, she finally let it loose. Daniels had already told her what to expect, but she still found a thrill in taking into her delicate hands and stroking it to elicit more and more desperate moans from the man she held.

Feeling her own need rising again, Alex moaned almost in sync with him. As she crawled back up to engage Carson in a desperate and deeply passionate kiss, she carefully positioned herself. Daniels had warned her about the pain, but at this point her need screamed recklessness. Carson, seemingly lost in his own need did, somehow, still find enough awareness to consider her inexperience. Gently and slowly he guided her down, even as she continued nipping at his neck. For a moment, he just held her there, letting her adjust while he turned his attention to the nipples that were now at the perfect level.

As his lips and hands explored her all over again, Alex began to feel the need driving her to writhing in his embrace. The pain had already faded and she felt her hips moving almost as if they had a mind of their own. Slowly she rose up and back down. The sensation almost destroyed what was left of her sanity. Again, she did it, this time getting an accompanying moan out of Carson. Again. Again. Her need made her give in. Letting her body take over, she felt the tempo increase. She felt Carson's cries more than heard them. Her heart seemed as if it would burst. Somewhere far away from the incredible pleasure she was feeling throughout her body, she heard cries of passion she knew must be coming from her, but had no desire to stifle them; because right now, nothing existed but the two of them.

For the second time she felt her mind shatter as wave after wave of rapturous ecstasy made her entire body shudder in Carson's grasp. Again, she was lost unable to think or speak as she gasped in lungsful of air hearing nothing but the impossibly fast pounding of her heart. For a few minutes, that was all there was for them. Their post coital embrace seemed to last a lifetime as they both came back to reality by inches.

Finally Alex found enough awareness to lean back and smile down at Carson's beautiful face. He beamed up at her with a smile of his own.

"I wasn't too rough, was I?" a hint of uncertainty finally entering her mind.

Carson laughed and hugged her tightly. "Be as rough as you like, love. If the results are like that, I'll take all you've got."

Alex sighed in relief. Until that moment, she hadn't realized just how terrified she had been of this encounter. She'd wanted it for so long, but had feared it to. What she feared, she had no idea. But now, she laughed almost giddily. Eventually it occurred to her that this might not be the most comfortable position for Carson and gently slid sideways back onto the sofa. Carson was quick to grab her by the shoulders and gently pull her back toward him into the position they had been in originally.

"I love you," he whispered into her hair.

Despite the rumble she heard as he spoke those three words, she also heard the heartbeat change just slightly. Whether it was fear or anticipation or something else, she didn't know. But there was no hesitation on her part. She sat up, looking him right in the eyes to ensure there was no mistake.

"I love you, Carson. I could say it over and over. But you'll get tired of hearing it. I love you."

Carson chuckled. "Impossible, Alex. Because I love you just as much."

"Good, then no more of this 'Are you sure?' and 'you're not ready' and—"

Giving a mock glare, Carson put his finger to her lips to silence her. This she nipped playfully. With a growl of his own he silenced those lips with his tongue, instead.

Though they got very little sleep that night, they never even made it off the sofa.


	16. Chapter 16

The days came and went in a blur for Carson and Alex. They rushed through whatever it was they had to do just so they could spend every last minute together. Most of Atlantis had learned to ignore them, but there were a few who still threw disgusted looks their way from time to time. As ever, the rumor mongering took less time to travel across the city than a teleporter. Some said Alex was pregnant with Doctor Beckett's child, now instead of Major Lorne's. Others said they had been married in secret and he was trying to give himself Wraith DNA so they could have children. And then there were darker rumors of her controlling his mind with her Wraith telepathy.

These brought little more than chuckles or rolled eyes whenever they came to the ears of those who actually knew the two of them. All but Doctor McKay seemed to be happy for the couple, or at least not openly disgusted. And, for a while, it almost seemed as if the universe had agreed to give them all a break. Life had grown almost boring for the Atlanteans, even with the ever-present threat of the Wraith. Meanwhile, Doctor Beckett had continued to work on the Wraith Retrovirus in the hopes of finding a formula that meant Alex wouldn't have to have daily injections. At the same time he continued to work on the male formula in the hopes of making it an effective weapon. By attempting to turn it into an aerosol weapon, they might stand a chance of taking out whole hives in a single shot. At the same time, they all worked on designating a planet that they would setup and use as their settlement for the newly converted test subjects.

So quiet had things been for all of them, that the whole of Atlantis found itself approaching the Christmas season with anticipation. In years past they had been too busy with their constant fight for survival to do more than make a note of the holiday. This year was different. The Daedalus arrived with a ship load of requested cargo and many things not originally requested. Much to everyone's delight, the holiday cheer spread quickly. Little parties were organized and gifts were traded. Carson, John, and the others attempted to explain such holidays to the utterly lost and confused Alex. But, once she understood, she was as enthusiastic as a child.

But, of course, this peaceful time could not last forever. As the New Year arrived and the parties wound down back to more serious business, Doctor Beckett finally had the breakthrough he had been hoping for. The female formula still worked the same. That he was utterly stuck on. But, the male formula appeared one hundred percent effective and he had managed to aerosolize it. Now it was time to test it. Multiple teams were sent out to capture a male Wraith. Screaming his rage and fighting at every turn, the Hivemaster they captured very nearly wound up escaping before they could get him into the isolation room that had once been used by Alex what now seemed a lifetime ago.

Most of the leadership of Atlantis and Alex gathered in the observation room above to watch as Carson tossed in a small canister that began to fill the room with teargas-like white mist. Alex's normally pale face was now ghostly white as she watched. She had already done her part to control the Wraith's mind as much as possible to keep him at least somewhat under control. Her lips were a thin line and her eyes were wide and intense as she focused on trying to calm the maddened Wraith. But, as the aerosol began to take effect, she gasped and stumbled backward into a chair.

Colonel Sheppard was at her side almost before her bottom hit the chair. Alex waved at him to stop him from calling for Carson. She shook her head a couple of times to clear it before explaining to them what had happened.

"That stuff is…fast. I was still linked with him when it began to take effect. It was…unpleasant," she explained, trying to allay their concerns.

It was then that the screams could be heard. But, unlike Alex's conversion, this was much, much faster. The male Wraith DNA being so much more closely related to human actually made the transition faster and easier. The screams were more of horror than pain. Though there was still some waste material, it wasn't nearly as much or as messy. Within a single day, they now beheld a human with white hair, much as Alex. His eyes, however, had come out a deep, rich brown; though with the same cat-like appearance. And, unlike Alex, he seemed to have no memory of who or what he had been.

Doctor Beckett quickly sedated him until they could figure out what else to do with him. The first phase having been successful, Doctor Weir wanted to implement a second phase most of the others didn't think was a good idea. Instead of shipping him off to some Pegasus Galaxy settlement, she wanted to see if he could be integrated into the rest of the human population. With Doctor Heightmeyer's help, they came up with a background and a story about a possible head injury that occurred while he was a prisoner of the Wraith. This combined with a diagnosis of Type One diabetes seemed to be a workable cover story that would ensure he had his daily injection. Unfortunately, that part seemed much the same as with Alex.

Three days after the conversion from Wraith to human, Lieutenant Michael Kenmore awoke in the infirmary. Doctor Beckett greeted him with a warm and welcoming smile as he radioed the others. Within minutes Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Weir, and Alex all arrived in the infirmary to be met by a tired, but smiling Doctor Beckett.

"Blood pressure's fine, pulse is normal; you're bouncing back quite nicely," Beckett told Michael.

"Bouncing back from what?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Hello, Michael. Do you remember me?" Weir asked with a smile.

For a moment, Michael seemed to seriously consider her. But there was a slight edge to his voice as he shook his head and said, "No."

"I'm Doctor Elizabeth Weir. This is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. And this is Alex."

Sheppard, his arms crossed and his expression neutral spoke up, "You serve under my command."

Michael seemed utterly disappointed as he failed to remember any of this.

"Do you know where you are?" Weir asked, before he had a chance to think too deeply on this.

Irritation coloring his voice Michael shot back, "I don't even know who I am."

Beckett, standing beside Weir watched the man's reactions closely as Alex kept her mind open for any signs of Wraith telepathy.

"Your name is Lieutenant Michael Kenmore. You're in a private room in the infirmary here in Atlantis," she explained.

The sudden shifting of Michael's eyes back to hers at the mention of Atlantis brought her up short.

"Is that familiar to you?"

Suddenly his face lit up as a memory sparked somewhere in the back of his mind. "Atlantis. Yeah…I think."

Continuing with the well-prepared story, Sheppard took over with Alex still faded into the background. "You're a member of a team that went off world. You were captured by the Wraith."

"I see you remember the Wraith," Beckett observed gently as Michael's brows furrowed slightly.

"What did they do to me?" Michael asked, not bothering to hide his fear.

"We're not quite sure, yet," Weir cut in before Beckett could answer.

"We sent a rescue team for you, but you were wounded during the mission," Sheppard explained.

"You've been unconscious for days and had us worried sick," Beckett added with more sincerity than he felt.

"Why can't I remember anything?"

"We don't know, yet," Beckett answered, hoping he sounded truthful. "Hopefully we'll learn more as we conduct further tests."

"And, in the meantime, I can assure you that we will give you the best possible care to help in your recovery," Weir promised.

Michael seemed almost sad as he nodded in acceptance.

"Just rest for now, son," Beckett told him. "I'll be back shortly."

With that the four of them filed out of the isolation room and up to the observation room. All of them were quiet, considering what they had just started and what might come of it. If this worked, it would be a huge step toward possibly eradicating the Wraith without further bloodshed. On the other hand, it still felt wrong on a very basic level. As they closed the door for privacy in the observation room above, they turned to Alex; who, other than giving Michael a warm smile on her way out, had said nothing.

"I don't feel anything except a low level of confusion and frustration. But, even then, I don't think he's aware he's projecting it," she explained.

They all turned their attention to the young man in the bed below.

"Keep a close eye on him. Until we know more, we need to proceed with caution," Elizabeth said, her eyes locked on the figure below. She heaved a sigh. "This may just be the start of our problems."

Tired as he was, Carson nodded in agreement. Alex gave him a quick hug as she settled down on a sofa brought into the observation room. It wouldn't do to have her visibly close all the time; but they still needed a way to keep someone watching that could alert them to any telepathic activity. Meanwhile, Carson returned to his lab adjoining the isolation room to continue sorting through the endless data from the transition.

The next morning Beckett returned to Michael's room attempting to be as chipper as possible. Filling a syringe with the male formula Wraith Retrovirus he quite openly showed Michael what he was doing to avoid making him jumpy or suspicious.

"What is that?" Michael asked more out of curiosity than suspicion.

"I'm afraid you have Type One Diabetes. It requires a daily injection of insulin to maintain normal blood glucose level. You've managed it quite nicely, actually."

The irritated look in Michael's face at not remembering or knowing this reflected on Beckett's face as he turned serious. "Michael, we believe you may be suffering from what we call generalized dissociative amnesia; which usually occurs as a result of significant trauma."

"Trauma caused by the Wraith?" he asked in a voice neutral enough to border on suspicious.

"We don't know for certain," the doctor admitted, before putting his grin back in place. "Hopefully, over time your memory will return. In the meantime, we'll do our best to help you fill in the gaps a wee bit at a time so as to not completely overwhelm you."

Tossing his head back and giving a sardonic grin Michael shot back, "I'm already completely overwhelmed. How much worse can it get?"

With one last comforting pat on the shoulder, Beckett turned away. From up above, Alex clearly caught the frown and worried look on Carson's face. Though she had not heard the exchange, she could guess by the expressions it had not gone very well at all. A couple minutes later he joined her in the observation room. Rubbing his face tiredly, he flopped onto the sofa.

"You need sleep," she told him, cuddling up next to him.

He didn't bother to reply as he held her close for a moment. He didn't have to. She could sense his exhaustion and worry in every inch of him.

"Let me talk to him," she offered.

For a moment Carson seemed about to argue. But, he knew sooner or later Alex was going to need to if their story was going to work. He still didn't like the idea of putting her in danger of exposure. But, if they were to convince him that his white hair and eyes were normal, she was going to have to be the one to prove it. Nodding, Carson kissed her forehead.

"Just be careful."

"No problem. You, on the other hand, are going to stay right here. Give me your radio," she demanded.

"But—"

"No 'buts'. You're going to get at least a couple hours of sleep even if it means I have to weld that door shut. I'll tell them you're busy or something. Everyone here knows you're completely consumed by this experiment. Your people in the infirmary are more than capable of handling anything else that comes up."

Her eyes boring into him and her speech having left him no chance to argue until she took a breath, he felt a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Have I ever told you how cute you are when you're angry?"

Alex blinked at this before growling playfully and pouncing on him. After a few seconds in lip-lock, Alex managed to slip his radio off and dance out of his reach.

"Good night, Carson," she called over her shoulder, closing the door behind herself.

Shaking his head, Carson again thanked anything that would listen that she had survived the transition.

~o~o~o~

Pocketing the radio, Alex headed downstairs and to the door to the isolation room. As had been the case when she first changed, there were two guards posted outside. For a moment, she wondered if she could really do this. Unlike the man on the other side of that door, she had chosen this. He hadn't. How far could they trust him? She desperately wanted to welcome him as a friend, but something still didn't feel right. Shaking off all of this, she put a smile on her face and entered the isolation room.

Michael was sitting up on his bed with a breakfast tray on his lap poking at it half-heartedly.

"Hello, Michael," she called. "I'm Alex. Do you remember me?"

Michael cocked his head with an almost-grin forming. "You look familiar. Do I know you?"

"Yes," she answered with a delighted smile. "You assisted my team on several missions."

His grin gone, Michael's face took on a look of intense concentration. "There's more, though. Are we friends?"

Unspeakably glad that she had spent so much time studying human facial expressions Alex kept her smile as genuine as possible. "Yeah."

"That's the best news I've heard all day," he said, seeming genuinely relieved.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, hopping up onto the edge of the bed near his feet.

"Physically, fine. But my mind is…completely blank," he replied with what now appeared an almost sheepish expression. "They said I'm a Lieutenant."

"Yep," she said cheerfully, swiping a piece of fruit off his breakfast tray. "You just got to Atlantis a few months ago. But you've proven yourself to be one of the city's finest soldiers."

Michael's expression flipped so fast, Alex found herself struggling to maintain her happy façade.

"Well, if I'm such a fine soldier, then how did I get captured by the Wraith?" he asked bitterly.

"Easy. Your whole team got ambushed when a Wraith Cruiser landed just outside a village. You practically took on the whole cruiser yourself just to give your team and the villagers more time to escape. It was actually ridiculously heroic," she said as casually as possible. Then she glared at him, "Don't ever do that again. You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were gone for good that time."

His cheeks coloring slightly, Michael nodded as if accepting this chastisement; making Alex relax considerably, if not visibly. "Were you part of the team that rescued me?"

"You bet your ass," she shot back with a smile.

"Well, then that make you even more heroic."

For a moment Alex just stared. Then she started laughing heartily. "Yep, smooth as ever, Michael. You should use that as a pick up line. I'm sure there's plenty around here who would fall for that one."

Again, Michael's cheeks colored even more deeply.

"Oh, come on, Michael. That was awesome! Seriously, you should use that one," she said, shoving him gently in the shoulder.

Though he said nothing, he seemed to have lightened up considerably.

"Well, enough food stealing and chatting. I've got stuff to do, and Doctor Beckett would skin me alive if he knew I was in here bugging one of his patients. I'll sneak out quietly. But if you hear screaming, he caught me," she said. "Get some rest. I'll be around when he finally lets you out."

"Thanks."

With one last wave, Alex headed out. For a moment she sat on the stairs leading up to the observation room. Though it had gone better than she had any right to expect, she just couldn't shake off the feeling that this had yet to turn for the worst. Pulling herself together, she let herself back into the observation room to find Carson sleeping soundly. Setting the radio on the table beside the sofa, she quietly left to gather her thoughts.

~o~o~o~

As expected, there was some dissention over Michael's next move. Doctor Beckett agreed he was physically sound enough to be out of the infirmary, and keeping him there longer than necessary might arouse suspicion. Doctor Weir, of course, turned to Doctor Heightmeyer for guidance. Kate believed he needed to be moved into his own quarters and treated like any other person before he got too suspicious; and giving him something else to focus on might keep him from spending too much time trying to recover memories that didn't exist in the first place. Colonel Sheppard, of course, disagreed; arguing that they still had no idea what kind of residual effects there might be. Deadlocked between Heightmeyer and Sheppard, Weir considered these things for a moment. Finally she turned to Alex.

"Do you have anything to add?"

Not entirely certain how involved they would want her, she had kept her peace. Now she looked from Kate to John. Heaving a sigh, she sat on arm of the chair with her arms crossed.

"I'm with Kate in that he needs to be introduced into the population and given time to adjust. On the other hand, John is right, too."

"How so?"

"He can't be left unguarded. If he starts remembering anything, he's going to be a threat; and in ways none of you could see. I can sense if he's using telepathy to call to others. It would be extremely weak right now, but if a hive is close enough, they'll sense it. However, the longer we keep him in the infirmary, the more suspicious he's going to get. Plus, we need to keep him off-balance and somewhat overwhelmed if we're going to keep guiding him toward a recovery that isn't real. Until he's been in this environment long enough for all this to feel normal, he's going to be suspicious, skeptical, and possibly even hostile when he gets frustrated."

"What are you suggesting?" Weir asked for all of them.

Glancing at Carson, Alex made a disgusted face. "None of you are going to like this, least of all Carson."

"Oh no. Absolutely not!" Carson caught on first.

Everyone else's eyebrows shot up as they began to catch on.

"Carson, I love you. But shut up and listen for a minute," she said, her expression leaving no further room for argument. "First of all, I don't like it any more than you do. Secondly, the only other one in this entire city that can sense Wraith telepathy is Teyla. And, even then, she's nowhere near as experienced or as sensitive as I am. Thirdly, I can use it to our advantage. As long as I am very, very soft and subtle, I can use it to steer his emotional state and possibly even keep him distracted without him ever noticing. And, finally, can anybody in this room come up with a better plan for keeping him guarded and not raise suspicions?"

By now Carson's expression was furious, but he kept his peace. As the others looked from one to another shaking their heads, he finally exploded.

"You can't be serious! That's insane! He's—"

His next words were cut off as Alex stormed across the room and took him by the arm with a quick, "Please excuse us for a moment."

Stepping out onto Weir's balcony and closing the doors, she crossed her arms and faced her furious boyfriend. "Go ahead. Finish whatever you were about to say."

"You know what I have to say."

"Are you done then?"

Carson glared in silence, his blue eyes hard as ice.

"Good. Now put away the part of you that is my boyfriend and think for a minute. I know you're exhausted, but you need to think. I know you're not jealous, because we both know you love me enough to trust me. So what is it you're afraid of?"

For a moment Carson just frowned. Then he scrubbed his face as if he could scrub away the exhaustion. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed deeply. "You're right. This isn't about any jealousy. I can't put it into rational terms. But this isn't right. Something's not right about him. And I can't bear the thought of him attacking you when your guard is down."

"Who said I was going to let my guard down? He scares me, Carson. I'm with you. There's something not right about him. There's something lurking under the surface we can't see, but can instinctively feel. But if we have any hope of making this work so we can do the same for the billions of other Wraith out there in the galaxy, we have to try. And this is the most logical option."

Carson shoved his hands in his pocket. "Fine. You're right. But I don't have to like it."

"No, you don't and neither do I. We just have to do it."

Nodding, Carson hugged her one more time, knowing this was likely to be their last embrace for a while if this worked out even half as well as they hoped. Both of them having regained their composure reentered Weir's office to find the tension so thick you could feel it. Carson moved away to the other side of the room facing the group.

"Carson and I agree with John. Michael's not to be trusted. There's something not right about him. Like I told Carson, I can't put my finger on it. But there definitely is something lurking just beneath the surface. If I play this right, I can be as close to him as humanly possible and with him constantly. That will keep him guarded and, hopefully, avoid suspicion."

"You're sure about this?" Sheppard asked before Weir could; he seemed about as happy as Carson with the idea.

"No, but it's the best option we have."

They all turned to Weir. She'd been eyeing Alex this whole time. Finally she nodded as she seemed to come to a decision. Turning to Beckett she said, "Okay. Release him."

Sheppard was practically gritting his teeth as he left Weir's office.

~o~o~o~

Carson wound up having to take a long detour to avoid going directly to the infirmary just as angry as when he'd left Weir's office. After a nice, long walk around the city, a lunch spent lingering in the mess hall, he finally made his way back to the isolation room. Still not happy, but at least able to smile half-heartedly, he found Michael poking around a dinner tray that looked about as appealing as gruel. Not blaming the guy one bit, he finally found something on which he could focus to try to get the next part of this plan out of his head.

"I see your appetite is waning," he commented. "Not that I blame you with that kind of tray in front of you."

Michael just nodded, not really bothering to look up. Clearly he was already feeling cooped up and had way too much time on his hands to think. Alex had been right.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to get you some real food, then," Beckett said happily. "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm being discharged?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Unless you're feeling unwell?" Beckett asked, pausing for a moment to watch the man's reaction.

"No. I feel fine."

Plastering a smile on his face, he continued, "Good. Then let's get you back to the comfort of your own quarters. I've already sent someone for Alex. I know you two were close friends, and I thought having a familiar face to guide you around a bit would help."

"Thanks," Michael said, clearly happy with this idea.

"She should be bringing some clothes. I've already informed Doctor Weir and Colonel Sheppard. They've agreed to speak with Major Lorne about giving Alex some time off to spend with you while you recover."

Doctor Beckett's face felt like it would shatter he struggled so hard to keep that huge, happy smile in place when all he wanted to do was punch the man in the face. He had no right to be that happy about—

"Heya, Michael!" Alex called, practically bounding into the room. "I'm here to bust you outta this torture chamber."

"I beg your pardon?" the doctor said, in mock offense.

Alex winked at Michael as she handed over the clothes. "Hurry up and change, before he changes his mind. I'll hold him off."

Grinning, Michael headed toward the restroom. The moment he was out of sight, the two lovers glared warnings at each other as if silently demanding the other behave so as not to ruin it. Finally Carson stalked away, not wanting to see her pretending to be happy with Michael. Alex waited patiently for Michael to emerge before plastering a grin on her face again.

"Took you long enough. Come on," she said cheerfully. "Doctor Beckett told me you didn't really eat. And if that tray is what they gave you, I'd rather starve, too. You hungry?"

"At little."

"Great! Let's swing by the mess hall and grab some stuff on the way to your quarters," she suggested, heading out the door.

Thankfully, Sheppard had already gotten rid of the guards. She chatted about current goings on about the city as they headed for the nearly empty mess hall and then to his quarters. After some minor debate, they had decided to put him in a similar area as Alex that was virtually unused. But, unlike hers, he at least got windows and a balcony. She wasn't sure if she was jealous of this or amused.

Munching happily on an apple, Alex opened the door to his quarters. "Here we are."

Michael stepped into his quarters with a look of curiosity. Alex stood back and let him explore the few possessions scattered around the room. He gravitated toward a side table where there were a few personal items. His hand gently skimmed over a large, felt, tan cowboy hat. Part of their story was that he was from a place called Texas in the United States of America on planet Earth in the Milky Way Galaxy. This, Alex was not comfortable with. Despite all her reading and studying, she still knew very little about where Carson, John, and the others came from.

Alex very nearly let out a sigh of relief as he went from one object to another, not asking any questions. Eventually he wound his way around the room to the table on the opposite wall where there was a closed laptop and a single photo of a middle-aged couple waving at a camera. Behind them was a rather bland scene of a dusty desert. Seeming utterly absorbed, he picked up the picture to study it more closely.

"Those are your parents," Alex told him, thinking this might be a safe subject.

"Family," he said in a distant voice.

"Yep. You have some brothers and sisters, too. I just don't know that much about them, yet."

Michael's brown eyes fixed on her intently. "Yet?"

Alex, blessing her numerous experiences she'd survived that were embarrassing in the extreme, recalled one now, making her cheeks flush. "Yeah, about that. Um, I spoke with Doctor Heightmeyer. She said it would be okay. But I…um…well."

Michael's gaze never wavered as he waited for her to continue.

"Well, we kinda hit it off right before you were captured."

"'Hit it off'?"

"Yeah, Doctor Heightmeyer said I shouldn't be disappointed if you don't remember. But we were more than just…friends," she finished hoping she sounded pathetically lame.

Michael blinked, finally understanding, but not remembering.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything," she apologized. "It was stupid. I just wanted so badly to hold you. I didn't want to wait."

Feeling the need to offer her something, Michael gripped her shoulder gently. Flinging herself at him, Alex wrapped him in a fierce embrace. After a few seconds, she backed off, red-faced.

"Okay, there. I'm sorry. That was totally selfish. But I just wanted to feel close to you again, even if just for a minute."

Clearly off-balance with all of this, Michael put the picture back down on the table. "No. No, it's fine. It felt…good, actually."

Alex huffed a huge sigh of relief. "Good. Then I'll leave it at that, for now. We'll get reacquainted in time."

"Okay," he agreed with a smile.

~o~o~o~

Colonel Sheppard's expression darkened as he watched from a room setup just for observing Michael's movements. Aside from what this was likely doing to Carson, he just didn't like it one bit. He cursed himself quietly for not having come up with a better solution sooner. Maybe Teyla…No, he growled softly to himself. He would just have to trust Alex to watch Michael and take care of herself.

~o~o~o~

Feeling somewhat uncomfortable being alone in his quarters with him, Alex smiled as an idea came to mind. "Come on, I'm sure you're feeling as cooped up as I was my last time in the infirmary. Let's go spar. We'll call it 'physical therapy' to please Doctor Beckett."

"Spar?"

"Yeah, kind of like light fighting, but we're not actually going to try to kill each other."

"Oh."

"You sound disappointed. You still owe me for the last round. Are you saying you would much rather be actually trying to kill me this time?" she teased.

"No! I mean, I can't remember anything. How am I supposed to remember how to…spar?"

"Easy," she said, pulling him toward the door by his arm. "Just get moving and your body will remember for you. The way we train it's instinctive. After a while you don't think, you just react. Your memory has nothing to do with it."

"If you say so," he replied skeptically.

Praying she wasn't making a huge mistake, Alex led him toward one of the seldom-used sparring rooms. For a few minutes they just limbered up in silence. Eventually they faced off. Knowing what she knew about Hivemasters having at least some fighting ability even without training so they could defend their queen, she knew this could very well be a painful mistake for her. But, this was another great way to keep him off-balance; or at least focused on something else.

Alex made the first move, which he was too slow to block. This left him reeling backward from a punch to the gut. Seeming totally unconvinced about his own ability, Michael raised his hands again. This time he blocked the first punch, but caught her knee in his chest. Picking himself up off the mat, he prepared to come at her this time. His swings were clumsy and slow, so she dodged and sent an elbow to his head; which he managed to block, but missed the foot she aimed at his ankle.

Lying on the mat yet again, he just sat there staring up at her for a minute. "Why are our eyes and hair so different?"

Something flickered across Alex's face before she regained her equilibrium. With a grin, she came up with a brilliant idea. "If you want your answer, you're going to have to land a hit on me."

Frowning, Michael rolled over and stood up. "I told you. I don't remember anything. You can't expect me to—"

Whatever he was about to whine about, she cut off in a flurry of kicks and punches. Now reacting instinctively instead of thinking, he managed to block all of them before she danced back out of his reach. "That's more like it. I told you, stop thinking. Stop trying to remember. Just fight."

"What makes you think I'm so good?" he snapped.

"Because you left me on the mats more times than I can remember. Now quit whining and come get your answer," Alex taunted, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

A furious frown crossed his features for a split second before he attacked. Taken by surprise, Alex found herself dancing backward blocking frantically. Yep, this was probably a bad idea. Too late to back out now. She finally let him catch her in the ribs.

"Ha!" he said, his brown eyes lighting up happily.

"See?" she said. "Now, as for the eyes and hair. There are a very few people both in the Milky Way and Pegasus Galaxies that carry a rare genetic trait. Doctor Beckett and a few others suspect it has something to do with genetic manipulation from the Ancients; just like Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Beckett, and Major Lorne all having the ATA gene. But, because our trait was visible and was so alien to so many people, most of us were killed off millennia ago. The few families that survived with the trait found it to be recessive; so it appears very seldom. Are you with me so far?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said dancing around her looking for an opening.

"Good. So I was born here in the Pegasus Galaxy. You—"

Trying to catch him off guard, Alex dodged and dropped to the floor. Ready for this, Michael hopped over her swinging leg and used her off-balance position to grab her by the hips and flip her sideways onto the mat. With an "oof" sound, Alex felt the air rush from her lungs when she landed flat on her back. Unable to breathe, she watched as Michael backed up in shock at what he'd just done. Knowing she had to relax to be able to breathe again, Alex closed her eyes and concentrated.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—"

Alex cut off his next words by swinging her legs in a roll with her upper body to catch him squarely under the ribs sending him flying back onto the mat.

"Now we're even," she said coughing as she was finally able to breathe, and then flipped herself to her feet again.

"Ow," Michael groaned, slowly pulling himself back to his feet. "Okay, so it's rare. We're rare, whatever. And that's all?"

"Yep. I'm no geneticist, though. So if you want a more detailed answer, you're going to have to talk to one of them."

"Enough talk, then," Michael said with an anticipatory smile that made his eyes seem more like a hunting cat than ever.

Repressing a shudder, Alex squared off with him. For the next half hour or so, the two were far too involved in their sparring to take notice of anything else. Thoroughly worn out by the match, and coming out even, they finally called a halt.

"Feeling better?" she asked flopping down on the mat.

Michael was grinning from ear to ear. "Yeah, actually."

"Good, cause tomorrow we're going to hurt like hell."

Michael chuckled. "You get to explain to Doctor Beckett why I'm back in the infirmary, then."

"Nope. You can ask him for your own stuff. I've got my supplies in my own quarters. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a shower and a bed."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed. "Thanks, Alex."

"No problem. You'll be seeing a lot more of me. And my quarters are right across the hall from yours. Doctor Beckett and Doctor Heightmeyer said it would be a good idea to have someone familiar close by," she said, finally pulling herself to her feet. "And this way I'm not crowding you or going too far too fast. I know you need time to remember or get adjusted. But this way I'm right across the hall if you need anything. Don't be afraid to come to me any time of the day or night."

"Okay."

Together they walked in what outwardly appeared to be comfortable silence back to their quarters. Meanwhile, Alex was wishing she was headed to Carson's quarters, or her own real quarters with Carson. Keeping all this deep inside, she said a silent goodnight to the man she loved.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning Alex waited patiently outside Michael's door. Once ready, she escorted him to the infirmary for his injection. Something else she had decided that might make Michael more comfortable would be if she would get her injection in the infirmary, too. Michael seemed surprised when she hopped up on the bed next to him.

"Yep, I'm diabetic, too," she grinned. Catching sight of Beckett she called, "Oh great and powerful doctor! Give us your life-saving drugs!"

Beckett frowned darkly at the sight of them, and more so at Alex. She cut her eyes toward Michael and winked adding, "If he's going to be in here every morning, I might as well come with him."

Catching on, Beckett still wagged a finger at her. "You joke, but the next time you have a seizure, we'll see who's joking, then."

"Relax, Doc. I'm just trying to lighten things up in here. You're grouchy when you haven't had your coffee."

"I am not!"

Alex turned to Michael. "I'd say that response qualifies as grouchy. Wouldn't you?"

Michael's eyebrows shot up as he put his hands up signaling neutrality. But he watched the two of them closely as the doctor prepped their injections. Something about the way they interacted seemed…off, somehow.

"Your name is Carson Beckett. I'm Michael Kenmore. What's your last name?" he asked, turning to Alex.

"Cantwell," Carson called out before she could answer, not sure if she had a name ready or not. "As in she 'Can't very Well' keep her comments to herself."

To this Alex replied in the most childish manner possible. She stuck out her tongue, making all of them chuckle. Something still felt off, but the release of tension eased it somewhat. They were soon out of there and headed for the mess hall for breakfast. After which he had a meeting with Doctor Heightmeyer and Alex…must have something to do; but she probably just didn't feel like sharing with him. She just said she'd swing by Heightmeyer's office in an hour to see if he was ready.

~o~o~o~

Sheppard and Alex watched from the monitoring room they had set up as Michael paced Heightmeyer's office. Initially he had started off in a chair across from her, but his agitation had him pacing within moments of entering her office.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "It's just frustrating. I don't remember my own family. Let alone my girlfriend."

"And how is Alex taking this?"

"Fine, I guess. She said she wasn't going to push things. But I feel bad. I want to remember her. Does my family even know?"

She seemed to consider this for a moment. "Given the nature of what we do here and how secretive it is, we can't risk it. Until we declared you dead, we weren't going to say anything. Now, we feel it's best to give you time to regain some memories, first; to avoid anything classified from being slipped."

"Will I regain my memories?" Michael asked, bluntly, leaning on the back of his chair.

"I'm not going to give you false hope. But, yes, most people who suffer from this sort of amnesia do eventually recover most, if not all of their memories. We will continue these sessions—daily if needed—and maybe even try hypnosis or other methods. But I'd like you to try to regain them naturally, first."

Michael dropped his head as if in defeat before coming around the chair to sit. "Where do you want to start?"

"He's suspicious," Alex told Sheppard and Weir in the monitoring room. "He knows there's more, but he doesn't know what, yet."

"Are you sensing this?"

Alex shook her head, as much to shake off her dark thoughts as to answer. "No. Just his body language. From time to time I see him gazing at someone or something as if he knows it or them, and I have to distract him. It's almost like the memories are there, but repressed, and he's constantly trying to get at them."

Sheppard and Weir shared a look. This was not looking good.

"What about what she suggested?" Alex asked, an idea forming in the back of her mind.

"What do you mean?"

"Hypnosis. I've read a little bit about it. Is it possible to plant memories?"

Weir seemed intrigued by the idea as John just shook his head uncertainly. This was definitely out of his scope.

"I'll talk to Kate and see what she says. For now, just keep with what you're doing," Elizabeth told her.

~o~o~o~

Three days into this routine and Michael had begun to show more than a few signs of stress. Colonel Sheppard's monitoring crew had noted that on more than one occasion Michael had woken up with a violent start. Nightmares were obvious. But, so far, he had yet to mention them to Carson, Kate, or Alex. They could only guess at the content. On the fourth day, Alex decided that it was time to get him talking about them. Once again facing off in a sparring room alone, she made her move.

"So, what are the nightmares about?"

This threw him so far off that he literally tripped himself. "What are you talking about?" he snapped, rolling smoothly to his feet.

"Fine, be that way," she said, backing up so he could regain his feet. "I just thought I'd give you a chance to talk about it. But, then, that's what Doctor Heightmeyer's for, right?"

"It's nothing."

For a moment they were too engaged in trading blows to say much of anything.

"'Nothing' is what's keeping you up all night? You're off your game, Michael. And you look like you haven't slept since you left the infirmary. Keep that up and Doctor Beckett's gonna plant your ass back in there."

His chest heaving, Michael dropped his stance. Walking back to the benches, he grabbed a towel and a bottle of water. Turning back toward Alex, patiently standing where he had left her, he finally flopped down onto the bench.

"I'm remembering my time on the Wraith ship."

Feeling a tingle of fear, Alex approached. "Like what?"

"Like seeing…Hivemasters…warriors. There's hallways, and I'm walking up and down them…like…like I belong there." Michael gave a visible shudder, the horror clear in his voice. "I wake up and I see a Wraith in the mirror. My God, what did they do to me?"

Sitting beside him on the bench, Alex sighed heavily, falling back on her emerging acting skills. "We don't know. But they didn't use you for food, so there's got to be something."

"Did they plant something in my head?"

Alex shook her head. "Doctor Beckett says there's nothing physical. Why didn't you tell Doctor Heightmeyer about the nightmares?"

"How would you know if I haven't?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Because you wouldn't still be looking like the walking dead. I'm sure she would have found or done something by now," mentally kicking herself for her slip.

Michael sighed and let his head fall back against the wall. "She knows something. Doctor Weir, Doctor Beckett, Colonel Sheppard…they all know something. They're just not telling me. You're the only one I can trust."

"Oh come on. Now you're just being paranoid."

"Am I?"

Suddenly his expression turned darkly suspicious again. "You know, too. That's why you're always with me. You're just watching for them."

"Now you're pissing me off," she warned him, her eyes blazing. "I'll excuse a lot of crap from you, Michael, because I'm crushing on you and you're messed up in the head. But you start talking that crazy shit about me, and I'll knock you around until there's nothing left in that head of yours to worry about losing," she threatened, carefully exerting some telepathic control.

Michael's eyes changed only slightly, but suspicion was still all over his expression.

Forgive me, Carson, Alex thought to herself.

Leaning toward him, Alex grabbed him by the head so he had nowhere to go. She planted a kiss that left him no room to escape. Little by little Michael relaxed into it and eventually returned the passion. Alex could not help the tears that leaked out of her eyes. Her heart was breaking, but she didn't know what else to do to convince him she was thoroughly on his side. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Alex, they parted. Seeing her tears, Michael frowned.

Alex quickly scrubbed her face dry. "I'm sorry. It's just…what you said…that hurt."

"I'm sorry," he said with sincere remorse, taking her hand and squeezing gently. "It was uncalled for."

Shaking her head Alex pulled herself together. "No. Never mind. I'm just overly sensitive. I've missed you. But, ugh…I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore."

Reaching out, Michael pulled her toward him to hold her close. "I'm sorry."

For a moment, Alex let herself be held; violently crushing the desire to shove him away. Feeling more composed, she took a deep breath and sat back.

"Please, talk to Heightmeyer. I'll come with you, even, if you want. I'm sure there's something she can do to help. Or even Doctor Beckett. Maybe he can give you something to help you sleep. But, please, don't keep doing this to yourself."

Michael nodded, tiredly. "I will."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

He shook his head. "No. I'll see what Doctor Heightmeyer says. And, you're right, maybe Doctor Beckett will give me something to sleep better."

"Good," she said, standing up. "Come on. I want a shower, and you look like you could use a nap. Meet up in say, an hour?"

"Nap?"

"Yeah. I'm going to shower and change clothes and then I'll come over to your room and we can nap for a while. Maybe having me there will help keep the nightmares away."

Michael seemed to consider this. "Okay," he finally agreed with a smile.

Beaming, Alex gave him another quick kiss before grabbing her bag and heading toward her quarters. The next thirty minutes she spent in the shower crying. More than anything, she just wanted to run to Carson and hold him tightly enough to never let go. Even though she knew this had to be done, it hurt more than she had thought it would.

~o~o~o~

"We could try another, larger dose," Beckett said, tiredly as they all met in Weir's office.

Sheppard, sitting with his arms crossed had already voiced his opinion that it was time to stop the experiment, since it looked like Michael was beginning to remember. Now he held his peace waiting for the others to decide. Weir looked to Heightmeyer for further guidance.

"It's possible a larger dose of the male formula might wipe out his memories, again. But what then? Do we start all over again? I think we should try a different tactic."

"Such as?" Weir asked as Beckett yawned attempting to focus beyond his exhaustion.

"I did mention in one of our sessions that we might try hypnosis to recover some of his memories. And I believe Alex posed the idea of planting false memories."

"But how?" Carson asked. "I mean, he's never been to earth. Even with false memories his mind will only fill in the gaps so far before it starts to fall apart."

"Maybe," Kate said, considering. "What if we used the hypnosis session to repress the Wraith memories and set him up with a video that would act as bits and pieces of his own memories? Missing parts like taste and smell would eventually fill themselves in. But, the faded, video-like quality of the memories can easily be explained away as natural, because memories fade over time."

Elizabeth seemed to consider this. Even John sat back for a moment, thinking. Carson just yawned again and nodded.

"It could work," Kate added, seeing them considering.

"Then let's do it," Weir agreed.

~o~o~o~

Weir and McKay hit up some of the best video editors in the city to put together a one hour video of what looked and felt like snippets of someone's life from earliest childhood to his arrival on Atlantis. The combination of cobbled-together videos and pictures from so many sources came out amazingly smooth. Having exceeded everyone's expectations, Weir and Heightmeyer deemed it time. When Michael came in the next day she suggested the hypnosis. Frustrated and tired from all the nightmares, Michael readily gave in.

Heightmeyer started the hypnosis session as normal, but once convinced he really was in the deepest stages she brought forward his Wraith memories. She instructed him to put those away, to lock them up. Then she sat him in front of the laptop to watch the video that had been made. She instructed him to remember it as he would his own memories; and to gradually begin to recall these new memories over the next several days. Hoping this had worked as well as she thought, she woke him up to play back part of a recording made to sound like Michael talking about some recent memories.

Michael listened intently. However, there was no mistaking the edge of suspicion and obvious frustration in his expression as he failed to remember these things for himself. Seeming at least a little hopeful, though, Michael left the session deep in thought. With Alex waiting for him right outside, he suggested lunch and then a sparring match. While he certainly felt as if he didn't need any physical therapy, there was no mistaking the need to burn off some energy.

Even as they sparred, Alex sensed something was off. Michael seemed withdrawn, distracted. No matter how she asked, he would just tell her it was nothing and get back to sparring. Eventually the two of them gave up on this activity. Michael suggested they go their separate ways, as he wanted some time to think. Not liking the idea of leaving him alone, but knowing there were enough cameras to keep an eye on him, she quietly agreed.

After a quick shower, she decided to watch him the only way she could without arousing suspicion. In her room across the corridor, she sat and focused on him. In a state, not unlike meditation, she could sense Teyla somewhere in the city. Michael, being much closer, she could sense more clearly. But it was dulled and muted; not unlike how her telepathic sense felt to her after first becoming human. Thinking it was just his weakened ability due to having been converted to human, she relaxed a bit. There was no doubt his mind was in turmoil, but if she probed too deeply, she also knew he would likely as not sense her. She was amazed he hadn't already just in their day-to-day interactions.

After a couple hours of observing him, she recognized that he had gone to sleep. Though she was surprised at how early he had gone to bed, she couldn't really blame him. He looked as if he hadn't slept since he woke in the infirmary almost a week ago. Hopefully whatever Doctor Heightmeyer had done to him today helped repress those Wraith memories that kept coming through as nightmares. Thinking that tonight he would sleep soundly, Alex decided to go get some dinner and come back to her room and silent observations.

She must have dozed off at some point, still in her clothes. Alex wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep. But, by the feel of it, it couldn't be much after midnight. She knew instantly that it was someone at the door that had woken her. She was still feeling a bit dazed and confused as she pulled herself up off the bed. She couldn't remember hearing the door chime, but she knew Michael was out here. She knew, too, she had to let him in.

Part of her screamed that she didn't want him in her quarters, alone. But a greater portion of her mind knew she had to let him in. He was nice to her. She liked him. She wanted him in her quarters where they could really be alone. Alex opened the door to see Michael smiling in a way that made her heart jump in fear. Only when her intense blue eyes met his intense dark brown ones did she finally realize what was happening.

He knows! she thought in horror.

Michael knew he was a Wraith, and he had used his telepathy to manipulate her while she was half asleep and vulnerable. He had waited for her to fall asleep and then pounced. Now aware, she was able to close him out of her mind; but she was too late in being able to dominate his mind. He already knew he'd had the upper hand all this time. She didn't even have a chance to scream before he was in her room and the door closed. Unlike the quarters setup for Michael, they had not put any cameras in her temporary quarters.

She was on her own.

He towered over Alex as she lay on the floor waiting for the next move. For a moment Michael just grinned triumphantly before glancing around. If there were cameras, he couldn't see them. Either way, he knew he had to move quickly. If his suspicions were correct, they would be coming for him within minutes of going on his late night walk. His smile seemed entirely psychotic to her as she lay there, ready to move the moment he gave her an opening. Instead, he took a deep breath through his nose.

"It's not as strong as I remember, but I can still smell your fear," he told her happily.

"Michael, I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is not going to help you."

"There is no help for me now. I've been converted to a filthy human. I'm an animal, now. I have nothing to lose. But, tell me this, and things may go very differently for you. Is it permanent?"

Sensing that lies would do no good here, she forced herself to calm. Somehow she had to find a way to take control of his mind, of this whole situation.

"No. If you stop taking the drug, you revert back to a Wraith. How long it takes, we're not sure. You were a test subject."

"I already know that!" he roared. "Get up! Move! Sit on the bed!"

His chest heaving with barely contained rage, Michael stood just out of her reach. "I remember. I remember it all. Whatever Doctor Heightmeyer tried to do failed miserably. She gave me the key to unlock my own memories. The real memories.

"I remember you. You were there. You lured me with your mind. I thought you were a queen calling to me. But now I have you. You were a queen, but you're long out of practice. You've been human for too long."

Michael's intense burning hate came right through his eyes and bored into Alex. "You dared to call me friend, and more. I will give you this one chance. Join me. Return to the Wraith. Be a queen again. Help me escape."

Her answer must have been clear in her expression, because the next thing Alex knew he was on top of her strangling the life out of her. Again, she had not even a chance to scream. His incredible speed was beyond what even she remembered of Wraith. She struggled and bucked and kicked and scratched, but to no effect. Gradually the darkness began to take over her vision. She felt her limbs grow more and more distant. Tears of physical pain that had stung her eyes now turned to heartache as she thought of what this would do to her beloved Carson. Already the world was fading away.

~o~o~o~

Colonel Sheppard watched with a sense of dread, feeling something was seriously wrong with the fact that Michael had gotten up in the middle of the night still dressed and gone to Alex's quarters. Whatever mental and emotional game she was playing with him to keep him off guard, this just didn't feel right. He didn't take the time to analyze what it was about the brief piece of video that set off alarms in his head. Instead, he sent a pair of Marines to check on her with orders not to knock, and to get her out of there using any possible excuse. If they were cuddled up together, it would just be a little embarrassing. If it was anything else, Michael was dead.

~o~o~o~

Michael watched the life draining out of Alex's eyes. But he wasn't done yet. He just wanted her incapacitated for now. He checked to make sure she was breathing, even if shallowly. He wasn't stupid enough to believe for one second that he wasn't being watched. He knew already that someone was headed this way. He just hoped they believed his late night visit to Alex's quarters was innocent enough not to send a whole team. Patiently he waited just inside the door. Finally he heard the footsteps approaching. Too bad for Alex they were so slow. Had he intended to kill her, she would have been long dead by the time they arrived. Disappointed at the lack of weapons in her quarters, but not surprised, he anticipated the fight with a predatory grin.

The moment the doors opened, Michael grabbed the pistol from the man's hands breaking almost every bone at the same time. In less time than it took for them to register his presence in their slow little minds, both were on the floor dead. He took the vest off one and put it on himself. The other vest he put on Alex and then hefted her up onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. From here on out, she was just a hostage. How valuable remained to be seen.

Other than the handful of times he had seen the map of the city in the teleporters, he had no idea where to go. It made sense that the main spire was where most of the activity and population would be. He needed to get away. From what he knew of Atlantis, it was isolated in the middle of an ocean. His only real escape was the Ancestral Ring; and that was impossible. If he couldn't make it off this planet, he was going to take Alex with him. He still hoped he could sway her into helping him call to the nearest hive. There had to be one within range. He refused to believe otherwise. Everyone knew Atlantis had been destroyed, but that didn't mean they couldn't still locate him if he called strongly enough. He knew there was no hope of ever really going back; the taint of human would be with him forever. But, he could still see to the destruction of the city.

With Alex still slung over his shoulders, Michael made it to the nearest teleporter. He studied the map for a moment before picking one of the furthest sections he thought he could get to with the least amount of resistance. From there he exited another teleporter in what looked to be a virtually abandoned part of the city. Heading further and further away from the main spire, he sought an area with no electricity. Only there would he be safe from prying eyes. And, as big as the city was, so long as he kept moving, they were unlikely to find him in time to stop him.

~o~o~o~

Seeing both his men fall just outside Alex's temporary quarters, Sheppard cursed violently. Calling for Major Lorne and multiple other teams, he took off out of the observation room at a flat run. Whatever else happened, he was going to terminate this experiment himself.

~o~o~o~

Alex's return to consciousness was a painful one. Her head throbbed badly enough to feel as if it would explode. Slowly she became aware of the slimy, cold floor beneath her. In the total darkness, she reached out with her other senses. No, she was not alone.

"You're awake."

"I'm alive, you mean," she shot back, her sore throat croaking as she tried to gather her scattered thoughts.

"For the moment," he agreed.

Struggling to a sitting position, Alex had used the sound of their voices echoing off the walls to estimate that the room they were in was actually quite large, and they were along one wall of it. Beyond that, she had no idea. Even the foul smelling slime gave her no clue to their location.

"Why didn't you kill me?"

"I reconsidered. If I am to try to locate my brethren, I will need your help. Perhaps once you have begun to transition back into a Wraith queen you will remember your power."

"Not likely," she sighed. "Unlike you, I chose to be human."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand, and it makes little difference," she replied tiredly, trying to focus beyond the pounding in her skull. "I'm guessing, then, that we're still on Atlantis. At least you weren't stupid enough to try to get to the gate room. So, what next?"

"I am calling them."

Having already reached out her own telepathic senses, she sighed in relief at sensing nothing but the vastness of empty space.

"There aren't any hive ships near. You're wasting your time. Come back with me. Carson can give you another massive dose. It should repress the memories again. We can start over."

The rage Michael was feeling practically radiated off of him. Before she could react, he had taken a step toward her and kicked viciously. The blow landed on her thigh leaving it radiating pain in every direction. She hadn't heard the bone snap, but she still wasn't sure how much good it would be to her after that.

Instead of speaking further, Michael grunted somewhere nearby in the darkness. Alex could sense his pain. The change was already occurring in him. Though she had no idea what time it was or how long she'd been unconscious, she was very much aware of her own pending change. If she didn't get her injection soon, she was sure the change would start for her, too. They hadn't thoroughly tested how long she could go without the injections, as she had always been too afraid to try. And the results on inanimate tissue samples were entirely inconclusive.

Not for the first time, Alex found herself unspeakably grateful that she always kept that little kit with the handful of injections on her at all times. This time was no exception. She just had to somehow manage to get to it and get her dose without Michael knowing what she was doing. She knew the others would be combing the city for them. She just had to hold on long enough for them to find her.

For the moment, Alex just focused on the pain in her head, throat, and leg. None of them were life-threatening, but it gave her something other than the darkness to think about. For a moment she was thrown back in her mind to a time when her prison had been without power, and she had been trapped for days or weeks without light. Quickly she shoved those memories aside and tried again to focus on her injuries. There seemed to be no other injuries that she could detect from where she sat against the wall. Constantly she was wary of Michael's telepathic influence on her. Ever since the first successful invasion of her mind, Alex had managed to keep him out of her thoughts; though he probably could still sense her surface emotions. She began to wonder about his other senses. Obviously he could see far better than she in the dark, as his eyes and other senses were already changing back. But she was far from helpless, too.

Suddenly Michael chuckled darkly through his obvious pain. "They are coming. They have another with them. I can sense her. Idiots."

Teyla! Alex thought feeling like an idiot.

"How many others have they converted?" he asked very close to her now, either squatting or kneeling.

"Just the two of us," she told him truthfully, knowing he wouldn't believe her anyway.

This time it was his hand that came out of the darkness. He grabbed her by the throat and slammed her head back into the wall hard enough for her to see stars.

"You lie!" he growled viciously.

Alex didn't bother to argue. He wouldn't believe her about Teyla anyway. Instead of pursuing this line of questioning, Michael grabbed her by her hair dragging her upright. She attempted to position her feet in such a way as to kick him in the knee hoping to cripple him. The unmistakable feel of a gun in her side made her freeze.

"You will walk in front of me. I will tell you where to turn. Now move!"

Still reeling from the pounding headache and the most recent blow to the back of her head, Alex stumbled forward. It was meaningless to put up any resistance at this point. He could just kill her and move on if she made too much of a nuisance of herself. Instead she spent her time during their trek through the dark bowels of the city trying to come up with some kind of plan.

Alex knew all males possessed the telepathy she did, albeit in a much weaker form. However, in her human form, she knew she would likely not be able to exert enough control to stop him, either. His conversion from human back into Wraith was occurring frighteningly fast. And, along with his returning senses came the increased telepathic ability. Soon it would be powerful enough to overwhelm her.

Alex had no idea how far they had gone or how long they had been walking when he finally called a halt. Exhausted and still in pain, Alex briefly contemplated sleep. Throwing out this idea as suicidal, she tried again to focus her scattered thoughts beyond her rising panic. Something about Teyla had tickled the back of her mind; but, she frustratingly just couldn't make it coalesce. Various parts of her felt as if they were itching or crawling. Whether it was from the slime and other undesirable things she'd encountered down here, or it was from her own change starting, she didn't know. But there was something about Teyla…

She must have fallen asleep at some point. The next thing she was aware of was Michael writhing in pain somewhere nearby in this much smaller room. He was groaning and near screaming with the pain of his conversion. Alex knew she had no hope of escape on foot with his superior vision, speed, and strength. Once he was aware enough to come after her, she was lost. Instead, she used his distraction to do two things. First she pulled the little kit out of her pocket. Forcing her trembling hands to stillness, she managed to get the injection in her arm successfully. At the same time she reached out to Teyla with her mind, hoping he would not be able to make sense of her thoughts while in such a pitiful state.

As quickly as she could, Alex fed images to Teyla that conveyed her current status and situation as well as instructions. Hoping Teyla understood, she then turned her attention to Michael. His agonized cries had slowed to whimpers. Focusing every bit of telepathic control she had left in her human state, she attempted to wrest control of his mind from him. It might have been minutes or hours, but all that was heard in that room was their breathing. Back and forth they battled, looking for openings. Within seconds Alex already knew she had no hope of seizing control of him, but maybe she could distract him long enough for Teyla and the others to find them.

Trembling head to foot with the exertion of their invisible, silent battle, Alex eventually lost. With a scream she fell back to the floor. Her mind felt as if it was being ripped apart. Moments later it was her body he was trying to rip apart. He grabbed her by her shirt, tearing it as he threw her across the room. She collided with a wall on the far side, stunning her. Before she could even hit the floor, though, he was on her again. Helpless she tried to block his blows with limbs that didn't want to cooperate. For some time he seemed to vent his rage on her, no longer caring if she was a useful hostage or not.

In the already consuming darkness, Alex felt her body fade away.


	18. Chapter 18

For the third time since Michael had come to her quarters, Alex awoke somewhat surprised that she was still alive. After the beating he had given her, she wondered if she wouldn't have been better off dead. Already her body hurt in more places than she could count. Trying to take stock of her injuries, she wasn't even sure how many spots were just bruises and how many were actual broken bones. And, truth be told, she no longer had the energy to care. For a while she just lay there, listening. Somewhere nearby she could hear Michael's breathing. It seemed normal now, calm. She sensed his awareness hovering near the edges of her thoughts. Somehow she had managed to block him out again.

"Clever how you hid this from me," he commented.

Having no idea what he was talking about and in too much pain to care, she just summoned what was left of her diminishing strength and forced herself to an upright position using the wall behind herself for support.

"You already injected yourself." It was not a question.

Oh that, Alex thought dully. Still she saw no point in responding. Next came the sound of her kit being crushed thoroughly under his boots.

"I offered you the chance to join me. Why do you refuse?"

Alex nearly laughed. "I want to be human," she said tiredly, instead.

"Why?"

"Compassion, love, art, beauty, music, kindness…Humans possess far more strength than Wraith would ever know," she said with her raw throat, feeling as if she were drowning in pain.

"They are weak. They are food."

"They are alive," she shot back, half-heartedly.

Michael gave a disgusted growl.

"What will you do now?" Alex asked after a few moments of silence, not really caring, but not wanting to sit there wondering what he was doing. At least when he was talking she knew where he was in this smaller room.

"I wait. They will come close enough, eventually."

"And then what? They aren't going to rescue you; especially if we have the city cloaked and they can't see."

"They don't have to see Atlantis to destroy it."

Suddenly it made a sickening sense. That's why he'd been so desperate to escape even knowing he would never leave this planet. He knew he was going to die one way or another. He just hoped it would be to take the city with him. Frantically she tried to think of a way to talk him out of this suicidal plan.

"You don't have to die. We can go back."

Michael laughed darkly. "Oh no. You've destroyed me. Even in my reversion I smell the stink of human animal on myself! I will destroy you all for this."

Exhausted, feeling defeated and nearly overwhelmed with the pain that seemed to radiate from a hundred different points on her body, Alex gave up. Cautiously she reached for Teyla and found…nothing. Teyla was gone. It was as if she wasn't there anymore. It was just emptiness. Her one bright idea in all of this had failed epically. Now she did laugh. Despite the pain, she felt herself laughing and wondered if a part of her had broken mentally.

The whole situation was just so ridiculous. Weir had pushed Carson into this test earlier than he felt safe. He had continued development of the drug, but needed a way to weaponized it. Meanwhile, Weir, in all her humanitarian beliefs, wanted to see if a Wraith could really become human; even if it was against their will. They needed a weapon, not a hive full of humans needing to be relocated and integrated into a human society. But here it was. This was their grand experiment. Carson's part had been successful, but everything else had failed utterly.

"What are you laughing at?" Michael asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"This. Us. Everything," Alex managed to wheeze out through her damaged throat.

Michael growled as her laughter continued.

Finally she sobered up slightly, but couldn't repress the giggles entirely. "I was a queen. I wanted to be human, and no one would accept me. They all accept you, and you don't want to be human."

"I fail to see the humor."

"You would."

After a few more minutes of this nearly unhinged laughter, Alex finally calmed herself enough to breathe normally. Yep, at least two ribs on her left side were cracked, but not entirely broken. Her head had a couple of goose eggs on the back. She could only imagine what her face looked like. The bruising would likely cover just about every part of her body. She was a mess. But what did it matter anymore? She knew she would never see Carson again. Whatever else happened, Michael was not going to let her live. Heaving a sigh, she forced herself more upright again.

By now Michael was pacing in agitation. They hadn't moved since they'd gotten here. Alex could only guess that the teams were nowhere nearby, then; since he felt safe enough to stay put. Closing her useless eyes in the darkness, she visualized him pacing back and forth across the empty room. She knew that jerky, frantic pacing all too well.

"The hunger burns. Your body wants to regenerate," she commented.

"Yes!" he hissed.

"Is that why you brought me with you?"

He growled as he squatted beside her. "Perhaps."

Clearly distracted and considering this idea, Alex took advantage of the moment. Summoning every bit of speed and strength she had left, she grabbed him by the hair and slammed his face down on her knee. Ignoring the fiery bursts of pain throughout her body, she aimed a second blow at his throat hoping to crush his windpipe. No such luck. Already recovered from the first strike, Michael grabbed her arm in mid-swing and slammed it down on his own knee. The snapping bones in her arm was audible. Unable to stop herself, she screamed and released her hold on Michael's hair. Falling back against the wall, she cradled her broken arm to her chest, wondering that the bones had not broken the skin.

Trembling with mixed fury, pain, and fear Alex wished more than ever she could see Michael in this utter blackness. She had no way of anticipating his next move without her sight. Hearing only served to help for so much. But, he didn't keep her waiting long. Moments after this thought crossed her mind, she felt his feeding hand slam into her chest, right between her breasts. Her world erupted in agony.

Screaming Alex thrashed against the pain, against Michael, against the death she knew was coming. But she was helpless, and she knew it. She felt the life being drawn out of her as she screamed. Some distant part of her mind said goodbye to her friends as she let the world around her be consumed in agony and screams.

~o~o~o~

Colonel Sheppard's near murderous expression had softened only slightly at learning through Teyla that Alex was alive. Teyla had relayed Alex's instructions on using her as a sort of locator to find them. Not entirely sure she could pull it off without Michael's attention being brought back to her, Teyla retreated to her quarters. There, in the quiet, she was able to focus enough to block out Michael's thoughts, while using her senses to locate Alex. As soon as she had an estimate of their position, she relayed this to Sheppard. Much as it chafed having to remain behind, she knew Michael could sense her coming.

Equipping the teams with night vision goggles, Sheppard gave his instructions. They would approach as silently as possible. With Alex as a hostage, they would take no chances. He had no idea what room of this long-abandoned section of the city they would be in, so they fanned out sweeping the rooms silently one at a time. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. Sheppard was losing his patience. He trusted Teyla with his life, but this was starting to feel like a waste of time.

Then the screaming started reverberating through the entire section. Throwing off all pretense of quiet, Colonel Sheppard and all the others raced toward the source of the distant screams. Major Lorne had been the first to spot them. Michael had his back to them squatting in front of Alex. Knowing he couldn't safely get a shot off without possibly hitting Alex, Lorne dove at the half-Wraith, tackling him aside to break the connection he had with Alex. Michael retaliated almost instantly with a couple blows to the head leaving Lorne stunned. But, before he could do more, Ronon had taken his head off with a single shot.

For a moment Lorne sat trying to shake off the effect of the multiple blows, and come to terms with the fact that he was now covered in the blood and brain matter of the thing that had kidnapped Alex. Meanwhile Sheppard had gone to his knees in front of Alex already on his radio. With the night vision goggles everything was green. He had no idea how long Michael had been feeding on her or how much damage he had done. Ripping off his night vision equipment, he dug out a flashlight.

"I need light!" he shouted.

Half a dozen beams were focused on Alex within seconds.

She was a mess. Sheppard had to force his hands to stop trembling as he took stock of the damage. What he could see of her skin was a mass of bruises, everywhere. Her right arm was bent at an unnatural angle that made him wince. Her eyes were wide and dilated, the horror and agony still clear in her expression. Her pulse was impossibly fast, and she was cold as ice.

Feeling the need to lighten the mood and elicit some kind of response from her, Sheppard quirked a grin, "You know, you really should watch who you hang out with. These bad boy types aren't so good for your health."

Nothing.

"Alex, look at me," Major Lorne demanded, squatting to her left.

Her uncontrolled shivering continued unabated, but her eyes flickered toward Lorne for moment; still unfocused.

"That good, Alex. Very good," Lorne said his face now inches from hers as he tilted her chin to check her face. "Carson is coming for you. You have to hold on. I know it's hard, but you've got to stay awake."

"Carson," she whispered, her eyes still unfocused.

Meanwhile Sheppard had been gathering jackets from all the men present and sending a chain of Marines to act as guide posts for Beckett and his team. Returning now, Sheppard began to cover her gently with the pile of jackets.

"That's right, Carson," Sheppard added. "You know, the boyfriend; though I still think you and I had something going there for a while."

Alex just shivered from head to toe.

"Oh, come on," Sheppard continued. "I'm not that bad."

Her eyes started to close. Lorne tapped her on the cheek. "Alex! Stay with me. Remember? Carson's coming for you. You have to stay awake."

It was no use, she had let go. Given what he could see in the constantly wavering lights, Sheppard couldn't blame her. She'd taken one hell of a beating and been fed on. He didn't see much of a difference in her appearance from the feeding, but she was too beat up to tell. His heart burned at the thought of her losing even a handful of her human years to that damned Wraith. He cursed himself for even letting Weir talk him into this. He should have killed the damn thing as soon as Beckett's part of the experiment proved successful. Knowing there was little more they could do for her, he had Lorne help move her into a prone position with her legs up until Beckett arrived.

~o~o~o~

Carson couldn't remember the last time he'd slept properly. He knew it had been in Alex's arms, but that was all he could remember. It had been weeks of pushing to meet a deadline no one would specify, but everyone agreed must be right now. He and his research team had worked night and day to aerosolize the male formula Wraith Retrovirus. Once he had it ready, he had no idea what Weir had planned. After it was explained part of him been against it from the beginning. But they had talked him into it since he was needing a thorough test before they tried to use it on an entire hive full of male Wraith.

Then it had been day and night observation and coordination. Much as it had been with Alex, Beckett watched every monitor, every video in the hopes of detailing every moment of the change. And, just like Alex, he had eventually gone into a coma; though it hadn't lasted nearly as long. That had been the last time he thought he remembered sleeping. They had been in Alex's quarters that night. He couldn't even remember anything else about that night. He just remembered the blissful feeling of sleeping.

Now Doctor Beckett paced the corridors like a caged animal in the populated section closest to where Michael had taken Alex. His hand-picked, highly skilled trauma team waited with him on standby for when Colonel Sheppard and the others found her. He wasn't about to let them relax until they had Alex back safely. And they would have her back. Injured or not, they would get her back. Carson refused to entertain any other thoughts. He didn't give a damn what Sheppard and Weir thought Michael would do. He was going to have Alex back.

Only Sheppard's calm logic had kept him from going with the rescue team once Teyla had relayed Alex's plans. He knew he would be needed here if she was injured, rather than running around in the dark possibly ending up far from her location. Back and forth he paced the small confines of this confining corridor. He'd already made up his mind that if he didn't hear something in the next thirty minutes, he was taking his team and a handful of Marines and going to Alex's last known position; the Colonel's orders be damned.

Thankfully, he was saved from this. When Beckett's radio clicked to life he had his kit in hand and was halfway through the door into the unused sections before they had even gotten his name out. Behind him his trauma team followed with a board and other equipment.

"Doc, we've got her," Sheppard told him in a too calm voice. "She's alive."

"Of course she is," Beckett shot back. "What's her condition?"

Sheppard's silence was enough to make his heart twist painfully. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the part of him that was not focused on learning the details of his patient cursed the universe for Alex's suffering. Hadn't she been through enough?

"She's pretty beat up, and her right arm is broken. She's unconscious, but I'm pretty sure she's in shock. I'm rounding up some jackets to cover her. We're elevating her legs..." Sheppard paused and heaved a sigh. "I can't tell the full extent of the damage, but he fed on her, Carson."

Carson's heart stopped.

He fed on her.

Still running headlong down the corridors at the direction of the military men he spotted, along with a handful of specialists behind him, he felt as if the world was fading away.

He fed on her.

Those four word reverberated around his mind bouncing off his heart and tearing at his soul.

He fed on her.

He knew the effect it had on the human body all too well.

He fed on her.

What it would have done to her in her already weakened condition from a beating…

He fed on her.

"Doc, are you there?" Sheppard finally asked, the concern clear in his voice.

"She's still alive, Colonel. Leave the rest to me to worry about," Carson finally responded, pulling himself together.

Viciously he crushed the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him, and focused on the task ahead. Barely able to see in the handful of flashlight beams, Carson checked her over as best he could. Stabilizing her arm and neck, he let the rest of his team do their part. By the time they'd gotten there Alex seemed to start regaining consciousness, though it did nothing for the near seizure-like tremors that wracked her body. Securing her to the board, they hefted her and ran back out of the room with Major Lorne close behind.

Sheppard and his men stood back to give Carson and his team the room they needed. It never ceased to amaze him how fast and efficiently they all worked when Beckett was in charge. But, then again, they were the best in two galaxies. In the dim light of their constantly moving flashlights, he had been unable to really assess how much damage Michael had done. Looking at the cooling corpse nearby he thought death had been too good for that bastard.

~o~o~o~

The damage to Alex hadn't been as bad as they all feared. Her arm was clearly broken, a couple of ribs were cracked, she was covered head to foot in deep tissue contusions, and a Grade Three concussion. The feeding had taken a few years off her life, obviously; but how much was as yet anyone's guess. Briefly Carson considered switching her back to the original female Wraith Retrovirus formula in order to let her regenerate faster. This he quickly tossed out, as her body had undergone enough stress. Days of rest and natural recuperation would be best for her, now.

Exhausted as he was, Doctor Beckett oversaw her treatment himself. Despite Knightley's best efforts to shoo him away to his quarters for some sleep, she didn't have the heart to force him. Eventually she gave up and set him up with a cot next to Alex's bed. He turned his nose up at it, initially. However, the next time Knightley came by to check on Alex, he was sound asleep on the cot beside her. He had lowered her bed enough that he could see over it even from his lower position.

Alex remained unconscious, despite the fact that it seemed she was going to wake up before they even reached the infirmary.

Doctor Knightley had tried to keep out the steady stream of visitors that came to check on her. But short of posting guards, it wasn't going to happen. After a day and a half of running people out of Alex's ward, Rebecca threw up her hands and gave up. As far as Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne were concerned, they were always an exception where a teammate was involved. Seeing Beckett sleeping, the two snuck in as quietly as possible to the other side of Alex's bed. Finally having managed to stay awake for a whole hour, despite the pain and the drugs, Alex caught sight of the two of them. She raised her good arm and put a finger to her lips to signal them to let Carson sleep.

The twin grins on their faces said it all. She tried to smile back, but it quickly turned into a silent wince of pain as something, somewhere made its presence known.

"You know, there are easier ways to get a date out of a doctor," Sheppard quipped softly eyeing her closely as Lorne turned to go find Knightley.

Again Alex gave a half-grin, "But what's the fun in that?" she asked, her throat still raw.

Suddenly Carson started awake, sitting bolt upright. As if the sound of her voice had been a blaring alarm, he turned toward Alex's bed practically knocking over the cot in his mad scramble to escape it.

"Alex!"

Sensing this was about to get more personal than he cared for, Sheppard patted her on the shoulder gently and turned to leave. He intercepted Lorne on his way back and they both warned Knightley that Carson was awake as well. Frowning that Beckett had been woken up, but glad that Alex was awake and seemingly coherent, she decided to give the two of them a couple of minutes alone.

By the time she flicked aside the curtain Carson was awake enough to realize his disheveled appearance. Apparently he had already done the preliminary checks, and filled her in on her condition. But it was clear to Rebecca that he was struggling to remain professional. This was, after all, his girlfriend. Taking pity on him she came to a decision. Crossing her arms, Knightley confronted him head-on right there.

"Doctor Beckett, you are officially off-duty until further notice."

Giving her a dangerous look Carson shot back, "I beg your pardon?"

"You're exhausted. You've been at this for weeks. Take a break. There's nothing going on right now that the rest of us can't handle. Get out of that lab coat, and spend some time with Alex. I'm sure she could use the company. After all, this ward has practically been her second home for the past year."

Carson was red in the face and all set to argue, but Alex reached out to take his hand in her one good one. "Please?"

That was it. His resolve and anger melted away in one word. No further debate was needed. Emptying his pockets, he handed the lab coat over to Rebecca who, having finished her part, left them in peace.

Three days later Alex was deemed well enough to be released with supervision. And, even then, Carson was fairly certain Rebecca had only added the supervision part to give him an excuse to stay off work and out of her hair for a while longer. Not displeased with this, Carson decided Alex was staying with him until she recovered. Alex, still in more pain than she cared to admit, didn't argue.

For a few days the two of them were left in peace in his quarters. Carson's only regret was that his bed wasn't just a bit larger. With her casted arm, sleeping beside her was a bit tough on the both of them. But, they managed. Gradually the bruises on her face began to fade enough for them to see the effects the feeding had had on her. It was clear Michael had managed to take some years off; but it did nothing to detract from her beauty. If anything, she was just a more mature version of her previous beauty. At a best guess, Michael may have taken ten years or so from her. And, with her regenerative abilities, he doubted it would remain that way for long.

Alex didn't seem to feel it, though. In less time than Carson would have liked, she was itching to escape the confines of his quarters. Unable to deny her anything, he escorted her to her favorite balconies where they had picnic meals. It wasn't long, though, before the call of his work brought him back to the reality of their situation.

The Wraith attacks were escalating. The lack of food now had them turning on one another, but not in nearly enough numbers to make a difference in their population. Stuck with nothing to do until her broken arm healed, Alex gave what advice she could to Weir and the others. Carson, meanwhile, returned to his research. Now that they knew the Wraith Retrovirus worked, what they would do with the aftermath was an ethical debate no one could satisfactorily answer.

Eventually it was decided they would test it on a hive ship using the Daedalus teleportation system. If it worked and the males survived the conversion, they would be given supplies and left on a planet that only had a space gate. They thought that maybe a larger population all suffering the same thing would make the transition to human more convincing. Though many didn't like it, they couldn't find another way around it. It was if the transition to human made them a responsibility to keep alive, rather than to just kill. Not for the first time, they reconsidered the use of teleported nukes, instead.

All too soon the day came when they were to test Beckett's retrovirus aerosol on a massive hive. In an attempt to avoid a direct conflict, the Daedalus dropped out of hyperspace, teleported the canisters, and then jumped back into hyperspace. It was a textbook drop. A couple hours later they returned to find the hive just drifting. With no attack forthcoming and no obvious signs of activity, they waited. Per Doctor Beckett's instructions, they waited twelve hours before Colonel Sheppard and his team teleported onto the hive ship.

It was a success. They found the lone female choking and gasping on the remaining fumes, and unchanged. They stunned her to take to the new settlement and convert her there with the female retrovirus. Despite Beckett's best efforts, she didn't survive. But the remaining males seemed to take to their new life with only some mild confusion. This time their cover story had been that a disease had swept through their people and they were the few survivors.

However, it wasn't long before they discovered that these newly converted humans weren't as confused as they seemed. Some of them seemed to have regained enough memory to know what had happened to them. They began to refuse the drug and started combining their telepathic powers to call a hive ship. In a mad scramble the Atlanteans abandoned the settlement leaving behind a nuke that detonated as planned, but not before the hive had arrived with darts. Hoping that was enough to cover their tracks, they returned to Atlantis feeling defeated.

Following this, the whole retrovirus project had to be shelved. Beckett seemed to have no further ideas how to modify the formula to make it permanent. Daily injections were obviously not an option, either, if they intended to convert a significant portion of the Wraith population. And they had come up against another threat. In a universe that just seemed to be stacking its worst against them, they had stumbled upon a planet populated entirely by Replicators made of billions of nanites. This discovery brought with it a whole host of new problems as it turned out these replicators didn't like the humans favored by their creators.

~o~o~o~

Elsewhere in the galaxy a Wraith queen was contemplating the discovery that had been dropped into her lap. The nearly overwhelming call of dozens of male Wraith had led her to a planet seemingly populated by half-human half-Wraiths that sickened her. Once she had extracted all the useful information she could out of them, she gave them to her hive to feed upon. This new threat was something she didn't like one bit. And, yet, she couldn't bring herself to tell the others in her newly-formed alliance of hives. It was already sickening enough that hives were having to form alliances just to watch out for one another in the midst of such a food shortage. Wraith had always been territorial at best, but a war on this scale was unheard of.

That's when it struck her. This was a weapon the Atlanteans could use against them. But what if she could use it to her advantage? With a weapon like this she could easily bring all the other hives in the galaxy to heel. She could take control of them all and eliminate anyone who didn't like it. And then there were so many other advantages she could take. Never one to settle on a single course of action, she considered all the myriad possibilities this information now afforded her.

Her inhuman hiss of satisfaction was enough to give her Hivemaster pause. Within hours her orders had been spread across the galaxy.

~o~o~o~

"You sure you're up for this?" Major Lorne asked, eyeing Alex's still unusually thin right arm.

Alex rolled her eyes. "It's healed, okay? It'll just take a while for the atrophied muscles to regain their former glory. Now quit pestering me."

Lorne grinned at her feistiness. He certainly had missed having her on his team. In the three weeks since having found her in the bowels of the city he, Oaksford, and Daniels had had their hands full. With a rotating fourth, Lorne made it clear that Alex was still on his team. Finally out of excuses, Carson was forced to admit there was no reason she couldn't resume her normal off world duties. Colonel Sheppard, wanting to make sure Alex was really up to par, had settled on sending them on an off-world mission that couldn't possibly be any easier.

Recently there had been some civil unrest on one of their favored trading planets. The local government had handled the bulk of the minor conflict, but had requested that unbiased mediators from Atlantis be called in to oversee the negotiations. This task completed satisfactorily to everyone's delight, it was Major Lorne's turn to do a pick up and escort. The only reason for this being that the usual criminal elements tended to hang out in the forest between the gate and the city. Expecting this to be a cake-walk trip, Sheppard waved them off as they stepped through the gate.

A couple hours later the four of them had made the hike into the city. The Atlantean mediators packed up their stuff and headed out with a few last-minute farewells. Already bored, Lorne and his team perked up at the idea of a hike back through the lovely forest. The walk was peaceful and surprisingly quiet considering how most people they had to escort tended to be overly chatty. They were within sight of the gate when it suddenly activated. Though they were on alert, none of them were really on edge considering their peaceful circumstances.

There was no warning.

One moment they were approaching the active gate, and the next they were being scooped up by a dart. Alex was the only one quick enough to get off a couple of shots before she grabbed Burnthorn by the collar and used her body weight to roll them both off the path. The moment she landed, she rolled over to see the path empty. The dart circled around as if trying to make a second pass, but headed right for the now inactive gate. Seconds later the gate was activated by the dart's onboard dialer. Alex screamed in mingled terror and anger as she fired off everything she had hoping to stop the dart. It was hopeless. She wasn't even able to slow the dart down enough to see the address as it disappeared through the gate.

For a moment all she could do was stand there staring in disbelief as the gate shut down. There had been no warning, no time. Holding back tears of frustration and rage she grabbed the still stunned Burnthorn by the arm and dragged him toward the gate. She pounded the symbols on the DHD with enough force to make it seem they would crack under the assault. Her message ahead was brief, but had most of Colonel Sheppard's gate room standby men running for the gate room in seconds.

Lorne, Oaksford, Daniels, and Church taken by Wraith dart, the message came across Chuck's screen. In seconds he had relayed this to Doctor Weir, Colonel Sheppard, and the gate room security team.

Alex stepped into a scene of barely controlled chaos. Seeing it was just the two of them come through the gate, Sheppard hopped off the platform.

"What the hell happened?"

Shaking her head as if to shake off her churning emotions, she focused on giving her verbal report as concisely as possible. "We were approaching the gate when it activated. A dart came through and…it got all of them. I managed to grab Burnthorn and get off the road in time."

"And then it just turned around and left?" Weir asked in disbelief.

"Yes. It was like it was expecting us," Alex growled. "And before you ask, no, I didn't get the address."

Sheppard seemed to nod almost sadly. Catching sight of her cracking façade, he pulled himself together and squeezed her shoulder gently. They both knew that there was nothing more to be said. When a team was taken by a dart with no address, the chances of ever seeing them alive again were nonexistent.

"Report to the infirmary for your post off-world check. Take Burnthorn with you."

For a moment it seemed she might argue, but then thought better of it. Her face stony, she nodded once and turned to guide a still stunned Burnthorn by the arm. She handed over her weapons and vest to one of the Marines off to the side of the room as she headed down the corridor toward the infirmary.

Carson had heard about the commotion in the gate room and had a team standing by in case it was needed. When he got the call a couple minutes later to stand down he was relieved. He had no idea which team it had been coming back, possibly hot. But knowing Alex was off-world always made him uneasy. In his mind he knew one day he might very well learn she hadn't returned. It was the risk all teams took when they stepped through the gate. But knowing it from a clinical sense and experiencing the heart-wrenching fear for himself were two completely different things. Already he had tried considering the multitude of ways she could talk Alex into other ways of helping them fight the Wraith. But, at the same time, he could not deny how happy she was doing something she felt was genuinely useful to Atlantis. And there was nothing in this galaxy that could convince him clipping her wings was worth sacrificing her happiness.

Returning the supplies to their usual places, Beckett resumed his previous activities. A minute later he glanced up to see Alex guiding a pale-faced woman toward a bed in the infirmary triage. Something about her stance set him off. He was already walking toward her before he realized his feet had even moved. When she glanced his direction and he saw her face, it was all he could do not to break into a run. Something was seriously wrong.

They had agreed on a certain degree of professionalism in their relationship. When Carson was in his lab coat and she was in her vest, it was all business. Nonetheless, the look of absolute devastation on her face made him want to take her into his arms.

"Alex, love, what's happened?" he asked, taking her by the arms gently.

"They're gone," she choked out, her composure finally cracking. "A dart took them. They're gone."

Professionalism be damned, Carson took her in his arms and held her tightly. The selfish part of him was unspeakably glad it hadn't been her. The rest of him mourned the loss of Lorne, Daniels, and Oaksford. Alex let a few tears escape, but there would be time for mourning later. Right now, she had something she had to do. Taking a few deep breaths, she composed herself and pulled away from Carson.

"Is Tania here today?"

"Don't do this, Alex. Let Colonel Sheppard—"

"No," she cut him off, her blue eyes boring into his. "I promised Krissy I would, if…" her breath hitched and she couldn't finish.

Carson sighed heavily. He knew the duties the off worlders took on themselves when it came to matter of friends and family. Though it broke his heart to see Alex like this, struggling for control, he nodded sadly.

"Have you been checked over?"

"I'm fine. Doctor Warren took my vitals. Is it okay if I tell her to take the day off?"

"Of course, love. Tell her to take all the time she needs."

"Thanks, Carson."

She have him one last fierce embrace as if to gain some of his strength before turning to locate Tania. She led Tania to a quiet room away from the traffic of the main infirmary. Carson watched in mute misery as Alex held on to the crying woman clearly wanting to break down with her. After a few minutes, she led Tania out of the infirmary where they could find some privacy. His heart heavy, Carson returned to his duties.


	19. Chapter 19

Hours later Sheppard still hadn't received Alex's report. But that was just an excuse to hunt her down, and he knew it. He didn't really expect her report until tomorrow at the earliest. But when he saw Carson working in the infirmary and no sign of Alex anywhere, he could guess where she had gone. His check of the balconies came up empty. Then, considering what he had seen in her expression there was only one other logical place for her.

Changing into something more comfortable, Sheppard headed toward the sparring rooms. As he had predicted, he found Alex alone working herself into a sweat as if she could fight the demons he knew were haunting her now. For a moment he just watched. Her superior speed and strength didn't seem like much, at first; but when she was this absorbed, it was clear she had an inhuman advantage.

"You'll probably want to find another sparring partner this evening, John," she warned, not even slowing down.

"Why? You're not up to it?" he shot back.

Alex just ignored him.

"Okay…"

Taking off his sweatshirt he stretched for a moment. Finally feeling limber enough, he wasted no time intercepting her fist. Before he knew what hit him, he was staring up at her from the mats and she was back to practicing her forms at eye wrenching speeds.

"Okay, round one to you."

Silence.

Rolling to his feet, Sheppard again placed himself to intercept. This time she ducked and flipped him over her shoulder onto the mat and kept going. Instead of waiting to get her attention again, Sheppard flipped himself around in a half spin and tripped her. Surprised by this, she hit the mat belly first and rolled to her feet, eyes blazing.

"I said I'm not in the mood."

"Of course not. I'd be worried if you were," he popped off. "But I also know you're not going to walk away."

"I was here first."

"Exactly. Now quit playing around."

For a moment, Alex appeared to want to do just that. Sheppard had no doubts she'd take him to the mats again and again and again. But, he also knew she needed this; whether she would admit it or not. Surprisingly, she seemed to just go blank. Her expression became flat as she took her stance.

The next few minutes they spent just trading blows. She had clearly slowed down for him and was pulling her punches. This was getting him nowhere.

"Talk to me, Alex."

"About what?"

"Whatever's going on in your head."

"Isn't that what Doctor Heightmeyer is for?"

"Heightmeyer has never known the joys of survivor's guilt outside of a textbook."

This threw her off. Something flickered across her face and distracted her enough for Sheppard to get a good grip on her hips and spin her sideways to the mat. She glared up at him for a moment before spinning to her feet. Now he was beginning to see more of her showing through as she sped up and started putting him on the defensive.

"It's not your fault. You know that, right?"

"Of course, I do," she snapped swinging with a vicious right to his head.

Dodging again, for a moment it was all he could do to keep her from pummeling him.

"What do you want from me?" she asked. "I just came to work off some…issues. I'll talk when Kate when I'm ready."

"Sure you will. SOP, remember?"

"To hell with SOP," she snapped again.

"Exactly. So, let's continue this conversation the way you and Ronon like to chat."

That brought her up short for a moment. Then, in a flurry of moves almost too fast for him to see, Sheppard found himself lying on his back once again when she knocked his feet out from under him.

"This conversation is over," she said walking toward the bench where she had set her bag.

"Why? Because you don't want to talk or because you can't deal with the fact that you're here and they're not?"

Alex clenched her sweatshirt in her fist for a moment. Keeping her back to him, she gave every indication she was ignoring him; but he knew he'd hit home. He watched as she shrugged into her sweatshirt.

"Go away. I said I'd talk to Kate when I'm ready."

"I'm not talking about you talking to Heightmeyer. I'm talking about you talking to me. You're not the only one that's lost a team before. And—"

She spun on him violently, fury coloring her pale features. "And what? You just stood there and watched? Is that what you did? Because that's exactly what I did! I popped off a few shots and ducked."

"There, now we're getting somewhere," Sheppard said crossing his arms. "Because I happen to know for a fact that you saved Burnthorn's life. You weren't trying to save your own ass."

Suddenly the fight went out of her. Alex seemed to fold in on herself as she sat down on the padded bench along the wall. Hoping this wouldn't turn into one of those touchy-feely moments with messy tears and stuff, he sat down next to her. He imagined that this must be what it's like to have a little sister.

"Does it matter?" she asked in a forlorn voice, staring at the floor. "My ass, her ass. What does it matter? They're still gone."

"Yep," Sheppard agreed.

For a moment they sat in silence. Sheppard reached over and patted her back. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you it hurts any less now than it did then. And I'm not going to give you some speech about how they knew what they were getting into stepping through the gate and blah blah blah.

"What I will tell you is to remember them as they were to you. Don't think about what happened to them. Just remember that they were your team, your friends."

Despite her best efforts not to make John uncomfortable with some emotional outburst, a few tears escaped anyway. Not sure she trusted her voice, she nodded. After a minute or so of comfortable silence remembering their friends, she turned to him, not bothering to hide her tears. The fact that she had been so quiet and calm about it seemed to make him even more uncomfortable; like she was holding back for his sake.

"Do you have siblings, John?"

"Funny you should mention that," he said. "I was just thinking you're like the little sister I never wanted."

She huffed a laugh. "You're what? Forty, maybe?"

"Something like that."

"Ten thousand-year-old little sister?" she asked.

"Well, since you put it that way…"

"Thanks, John," she said, sobering again.

"Don't mention it. Just remember what I said," he told her, heaving himself off the bench. "Carson should be off duty soon. Don't spend all night in here. He's going to be worried about you."

"I know," she said still staring at the mats beneath her feet.

His own heart heavy, Sheppard exited the sparring room to leave her with her memories and thoughts. He knew she'd let loose sooner or later; and, if he admitted it to himself, he was glad it wasn't on him. He knew she was going to need the release, but he just wasn't very good with that kind of stuff. But survivor's guilt he knew all about. He was certain Heightmeyer had some fancy name for it with lots of syllables, but sometimes what was needed was someone with experience. He hoped Heightmeyer and Carson could handle the rest.

Alex sat for a while longer, trying to pull herself together and take John's advice to heart. But it still felt too raw, and too much like running away. Knowing he was right and convincing herself were two different things. Plus, he was right about Carson. If she didn't get back to their quarters soon, he was likely to be hunting the whole city. Making up her mind, she grabbed her bag and left the sparring room.

~o~o~o~

That night Alex cried herself to sleep in Carson's arms. Even he had had a few tears to shed, as much for her as for Lorne and the others. He only just found out that the other person that had been serving as a mediator, a Mr. Church, had been taken by the dart as well. There seemed no explanation for this ambush. It made no sense. But, much of what they were up against just didn't make sense.

Carson woke to find Alex gone. Blearily he looked around in the dark. Seeing her running shoes gone, he could guess where she was. He knew it was good for her to burn off some of the emotions she was feeling, but he still ached for her. So far she seemed to be handling it quite well, and he knew she would be seeing Heightmeyer at some point today. But he just couldn't shake off the feeling that there was so much more she was keeping bottled up. Shaking his head and yawning, he tried to shake off these thoughts. He had an early day and was in desperate need of a shower to refresh himself before getting started.

Alex still hadn't returned by the time he stepped out of the shower and started getting dressed. He frowned slightly wondering if he should go looking for her. He knew he was being overly protective, but she had just seemed so overwhelmed last night. Scrubbing his face as if to scrub away his dark thoughts, he set his mind to coffee. He wrote a quick note for her and headed out to start his long day.

~o~o~o~

Alex watched as Carson left their quarters and turned toward the infirmary. She almost called out to him, but decided against it. She knew he had an early day, and there was always lots of work for him to be doing. She had no right to pull him away from that, much as she may have wanted. Still stretching to cool down after her run, she found the note he had left on her pillow. This brought a smile to her face for the first time in what seemed like an eternity now. These little things he did to try to brighten her day always made her smile.

Feeling somewhat more collected, if no better, Alex gave herself her daily injection and headed to the warm comfort of a shower. She knew sooner or later today she was going to have to give Colonel Sheppard her official report on…the incident; and swing by Heightmeyer's office. Half of her looked forward to seeing Kate again. But the other half of her dreaded it, too.

No matter how she looked at it, today was going to be a long day.

~o~o~o~

It seemed like a long day for everyone in Atlantis that day. It wasn't like losing a team of people was a daily occurrence; but it wasn't exactly rare, either. The usual sayings about they knew what they were getting into and the same old empty platitudes did nothing to make the day any shorter for Alex. What had made it the most difficult for Sheppard was that he'd liked Major Lorne. Sergeant Daniels and Lieutenant Oaksford had definitely been promising, but he didn't know them as well as he did Lorne. They weren't exactly close friends, though Sheppard felt like something of a mentor to the Major. The man had been so uptight and by-the-book when he first arrived that Sheppard couldn't repress a smile at the thought of what a wonderfully laid-back influence he'd been on the man these past years.

As the Colonel went from one duty to another throughout the day, the long faces he encountered all over the city spoke of how highly regarded Lorne and his team had been. Reports organized, Heightmeyer's recommendation for Alex's downtime signed and sealed, orders for the day given out, Sheppard eventually found himself making his way to Weir's office. Her expression must have been a mirror for his own. She seemed to be just aimlessly shoving a pen around her desk with another pen in her hand.

"Knock, knock," he called through her open door.

"John, come in."

"I was just dropping by to see about the arrangements for Lorne and his team."

She nodded sadly, not looking up from her pen. "The usual?"

"That's what I was thinking. Day after tomorrow?"

She nodded again. "I think most of them are still letting it sink in."

"I know the feeling."

"How's Alex doing?" Elizabeth asked, the concern clear in her expression.

"About how you would expect," he told her, wanting to keep it vague. If Alex wanted to talk to Weir, she could and would.

Weir nodded again before throwing her pen down in disgust and sitting back. "It just doesn't make any sense. What are they after? How did they know Lorne's team would be there?"

"I can guess, but you're not going to like it."

"I'm already not liking it. It's not going to make a difference what you say."

"They want the location of the new Atlantean base and likely they were tipped off by a Wraith worshipper."

"That's not what I wanted to hear," Weir said with a heavy sigh.

"We'll prepare the city. It's all we can do."

She nodded again and went back to pushing around the pen. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, come get some lunch. You're moping around here isn't going to help anyone, especially you."

"Moping?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at him dangerously.

It's a good thing Sheppard like to live dangerously. "Yes, moping. Or whatever you want to call it. Come on. Let's get some lunch and some fresh air."

Having no good reason to turn down his invitation, Weir set down her pen and stood. Thinking not for the first time that his strong spirit was a constant source of comfort and strength to her, she smiled briefly as he waved with a slight bow toward the open office door.

~o~o~o~

While Atlantis was coming to terms with the loss of Major Lorne and his team, they were coming to terms with their new surroundings. Lorne was almost surprised to find all of them alive and unharmed in a Wraith prison cell. His mind still foggy from the time spent in the dart storage, he shook off his grogginess and looked for the rest of his team. All were accounted for except Alex and Burnthorn. Vaguely he recalled something about Alex moving off the road with Burnthorn, but he couldn't make it coalesce. Instead he turned his attention back to his still-sleeping team. Gently he nudged Oaksford and Daniels as he looked them over for signs of injury.

With groans similar to his, the two woke up slowly. Burnthorn was huddled in a corner at the moment seemingly in shock at his present circumstances. Moments later a Wraith commander appeared with two warriors for guards.

"Who is your leader?" it asked, after eyeing them for a moment.

"I am," Major Lorne said stepping forward.

"Come with me."

Knowing it was pointless to argue or struggle since they would just stun him anyway, Major Lorne gave on last grim look to Daniels and Oaksford as if hoping to give them his strength. He wasn't stupid or delusional. He knew he wasn't going to survive this; none of them would. But the least he could do is die with dignity and hope he didn't betray Atlantis. As expected, he was led through the dark, close corridors to the equivalent of a throne room. There a queen sat glaring down at him as if he were filth. Standing tall, he waited for her.

"You are from Atlantis."

It wasn't a question, so Lorne felt no need to respond.

"The city was destroyed. I was there. How is it you are still alive?"

Lorne felt no need to answer this, either.

"Very well, I will get the information I desire one way or another. But the existence of Atlantis is not my primary concern. I have a proposal for your leader."

Lorne just stood there, already knowing his response.

"I know of the retrovirus. It turns Wraith into humans. I found the colony. They called to us. We retrieved some of them before it was destroyed."

He gave no reaction, now visibly frustrating the Wraith queen. She was far more accustomed to men cowering in her presence. Knowing that resorting to threats and torture would do her no good here, she curbed her impatience. She would have plenty of time to feed later.

"I wish an alliance with Atlantis. I would like use of this retrovirus weapon."

Lorne crossed his arms for all intents seeming bored with this conversation.

Hissing in frustration, she finally openly asked, "Where is the ancient city now? Or have you relocated after destroying the city?"

Keeping his expression fixed, Major Lorne was happy to have learned that they did not know the city was still on the same planet. After all, it is a giant ship. She assumed it had simply moved or been destroyed. He wasn't about to disillusion her.

"This alliance can be mutually beneficial. Don't force me to…" she visibly took hold of herself. Stepping down off the throne platform she approached. "I can get what I want. I would much prefer not resorting to forcing you, as that is not the best way to start a new alliance."

"Do what you gotta do," Lorne finally spoke, still keeping his expression neutral to the point of boredom. "But you're not getting it out of us by asking; even if you use 'please'."

Now she openly snapped and hissed in frustration. "Very well. Return him to the cell. Bring me one of the others."

"They won't give it to you, either," he warned. "So why don't you quit with the games?"

"No games," she said. "I wish to use this weapon against other Wraith. Our food supplies are short. Tensions are growing. Alliances will only hold so far. Turning our enemies into food is beneficial to both our peoples. Even a lowly warrior such as yourself can see the logic in that."

"That's if you're telling the truth, which I doubt. In any case, even if you were, what makes you think we would be willing to work with you?"

"I will not negotiate with a mere warrior. Give me what I want and I will let all of you go, alive."

"No."

Major Lorne's head felt as if it was going to explode. She hissed her frustration again as she bored into his mind. Try as he might, he could not keep her out completely. Using all of the counter-interrogation tactics he could recall from his training, he tried to distract her. It was no good. The moment she caught sight of a gate address, she latched on to it. She ripped apart his memories confirming it was the most frequently dialed address and, therefore, the most likely to be Atlantis. Having what she needed, even if having done so in a rather distasteful manner, she released his mind.

The Wraith queen resumed her seat on her throne waiting for Lorne to regain his senses. She had left him writhing and screaming on the floor. Watching in disgust, she saw him shake off the last of the pain and force himself to his feet. Exuding defiance, he stood unsteadily before her.

"Well, now you have what you want. Good for you. What now? You certainly don't need us anymore."

"But I do," she said with a wicked smile. "You are my guests."

"Dinner, is more like it."

"Guests, for the moment. We are setting a course for Atlantis as we speak." She nodded to one of the guards. "Take him back to his people, unharmed."

"Yes, my Queen," he replied.

Instead of the usual rough treatment Lorne expected, he was allowed to walk between his escorts unmolested. Still feeling unsteady on his feet, he struggled to maintain his balance. Thankfully, it was a short walk back to the cell.

Oaksford and Daniels were openly surprised to see him looking no worse than he had left. Lorne held up a hand to stave off their questions until the guards had closed the door and left. Only after he looked over his shoulder to ensure they were alone in the room did his expression finally change.

His unusually pale face scrunched up in pain as he pressed the heels of his hands into his closed eyes. "Son of a bitch, that hurt!"

"Sir?" Daniels asked, concern clear on her face.

Meanwhile, Oaksford had gotten over the shock and was standing back a bit watching suspiciously. After a moment, Lorne moved toward the back of the cell where he could sit in relative darkness. He'd never had a migraine in his life, but he had had concussions. This felt like a cross between a concussion and what he imagined a migraine must feel like and without the throbbing lump on his head.

"I'm fine; physically, anyway," he told them. "But she's got the gate address to Atlantis. Says she's headed there now. Damn!"

"Psychic rape?" Daniels asked.

Lorne's eyebrows shot up. "That's probably the best description I've ever heard for it. But, yeah, that."

"What's our next move?" Oaksford asked.

"I would recommend getting out of here and destroying the hive, but I'm assuming neither of you managed to find a way out?"

They both shook their heads.

"Damn," he said again. "I can't think at the moment. If either of you come up with a plan, use it. Not sure how much good I'm going to be for a little while. You have my permission to do as much damage as possible."

"Yes, sir," they said in unison, though neither showed much hope or enthusiasm.

~o~o~o~

The queen considered and rejected several plans. She knew approaching Atlantis directly was foolish, but the little man had pushed her. She had not intended to rip the information from his mind, but his utter lack of respect left her no choice but to retaliate. Negotiating through a gate was distasteful at best, and disrespectful to her. But, she could not see any other choice. Though she kept the hive on course, she decided she would trap them in their nest and then negotiate. One way or another, she would have her weapon.

~o~o~o~

It had been a week since the memorial for Major Lorne and his team. Word had not yet reached Earth about what had happened, since the Daedalus was still on his way back from the most recent trip to the Milky Way. The city had spent its time mourning and was already moving on. All but Alex. Alex wandered the city as if looking for something to do with herself. Sheppard had already offered her a number of other teams she had rejected for one reason or another.

The first hint that something was amiss came when one of the scientists manning the command center grumbled something unpleasant under his breath. Weir caught sight of this on her way to her office and stopped to look at the monitor over his shoulder.

"Headed this way?" she asked.

The man practically jumped out of his seat with surprise. His scruffy black hair stood up at all angles giving his wide-eyed startled appearance that of an owl. "Yes, ma'am. I've been tracking it for three days. There's no doubt. It just dropped out of hyperspace, still on a direct course for Atlantis."

Weir's expression darkened. It wasn't entirely unexpected. She had just hoped that Major Lorne and his team had not been used in that way. But she and Colonel Sheppard had discussed this possibility. The fact that they had been taken from a planet with no other Wraith activity in the area was just too suspicious. Soon they would have to cloak the city and pray. It was the best they had managed to come up with. Continuing on her way to her office she keyed her radio to call for Colonel Sheppard.

They had to prepare.

~o~o~o~

Still tracking the hive ship, Sheppard watched with an intent expression as it approached a planet. Assuming it was stopping so they could feed, he frowned darkly. They were at a point now of trying to come up with ideas to destroy it. Daedalus was still several days out and wouldn't arrive before the hive. Rodney had again rigged up a jumper with a nuke in the hopes that plan would work again, since it was just the one hive.

Suddenly the gate jumped to life. At this point they had reached out to all off world teams to update them on the situation and redirect anyone coming back to Alpha Site. They were already prepping for evacuation of as many as they could. No one was expected to be dialing in unless it was an unavoidable medical emergency requiring Doctor Beckett's hospital facilities; which had not yet been fully transferred to the Alpha Site, yet.

"Receiving Major Lorne's IDC," Crabbe said with a frown.

"Confirmed?" Colonel Sheppard asked.

"Yes, sir. It was his last active IDC."

"Sir, we have an incoming transmission, audio and video," Blackwolf said from another station.

By this point Doctor Weir had joined them. "Let's see it."

They all turned to the large monitor at the end of the rows of consoles. Major Lorne's familiar, if pale and somewhat haggard face appeared on the monitor.

"This is Major Evan Lorne. You have my IDC. I assume you've deactivated it, and my authorization codes. To prove my identity, my DoD ID number is one four zero one seven six two one nine eight."

Sheppard frowned darkly. This was a code setup among the Atlantis military personnel to signal that they were not alone and that this contact was forced. Sheppard nodded to the communication station to initiate radio contact only.

"Colonel Sheppard here, go ahead Major."

"Sir, I have Daniels, Oaksford, and Church with me. We are alive and unharmed. I believe a mutual friend of ours was able to fill you in on our circumstances?"

"Yes, Alex and Burnthorn came through the gate," Sheppard replied. If this really was Lorne, at least he could give him that much peace.

"That's good to hear, sir," Lorne sounded genuine in his relief. "I'm actually needing to speak with Doctor Weir."

"I'm here, Major. Go ahead."

Suddenly Lorne looked to his right and nodded, his jaws clenched in obvious anger. He stepped to his left and off camera as a pale and trembling Church was put in front of the camera with a Wraith feeding hand just below his neck. This was all they saw for a moment before a Wraith queen maneuvered behind Church and into the camera's view.

"Enough pleasantries," she spoke up. "I am not here to threaten Atlantis or its inhabitants."

"It certainly doesn't look that way," Weir spoke up.

"This was simply to ensure his cooperation, since the others would not," the queen said, releasing Church in the same direction Lorne had stepped away to. "I wish to discuss an alliance, Doctor Weir."

"Alliance?" she asked in surprise. "What could we possibly gain from an alliance with Wraith?"

"You have a retrovirus that can turn Wraith into humans. I wish to possess such a weapon."

"For what purpose?"

"You know as well as I that there are not enough humans in the galaxy to feed all of the Wraith enough to go back into a hibernation. We are at each other's throats. Alliances form and dissolve in days. It is what you would consider civil war, with all sides against all others. In a war of this nature, the one with the most food survives."

"That still doesn't tell us how we would benefit," Sheppard added. "After all, Wraith killing Wraith sounds much more likeable."

"Indeed, Colonel Sheppard, I believe?" Not waiting for an answer she continued, "Instead of simply destroying a hive, we can convert it into more food. By doing so we reduce the Wraith population, increase our food supply, and have less need to harvest human worlds."

For a moment Weir and Sheppard shared a look. Sheppard didn't like this at all. Weir seemed to be considering it.

"I understand you will need time to decide," the queen interrupted. "I will allow you to dictate this alliance on your own terms. As a sign of good faith, I return to you your people. And I will send along an envoy who will speak in my name. My hive is near to your planet, but we will come no closer unless permitted. We have no desire to threaten you or appear hostile."

Even Weir's eyebrows shot up at this. Sheppard shook his head slightly. But the idea of leaving Lorne and the others with the Wraith longer than they already had was out of the question. She knew Sheppard was right. The moment they dropped the gate shield Wraith could come pouring in. But she couldn't deny she was intrigued by this proposition.

"Give us a moment, please," Weir asked, signaling to cut the audio feed from their end.

"No," Sheppard said.

"But what if she's sincere? We could use this to negotiate. If it works as well as it did on the last hive ship, we have a willing ally that could—"

"No way, Elizabeth. For all we know Lorne and the rest of them are compromised. You've seen what they can do to convert the unwilling into worshippers. We can't trust any of them."

Weir seemed to grit her teeth as she considered this. "We'll keep them under observation. But this is a chance to make some real progress in weaponizing Doctor Beckett's retrovirus. We need this. Obviously it is that easy for Wraith to learn that Atlantis still stands. How long before an unfriendly hive finds us? We need this, Colonel."

Frustrated, Sheppard chewed his lip. The idea of leaving Lorne and the others to their fate made him sick. But the potential damage they could do if they had been compromised was just as bad. At this point, he couldn't even trust the codes Lorne knew for signaling safety. There had to be a compromise. It was clear Weir was going to pursue this one way or the other.

"Fine, let me talk to them, first," Sheppard agreed.

Weir nodded signaling for the audio to be turned back on.

"This is Colonel Sheppard, I need to speak with my people." He waited for the queen to acknowledge his demands and step away from the view of the camera. "Sergeant Daniels, status?"

"Code four, sir," she replied, stepping up in front of the camera brushing an invisible hair out of her face with one finger. "Church is a little shaken up still."

"Lieutenant Oaksford, report."

"Code four, since captured, sir," he said raising two fingers to brush his chin. "Mr. Church is unharmed, as is Major Lorne."

Sheppard chewed his lips. "Major Lorne, what's your status?"

Lorne's face was pinched, but he said nothing to the other two, having understood the conversation. "Agreed, code four. Church should be fine in a day or two," he said, scratching his cheek with one finger. Glancing briefly to the others off camera he asked, "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

The fact that Lorne was asking was significant. "Go ahead, Major."

Lorne frowned for a moment. He looked off screen again at what Sheppard assumed to be the rest of his team. The resolve was clear in his expression as he focused his attention back on the camera. "I recommend initiating Echo Protocol."

Sheppard's expression darkened. He planted his hands on his hips and dropped his head, visibly torn. He glanced to Weir, who waited with clear impatience.

"Denied," he finally said. "Standby."

"Yes, sir," Lorne said, relief and anger mixed in his expression.

Again they signaled to cut the audio feed.

"I'll explain later, Elizabeth," he said. "But right now we need to make a decision. The minute we drop the shield a whole mess of Wraith could be pouring in. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that Lorne and his team are willing to risk being executed the moment they walk through that gate to keep any Wraith from following. Church is likely compromised, possibly Lorne. I say we use the Delta Site as a meeting ground. It's the only way we're going to get Lorne and his team back alive and keep the Wraith out of Atlantis."

Weir considered this for a moment, something in Sheppard's intense green eyes told her she was walking a fine line with the lives of Lorne, his team, and Church all on the line. Her next answer would determine if they lived or died. She was surprised the Wraith queen had remained quiet through the exchange. That alone told her the queen might be sincere in her desire to let them set the terms.

"Very well. Rodney, be prepared to send them the address to the Delta Site."

Doctor McKay's pinched expression and white face told them all they needed to know of what he thought of this plan. Turning back to Sheppard, she asked, "What is Echo protocol?"

Sheppard looked almost sad for a moment before his expression hardened again, "Kill everything on the other side of that gate, including them; leaving only dust and echoes."

Weir's eyebrows shot up before she too frowned darkly. She didn't need to say what she thought of that. But, even she couldn't deny the need for such protocol might one day arise. Colonel Sheppard signaled for open radio again, and once more took control of the conversation.

"Major, by my authorization you and your team will stand down."

Major Lorne's pinched, pale features relaxed slightly. "Understood."

Doctor Weir stepped up as Lorne moved off to the side again nodding to the Wraith queen. The creature resumed her place in front of the camera seeming serenity itself.

"Have you made your decision?" she asked.

"Not quite yet. We've agreed we will meet to discuss this alliance. But we will do so at a location we have designated. You will be allowed to bring two of your people. You will come through the stargate unarmed. We will meet in two hours."

"And for your people?"

"They come through the gate first or anything stepping through the gate dies on site," Weir said coldly.

"Agreed."

"We are transmitting the address now. We will meet in two hours by Major Lorne's watch."

"Agreed. I look forward to meeting you, Doctor Weir," she said smiling wickedly with a mouth full of pointed teeth.

With that, the contact was cut. Taking a deep breath, Weir shook off her lingering tension. She may have just avoided an open battle with a hive, but she still felt as if she was making a deal with the devil.

~o~o~o~

Thirty minutes later Colonel Sheppard had his team and several others in a semi-circle around the gate. Every single one of them stood at the ready should the gate activate early. Already Sheppard had checked on their contingency plan. The main reason he had recommended this site was because of the nuke they kept hidden nearby. Should things go wrong, it could be remotely activated. And the remote was well hidden within his ranks with someone he trusted.

He hoped Major Lorne and his team hadn't been compromised. But, until they knew for certain, all he could do was lock them up. Here was safer than Atlantis. And, he hoped, by the end of the day Doctor Heightmeyer would be able to confirm or deny if they had been compromised and to what extent. Not for the first time since they arrived he found himself staring at Alex. He had pulled her aside and explained the situation almost as soon as he left the gate room, not certain he wanted her along. But, Weir was right, she was their best bet at uncovering any suspicious telepathic activity on the queen's part. He just wasn't sure what kind of mental state she would be in after seeing her team returned to living status.

Alex's blue eyes met his. They were colder and harder than he had ever seen before. Her expression was one just short of murderous. He could guess what was going on in her head, but there was nothing he could do. So long as she kept her distance and didn't draw attention, he was willing to let her feel whatever she wanted. If they weren't compromised, Sheppard had no intention of breaking up their team. But, if there was any doubt at all, they were going back on the next Daedalus run; and she could hate him all she wanted.

Catching sight of him staring, Alex nodded slightly and headed toward him. He decided to meet her half way.

"You sure you're up for this?" he asked, not liking the look on her face.

"Yes, and I still think it's too dangerous."

"You're not the only one. But this is Weir's show. We're just here to play security."

"Then talk her out of it," Alex said.

"I can't. This isn't a military situation, once we get Major Lorne and the others back. After that we're just waiting around making sure they don't attack."

"It doesn't matter what she says. Whatever the queen tells you is never the whole story. She will betray you and take what she wants, including Atlantis," Alex warned.

"I'm well aware, but Weir wants to consider it. And she might be right. With the help of an allied hive, we might be able to take out more hives than ever before. And, each hive she gains is one more in our alliance that can be used to take out others."

Alex's lips thinned, obviously she wasn't buying this; but she kept her peace.

"Look, you don't have to like it, you just have to do your part, okay? And if that's too much for you, feel free to head back to Atlantis," Sheppard snapped, his patience gone.

"I'll be doing my part," she agreed. "You just watch Doctor Weir's back."

With that she turned and stalked back to where she had been standing, waiting. Unlike the others, she was unarmed. Weir had decided not to present her as a combatant. They planned to use her as an example of a working formula and then make her disappear. They knew the queen would test Alex, if only to exert her dominance in the presence of what she might consider to be another queen. Once Alex passed the test by coming off as telepathically weak and useless, they were going to make her an invisible watcher; just to ensure the queen wasn't up to anything.

Still not happy with this whole mess, Sheppard shook his head and continued wandering the camp.

As requested, the Wraith queen waited two hours. Once the gate was activated, every gun came up, Sheppard's included. Expecting anything, he squeezed the trigger on his P90 just enough to feel the pressure. Major Lorne was the first one through with his hands raised. He looked ready to chew nails, even staring down so many P90's.

"We're coming through one at a time. The queen will be last. Spaced one minute apart," he called.

"On your knees, Major!" Sheppard called. "Demond, Riverbark, take him!"

Lorne complied by jerkily going to his knees and putting his hands on his head. A moment later two men stepped up, one lowered his gun to take out a pair of handcuffs. The silence was absolute as Lorne kept his cold blue eyes forward. Just once he flicked them toward Sheppard in an expression that sent chills down the Colonel's spine. He had expected this, but there was something else in his expression Sheppard didn't like. For a moment Sheppard narrowed his green eyes suspiciously as they took his second in command away to an isolation tent.

The process was repeated with Daniels next. Then came Oaksford, and finally Church. All of them seemed a bit pale, but otherwise sound physically. This only meant that any torture inflicted hadn't been physical. As previously instructed, each one was taken to a separate tent far from the others. Until Beckett and Heightmeyer could check them over thoroughly, they weren't going to be given a chance to coordinate an escape.

Finally, two generals and the queen stepped through. They stopped just inside the gate as it shut down behind them. Seemingly entirely unperturbed by her current blatantly hostile surroundings, she took in the entire scene as if looking for Doctor Weir. Seeing no further threat, the Colonel finally ordered the men to lower their weapons and stand down. Taking that as a signal, Weir and Alex stepped forward to approach the queen.

Sheppard was far enough back he couldn't hear what was exchanged. He wasn't about to lower his guard with the queen staring down Alex so openly. His hand twitched back toward his P90 as gritted his teeth. The last time Alex had been involved with a Wraith, it had nearly killed her. He wasn't about to let either of them come to harm for this insane idea. Despite the obvious benefits, he just couldn't bring himself to trust a Wraith queen.

He very nearly grinned at the irony of that statement.


	20. Chapter 20

Alex projected outward calm as she approached the queen with Doctor Weir. She made eye contact with the queen just once, to ensure the queen didn't miss the fact that she, herself, was a converted queen. Then she lowered her eyes in submission. She had no problem letting the queen prove her dominance, but she wasn't about to let that thing into her mind. She kept her shields up protecting her innermost core while allowing her surface thoughts of disgust and mistrust to come to the fore for the queen's inspection

Introductions finished, Alex bowed her head slightly to the queen and Doctor Weir and turned to leave as they headed toward a nearby tent. Two of Sheppard's guards and the two Wraith scientists stationed themselves outside the tent. Two more guards entered the tent to stand at either end. Alex watched this just long enough to ensure she was safely out of sight before turning to race toward the tent where she had seen Major Lorne taken.

Alex skid to a halt on the rough stones just outside the tent. She used her extra sensitive hearing to confirm Carson was in there with Major Lorne, still; though she couldn't make out any words. Not really wanting to, anyway, she spent the next few minutes pacing and trying to force her heart back into a normal pace. Just a couple hours ago she had learned her team was still alive. But, Colonel Sheppard had cautioned, they might not be the same people she had known. Alex was well aware of how a person could be converted into a worshipper. She had witnessed the process for herself, once. Though she didn't believe in gods, a part of her prayed now to anything that would listen that her friends were as whole on the inside as they appeared on the outside.

Finally Carson appeared, a frown gracing his expression before he caught sight of Alex and his expression softened. She had no need to ask the obvious, but her heart skipped a beat as Carson took her by the arm gently to lead her a little ways away from the tent. Her fear was plain on her face as he stopped to face her.

"He's going to be fine, physically," he told her.

"There's a 'but'," she said, searching his eyes with her cat-like blue ones.

"Aye," he admitted. "There seems to be some sort of internal head trauma. But I won't know the extent of it until I can take the time to run some scans. It shouldn't be serious," he told her. He sighed heavily. "Alex, you and I both know what trauma to the brain could indicate. He's likely been compromised. And, until Doctor Heightmeyer says otherwise, we have to treat him as a threat."

Alex nearly laughed. "That's all? You had me worried for a minute there."

Frowning darkly, Carson opened his mouth but Alex cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"Let me be happy for just five minutes, okay? Three hours ago he was dead. I just got him back. I'll work with Kate and see what condition he's in mentally. For now, he's alive, and that's enough for me."

Softening his expression, Carson gripped her by the arms and pulled her into a hug. "Aye, I can agree with that. I've got him secured for now. I'll be back in a moment, and then I'm going to check on the others."

"Okay, I'm going to pop in and see if he's up for visitors."

"I doubt it, but he can tell you that himself."

When Alex poked her head between the tent flaps Major Lorne was staring up at the ceiling with a pinched and pained expression. Taking a moment to just appreciate the fact that he was there, alive, and in front of her, she took in his angry, pained expression. She caught sight of all the restraints holding him to the gurney and the guard posted just inside. Knowing he must be in a hell of a lot of pain to be showing it so openly, she made a note to let Carson know.

"Hey, slacker! Enjoy your vacation?" she called, stepping into the tent.

Lorne gave a start before breaking into a warm smile. "Alex! God, it's good to see you. I had thought I saw you get out of the beam's path. Did Burnthorn really make it, too?"

Alex nodded, taking his hand in hers. She had told herself she wasn't going to do this, but she couldn't help the tears that stung the back of her eyes. Trying to play it off, she swallowed a couple of times around the lump in her throat and put on a smile. Major Lorne saw right through it and squeezed her hand. For a moment she searched those pale blue eyes as if wanting to confirm for herself that Lorne was intact mentally.

"You had me worried," she finally admitted.

"Worried? I'm guessing they had a memorial service. You thought I was dead."

Feeling a tear escape her eye, she huffed a laugh and scrubbed it away. "Nah, we had a betting pool going."

"For what?"

"How many drinks you were going to have to buy for everyone that toasted your death."

Lorne chuckled softly at this before his face twisted in pain. "Don't make me laugh."

"What did they do to you?"

Lorne shook his head gently. "I don't know. The queen…she…ripped something…out of my head. I think it was Atlantis' address. It's hard to remember anymore. Psychic rape, Daniels called it."

Alex gave him a look of sympathy. "It's going to hurt for a while," she warned him. "Depending on the extent of the damage, things may be fuzzy around those memories for a while."

"Great, good to know," he sighed, closing his eyes with a briefly murderous expression that changed back to pain, the tensions still clear on his face. "Beckett should be bringing me something for the pain."

"Good," she said, returning the comforting squeeze he had given her hand as if sensing her concern rather than seeing it. "I'll let you get some rest."

As if too tired or in too much pain to open his eyes, Lorne squeezed her hand a bit more. "Look, I told Beckett, but I want you to tell Sheppard. I was only alone with her for a few minutes as far as I can tell. I know we don't have a foolproof way to prove I'm not compromised, but you make sure Sheppard knows. Church was alone with her for two days."

Alex's expression hardened. There was no doubt, Church for certain was compromised. It was the only explanation for him still being alive after being separated from the others for two days.

"I'll tell him. You get some rest."

Lorne nodded, relaxing onto the gurney, still not opening his eyes. "Daniels and Oaksford should be okay. They weren't separated."

"You'll be fine, too," she said. "We'll prove it."

Lorne just nodded. Finally he let go of her hand. She patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave. She caught Carson just returning with a cup of water and a couple of tablets.

"You might want to give him the good stuff. He's in a lot more pain than he's telling you," she warned, eyeing the tablets.

Carson grunted and slipped his hand into his pocket. "Aye, as I expected," he told her pulling out two more tablets of a different color and swapping them out.

"He's going to be hurting for a while. I'm not sure how long it's going to hurt, or how much damage she did. She had him alone; but he doesn't know for sure how long."

The sympathy was clear on his face as he nodded. There didn't seem to be anything to say to that. They both knew what it could mean for the Major.

"Who were you going to see next?"

"After what the Major told me, I was going to check on Church. Why?"

"I'm going to go see Krissy and Bryan, then," she told him.

He patted her on the shoulder and went back into Lorne's tent. If she knew Carson, and she did, Lorne was going to be flat unconscious for the next twelve hours. Poking her head in Oaksford's tent she caught him dozing off.

"You know, there's easier ways to get out of work than being captured by Wraith," she called, stepping into the tent.

His smile lit up the tent. "Aren't you just a sight for sore eyes. What are you doing here?"

As she had with Lorne, she stepped up and took his hand in hers. The restraints seemed almost too big for his thinner limbs. "I'm going to be keeping an eye on the queen while the negotiations are taking place."

"Well, shouldn't you be doing that?"

"Not yet," she said shaking her head. "I've already as much as announced myself. So I'm going to be lying low for a while until the negotiations really pick up. How are you feeling?"

"Bored and hungry."

"Carson should be coming to check you over, soon. Want me to see if we've got something to eat?"

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'll just take a nap for now. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week. Those Wraith floors are torture by themselves."

Alex chuckled through a sheen of tears, "I'm glad you're back."

He squeezed her hand firmly. "It's good to see you again. We probably won't be seeing much of you after this. So you take care of yourself, understand? Stay away from those damned darts. They suck."

Again, Alex chuckled. "Get some sleep. I'll go poke Krissy and relieve her boredom. I imagine by now she's ready to chew through the restraints."

Bryan made a face, "You're probably right."

As she approached the next tent she could clearly hear Daniels' talking to someone. Curious, she stepped up and listened for a moment. Daniels wasn't talking, she was sobbing. Stepping in, she caught sight of the stony-faced guard just covering a look of empathy. Stepping up to the gurney, Alex took Daniels' hand. She's never seen the woman so distraught.

"Hey, Krissy, it's okay. You're safe now."

Daniels shook her head as if trying to shake off her emotional outburst now that she wasn't alone. The woman growled and took several deep breaths.

"Pretty pathetic, huh? I keep it together until we're free and now I fall apart."

"Not pathetic."

"Sorry, it's just…Tania. God, I want to see her again. I never thought I would, you know?"

Alex smiled warmly. That she could definitely understand. "I've been keeping an eye out for her. We didn't bring her to the Delta Site, but she'll be happy to see you again."

"Did you…" Krissy choked on more tears.

Alex wiped away the tears on her friend's face. "Yes. She's grieving, but she's tougher than you give her credit for. Just hang in there. You'll be back in Atlantis in no time."

Daniels seemed to regain some composure. "I'm glad you're okay. When you weren't on the ship with us, I thought the queen had gotten you."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just focus on Tania. You're going to be making up for this for a while," Alex teased.

Krissy chuckled. "Don't I know it. How long am I going to be in here, anyway?"

"I don't know. Carson just finished with Lorne and was heading for Church."

Daniels' expression darkened. "Church…he's been converted, I think. I don't care what Oaksford says, Lorne's not been turned. He was only gone maybe half an hour. That's not long enough, right?"

The naked hope in her eyes tugged at Alex's heart. She wanted desperately to assure her friend, but some people were broken more easily than others. Some people's triggers were easier to find that others. Though she didn't believe this of the Major, she wasn't going to lie to her friend, either.

"We don't know, yet. Right now he seems fine, other than being in a lot of pain. Likely she just took what she wanted from him and left the rest of him intact. We'll know eventually."

She seemed to accept this. Nodding she relaxed back onto the bed. "When are you going back?"

"I don't know. Depends on how fast the negotiations move. I'm spying on the queen to make sure she's being up front, which I doubt."

"Right. When you go back, will you tell her?"

"If you want me to, I can."

"Yeah, tell her I love her."

Alex squeezed her hand tightly. "She already knows. But I'll tell her anyway. Get some rest. You might as well sleep since you're going to be tied to this bed for a while."

"God, sleep. Yes! I can't remember the last time I actually slept."

"I'll be around," Alex assured her friend leaving the tent.

Outside the tent she took a deep breath. It felt good to have her team back, but it hurt, too. But she didn't have time to worry about them right now. She had no idea how long the opening talks would be between Weir and the queen. Once the queen was visible again, they had to make a show of getting Alex out of the Delta Site. They wanted the queen to believe Alex wasn't a threat and had little to no telepathic ability. Carson was just here for his expertise as a doctor, for now. Eventually, if the talks went well, they would bring him in to discuss his current formula and its weaponized format.

Scrubbing her face as if to scrub away the after-effects of the emotional roller coaster she'd been on today, she set her mind to her next task. After what she'd heard about Church, she was going to need to have a talk with Heightmeyer.

~o~o~o~

The talks with the Wraith queen went frighteningly well. She agreed to all terms set before her by Doctor Weir. When they ended the first round of talks on the first day, even Weir was suspicious. It was too easy. They all decided to meet up in the same tent afterward to discuss the situation. Inevitably, Sheppard argued against it, Beckett thought having actual Wraith to work on development of a permanent formula would be helpful, and Alex's opinion wasn't asked; but no one told her she shouldn't be there, either.

Finally Weir turned to Alex acknowledging her presence. "You're awfully quiet," she commented.

"I've already told you. Now that we have our people back, get away from here as quickly as possible. Drop that retrovirus on her ship. Anything but consider working with her, because she will betray you and kill us all the moment she has what she actually wants."

"Which is?"

"A weapon she can use against other Wraith, at the very least; possibly something more we don't know, yet. Let's be honest. We have no way to seriously defend Atlantis. She could send out our location at any moment if we anger her. The only reasons she's keeping it a secret now is because she has something to gain from this. The moment we have nothing more to offer, she'll either deal with us herself, or send out our location. Our best bet is to play along until the Daedalus can jump in and destroy her hive ship."

Weir frowned thoughtfully. Sheppard nodded enthusiastically. Beckett kept neutral. If Alex didn't know any better, Carson actually seemed eager to be able to work with the Wraith to perfect the drug.

"So, what you're saying is that we're backed into a corner. Work with her, or risk the city being attacked. On the other hand, the Daedalus might be able to take out a lone Wraith hive."

"If we're lucky, it can be done before Atlantis' location is broadcast all over again," Sheppard pointed out.

Weir nodded. Very well, then. We don't have a choice, and I'm certain she knows this. We'll proceed with caution. Doctor Beckett, you and your research teams setup a working lab here on the Delta Site. Colonel Sheppard, prepare the city for evacuation to the Alpha site—"

"I wouldn't recommend that," Carson cut in sadly. "Mister Church has definitely been compromised and Major Lorne may be as well."

"Explain," Weir said, clearly not happy at the possible accusation against one of her best mediators.

"Major Lorne, Sergeant Daniels, and Lieutenant Oaksford all agree that Mister Church was gone for the better part of two days. Doctor Heightmeyer and I haven't gotten it all out of him, yet. But he did say they fed on him, and then restored him over and over again. He's a wreck. I think if we put him in the same room as a Wraith he would do anything to keep them from feeding on him again. In short, he's been tortured for information he can't even remember disclosing. Any evacuation sites he is aware of we can assume are compromised."

"That would be Alpha and Beta, for certain," Weir stated, knowing she had once held negotiations on Beta Site and Alpha was the one location everyone in Atlantis knew as the place to go during trouble.

"And Delta Site. What about Major Lorne? Is he compromised?"

Beckett glanced to Alex before taking a deep breath. "We don't know. We believe the only information she took from him was the gate address to Atlantis."

"They all agree he was only gone for maybe thirty minutes, but Lieutenant Oaksford says he was compromised."

Ruthlessly crushing her personal feelings, Alex spoke up. "While it is possible she did more than he's saying, and he's been compromised much as has Church, I don't think that is the case. Torture by feeding and restoring is a common, but crude method of torture most often used by the males. Queens tend to find the psychological triggers. They invade your mind to find the deepest fear, and then make it a reality. So, yes, it could be she did just that, and broke him in a few minutes; though it's very unlikely. Did he look broken to any of you?" she asked them.

Weir considered it. Sheppard frowned darkly, not wanting to believe it. And Carson gave a clear shake of his head.

"Is there any way to be sure?" Weir asked.

"The only thing I could suggest that I've discussed with Kate was possibly hypnosis to take him back to what happened. I don't think even a Wraith queen could erase memories," Alex told them.

"Then do it," Weir said. "If he refuses, treat him as a hostile. Mister Church will need to be returned to Atlantis and placed in a cell. He might not be an engineer, but we can't risk him being loose in the city until we know more about what was done to him and how far he'll go to obey any commands."

"Consider it done," Sheppard said.

"Sheppard, Let's find out about Lorne before we assume all evacuation sites are compromised. We may still be able to use one, and that could save us precious time."

"Agreed," he said, a bit uncertainly. He seemed to want to say more, but glanced at Alex and closed his mouth.

"Carson, anything else?"

"No. I'll start setting up the lab."

"Thanks. Okay, I'll head back to Atlantis and start working on communicating with the Daedalus to see what we can do. Talks will reopen tomorrow and I hope to have something we can use to delay her. But we'll see what happens."

"Alex, hang back for a minute," Colonel Sheppard instructed, crossing his arms.

Yep, he's not happy, she thought to herself with a mental sigh, but just nodded to him.

After the others left, he stared at the rocky floor while he leaned against the table. Alex waited patiently. Finally he sighed and scrubbed his face.

"Okay, here's the deal. Church we know about. It was too obvious. Is it possible she planted some kind of instructions in Major Lorne that he's not aware of?" the fact that he even had to suspect his second in command was obviously not sitting well with him.

Alex considered this for a moment. She wanted to deny it outright, but she couldn't bring herself to do so if it meant putting thousands of people's lives on her conscience. Finally she admitted, "I don't know."

Sheppard chewed his lip, his green eyes intense. "And you think hypnosis may reveal what she did?"

"It's the only suggestion I have, short of going in myself," she confessed, her stomach churning.

That got his attention. "Can you do that?"

Alex squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and made a face. "Would you want me in your head?"

"No, but I'd trust you more than…her mucking around in there."

Heaving a sigh, Alex flopped down onto the bench. "I'm nowhere near as powerful as I was as a Wraith queen, but I should be able to find the truth. It's probably going to hurt, a lot."

"Then we'll keep it as a last resort," Sheppard agreed, patting her on the shoulder. "But we need to find out right now. We can't setup an evac site until we know what's going on in his head. Let me track down Heightmeyer. I'm going to sit in on the session. Meet me at Lorne's tent."

Alex nodded, her gut twisting. For a moment she just sat with her eyes closed. The idea of violating her team leader's mind in such a brutal way left her feeling sick. Hoping it didn't come to that, she pulled herself together. She had to find Carson before she headed over to meet with Sheppard and Heightmeyer.

~o~o~o~

"You're certain?"

"Yes, Alex, I'm bloody well certain that the Major suffered no actual brain damage! No! I said put that in the second tent! We don't want to mix up…"

Alex tuned out whatever else Carson was shouting at the multitude of people now setting up lab tents. Feeling downright ill at this point over what she knew was likely to be the outcome, she headed toward Lorne's tent. She was almost there when she heard Carson calling from behind. He was red-faced and looking rather harassed.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just—"

Chuckling, Alex put a finger to his lips to silence him. "Don't worry about it," she told him. "I'm just trying to find a way out."

"Way out of what?"

Before she could answer Sheppard called from the entrance to Lorne's tent.

"I'll have to tell you later," she said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"It's about Major Lorne?" he asked, following.

Alex just nodded as she headed toward the tent. With an utterly neutral expression, she let herself in; somewhat surprised that Beckett had followed. Lorne was awake and still pale. There were still lines around his eyes showing the headache had not abated.

"Well, looks like quite a party. Didn't realize you all missed me that much," Lorne quipped, seeing all the familiar faces.

"And you can blame John for the lack of alcohol. It was his turn," Alex quipped, trying to make light of things.

Colonel Sheppard's dark expression didn't even flicker. For a moment Sheppard started to ask Beckett something, but then caught sight of Alex holding his hand and decided to let it go. Lorne certainly didn't miss the expression on his CO's face.

"Let me guess, more bad news," Lorne said, closing his eyes for a moment against the pain. "Oaksford tattled on me."

"Can't we do this later? You can see for yourselves he's clearly in pain. There's—" Beckett said, pushing forward to check on his patient.

"No, Doc," Lorne snapped with an angry look, before anyone else could. "Let's get this over with."

"But—" Alex stopped Carson before he could say anything else as Lorne's eyes found hers. Something was seriously wrong about all this. But they had to know.

"Come on, Carson, let's let Kate do her thing. It'll be fine."

"Actually, all of you need to step out," Doctor Heightmeyer spoke up. "I need quiet, and there's too much distraction for him."

"Alex stays," Lorne demanded.

Sheppard looked for a moment like he was going to argue. Alex touched his arm and motioned toward the door. Something was seriously wrong, and she didn't want them interfering. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach had turned to a block of ice. Maybe it was something in her expression, but both Carson and John shut their mouths, and turned toward the tent flap.

Alex stood nearby as Lorne's blue eyes sought her out what seemed like every few seconds. One moment it was as if his eyes were trying to make sure she was still there. The next minute it was something akin to pure fear, and he wanted her to do something for him she couldn't understand. She resisted the urge to step up to the bed and hold his hand. Instead, she smiled briefly in what she hoped was a comforting expression, and visually checked his restraints.

"This won't hurt, and we can pull you out of it at any moment. Just relax and—"

Relaxing was the last thing he wanted to do, apparently. Doctor Heightmeyer found herself stepping back as Major Lorne shook his head and thrashed against the restraints for a moment. Alex's heart stopped. When he opened those pale blue eyes again his face was a mask of pure terror. It was gone in a flash and Kate was back to talking soothingly. Kate must have missed it, but Alex didn't. Lorne's face was back to being pinched in pain as he relaxed into the restraints.

More suspicious than ever, Alex stood back and watched Kate talking her team leader down little by little. Lorne's eyes closed and, inch by inch, he began to relax. Alex felt her own heart begin to slow down as she realized it was working. Perhaps she had just misinterpreted his expressions earlier. Maybe it was just a spike of pain. Maybe he didn't like the idea of hypnosis leaving him so vulnerable. Maybe—

Whatever else she tried to convince herself of flew right out of her mind as Lorne's body gave a violent jerk and he tugged against the restraints for a moment. Kate seemed surprised, but not concerned. His eyes sought hers again, and suddenly Alex knew. She knew exactly what was going on. Cursing herself for her stupidity, she gripped the side bar of Lorne's bed.

That's when the screaming started.

~o~o~o~

Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Beckett practically tackled each other scrambling back through the tent flaps. Doctor Heightmeyer had backed up to the wall of the tent, her eyes wide. Alex's body was solid as a rock and trembling from head to foot. Major Lorne was thrashing and screaming incoherently. Taking all this in in less than a heartbeat, Sheppard grabbed Beckett by the arms to keep him away from the two. He caught Heightmeyer's attention and nodded toward the door.

"Stay put, Doc," Sheppard said, finally releasing him.

"I'll do no such thing—"

"Whatever's going on, Alex is in his head. We don't know what kind of damage it would do for you to interfere."

"She's what?!" Carson asked, eyes wide in a face gone paper white.

"She didn't tell you?" Sheppard asked.

"My God…" Carson said shaking his head.

Suddenly Lorne's screams stopped. He still thrashed, his facial expressions ranging from agonized to murderous to things Sheppard thought were impossible. Seeing his Second in Command like this was downright frightening. If he didn't know any better, he would have believed Lorne was possessed like in all those horror movies.

Meanwhile, Beckett's face had gone from terrified to gritting his teeth. Half of him wanted to tear Alex away from the man, and the other half wanted to stop Lorne from whatever he was doing to her. Trapped and feeling helpless, he clenched his fists and forced his feet to stay where they were.

~o~o~o~

Alex was lost. Any sense of time or physicality disappeared. The ranging expressions she had seen in her friend's eyes had triggered something that she couldn't quite pinpoint. But that last gasp and full-bodied spasm made it crystal clear. Lorne was not alone. Instead of planting instructions in his mind or subverting him openly as had been the case with Church, she had left an open door. The Wraith queen had thought she covered her tracks well.

But Lorne knew. The headache. It was there the whole time. He was trying to tell them, but they didn't see it. The headache and flickering angry expressions had been him trying to tell them that he was actually compromised, no matter what she had done or was doing to him. That's why she was so distant during the introductions and negotiations. She had had a firm hold on his mind. Lorne himself might not have been consciously aware, but he had been subconsciously aware; hence the headache.

Alex was going to catch that bitch and make her pay.

First, she dug into Lorne's mind where she could sense the queen's presence. It was like a dark shadow over his thoughts. Alex's rage at this violation giving her extra strength, she attacked it, shredding it. Underneath, she had found memory after memory of Lorne's time on Atlantis; every last one of them associated with a dialing sequence. And it was for the Alpha Site. Alex mentally smiled to herself in pride at realizing the man had still fought to the last, trying to convince the queen it was the gate address to Atlantis.

Attempting to follow the path the queen had used, Alex found herself in a telepathic trap. Wanting to scream, she thrashed mentally against the seemingly solid jaws that were stabbing into her with each and every painful experience she had ever known. She found herself retreating back to Lorne's mind. Still screaming mentally under the assault, she felt herself pulling back even further, trying to preserve herself. She had to find a way out. If only she could just think past the pain! She couldn't leave her team leader like this. She had to break the link with the queen somehow. She wasn't going to let her have Lorne.

Screaming against the pain, and almost lost to it completely, Alex could hear somewhere in the distance a wicked female laugh. The vision of herself reverting back to a Wraith queen and feeding on Carson was the tipping point. Pulling back completely, she withdrew her essence into a tiny flicker; because now she was too trapped to even return to her own body. The queen had her.

Forgive me, Lorn, she thought struggling to close the queen out of her mind, but knowing it was too late.

Alex knew she was too weak. She wasn't going to be able to save herself, let alone her friend and team leader. The queen would squash her, and shred what was left of her mind any moment now. Cursing her weakness and failure right along with vile Wraith queen, Alex struggled to maintain her sense of self.

Like hell you will, a voice came out of the darkness.

The shock of hearing a coherent thought from Lorne made her slip. In an instant, the queen was in. Then she was consumed in agony, and all else ceased to exist.

~o~o~o~

Sheppard and Beckett watched helplessly. Alex was still standing there with her eyes closed, every muscle in her body tensed. Lorne had thrashed for nearly twenty minutes, almost seeming like more of a seizure were it not for the constantly changing facial expressions.

Then he went still.

The open, staring eyes made Sheppard and Beckett's hearts stop. Sheppard closed his eyes cursing himself for another man lost. Beckett leapt into action, coming around the bed about to start CPR. Just as he was about to lower the gurney Lorne blinked and started to breathe slowly and normally. He heard Sheppard gasp in surprise over near the tent flaps. Only then did Beckett glance up to Alex. Her expression was exactly what he saw when she slept. It had always seemed so peaceful to him. But now there were tears running down to her chin.

That's when the screaming started.

Her body was still solid as a rock and trembling as if straining to do more when she started screaming. The look on Carson's face was pure horror. For the second time Sheppard found himself restraining Carson.

"Doc, listen to me—"

"Whit the hell are ye doin'?" Beckett snapped, his accent thick in his terror.

Sheppard spun the man around gripping his arms painfully hard. "Carson! Think about it. You break the connection and they could both die. We don't know what it would do. Alex knows what she's doing. Let her do it."

The fury and fear in Sheppard's eyes was enough to make him pause. But then the screaming stopped. Tears still ran a steady stream out of her eyes, but she was as silent as Lorne and her now open eyes were locked. John and Carson watched with their breaths held waiting for whatever would come next.

~o~o~o~

One moment Alex felt her very essence being shredded and burned apart. The next moment she was enveloped in a comforting warmth that felt like a steel shield. For a time she didn't know who she was or what she was. But, gradually, the warmth and solidity penetrated her scattered thoughts.

Lorne! she thought frantically.

The warmth softened a bit from steel to stone. Am I dead? she heard him ask.

Grim determination now replacing her earlier fear Alex replied, Not yet. And not at all, if I have anything to say about it.

Alex sensed his amusement at her feistiness. Then it turned to profound sadness. Whatever happens, it's not your fault, Alex.

Irritated she snapped. I know that. Now shut up and let me work.

The essence of Evan Lorne that had seemingly surrounded her backed off. Alex searched his mind feeling for the darkness that had been the queen's influence. At each instance she found she destroyed it, and then replaced it with something softer, more pleasant. It was through pain and fear that a queen controlled; so it was only appropriate that Alex heal the wounds and set him free using happier, gentler memories. Somewhere in the mix, she felt her friend's emotions going up and down and all over the place with each association she created.

Finding a spot of resistance, she would move on. It was more than uncomfortable enough seeing this much of her team leader and friend. But the same resistant spot kept coming up time and time again as she reached for something to supplant a particularly painful memory or vision the queen had used. She still had no concept of time in here. For all she knew she'd been in his mind for days. But, at some point, she began to realize that some of the most painful, rawest memories were images of what the queen would do to his team, particularly to herself.

Reaching again for a happier memory to help heal the wound, she again encountered the same spot of resistance. One of those things Lorne didn't want anyone to know. She again tried to maneuver around it. But it kept coming back. Lorne's consciousness had long ago retreated during her work. If she'd had a stomach, it would have been churning now with indecision. But the longer she was here trying to undo the damage the queen had done, the harder it was going to be for both of them to separate. Giving in, she reached for the resistance and pushed.

It wasn't just a memory, it was a whole bundle of them. All about Alex. Evan's emotions were flat out raw over this. In some ways he almost seemed fragile where she was concerned. To him Alex was a little sister that needed protecting; and he would do anything to ensure no one ever hurt her again. That's when the association led her to catch a glimpse of something dark and violent. Evan had a sister, and she had been brutally beaten and abused. He hadn't known about any of it until it was too late, and the damage had already been done to her. Sensing something even darker on this string of memories, Alex backed out quickly. Her last glimpse had been something dark and threatening toward Carson should he ever hurt her. Picking through the happier memories, she supplanted the painful visions of the queen torturing her that had been imprinted in Lorne's mind.

So many faces, so much pain. She knew humans felt more than Wraith, but she could never have imagined one man carrying so much. Many of those faces were dead and staring. Others she knew were dead, but how they died, she didn't know. Which ones were real and which ones were implanted by the queen she couldn't tell. Some had become so snarled she couldn't separate real from implanted. She knew the implanted ones would fade, in time. But it tore at her heart to know that Evan carried a weight no one should have to carry alone.

Finally, it was done.

Alex had managed to locate and re-associate everything the queen had touched. The traps the queen had set had all been triggered by Alex when she had gone after the queen. The queen had seemed desperate to cover her tracks. She had just lost a pawn; but there was much, much more to this. No queen would ever relinquish a pawn to an inferior force unless something far greater was at stake.

Praying he would not remember all she had done and seen, Alex slowly retreated into herself. She still had no concept of time, but she was certain it had been a while. She was just considering what condition her body would be in when the world shattered and darkness enveloped her entire being.

~o~o~o~

Carson and John continued to wait in tense silence. Minutes turned into hours as Alex and Lorne stared at one another not moving and seemingly to barely breathe. Beckett even compared it to something like a catatonic state. They didn't know what they were expecting when it was all over, but certainly not what actually happened.

At some point Lorne finally relax and closed his eyes. Minutes later Alex gave a soft exhale and fell backward. It was like a marionette with cut strings. Her entire body relaxed as she slumped backward cracking her head on the edge of a table.

Cursing, Sheppard and Beckett dove for her at the same time. Realizing how stupid it was, Sheppard stopped himself halfway there and let Becket get to her first. Beckett's Scottish accent came back heavy as he started cursing. His hand was covered in blood from where he had checked her head. After a moment, he took a calming breath.

"I have to get her back to Atlantis," he finally threw over his shoulder at Sheppard.

"No."

"Excuse me?" Carson asked, a dangerous edge to his voice as he pressed his wadded lab coat gently against the back of her head.

"We can't risk it. We don't know—"

"To hell with it!" he snapped turning on his radio. "Doctor Beckett to Doctor Knightley."

"Knightley here, go ahead."

Sheppard relaxed as Beckett rattled off a list of things and then went back to focusing on Alex. Lorne appeared to be sleeping soundly. The pained and murderous expressions completely gone. Nonetheless, he was staying in those restraints unless someone could prove he wasn't a threat. That he had little hope for, at this point. He couldn't even really venture a guess what had passed between the two, but with screams like that, he knew it wasn't anything good. Now he had to wonder if Alex, herself, had been compromised.

Once he felt the bleeding was under control, Beckett hefted Alex into his arms and headed through the tent flaps. Knowing Beckett wouldn't want him in the way, Sheppard radioed for a guard and gurney restraints. He just couldn't take the chance. And, he'd already spent too much time on this. It was late, but preparations still had to be made. The only way to ensure the safety of Atlantis' population at this point would be to assume all evac sights compromised.

Cursing softly, Sheppard left the tent already forming plans to send out teams to look for a new site.

~o~o~o~

"It's a long story and I'll tell you later. Right now we need to know how bad her concussion is and she's going to need sutures," Carson explained to Rebecca.

Turning to the guard that had shown up, he let loose some expletives that made even Rebecca think he'd been spending too much time with the military types. But the Marine would not budge. He was going to follow Sheppard's orders, even if it meant shoving both doctors out of his way. And the man was easily big enough to lift each doctor with one hand. Gritting his teeth and already considering exactly what he was going to say to Sheppard the next time he saw him, Beckett finally motioned for Knightley to back away and let him restrain Alex.

Appearing just as concerned as Carson, Rebecca set to work. Minutes later they both gave a sigh of relief to see that there were no skull fractures and no swelling of the brain. Aside from a bump on her head and a few stitches, she was going to be fine.

Carson was just cleaning up and bandaging the fresh sutures when Alex woke. At first he thought she was having a nightmare as her chest heaved and began to hitch with each breath. Realizing she was sobbing quietly, he rolled her head toward him trying to wake her gently. Unfortunately all this did was cause her to try to jump from prone to upright causing all of her restraints to snap her back to the bed. Of course her head impacted the pillow saving her from at least some of the pain it caused.

For a moment she just blinked in confusion before her eyes landed on Carson. Already Carson had moved to place a comforting hand on her forehead, followed by a kiss just above her eyebrows.

"It's all right, Alex. You just fell and got a bit of a bump on your head," he told her, forcing a smile.

"Bump?" she asked incredulously. "It feels like mountain. And cracked open one at that."

Carson chuckled softly at the analogy. "You needed a few sutures, but you'll be fine."

Nodding softly, Alex closed her eyes for a moment. "Evan?"

"Major Lorne was sleeping, last I saw. There's been no update since."

"How long was I out?" she asked, an edge of fear in her voice.

Carson glanced at his watch. "A little over an hour."

"Good. Do I need to ask why the restraints, then? Or is it obvious?"

His face darkened considerably, "That daft bugger thinks you're compromised now, too. I—"

"I might be."

For a moment Beckett choked on his words as his face went from red to white. "No. I refuse to believe that."

"Exactly why John is calling the shots," Alex pointed out. "No, I'm not a Wraith queen's puppet. But you have no business letting your personal feelings put Atlantis at risk."

His face flushing to a point his ears turned red, Carson knew he had no excuse. She was right. Feeling properly chastised, he cleared his throat and stood up. Shoving his hands into the pocket of his lab coat, he sighed heavily.

"Aye, you're right."

"I know I am. Now, go get some sleep. You look worn out again."

Carson chuckled. "I could just bring a cot in here," he suggested.

Shaking her head, Alex said, "No. Go back to Atlantis, get some real sleep in a real bed. It might be the last you get for a while. In the meantime, can you radio to see if John's still hanging around?"

"Sure thing, love."

A moment later Carson's face fell at realizing Sheppard had already gone back to Atlantis. Alex assured him a night tied to a bed with nothing to do but sleep would probably be just as beneficial for her. With a quick kiss, Carson said goodnight and left reluctantly. He swung by Major Lorne's tent just long enough to ensure the man was sleeping soundly before turning his feet toward the gate. With a huge yawn, he returned to a city sleeping peacefully, seemingly unaware of the dangers hanging over each of them this very moment.


	21. Chapter 21

The next morning Lorne woke gradually from a night filled with bittersweet memories. He was fairly certain it had something to do with Alex and whatever she had done, but he couldn't pinpoint it. The last thing he remembered was sensing Alex in his mind. It had been the creepiest feeling ever; and possibly the most mortifying. Evan was a private man, in many ways. He tended not to get too close to people, and kept his past in his past. Sensing she was likely to see more than he would ever want, he retreated into sleep. At least, it felt like sleep. But some things kept playing in his dreams. Some memories, and some raw fears. He didn't have the words to describe it.

Gradually returning to wakefulness was almost something of a wonder. Where before there had been that horrible headache, he suddenly realized he was headache-free. With a huge grin he tried to sit up.

Oh yeah, those, he thought to himself remembering the restraints as they tightened across his chest forcing him back down.

Turning toward the silent guard in the corner, he called cheerfully, "Hey, Soto. Did Alex go back to Atlantis, or is she hanging around here? And where's Colonel Sheppard? I need to…"

Something in the way the man's face twitched almost painfully set off alarms in Lorne's mind.

"Where's Alex?" he asked flatly.

Soto seemed to consider this for a moment. Seeing no harm in answering truthfully, he sighed heavily. "She was bleeding from her head when they took her out of here, sir. She collapsed, and Beckett was saying something about a skull fracture. I haven't heard anything since. Colonel Sheppard went back to Atlantis. I'm expecting him with my relief soon."

Lorne felt the blood drain from his face. "Where's Doctor Beckett?"

"I'm not sure, sir."

"Well, find out," Lorne snapped.

"Yes, sir."

Collapsed…skull fracture… he thought to himself. What if she hadn't survived what happened? What if her mind had been damaged by that damned Wraith queen? His heart pounding, Lorne considered the possibilities. Mixed with the idea of a skull fracture, he was cursing himself silently. He wasn't sure he could live with himself if she—

"Welcome back, Major Lorne," Doctor Knightley called with a brief, but tired smile as she entered the tent.

"Where's Alex?"

Before she could respond, Colonel Sheppard poked his head in. Seeing Knightley, he stepped through the flaps. Ignoring Lorne for a minute, he asked the doctor, "How long has he been awake?"

"Just now, sir," Soto answered.

"Where's Alex?" Lorne demanded again.

"She's—" Knightley started, but was cut off.

"Strapped to a gurney, at the moment," Sheppard cut in, his eyes cold and hard. "Check him over. If he's okay, radio me. I'll be back."

"Sheppard, stop!" Lorne demanded of his CO, but for this one instance didn't give a damn about protocol or chain of command or anything else. Before Sheppard could turn around he said, "For God's sakes! Stick me in a prison cell, ship me off on the Daedalus, fucking execute me. I don't give a damn. Just tell me she's okay."

Seeing the rising panic in Lorne's eyes, Sheppard's sharp green ones softened a bit. "Beckett says she'll be fine, physically."

"Soto said she collapsed. What the hell happened? Please, tell me she's not hurt."

Knightley glared daggers at Sheppard shutting him up. "She's fine, Major. She woke up about an hour after we got her into a med tent and got her sutured up. Just a bump on the head."

Lorne finally relaxed back on the gurney. If Sheppard hadn't known any better, he would have thought the Major was about to cry. Frowning darkly, he stepped out. Time to see Alex.

Knightley glared after the Colonel thinking she was going to use the biggest needle she could find the next time he came in to her infirmary. Then she turned that glare on Lieutenant Soto. Taking a hint, he said he'd be right outside and stepped out. Forcing her expression to a more compassionate one, Rebecca turned toward the Major. He had taken a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart, and was now trying to turn his head far enough back and forth to wipe away the remnants of the few tears that had leaked out onto his pillow.

"Sorry about that, Doctor," he apologized, clearly embarrassed by his outburst. Lorne blamed it on the stress and whatever it was that Wraith bitch had done to him.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Major. She had us all scared witless last night."

"She's really okay?" he asked, still pale, but much more composed.

"Yes. She was mentally and physically intact, and sleeping soundly when Beckett left."

"Well, if Beckett left, then I know she's fine," Lorne replied with a half-hearted smile. "But why the restraints then?"

"We weren't sure. It was Colonel Sheppard's orders. I'm guessing it's because he doesn't trust her after what happened last night."

"What exactly did happen?"

He watched her expressions as she chewed her lower lip prettily, Lorne thought; surprising himself.

"I wasn't here," she finally answered. "But what Beckett described was…disturbing. If you don't remember, it's probably for the best."

Lorne's face went whiter still. "But Alex remembers?"

Rebecca shook her head, making her auburn tresses bounce in a way that under other circumstances Lorne would have loved watching.

"She hasn't said anything, but that would be my assumption."

Major Lorne turned his eyes to the ceiling with a pained expression. There was no telling what she had seen or endured. But he remembered enough of what the queen had been using to try to break him that he didn't need to guess how she felt. He wasn't sure if he should be angry, embarrassed, scared of what the queen had done to him, hurting for Alex, or some combination of all of them and more. Doctor Heightmeyer was going to love this one. He was so wrapped up in the mess going on in his head that he almost didn't notice her step toward him.

Knightley put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Alex is resilient, Major. I would know. Let's get you checked over, and then we'll check on her. The two of you should be up and about in no time."

"She better be," was all Lorne said, the self-recrimination clear in his voice.

~o~o~o~

Sheppard poked his head into Alex's tent not sure what to expect at this ungodly early hour. It was Lorne's job to be up before sunrise. The Major was just going to have to get over it quick, and get his butt back into action, 'cause he wasn't going to do this one minute longer than he absolutely had to. Snorting at his own humor, Sheppard watched Alex looking as if she was sleeping soundly. He turned to the guard who gave a silent nod indicating all was quiet through the night.

"I'm awake, John," she called sleepily, startling him. "How's Evan?"

"Funny you should mention him, he was just asking about you," he started, coming to stand closer to the gurney. Keeping his expression hard and cold, he stared down into those intense blue eyes.

"And?" she prompted.

"He'll live."

"I knew that last night and you know damn well what I'm asking."

Sheppard maintained his cold glare. "What's it to you? Didn't like losing a puppet? Or did you just wind up gaining a better one?"

For a moment Alex's expression was a study in confusion. Then she threw her head back with a huge sigh. "So that's what this is about. I should have seen this coming. For a moment you had me worried. No, John, I'm fine. There's no trace of her in my head. And, yes, you were right. Major Lorne was compromised, but not in the usual way. She basically broke in through a back door and left it open. She's been in his head probably since the first encounter and never let go. She's been torturing him slowly, trying to break him down. Which is why one of her generals had to take the longer method in torturing Church. And that's why he had the headaches. He was subconsciously fighting her."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"I don't care what you believe, right now," she snapped. "Just tell me, is he okay? I don't know how much damage was done to him, and how much of it was…caused by me. Just…tell me he's not…I mean…damn it! Did I turn his brain to mush, or is he going to be himself still?"

Alex finally managed to get the words out while trying to cover a sniffle. Tears were pouring down the sides of her face. She felt foolish like this, but she just couldn't stop herself. Her heart was racing in fear and pain for all that she remembered of what she had seen. The man deserved to live and be happy. She refused to believe the universe could be so cruel as to give him so much pain and then leave him useless.

Seeing her distress, Sheppard finally relaxed his cold expression. "He's going to be fine, by the looks of it."

Alex struggled to regain control through her sobs. "Bastard. Why didn't you just tell me in the first place?"

"I had to know."

"Know what?" she snapped.

"You told me yourself, Wraith don't know compassion. If you're this messed up, then you're…you."

Alex chuckled darkly. "As if that would convince you."

"Not entirely, but it's a good start," he admitted. Squeezing her shoulder comfortingly she said, "Don't worry, you passed. Now we'll just get Heightmeyer to do that hypno mumbo jumbo and Teyla to muck around in your mind and hopefully they'll clear you."

"And if she doesn't?"

Sheppard's expression darkened, but he didn't feel the need to lie to her. "You wouldn't have had to worry about getting pictures of the sunset around here. You'd be seeing plenty of them for the rest of your lives. And that's if you survived us packing up and taking the gate with us."

Alex nodded. "Safer than leaving her in our heads and risking Atlantis."

Sheppard nodded.

"Teyla's here?" Alex asked, seeming to have gotten her emotions under control.

"Yep, she was meeting with Heightmeyer the last I saw."

"Can we just get this over with? I'm starving."

Sheppard chuckled, "That's more like the Alex I know," and keyed on his radio. "Colonel Sheppard to Teyla. Where are you at?"

"Right here," came a voice from the tent flap making John jump.

Alex repressed a giggle as Sheppard snapped, "You walk like a damn cat!"

"As do you, I believe," she replied. "I just tend to have better timing, it would appear."

At this Alex giggled openly, earning a glare from Sheppard.

"Fine, whatever. Are you two ready?"

"Doctor Knightley was giving Major Lorne a thorough checking over. She said she would be a while," Doctor Heightmeyer spoke up. "She said Alex was fine, and we could start immediately, if that's okay with her."

"Please, Kate. I just want this done," Alex told her.

Heightmeyer and Teyla both frowned seeing the obvious evidence of recent tears. Teyla went so far as to glare down Sheppard until he decided to wait outside.

"Are you alright?" Heightmeyer asked once Sheppard had made himself scarce.

"Fine. Just worried about Evan. You won't need to hypnotize me. Teyla should be able to dig deep enough to tell you what you need."

Teyla arched and eyebrow skeptically, but didn't argue. Kate seemed to consider this, and then nodded.

"Teyla, I know you've been in Wraith minds before. But mine is not Wraith anymore. It might be a bit…chaotic after last night. I'll be as open as I can, but don't be afraid to dig if I resist. And…please…don't…" Alex made a face, frustrated at not being able to convey what she wanted without sounding accusatory.

Teyla bent down and put her forehead to Alex's. "I would never betray the secrets of your heart, so long as they are not a threat to Atlantis. I promise you this."

"Thank you," Alex whispered back, fresh tears stinging her eyes. Regaining her composure, she added. "Don't be afraid of the pain you inflict. I'll be fine. I would rather you be thorough."

"I understand."

And then there was nothing more to be said. Taking a step back, Teyla closed her eyes and focused. It amazed her how easily she was able to locate and penetrate Alex's thoughts and mind. But what she found felt like an open wound to her heart. Everything was raw and far too vivid. Her emotions were a tangled mess; guilt being among the most prominent. Not adept enough at this to know the underlying thoughts, she focused on finding that intense darkness and hate that was the trademark of a Wraith mind. She moved through the constant churning of those emotions but found not a trace.

With a smile, Teyla opened her eyes. "She's clear of any Wraith influence."

Kate smiled happily. Alex closed her eyes and sighed in relief, as if only just realizing how afraid she had been.

"Kate, would you mind letting Colonel Sheppard know the good news?"

Sensing there was something more to this request than was obvious, Doctor Heightmeyer nodded and stepped out, leaving Teyla, Alex, and the guard. Teyla placed a gentle hand on the side of Alex's face to get her attention.

"You love so much. You feel so much. How are you not overwhelmed?"

Alex barked a laugh. "I am, sometimes. But I manage."

"I see this." Leaning close Teyla said, "Thank you for the trust you have placed in me. I am honored. And, I'm sorry for hating you as I did. It was wrong of me."

Alex's eyes stung with tears all over again. Too choked up at first to reply, she just shook her head vehemently. Finally she managed to get herself under control yet again. "You were right to be angry on John's behalf. You're his friend and you love him as much as I do."

"Perhaps, but it was still wrong. Will you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive, but if it will ease your mind, yes."

Teyla's smile was beaming. "Thank you."

Standing back up, she squeezed Alex's hand. "I believe there's someone else who would like to see you, now."

"Okay."

A moment later Beckett came in, his blue eyes hard as rocks seeing her condition. "Those bloody idiots! Sheppard just radioed me with the all clear. Didn't bother telling me he was going to have Teyla boring into your head."

Alex laughed softly as Carson began to undo her restraints. "Carson, it was necessary."

"'Necessary'? Are ye daft?! Look at yourself!"

"I'm fine. Just a little…fragile. I'll get over it."

"'Get over it'?" Carson blurted. "You make it sound like a sniffle! I can't imagine—"

With one hand and her chest strap now free, Alex sat up grabbing Carson in a fierce hug. Before he had a chance to process what was going on, she silenced his rant with a very thorough kiss. Breathless, she finally released him with a smile.

"Am I well enough to escape now, Doctor?" she asked teasingly.

His face now red and his ears practically glowing having had a silent witness as the guard pretended not to see, Carson cleared his throat but couldn't find it in himself to be angry with her. "Yes, well, I supposed you should probably take a shower before Elizabeth needs you."

"Food. I'm starving. Then a shower, I promise."

"Deal."

Alex beamed a smile at him that set his heart fluttering again. Oy but that woman could turn his head inside out! Checking her over quickly, he then released her so he could get back to the nightmare of a lab setup he'd been working on.

With a sigh of relief, Alex watched Carson walking away. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep her composure. She poked her head outside to find she was blessedly alone. She had to move quickly if she was going to avoid Major Lorne. She hadn't had time to figure out what she was going to do in the long-term. But right now she couldn't face him. Right now she needed to run. Maybe she could find an excuse or something later. But now…

Forcing herself under control, Alex made her way to the gate. Since no orders had been given restricting gate travel at the moment, she was given access to return to Atlantis. There she ran into a team getting ready to come through to the Delta Site with another load of Beckett's equipment. Dodging them, she headed toward her quarters. Food had been a lie. Right now, all she wanted was a hot, soothing shower and some privacy. Knowing Beckett would be in and out looking for her every time he returned for more equipment, she decided the shower would be short. She knew exactly where she was going to go.

~o~o~o~

Unlike Alex, Major Lorne's testing was a bit more thorough, in its own way. Sheppard waited outside while Doctor Heightmeyer hypnotized him. Once she was convinced he was deeply hypnotized, she poked her head out of the flaps and nodded to Sheppard. He followed her back in, and stood a safe distance from the gurney.

"Evan, Colonel Sheppard is here. You're going to answer his questions, now. But we can stop any time you like."

Lorne said nothing. Heightmeyer nodded to the Colonel.

"What really happened with the Wraith queen on the hive ship?"

"She invaded my mind. She was looking for the gate address to Atlantis," he said in a monotone voice.

"And did she get it?"

Lorne's face twitched. "Yes."

"What else did she get?"

"Me," there was tension clear in his voice now, even though his face was blank.

"Can you explain?"

"Alex."

The silence stretched out. "What about Alex?" Sheppard asked, getting impatient.

"Alex…Alex…No, you can't have her! Leave her alone! I'll kill you, you Wraith bitch!"

Lorne's sudden outburst startled him. Turning to Heightmeyer he could see she was already on her feet and next to the bed.

"Evan, relax. It's okay. It's over. Whatever happened is over. It's just a memory. It can't hurt you now. Alex is safe."

Lorne quickly went quiet. Not sure if he should start again, he nodded to Heightmeyer. Let her ask the relevant questions.

"Evan, do you remember what the queen did to you?"

"Yes."

"What did she do?"

"In my head. Hurts. They're all dead. My head hurts. Oh God, why couldn't I save them? Head hurts so much. Just kill me already, you bitch! It hurts so much! Make it stop!"

Even Sheppard's heart skipped painfully with those words. He didn't have to guess what was going on in the Major's mind.

"It's over Evan. It's over. Remember, they're just memories. They can't hurt you now. What happened with Alex?"

"Alex. Oh God, she's hurt! I have to save her! I can't…not strong enough…she screaming!"

"Evan relax. It's okay. They're just memories. Alex is safe. What did Alex do?"

"Alex…saved me. She made the pain stop."

"How?"

"I don't know. The queen is gone. She's not there anymore. But Alex…Oh God. She's screaming! Don't let me fail again. You can't have her! Take me, you bitch! Leave her alone!"

"Evan, calm—"

Lorne jerked awake so fast even Heightmeyer stepped back startled.

"Alex!" he called, looking around frantically, straining his restraints, his chest heaving.

"Major!" Sheppard snapped. "Pull it together!"

"Yes, sir!" Lorne snapped reflexively.

"That's better," Sheppard said, his expression still hard. "What do you remember?"

Lorne squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his face pale. "Everything," he croaked, his voice cracking.

Kate reached for a cup of water on the table beside him. He gave her a grateful look swallowing a few times. Taking a deep breath and relaxing back onto the bed, he turned toward Sheppard.

"Sorry, Colonel. It was a bit…intense," he explained, trying to give only a calm façade though his face was still deathly white.

Sheppard wasn't blind, the man was shaken; though he did seem to be recovering quickly. "So, what happened?"

"She went into my mind to get Atlantis' gate address." The anger and disgust at himself clear on his face. "She got it, I think. Then she left…a piece of herself, I guess. In my head. It was just enough for her to…play with my mind subtly, to try to break me down, and get more information."

"And what did she get, Major?" the dangerous edge to Sheppard's voice didn't seem to faze Lorne one bit.

"From me, nothing useful. A handful of memories best left buried. Maybe some stuff she made up herself to give me nightmares. I'm not sure anymore which ones were real. But she wasn't in my mind strongly enough to take anything after the first round. I was even able to try to warn you, I thought. But I guess you didn't get the message at first."

"How?"

Lorne shook his head and sighed. "It wasn't much. She had some control over me and every time I tried to fight her or warn you she made the pain worse. But I was giving you looks. Alex, too. I thought I was, anyway."

Sheppard nodded. "I thought I saw something a couple times. Good job, Major."

Lorne shook his head, his expression filled with self-recrimination. "Not good enough, sir. She almost got Alex. I'm not sure how or what happened. But I remember Alex there. She was…inside me. It was like she was healing me, somehow. And then she was gone. And so was the queen."

"You remember all that?" Sheppard asked, skeptically.

"Yes, sir."

Sheppard seemed to consider this. Then he glanced to Heightmeyer. "Teyla?"

"It couldn't hurt. She could certainly sense of there was any lingering presence."

"Do it," Sheppard ordered. "If he passes, cut him loose."

"Yes, Colonel."

"Colonel?" Lorne called before he could leave.

"Yes, Major?"

"About earlier… I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Major. When you get out of here, take a shower and get your ass back to work. This is the last time I cover your morning shift."

With a huge smile that brought out the dimples in what Sheppard found to be the single most irritating feature about the younger-looking Major, Lorne said, "Yes, sir. Be glad to, sir."

"Good," he shot back with a quick grin of his own as he passed Teyla coming in.

"Good morning, Major," Teyla greeted with a smile.

"Hey, Teyla."

"I've already cleared Alex. Carson was releasing her a few minutes ago," she told him, sensing his need to know.

"Glad to hear it. Thanks," he said, beaming another smile.

Her expression turning serious, Teyla explained, "This might be a bit uncomfortable. But I promise, nothing I see or feel will ever leave this tent."

Lorne barked a laugh. "I'm almost getting used to people crawling around my head."

She gave him a commiserating look. "Are you ready?"

"No, but I want out of here. So let's get this over with."

Teyla stepped back and repeated the process she had done on Alex. Here it was much more difficult, as Lorne didn't have any telepathic ability or Wraith DNA. But the one thing she was certain of, despite her growing headache, is that there was no Wraith presence in his mind.

"All clear," she finally said.

Heightmeyer smiled happily and reached for the restraints. Between the two of them, Major Lorne was free and happily on his in minutes.

"Any idea where Alex went?" he asked, stretching his stiff muscles.

"I believe I saw her heading for the gate," Teyla replied.

"Thanks," he called over his shoulder, taking off out of the tent at a trot.

Three things were on his list of things to do before he reported for duty. Shower. Food. Alex. And what order they were in would be determined by the sick feeling he had growing in the pit of his stomach. Now that he remembered in terrifying clarity all that had gone on in his head, he needed to find her. Not everything was a one-way when it came to telepathic encounters. He'd seen enough of Alex from the inside to know what she carried and how she felt about him now. But Sheppard and Heightmeyer didn't need to know what Alex had seen, or what he'd sensed of her in his head. Some things others just couldn't be understood by those who had not felt them in such an intimate way.

Praying he was wrong, he headed through the gate to Atlantis.

~o~o~o~

Alex stopped by her quarters long enough for a shower. She had hoped the shower would help wash away the mess of her emotions. No such luck. With her stomach clenched in fear and guilt to a point she just felt sick, food was out of the question. Not knowing what else to do with herself being such a mess, she sought out the nearest balcony that was empty and closed the door behind herself.

For a while she just sat there. She knew she should be doing something useful. She knew it was silly to be so emotional. She knew it was just plain stupid that she couldn't let go. She knew it was useless to be so wrapped up in something that wasn't any of her business in the first place. She knew Lorne was going to resent her for the rest of his life for what she had seen and what she knew. She knew she would never be allowed on his team ever again.

Numb. She just wanted to be numb. She wanted the hurt to stop. She wanted the guilt to go away. She wanted the fear to evaporate. For the first time since becoming human, she truly and deeply wished she didn't feel so much.

Her eyes on the waves below, Alex let herself be lost in them. She knew they were cold. And, for a moment, she considered swimming in those icy waters. It would be less painful than what she felt now. Hugging her legs to her chest, she tried to close out everything in her mind and just drift with the waves. She wanted to be as cold and uncaring as those dangerous waters below.

And, for a while, it almost worked.

Suddenly she was no longer alone. The door opened behind her, and she ignored it. Hoping they would see she didn't want company, she silently screamed at them to just go away. Instead, he stepped up beside her and closed the door again. Realizing it was Major Lorne, she felt the mortification rising right alongside her fear. Knowing she wasn't going to be able to keep it inside anymore, she buried her face in her knees, silently praying he would just leave her alone.

His hair still wet from his hasty shower, Evan knew when he got no answer in her quarters exactly where Alex would be. It only took three balconies before he found her. He hadn't been sure what to expect, at first. But the moment he saw her huddled form, he knew. He didn't have to ask. He knew she would just tell him to go away, so he locked the door behind himself to ensure their privacy and sat down.

Words weren't needed here. He took her in his arms, and then slid her onto his lap so he could wrap both arms around her. Holding tight, he let her ride out the sobs that she'd been trying to hold back; just as he had done with his own sister so long ago. He wasn't sure how long they sat there; but, after a while, she seemed to just wear herself down to deep breathing and sniffles.

"Are you going to be okay?" he finally asked, when he thought she might be able to hear through her suffering.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? It better not be for saving my life, because I'm not in the mood to kick anyone's ass today. I'll have to sic Krissy on you."

Alex seemed to bark a laugh before burying her face in his chest. For a moment they just sat like that content. Still somewhat surprised that his own raw emotions hadn't left him in tears right along with her, he kept his blue eyes on the waves just beyond the balcony railing. This time it was Evan who apologized.

"I'm so sorry, Alex. You should never have had to deal with that. I didn't want you to. I tried to warn you. I was hoping Doctor Heightmeyer would…never mind. Just…I'm sorry."

Alex shook her head against his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to invade your mind. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let her have you. Please, I—"

"Don't make me repeat myself," he told her gruffly. "You've got nothing to apologize for. You saved my life. My sanity, at the very least. My career, most definitely. I felt her attacking you. I heard you screaming. It…Jesus, Alex. I almost lost you, too, last night. I'm not sure I could deal with that, ever.

"I don't even know how to begin to thank you. But I can do this for you," told her, squeezing her closely. "Don't ever be afraid to come to me with anything. I know you love Carson. But I love you, too. And I want you to know you're safe with me."

Alex fought back more tears. "You're so scared. You hurt so much. But you won't let anyone get close, because you're sure they'll die, too. And your sister…it wasn't your fault."

Evan felt his face turn grim as the memories flooded back in all their painful glory.

"I know. And, yes, I'm scared. I've been around long enough to know that kind of hurt, obviously. You're new to this. And, if I have any say in the matter, you'll never know that kind of pain. Understand?"

"I already know, now."

Holding her tight, he rested his cheek on her head. "God, I'm so sorry, Alex. Is there any way to reverse it? Maybe Heightmeyer can—"

Sitting up, she faced him, her blue cat-like eyes boring into his. "No. Never. Even if there was, I wouldn't. I love you too, like a brother; like John. But you're different. I want to share this pain with you. No one should have to carry so much alone."

Evan's blue eyes shifted in embarrassment briefly at his privacy being so completely violated hit him again. Then he heaved a sigh and let it go, visibly releasing it all. For Alex, he would happily suffer anything, even total exposure. If only he could protect her; as he hadn't been able to for his own sister. Eventually, he nodded.

"I know. I'm just not ready to share that part of my life, yet."

"You already have. And it didn't kill me," she shot back with a smile. "Remember that the next time someone asks you out on a date."

Evan's chuckle warmed her heart, it was good to hear him happy over anything knowing how much pain he carried all the time. "Wow, one day playing super shrink, and you're already giving relationship advice. You've been around Heightmeyer too much."

She made to punch him in the ribs, just missing and grazing his side with her knuckles, instead.

"Hey!" he jumped, nearly throwing her off his lap. "No tickling!"

Alex's eyebrows shot up in abject, open-mouthed surprise. Suddenly Evan's stern face flushed redder than she had ever seen Carson's, even.

"You're ticklish?"

"No," he snapped, his big arms moving her quite easily off his lap and out of the ticklish zone.

Alex's grin was pure malevolence. Her eyes sparkled wickedly. Evan knew she would keep his secret, but she clearly did not have his best intentions in mind, at the moment.

"Don't. You. Dare." he warned, punctuating each word with a finger in her face.

"My lips are sealed," she swore, still unable to remove the grin.

Certain they were alone on the balcony, Alex made to poke him in the ribs. He managed to catch her one hand, but the other was too quick. He barked a laugh before he could scoot away from her and catch the other hand. Up against the balcony railing and holding both her wrists away from him, he glared daggers.

"Are you quite finished?"

"Just getting started."

"I'm not explaining to Sheppard or Carson how you took a swan dive over a balcony and suffered hypothermia for your efforts."

Alex's face fell, making Evan almost regret his empty threat. "Okay."

Heaving a sigh with a groan, he knew he could deny her nothing at this point, Evan sighed. "Never in public, okay?"

Alex chuckled. "Never at all, I promise. It was just fun seeing your reaction."

"Why you evil little…"

Before she could get away, Evan snatched her up and found a couple of ticklish places of his own.

"Ha! Now we're even."

Still giggling Alex nodded in agreement. "Truce?"

"Truce."

Moving gracefully to his feet, Evan pulled Alex up and into a tight embrace. "Thank you."

"I'm honored to be another sister to you," she said.

Releasing her, he smiled. "Come on, I'm starving. And I'm pretty certain I heard your stomach complaining a few minutes ago, too."

Now it was Alex's turn to flush. "Yeah, I didn't have much of an appetite earlier."

"You? No appetite?" Evan said feigning utter shock. "Should I call Carson? Or should I just take you right to the infirmary?"

This time her punch to his ribs was successful enough to make him grunt. Then her face turned into an expression of horror that had him concerned.

"Tania! I almost forgot Tania! I've got to tell her about Krissy!"

"Is she working today?"

"I don't know. I'll check her quarters. You go on ahead, I'll meet up with you in the mess hall."

"No. I'll come with you."

Alex wasn't going to argue. Aside from the fact that she was enjoying his companionship, she knew she could probably use the backup. Either Tania was going to turn hysterical, or she was going to lash out. Probably both. Either way, she could use some of Evan's strength.

Their timing could not have been more perfect. They ran into Sergeant Daniels just leaving her quarters after a quick shower. One glance at her and Lorne knew something was up.

"You okay?" he asked, seeing her so pale and anxious.

Daniels' just nodded.

"We were about to go tell Tania the good news. I'm sorry I wasn't able to earlier. I just got back from the—"

"Will you come with me?" Krissy blurted.

Surprised by this, Alex hesitated for a moment in responding, causing Daniels to flush.

"I'm sorry. It's just…I've been back since yesterday…I was about to…I don't know if I can do this. What if she hates me for putting her through this?"

As understanding dawned on her, Alex nodded. "Of course."

"You too?" she asked Lorne, surprising him. "I don't think she's going to believe anything I say. We had a…fight…right before…and…I-I um..."

"Enough said. I can't order her around, but I'll be there to hold her down while you talk," Lorne said squeezing her shoulder comfortingly and giving her a wink. "Come on."

A moment later they triggered the chimes on Tania's door and waited. After a minute of no response, Lorne triggered them again. Still nothing. Looking at the others, Alex shrugged. Daniels moved behind Lorne as if wanting to hide.

"Hey, Tania!" Alex called. "I've got some good news. But you're going to have to come to the door to get it."

"Go away!" a muffled voice on the other side of the door called.

"You know, if you came out of your room every once in a while, you would probably already know," Alex called, starting to get irritated.

"Fuck off!"

By this point Daniels was shaking and looked ready to bolt. Lorne kept a gentle grip on her arm.

"Tania, this is Major Lorne. If you don't come to the door, I'm just going to have to tell Krissy you don't want to see her," Lorne called.

A split second later the door flew open. A tussle-haired, wide-eyed, pale Tania with puffy red eyes stared at Major Lorne as if he were a creature she'd never seen before.

"Well, that's a start," he commented with a smile.

"How dare you make me think you were dead?!" Tania screeched.

Obviously she was no longer seeing him. She'd caught sight of Krissy just to his right, and had tackled her right there in the halls. For a moment, Lorne thought he was going to have to pull the two apart since it looked like Tania was outright attacking. Knowing Daniels as he did, however, he waited a moment. Daniels took her hits, and then put a stop to it when she was ready by pinning the nurse's arms. By this point they were both in tears. Lorne watched just long enough to ensure there wouldn't be any bloodshed before quietly following Alex down the corridor toward the mess hall.


	22. Chapter 22

Finally, at something Colonel Sheppard considered to be a decent hour, Weir, Sheppard, Beckett, Alex, Lorne, Teyla, and Heightmeyer were all gathered in Weir's office.

"So there's no doubt she was exerting control over Major Lorne?" Weir asked.

Lorne caught somewhere between still feeling guilty and angry over this, kept his mouth shut; his expression said it all. Sheppard, having only witnessed what happened, but not actually involved, kept his peace. He looked to Teyla, Heightmeyer, and Alex. It was Alex who spoke.

"You're well aware that I can't prove anything. And, even if we could, what would accusing her accomplish? She knows that we know. And the only thing I can say is that there is more to her game than this retrovirus. She stands to gain something massively more important to her."

"What makes you say that?" Weir asked.

"No Wraith queen would ever give up anything they considered to be theirs unless they stand to gain far more than that one pawn is worth."

Looking to Lorne Weir asked, "And you have no idea what that might be?"

Frustration clear on his face, he said, "No ma'am. I can only remember what she did to me to try to wear me down, but not what she was looking for beyond that first encounter."

"Which she didn't get," Alex added surprising all of them.

"Atlantis' gate address?" Sheppard asked, clearly not believing.

Alex nodded. "Major Lorne gave her the Alpha Site address over and over again until she was convinced that was Atlantis' address."

"But, I saw…" Lorne said, thinking back to those moments.

"What you wanted her to see," Alex told him. "You wanted her to think it was Atlantis. Quite impressive, really."

"You're certain?" Weir asked, her green eyes sharp.

"Yes. But it makes no difference. She most likely tortured the information out of Mr. Church, anyway. So now she has two addresses, and she is convinced one of them is Atlantis. At best, this will delay her while she send scouts to both worlds to check them out. If we're lucky, she'll think we've moved the city and have the ability to do so again at any time," Alex explained.

Weir seemed to consider this for a moment before turning to Teyla and Heightmeyer.

"And you're certain there's no remaining traces of her influence in either of them?"

"Yes," Teyla replied. "There's nothing left."

"Then she stands to gain something much greater," Weir said almost to herself. A moment later she focused on Lorne, "You're sure you're ready to return to duty?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, then I'll need you at the Delta Site. I need Colonel Sheppard here preparing the city for evacuation."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Alex, is it possible she can gain control of others without a direct line of sight or direct contact?"

"Yes, but it would be extremely difficult. With humans the closer proximity and even direct eye contact make the process much easier. It would be an even weaker connection than she had with Major Lorne, to start off with, and anyone on their guard would feel the alien presence."

Weir's eyebrows shot up. "That is good news. Major Lorne, put out the word at the Delta Site. You know what it felt like, so you'll know what to tell them. Teyla, I know this is a lot to ask, but I could use you there, as well. Can you lightly touch each person in a random rotation to try to detect her influence?"

Teyla frowned for a moment, knowing what kind of headache she would be suffering for this, but she knew, too, that there was no choice. "Yes."

"Thank you."

She thought again for a moment, a flicker of fear. "Is it possible she gave up Major Lorne for me?"

"It is," Alex admitted, "though I don't think that is her entire plot."

"You have a theory?"

"Maybe," she said hesitantly. "She could try to bore into your mind and gradually take control, but now that she knows we know about Major Lorne and myself, she's not likely to try those tactics again. She's going to pick her target much more carefully, and act much more swiftly. And…I may venture a guess as to the target."

"Earth," Lorne blurted, his blue eyes going wide, as all eyes were drawn to him. "That's why she was going through so many gate addresses!"

Alex nodded. "So there's a two-fold plan here. With her knowledge of the gates, it is easy for her to extrapolate the location within the galaxy using any gate address. But, to get to Earth and new feeding grounds she would need the gate address and the city itself."

"So now she thinks she may have city's location, and she'll need to secure it," Weir stated.

"Yes, so it is possible she would try to use you to control the city, whereas she was just going to use Major Lorne to lower its defenses and let her generals in quietly."

Weir's expression darkened. Sheppard and Lorne shared a look that openly displayed their frustration. They all knew where they stood. Ultimately, there was nothing they could do but play along. Until the Daedalus returned and was able to get within teleportation range of the hive, they were backed into a corner. If they refused, she could either attack directly or broadcast their most likely locations. Either would end in the destruction of the city.

"Carson, how is the lab setup going?"

Doctor Beckett sighed heavily. "Faster than I anticipated. It can be ready by tomorrow."

Again Weir nodded, seemingly lost in thought. "Proceed as planned, then. Maybe there's something to be gained in this. Maybe they will help perfect the retrovirus. In the meantime, that leaves one last order of business. All of you will stand witness."

Eyebrows around the room shot up, but Sheppard's came down.

"No."

"We can always—"

"No, Elizabeth. I'm not gonna—"

"Colonel Sheppard!" she snapped. "In civilian matters I am the final authority. And, at this very moment this is a civilian matter. It is about to turn military, and I'll leave no opening for a breach in the chain of command. Do I make myself clear?"

Sheppard's expression was close to murderous. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good," she said with one final look to make sure he wasn't going to interrupt her again. Glancing at her watch she said, "As of oh-nine-thirty we are enacting M Protocol. I relinquish control of the city to Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard until further notice. Any orders coming from me must be cleared through Colonel Sheppard's established chain of command. This information will not leave this office."

They all nodded agreement, half of them still in shock at this turn of events. Sheppard clenched his jaw, still glaring at her. "For the record, you will have control of the city back as soon as I can dump it on you."

Doctor Weir smiled dryly. "Yes, because I know how much you love paperwork, John."

"Fine," he snapped, still not liking the situation. "I accept control of the city and your authorization codes will be deactivated the moment I leave this office. Teyla, Beckett, proceed as planned. I'll work on the city evacuation. I've established a new site, and we're setting up now. That address will remain with me until complete evacuation is required. For now, I'm getting us down to a skeleton crew.

"Alex, you're with Doctor Weir. Don't let her out of your sight. Since the queen knows about you, and she knows what you can do, we're going to use that to our advantage. She might be the superior force between you two, but that doesn't mean we have to give her an easy opening. Gear up, I want her to see that we're not playing any more of her games. Shoot to kill if you even suspect. Understand?"

"Yes, Colonel," she replied, feeling the need for formality here.

For a moment the silence hung heavy in the air as Sheppard considered any other orders that were needed. He seemed to come to a decision.

"Major Lorne, you're in control of the Delta Site. The new evac site will be withheld from all personnel going to the Delta Site. Major, if we have to self-destruct Atlantis, you will be cut off. You and your men are to abandon the Delta Site. Pick any planet, any backup site you want. I don't need to tell you that if Atlantis is lost, it may be a long time before the Daedalus can round us all up. So try to stick together, but scatter if needed. Establish your own chain of command outside of Atlantis. We will operate as two independent groups."

"Yes, sir."

"Once the Delta site setup is final, there will be no more direct dials to Atlantis. We will dial the Delta Site once a day to check in. If it is more than thirty hours since last check-in, assume Atlantis is lost and get out as fast as you can.

"Beckett, establish your replacement CMO for Atlantis. You'll remain at the Delta Site for the duration."

"Yes, Colonel."

"Anyone have anything to add?" he asked.

Everyone shook their heads. "Good. Major, come with me."

"Yes, sir."

The rest of them wandered off to their individual duties. Alex found it a wonder that the heads of Atlantis could carry so much and still be able to stop and make friendly conversation, smile, and even engage their people in such a positive way. She watched as Carson gave the bad news, and assigned Doctor Warren as temporary CMO. Giving him a quick hug and peck on the cheek, she turned to her own duties.

She knew she had some time before Doctor Weir and the others would be ready to depart. Her heart heavy, Alex wandered the city for a while. The city seemed to speak to her. She'd often heard Carson describe the city as something alive, as if he could sense its presence. Today the city almost seemed alive to her, too. Every corridor she walked, every balcony she passed, every person she smiled greetings to…it all came back to her. The sense of urgency all around made the ancient city seem more alive than she could ever remember it feeling. Shaking this off as some sort of side effect of the emotional and mental stresses of the night before, she found herself standing in her old quarters.

She was amazed to find they hadn't been cleared out completely, yet. Alex had been so distracted with Carson she had almost forgotten. The numerous pictures of the sky still covered every visible wall. Her personal laptop was still sitting on the table. She'd taken to using Carson's once she'd moved in, and never really got back around to finishing her packing here. Sitting on the bed, she looked around. It almost felt like stepping back into a part of herself she'd shed at some point. It was comfortable and sad at the same time.

Had she really changed so much? Had being touched by others changed her?

For a few minutes she just sat, feeling herself and the city around her. Feeling the need to preserve this moment and more, she booted up the laptop.

~o~o~o~

Feeling refreshed and determined, Alex headed toward the chaos of the infirmary. There she managed to get a good supply of her injection formula. Doctor Knightley and Carson both being totally preoccupied with making the final checks to ensure they had all the needed supplies, they failed to notice that they had both supplied her with a massive amount of both the second female formula and the first. Packing this away with the rest of her gear, Alex headed through the gate with the most recent supply run.

Within hours she found herself standing behind Doctor Weir as they awaited the arrival of the queen. Her two generals flanking her much as they had the day before, she made little ceremony coming in and very clearly ignored everyone around her. The only person she would even acknowledge was Doctor Weir. And, of course, Alex. Elizabeth was watching closely as the queen entered the tent to find Alex in full gear standing guard. The queen made note of her presence, and then immediately tried to dismiss it.

Alex couldn't resist. She tweaked the vile creature with her telepathy, making her fumble a bit as she sat. The queen struggled to maintain her composure as she faced Weir very deliberately ignoring Alex. Satisfied that she'd gotten her point across in showing the queen she was not to attempt anything on Weir, Alex settled back into a comfortable stance and waited.

Much as the day before, Doctor Weir and the queen went back and forth on what duties, research, equipment, and responsibilities would fall where. Every demand Weir made, the queen would concede on with little or no argument. Even Alex, who cared little for such things as negotiations, found this irritating beyond belief. She had long ago come to the conclusion that there was more to this game than even she knew. The queen had many contingency plans in place, and was giving ground on Weir only because she wanted this to hurry up.

After a while Alex tuned out all but the telepathic frequencies that seemed to hum with tension within the tent. Despite the queen's neutral appearance and accommodating attitude, she was practically vibrating with the stress of maintaining her façade. It was all Alex could to do keep a smile off her face knowing this. While occupied and clearly under pressure, Alex took advantage of this to plant the tiniest of barbs in the queen. Hoping it wouldn't be noticed, she gave up even looking interested in the proceedings. Feeling the queen scan her at one point, she kept up the appearance of boredom and ignorance. Though she couldn't tell for certain, Alex thought the queen had bought the ruse.

Finally, after hours of discussion and all parties agreed, the queen gave her Hivemaster and his Masters of Sciences their orders, and the three of them turned to leave. The Hivemaster promised to return with the required equipment shortly. As soon as they exited the tent Weir turned to Alex.

Alex shook her head and held up her hand for silence. To avoid a repeat injury as she had sustained the night before, she seated herself at the table beside Weir and closed her eyes. Seeking that tiniest little barb she had planted in the queen's mind, she became an invisible rider. She watched as the queen crossed the event horizon and onto her own ship. Not a second later she screamed in rage, latching onto the nearest male and feeding on him. Still screaming, she unleashed all her pent-up fury. In her satisfaction, Alex slipped. Some part of her must have come through the link, because the queen stopped. Finding the telepathic barb the queen screamed again and crushed it out of existence.

Feeling as if a bomb had just gone off in her head, Alex gasped and gripped her head for a moment trying to pull her scattered thoughts back to reality. Groaning, she forced her eyes open. She must have been more out of it than she thought, because when she looked up Weir's pale face was joined by Carson's and Evan's.

"Sorry," she mumbled, sitting upright.

"Just what the hell was that?" Lorne asked as Carson checked her pupils.

Alex slapped Carson's hands away. "I believe the phrase is 'turnabout is fair play'."

Now Weir was furious. "In the middle of negotiations, you were in her head? You were here to protect me; not to go—"

Alex groaned in pain at Weir's elevated voice. "You don't need to shout. And, no, I wasn't. I planted a barb, I guess you could say. Kind of like a hook. I thought it would be too tiny for her to see. She's enraged, and I could feel it. I'm surprised you couldn't considering how strong it was."

"What gives you the right?"

Carson, clearly worried, was back to trying to check her over. Again, Alex batted at him with an irritated look. "Just give me something for a headache. I'll be fine."

His lips thinned in anger, he opened his mouth to argue but Major Lorne cut him off. "Come on, Doc. She's a big girl. Let her explain what happened before you haul her off."

Carson's face turned crimson. Shoving his hands in his pocket angrily, he glared at Alex letting her know this conversation wasn't over.

"What gives me the right is the same as it was before. She wanted to use Lorne. I stopped her. She knows about me. And now she knows I'm testing my limits with her, and anyone around her. I just planted the seeds of paranoia that might keep her on edge enough to behave for a little while."

Still furious, Weir seemed to consider this. "And what did you find?"

Alex chuckled. "For one thing, I wouldn't want to be on her hive ship right about now. One of the two generals won't be joining the team. For another, when she's focused, she can sense me in her mind."

"What did she do?" Lorne cut in, clearly not happy with this.

"Just crushed my link out of existence. It's something like having a bomb go off in your head. A bit uncomfortable, but not harmful."

Carson seemed skeptical, but kept his peace. Weir and Lorne shared a look.

"She's under your command," Weir reminded him calmly, but leaving no doubt where she stood on the subject.

The Major's jaw visibly clenched, and his blue eyes turned piercing enough to almost make Alex regret her actions. "What are the risks?" he finally asked.

"A few, but I'm more of a pest to them than anything useful for us, I think. It's more likely they'll seek out my presence only when I'm in their minds. And, even then, only to get rid of me in a painful, but harmless way. They can't come right out and tell me to stop, because then they're admitting to what was done to you. And they can't retaliate openly, because that would clearly lead to a breakdown in what has, thus far, been successful negotiations. So, aside from a handful of headaches, there's probably not much to worry about. Just have Teyla scan me periodically when I'm not paying attention to make sure there isn't any lingering Wraith presence, and it should be fine. And I'll do the same for her."

"Do you think you could gain anything useful out of it? Anything at all?" he pressed, eyes blue chips of ice now.

"I wouldn't trust anything I did manage to get. Now that she's aware, it could be false information meant to cause us trouble."

Lorne nodded unhappily. "So long as the risks are minimal, and you and Teyla stay in close contact, I'll permit it. Just be careful."

"That you won't have to worry about," Alex agreed, rubbing her temples.

"Very well," Weir agreed, clearly unhappy with having someone meddling in what she thought were perfectly acceptable negotiations.

Her head pounding, Alex tuned out the next part of the conversation between them. Carson, however, put a hand under her elbow and motioned for her to come with him.

"Go on, Alex. Let him check you over. When you're up for it, let me know."

Alex stared at the radio he'd just put on the table for a moment confused. Major Lorne grinned at her surprise. "For the duration, you're my second in command where Wraith are concerned. Civilian matters will still fall to Doctor Weir." He turned to Elizabeth, "Behind us is Major Cram and Major Bowden. If that chain of command fails, the rest are set in individual squads intended to function independently in a crisis. Each squad is a mix of civilian and military personnel intended to stay together if evac is needed."

"Good," Weir agreed.

Turning back to Alex and Carson he nodded toward the tent flaps. "Go on. I'll need you later. You've got some catching up to do on how we're going to operate until we're out of this mess."

"Yes, sir!" she snapped off. And, for a wonder, she meant it.

Shaking his head with a grin and still amazed by her at times, Lorne turned his mind to other duties. Carson still gripping her by the elbow, gently helped her to her feet. Alex was a bit surprised to find she was also a little unsteady. The queen had done quite a number on her head. Knowing she was in for many more such incidences, she advised Carson what to watch for and what to have ready.

It was going to be a long stay at the Delta Site.

~o~o~o~

Alex was more accurate than she wanted to admit. The very next day Wraith equipment and scientists began coming through the gate. Much as had the Atlanteans, they began to setup a camp just outside the human camp. In between the two camps were the shared labs. Though none of them were happy with the idea of a Wraith encampment so close, they all admitted it was easier than the constant back and forth through the gate.

Beckett and his team found themselves working side by side with the Wraith day and night. It seemed there was always something going on. The soldiers on both sides took turns guarding their own camps. Neither side dared trust the other. But, thanks to the queen and Major Lorne, both sides maintained strict discipline. Aside from the scientists working in the shared labs between the two encampments, no one dared cross the lines.

One day became two. Two became a week. A week that seemed to go on forever. Day after day Alex watched Carson come and go. She saw less of him now than she had while they were on Atlantis avoiding each other. But, she knew how important this work was to him, even if they had been backed into a corner. Day after day she took her turns at the guard rotations. Day after day she picked a random Wraith target to infiltrate, only to have them pick up on her and crush her. Day after day she felt Teyla scanning her from a distance; often times sending back a friendly sensation to let her know all was well.

The one thing Alex could appreciate was the sky on this planet. Thanks to a combination of red light emanating from the star in this system and a peculiar type of rock called sylvite that made up over eighty percent of the surrounding mountains and rocky terrain, the sky often looked to be a bluish purple color. The way the light reflected off the mountains brought out the purple hues most brightly at sunrise and sunset. And there were so many pale colored moons of a variety of colors that the night was almost as bright as the day, sometimes. Six of the largest, brightest moons rose at varying times throughout the day and night. Sometimes it made it difficult to see the stars, but Alex thought the loss was worth it. She wished she had brought her camera.

The downside was the sheer rocky monotony of the terrain. There were very few plants and absolutely no trees. The area was made up of surprisingly new mountains that hadn't really even begun to erode. So instead of walking on dirt, they found themselves traversing rocks varying in size from pebbles to a good several inches. Added to this was the fact that sylvite was about as tough as the average person's fingernail. The rocks broke up fairly quickly; but that also lead to a large number of minor injuries involving bumps, bruises, sprains, and cuts. Doctor Knightley was now in charge of the camp infirmary, and she was on the verge of demanding some sort of walkway system be built; if only to cut down on the amount of time she spent patching up minor injuries that were eating up her meager supplies.

And that was when Alex, for all her super human grace found herself practically being carried to the infirmary with a blood soaked bandage wrapped around her leg where her pants had been cut away to expose the wound. Alex, more exasperated than injured, told the two Marines who carried her in to bugger off. Knightley came around the corner of the makeshift divider and nearly dropped her tray of bandages at the sight of so much blood. For a moment Alex thought she was going to radio for Carson.

"If you bother Carson over this scratch, you'll be on the bed next to me," Alex threatened, half-heartedly. The truth was, she was almost willing to suffer Carson's mother-henning right about now, if only she could be with him for a little while.

Frowning, Knightly motioned for Alex to lay back. "I'm guessing you're about to tell me it's not as bad as it looks."

"Right. It's long and deep, and is likely to need more sutures than I would care for, but it's not life threatening."

"Yes, Doctor Cantwell."

"Cantwell? Wow, I thought Carson was just kidding about giving me that last name. I like it."

Knightley chuckled. "I thought you would prefer Beckett for a surname."

Alex's lack of response had her looking up sharply from where she had been cutting the bandage. She just caught the look on Alex's face as it went from pain to neutral. Obviously there was more going on, but she wasn't about to push the issue. Alex knew she had friends if she needed to talk.

"Yep, this one's pretty bad. Give me a minute to—"

"Alex?" Major Lorne called from the other side of the divider.

Knightley looked to Alex as if asking if she wanted her to get rid of him. Alex clenched her jaws. She knew they were right to inform the base commander of her condition as she was out of the rotation until her leg could be patched up, but damn it was annoying. If it wasn't one worrywart, it was another. Then she remembered her telepathic encounter with Evan, and couldn't blame him for a bit of worrying.

"In here," she called in resignation.

Major Lorne poked his head around the corner and then stepped around fully at the sight of so much blood. "They told me you were hurt, but—"

"I'll be fine," she cut him off. "Rebecca will have me patched up and back out there in no time," she assured him.

"Rebecca?" Lorne asked, unfamiliar with the name.

That's when Doctor Knightley sat up from where she had been hunched over almost out of sight from Lorne's position. Lorne's expression transformed at the sight of her.

"Doctor Knightley," he said, smiling brightly.

"Good to see you up and about, Major," she smiled back.

For a moment Alex got the distinct impression they had forgotten about her. Fixing an irritated expression on her face to cover what she was really feeling, she waited for them to break eye contact.

"If you'll excuse me," Knightley finally said, standing up. "I need to grab a few things."

Lorne just nodded, obviously not sure what else to say. Alex watched out of the corner of her eye as Lorne's eyes continued to follow the doctor. After staring at the divider for a few more seconds, he seemed to refocus on why he had come here in the first place. Frowning at the open, exposed wound that ran nearly from ankle to knee thanks to her skid down a steep embankment, he seemed to be considering something.

"Don't," Alex told him.

Lorne's eyebrows shot up before fixing on her suspiciously.

"I don't have to read your mind to know that expression. You're calculating how many days I'll be out of commission, followed with whether or not you want give me a lecture about how I need to be more careful."

Evan's eyes gave a mischievous twinkle as he smiled. "And what am I wanting for lunch, since you're so good?"

"Now that is an answer you don't want to hear right now."

The confused look on his face was almost worth the taunt. But it was too soon. She had to know one other thing, first. Before he could ask, Knightley returned with a tray full of items she would need.

"Major, I believe this is something you've had done to yourself enough times that you don't need me to assure you she'll live through the procedure," the doctor teased, putting on a fresh pair of gloves and picking up the filled syringe.

"No, but I would like to know how long you're going to have her off her feet."

"How long does it take to suture this up?" Alex asked.

"Maybe thirty minutes."

"I'll be back out there in forty-five," Alex answered. "We'll call it an early lunch break."

Lorne seemed set to argue but changed his mind. "You're sure?"

"It's a cut, Evan, not an amputation," Alex chided him.

Throwing up his hands in a gesture of surrender, he shook his head. "Alright. But you're explaining to Carson if he finds out."

"Deal."

Shaking his head again, Lorne smiled to Rebecca. "It was good to see you again, Doctor. If she gives you any trouble radio Sergeant Daniels. She'll sit on Alex if she has to."

Alex threw him a dirty glare that just made him chuckle as he left. When she turned back, she caught Knightley with the syringe still in hand staring after him long after he'd disappeared.

"Uh huh," was all Alex said.

Much like throwing a match onto tinder, the two syllables set Rebecca's face aflame. Ducking her head she aimed the needle at the open wound.

"This is going to sting a little."

She warned Alex less than a second before burning pain erupted inside the wound that had her biting her tongue to keep from yelping. Yep, she's definitely caught them both staring. And she had chosen the absolute wrong moment to let on to Doctor Knightley that she'd caught them.

~o~o~o~

Late that night, or possibly early morning, depending on your view of things, Alex was again curled up on what she'd come to think of as her rock. She was just close enough to the camp that she could be seen by the guards, but far enough away to have an unobstructed view of the sky. She did this often, when Carson wasn't in their tent. She found it harder and harder to sleep without him there. She hadn't realized how long she'd been sitting there watching the majestic moons gliding across the sky until light footsteps behind her alerted her to Evan's presence.

"Mind some company?" he asked, still far enough away not to startle her.

"Pull up a rock," she offered.

Seating himself beside her and leaning back to enjoy the view, he was almost surprised to find how comfortable the silence was. After their telepathic link, it was as if she'd always been there. It was as if she was a part of him, now, more so than ever before.

"Why do you come out here?"

Never taking her cat-like eyes away from the sky she replied softly, "That prison where John found me had become my coffin. I'd accepted that many decades, possibly even a couple of centuries, before he came along. There were times I would have given anything just to see the sky one more time."

"And then he helped you escape," Evan commented prompted when she'd gone quiet.

"Yes. I was wounded and perfectly happy to die there on that planet once I'd seen the sky again. But John seemed to have slightly higher expectations."

Lorne chuckled. "Well, I, for one, am glad he did."

Stretching out her legs and leaning back in much the same posture as Evan, Alex sighed contentedly. "Me too."

He didn't miss the wince she tried to cover as she moved her injured leg. "You okay?'

"It's nothing. I probably shouldn't have been sitting like that so long."

"Didn't Doctor Knightley give you something for the pain?"

Alex couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. Turning to face him Evan couldn't miss the look in those bright eyes as they reflected the moonlight.

"What?" he asked, not sure he liked that expression.

"She was a little distracted at the time, and probably forgot."

"Distracted? How?"

"You."

Sitting bolt upright he frowned at her. "Quit teasing. You caught me looking."

"Ha! I knew it! And, yes, I did. Same as I caught her."

Heaving a deep sigh Evan flopped onto his back with his arm under his head. Alex turned to face him more fully, moving her injured leg tenderly.

"Just my luck." He started ticking off points on his fingers, "We're in the middle of a crisis that could wind up with the destruction of Atlantis, a major threat to Earth, the entire Delta Site under my command, a Wraith queen playing games with us, and I've got a crush. Timing."

Alex giggled. "Yeah, not the best. Might have to work on that."

Heaving another sigh, he fell silent. For a while they just enjoyed the comfortable silence again and the beauty of the night.

"Mind if I ask you something?" she finally asked.

"You just did."

She flashed a brief grin before she turned back toward the sky as if to conceal her expression. "Why did you trust me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Even before the explosion in the mess hall, we had crossed paths maybe a dozen times. I think, perhaps, a handful of times in the martial arts classes, so far as I can remember. And, even then, we were never paired up. You were always polite to me, even when everyone else made me feel like I belonged back in the prison cells. Why?"

"I don't really know. I guess something about you seemed…young. No, not really the right word. I can't really explain it. But it was always in my head that you chose to be human. I didn't know all the details, then. But I knew you wanted this, and you had a genuine curiosity about what it meant to be human. I guess it always struck me as wrong that you had to experience hate before love, prejudice before compassion, and pain before happiness."

Alex accepted this in silence. She was so still Evan knew there was more going on than just curiosity. It was as if he could sense her feelings. Reaching up, he rubbed her back gently. As expected, he could feel the tremors as she tried to contain something he couldn't imagine. Sitting up, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I never did thank you," she whispered.

"Not needed."

"I would have died in that mess hall after the explosion. I actually wanted to."

"I know. And I wasn't going to let that happen."

"Thank you, Evan."

"Hey, we're even now. So don't worry about it."

"But I do," she said softly. "Without you I would never have experienced life."

"Hey, what's with all this? You getting all depressed on me or something?" he asked half-heartedly shaking her a little.

She smiled up at him. "Quite the opposite. I was just thinking how incredible this has all been."

As a thought occurred to him, his heart skipped a beat. "You act like its ending."

Alex chuckled. "You never know what tomorrow may bring, or if there will even be a tomorrow. Considering our circumstances, is it so inappropriate that I would like to say what I should have said long ago?"

"Well, no. But don't go getting all down on me, either. We're going to get through this. The Daedalus should be here any day. We'll figure it out."

"Of course," she agreed, wrapping an arm around him and hugging him back. "But, for now, all this waiting and watching has me anxious. You up for a morning run?"

Glancing at his watch, he said, "We've got a couple hours until sunrise. Considering your leg, young lady, running is out of the question."

"Oh? And how exactly are you going to stop me?" she asked, both defiant and genuinely curious.

"That's the easy part," he said, standing up and stretching with a happy sigh.

"You still haven't answered my question," she told him, sliding off the rock and onto her feet.

Before she had a chance to comprehend what he had just done, Evan had planted his foot behind her ankle, twisted, and pushed her onto her back on the rock. As if that hadn't been enough, he rolled her right up into his arms in a move that left her both dizzy and suddenly understanding how a child's doll must feel.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

For a moment she wanted to smack him, but she had to admit the throbbing in her leg had gotten annoying. The run was just to get rid of some of the excess energy in the hopes of getting some sleep. Relaxing into his arms, she gave him a pouty look.

"One of these days I'm going to remember that you've been studying martial arts almost as long as you've been alive."

Evan's deep chuckle as he turned his steps toward her tent was strangely comforting to her.

"And one of these days I'm going to remember that you're older than recorded human civilization on my planet."

"Really?"

"You didn't know?"

"I've had plenty of reading material, but not much in the way of ancient human history from Earth."

"Huh, that's surprising. Well, you are."

Not feeling the least bit uncomfortable with the situation, Alex relaxed and let him carry her. His big, strong arms made her feel as if she could rely on his strength in any situation, but they had nothing on Carson's feeling of security and safety. She just barely checked another sigh at the thought of returning to her tent alone.

"Missing him?" Evan asked, as if sensing her thoughts.

She just nodded.

"Sorry. Look, if you want some company…"

"Don't worry about it. I'm probably just tired."

"Then get some sleep. You're not due in for at least another four hours," he said, dropping her off in front of her tent.

"Thanks."

"I'll bill you for the ride later."

She punched him in the gut, making him grunt but still not able to dislodge that grin.

"Night, Alex."

"Night, Evan."

She watched him walking away a bit faster than she had expected. Wondering what was up, she watched for a moment, but he never turned back. Shrugging it off as paranoia brought on by lack of sleep, she entered the tent. Seeing something on one of the cots, she reached over to the table just inside the tent and turned on the light. Sitting propped up at the head of one of the cots was a painting. It was an incredible night-time landscape that was mostly a night sky with a sea of stars and a handful of small moons arrayed like a string of pearls.

So absorbed in this amazing work of art was she, that she almost missed the note sitting on the cot below. Picking up the blank envelope, she opened it wondering if it might have been something left for Carson.

.

Alex,

I know how much you love the sky, and this was something I've been working on for a while now. I had actually planned to finish it a while ago, but my "vacation", as you put it, interrupted that. I finished it last night. Since I never seem to remember to get you any good pictures, I figured this little piece might make up for that.

Evan

.

That man would never cease to amaze her. She had even been through some of his most intimate memories and had no idea of his talent. Wrapping the painting in a blanket to keep it safe, she set it aside atop a chest. Feeling more lighthearted than she had in a while, Alex lay down on her cot and was asleep in seconds.


	23. Chapter 23

Alex soon learned that the phrase "hurry up and wait" was really a thing and not just something her military companions had made up. By the end of the second week she had grown more than a little restless. Atlantis continued to check in on time. The Daedalus had arrived and Doctor Beckett had somehow managed to talk them all in to waiting to do an actual test of the new retrovirus co-designed with the Wraith. Though this didn't sit well with Major Lorne or Colonel Caldwell, they had to see the possible benefit if the queen actually honored her part of the deal. Carson and Weir had convinced them it was worth the risk. In the meantime they would need to keep the Daedalus out of range of the hive, but close enough to hopefully take it out if it presented a threat.

Meanwhile, Alex continued her harassment tactics and gritted her teeth. She could only give advice in this situation. Though Major Lorne relied on her for advice on how to handle the Wraith, the reality of it was that they just couldn't do what she thought would be best. In her opinion, finding a way to take out the hive without leaving it a chance to broadcast any info was just not an option. The risk was too high and the reward possibly too little.

On the bright side, one encoded message that they had received from Atlantis via the Daedalus was that Doctor McKay thought it might, just maybe, be possible to actually move the city. They already had a planet picked out in a nearby star system. Of course, they weren't going to disclose that location until it was deemed safe to do so. It was going to require the usual McKay Miracle to happen, but if push came to shove and they weren't within close range of any hives they could possibly make the desperate move. Ensuring there were no Wraith hive ships within proximity to see or interfere with the move was another matter; since the Daedalus was keeping tabs on the one they already knew about. Once the information about their current situation had been relayed to Earth via a direct dial from Atlantis, the Apollo had been dispatched. It was still four days away.

Things had finally reached a head. The drug was as ready as it was going to be in a weaponized format for now. Without a real live test, it wasn't going to be able to go any further. Once again, the queen return to the Delta Site to work out with Weir exactly how this would go down. The queen's anxious behavior was chalked up to her desire to see the test completed successfully before her hive comes under attack. Desperate, she confessed to having their equivalent of a skeleton crew after a recent battle with another alliance. After two days of planning, it was agreed they would conduct the test attack in five days. During the negotiations Weir conceded ground that nearly made Major Lorne call off the whole damn thing. She had agreed that Lorne and his team would go on the hive ship to help them ensure proper deployment as well as ensure Daedalus did not attack them in the middle of this test. Meanwhile, the queen would leave her top generals and scientists behind at the Delta Site. When the test was completed successfully, they would all be returned.

~o~o~o~

On the other side of the Pegasus Galaxy Colonel Sheppard was quite pleased with the results. The day they cut off the Delta Site from incoming dialing he had put in motion a couple of different plans he hoped would work. The first was to setup the Alpha and Beta Sites as if they were about to be their new home base. In the dead of night he had woken the entire city and sent as many as possible through the gate to the new, actual evac sight that he hadn't even bothered to designate yet. Though the entire city buzzed with the sudden, massive decrease in population, Colonel Sheppard was able to assure them they were all going to different evac sites to ensure no one sight would be vulnerable and it would keep the Wraith from knowing which one was the real site.

Once McKay had come up with the insane, but desperate idea of moving the city to a new planet, Sheppard had used his already active plans to help cover up. The Apollo arriving five days early was a small miracle in itself. Attempting to make the city as light as possible without actually dismantling it, Sheppard continued to send equipment, personnel and anything they could move out of the city and onto the Alpha and Beta Sites. Since the first midnight evac to the new site, he'd not touched it and had no intention of letting anyone else know it, either. With the Apollo confirming a clear flight path from their current planet to the new planet, McKay was given the go ahead to proceed.

With a wish and a prayer McKay and Zalenka made the impossible happen. With a boost of power from the underwater platform and having spent over a week shutting down every major power source in the city to give their lone ZPM the power it would need to break through the atmosphere, they were set. Sheppard, having never flown a city before was actually rather amazed at how calm he was, under the circumstances. It was almost as if the city was glad to have him in the chair. Shaking off these funky feelings, he focused on getting the city out of the ocean and into the air. Following that, it seemed as if the city guided him in how to make it fly.

Later that same day they touched down gently on the ocean of a new planet. The Apollo having followed them confirmed they had not been spotted. Rodney, still grinning like an idiot and practically singing his own praises set to getting their gate setup on the gate network again. Sheppard, knowing he had to report to the Delta Site soon was more than a little anxious when McKay ran into a few snags. Finally Sheppard had to send word to the Apollo to get close to the Alpha Site so the Alpha Site could contact the Delta Site to give them a daily report that was far from the truth. If all went well, no one outside of Atlantis and the Apollo knew the city had just found a new home. Soon he would be able to recall everyone from all sites and take out that damned hive.

Then why did he have a really sick feeling this was just going too easy on all of them?

~o~o~o~

"Have you gone insane or do I need to check you for Wraith influence, Major?" Alex asked incredulously.

Though she hadn't been asked to sit in on the most recent negotiations, she had come to believe they were only playing along until it looked like they could get Atlantis out of danger. Then they were all going to attack the Wraith presently stationed on the planet and duck out through the gate back to Atlantis. Nowhere in any of this did she believe for one second Doctor Weir could be that stupid, no matter how crazy Carson was to make this formula work.

"Alex," Lorne said in a warning tone.

"No, Major. I'm not just going to shut up. You put me here as your second in command because of the Wraith situation. If you're not going to listen to my opinion or trust my judgment, then why am I here?"

Weir stood back, not willing to get between the two of them, in a matter of authority. Major Lorne's blue eyes were cold as chips of ice as he bit back his first retort. Seeing she wasn't going to get a satisfactory answer out of him, Alex turned to Carson and Weir.

"Well?"

"Alex, look, we need this retrovirus to work," Beckett started.

"It already works," she snapped. "You still haven't 'perfected' it to be a permanent formula. They certainly haven't given you anything useful."

"That's not true."

"The hell it isn't! It might work faster, now. But it's no more efficient, it's not being deployed any more easily or effectively, and it's not been made permanent. So, please, Doctor Beckett, explain to me exactly how helpful they've actually been to your research."

For a moment, Alex's rant had even Carson looking like he was about to snap. Instead, Weir spoke up, always the peacemaker.

"That is not your concern, Alex," she said, her green eyes saying more than her words. "You were included in this because you were needed to keep an eye on the queen. Do you have even a shred of evidence that they have been anything less than helpful?"

"So that's what it comes down to, in the end," Alex said, turning from one to the other.

"Excuse me?" Weir asked, dangerously.

"Evidence. What more evidence do you need than that she's a Wraith queen?"

"Not so long ago much the same was said of you," Weir reminded her. "Regardless of your appearance, you were just another Wraith queen."

Alex felt like she'd been slapped. Glaring dangerously, she withheld the desire to check the woman for Wraith influence on the spot; along with Carson and Evan. Clenching her jaws, she regained her composure.

"So that's it, then?" she asked coldly.

"Unless you have some evidence that's she's planning something other than what we've discussed, I see no reason we should not proceed with the test."

Alex turned to Major Lorne, his face was neutral, but his eyes said they would be having a discussion of their own later. Beckett just looked trapped. It was clear he wanted this test to happen, and he wanted the formula perfected. At the same time, he didn't like publicly contradicting Alex when a part of him knew she was right. Heaving a mental sigh, he knew he was going to have a lot of making up to do after this. Finally Alex made her decision and turned her glare on the Major.

"I knew humans lived short life spans, but I guess I failed to realize you also have such short term memories."

"Alex!" Lorne snapped. "You're dismissed! Return to your tent, and wait for my orders."

Not even bothering with a verbal response, Alex swept out of the tent. For a moment the tent was silent after her exit.

"Are you sure about her, Major?" Weir asked, referring to her being on his team for the coming mission.

Lorne unclenched his jaws. "Yes. Give her time to cool off. She won't leave us hanging."

"Of course she won't," Carson added, as if he'd just been insulted personally. "Let me go talk to her."

"No, Doctor. I'll take care of that," Lorne told him.

"Then we're all agreed?"

"No," Lorne replied. "I'm with Alex. This is an insane idea. The fact that she's asking for a team, my team, specifically, says a lot. I just don't know what. The fact that she wants you to remain here also worries me."

"How so?"

"She sounded like she wanted most of the military presence here moved to her hive ship, instead of in the camp. That tells me she's planning an attack. You are her most likely target. She's already got everything she needs from Doctor Beckett, so that just leaves you."

Weir frowned. "Possibly."

"You're the only one here who knows the gate address to Earth. All the others were left on Atlantis," he pointed out.

"Very well, what do have in mind?"

With that they set in motion plans of their own that would keep Doctor Weir safe. Plans finalized, Beckett left in the hopes of getting to his tent before Major Lorne. He also hoped Alex had had a chance to cool off. When he entered the tent she was just slamming shut one of the foot lockers at the opposite end of the tent. For a moment her expression was furious. It quickly transformed into something utterly blank as Carson felt a pressure in his head. Rushing across the tent, Alex gripped him by the shoulders to keep him from falling.

And then the sensation was gone and Alex was holding him tightly and trembling from head to foot.

"Just what the hell—"

"I'm sorry," she said into his shoulder. "I had to know. I couldn't risk not checking, and I didn't want it to be Teyla."

"You mean…"

Taking a deep breath, Alex pulled back so she could look him in the eyes. "Yes. I'm suspecting it of everyone now. I can't be certain until I've checked."

"Do you really think Doctor Weir is under the queen's influence?" he asked in wide-eyed fear.

"Yes, but I don't know. I even suspected you, because you're supporting this insane plan."

"Alex—"

"No, Carson. I love you. And that kind of emotional attachment can cloud my judgment as much as yours. It's not just us or Atlantis at risk, here. Your entire home planet and galaxy might be at risk. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings suspecting you, but I just can't risk it."

He hugged her closely. "I know, love. Hopefully this will be over soon."

Alex gave another shudder and held him in an almost desperate embrace. "It will. And that's what scares me."

"What scares you?"

Alex struggled to fight back her tears. She was just so scared for Carson. Of all of them, he was one of the biggest targets, and he didn't even realize it. Her chest hurt with the fear she felt at the idea of losing him, of not being able to protect him. Before she could answer, though, a call came from outside.

"Alex!"

Yep, he's happy, Alex thought with a sigh.

Stepping back from Carson she called, "Come in, Major Lorne."

"Be ready," she whispered to Carson.

He turned a confused look on her before his eyes opened wide. A moment later Lorne stepped into the tent. Alex didn't give him a chance. She had him on his knees and in his mind before he could even open his mouth. His expression had gone from furious to pale-faced stark terror. Carson just barely managed to catch him by the shoulders before he fell face-first to the rocky floor.

Much as it had been with Carson, she was in and out in under a second. But now she knew she was in trouble. Lorne shook his head as if to shake off the effects and took a deep, calming breath. An instant later the fury of before was back, and then some.

"What the hell did you just do?" he asked, dangerously while accepting Carson's assistance to get back to his feet.

"I had to make sure she hadn't gotten back in."

"What?!"

Forcing herself to calmness, Alex looked up at him now only inches from her. "I had to make sure," she repeated calmly.

For a moment Lorne almost seemed like he would lash out. Instead, he ran a shaking hand through his hair. Still unnaturally pale, he glanced at Carson.

"Doctor Beckett, would you give us a moment, please?"

"Aye, Major. I'll be back at the lab."

Lorne just nodded. As soon as he ducked out of the tent Alex prepared for the assault. Instead, Lorne seemed to just fold in on himself as he squatted down and sat on the cot behind himself. For a moment, Alex almost felt bad for what she had done, seeing him so clearly shaken.

"Sit down," he snapped.

Sitting directly across from him, she waited while he regained his composure. Finally he turned those icy blue eyes on her leaving her no room to misinterpret just how thoroughly pissed off he was with her right this minute.

"Never again," he ordered.

"I make no promises," she replied coolly.

Lorne seemed taken aback.

"Major, I'm not here to keep you or Doctor Weir happy. I'm not here to parade around in front of the queen to show off the effects of Doctor Beckett's retrovirus. I am here to ensure the safety of everyone on the Delta Site from a threat none of you seem to quite comprehend."

For a moment, he seemed to want to argue. "Fine. I'll accept that. But you're out of line."

"I don't believe so."

"Well, you are. I give you a lot of leniency because you're not military trained. But you will not contradict my orders, ever."

"Understood."

Now he was clearly surprised. "That's it?"

"Since you all seem to believe the queen is trustworthy and Doctor Weir is so quick to point out just how similar we are, I see no reason to prevent you all from walking right into her trap."

Catching something in her expression or tone Lorne's expression turned thoughtful and a bit suspicious. "Do you really think Doctor Weir said that out of maliciousness?"

Biting her lip, Alex shook her head. "No, but it tells me clearly where she stands in all of this. She actually trusts the queen. If you're not being affected by her, and Carson isn't; then it stands to reason she might be."

"But if she was then the queen would already have the gate address to Atlantis and probably Earth and not need us anymore. So why not just attack?"

"I don't know," Alex admitted. "But I warned you all from the beginning that her targets may be multiple, and may involve plots that go way beyond what we've considered so far. I never was a very good queen, Major. But that just means I can't fathom all of her possible motives and plots."

"But it's not like we have a choice. So far as we can tell, she hasn't broadcast the location of Atlantis. But she does have us in a corner. If we don't play along, things could go from bad to worse. And two ships aren't going to be nearly enough once the rest of the hives know Atlantis is still intact."

Alex nodded quietly, already knowing their position all too well.

"Damn," he muttered, irritated as he fingered a hole in the knee of his pants. "I'm going to need some stitches."

"Sorry," Alex murmured.

For a moment he just contemplated her. "Drop the formality. She scares you that much?"

Alex shook her head. "No, but what she can do to all of you does."

"Alex—"

"Forget it, Evan," she said waving him off. "Like you said, we have no choice."

"Can I trust you?"

Alex looked like she'd been slapped for the second time in less than an hour, making him instantly regret those words; but he had to know.

"Are you asking me to step down?" she finally asked softly.

"No. But I need to know, are you going to be on my team when we go?"

"Unless you had other plans for me."

"No. I want you there. If things go sideways, I may need your experience to get us out of there. If we're trapped on a hive ship, you're likely the only one that can get us out of there."

"Good, because I wasn't going to let you leave me behind in the first place."

Evan grinned, then frowned down at his throbbing knee. He was definitely going to need some stitches and there wasn't going to be enough time to heal and get them out before this insane mission was to take place. Cocking an eyebrow at her he asked, "Was this your way of getting me into Doctor Knightley's clutches?"

Alex laughed at the idea, making the ball of tension in his gut unwind considerably. "I hadn't planned it that way, but that could work."

"You should have saved it for after this, so I could at least ask her out on a date."

"Why? I'm sure you'll come up with something better on your own once we're back in Atlantis."

"Doubtful," he replied almost wistfully. "I never was very good with that stuff."

"You, shy and awkward? This I've gotta see."

This time it was his turn to punch her lightly in the ribs. The grunt he got wasn't nearly enough payback for his red face as he found himself heading toward the med tent. He almost hoped Rebecca wasn't on duty.

~o~o~o~

For a moment she watched the Major walking away to make sure he wasn't going to come back for anything else. Looking around to make sure she wouldn't be disturbed again, she returned to the foot locker. Taking a deep breath to calm herself she opened it again. That had been too close for comfort. If it had been anyone other than Carson she wouldn't have been nearly as spooked. But Carson knew what the original female formula retrovirus looked like.

Taking out a soft case filled to bursting with bottles of the murky pinkish fluid of the original formula, she checked to make sure none were broken. They had been moved quite a bit since she had originally swiped them. She took out a second case containing even more bottles of the newer female formula. None had been touched. Since this had all begun she had been taking as much of the bottles as she could to stash away. So far everyone had been too busy to take notice of the missing excess. She'd made it this far, unnoticed; she knew she was pretty much safe at this point. She had taken just enough for herself to keep the change from being visible. She knew that less than a day without it and the change would begin.

Remembering the horror and excruciating agony of the first time she had gone from Wraith to human, Alex shuddered. She wasn't sure she could go through that again. Even for Carson, Evan, and John, she wasn't sure she could put herself through it a second time. Her chest twisting painfully at the thought of what it would do to them was more than enough for her to crush that line of thought out of existence.

She had come too far to back out now. Staring at the multitude of bottles in her lap, she watched them blur as the tears started. She didn't want to do this. Though Wraith didn't believe in gods, she had read enough about human religion to know that many humans did; even Carson and Evan. She wasn't sure about John, but he'd once jokingly commented that there was no such thing as an atheist on a battlefield. Alex didn't know what she was or if any gods, if they did exist, would listen to her. Nonetheless, she closed her eyes against the tears and prayed she would not have to do this. She prayed that just once a Wraith queen would be honest and she would not try kill them all.

Taking a few deep breaths to steady herself, she shook off her fear. For her friends, she would do this. For them she would do anything to protect them and keep them alive. She would follow along in the hopes that all went well, but if it didn't, she was going to be prepared. Taking a mental inventory of the gear she would have on her, she began to test concealment locations all over her body. Accounting for some possibly being broken, she just hoped enough would remain intact for her desperate plan to work.

~o~o~o~

The final preparations were made and the stage was set. Two days later they all gathered in front of the stargate. Major Lorne seemed almost surprised when the usual daily check-in occurred. He had hoped to speak with Colonel Sheppard one more time before this mad excursion. But, he had to admit, Sheppard himself didn't make most of the check-in calls, so he had no right to expect it this time. And, with so many Wraith present, he wasn't sure if he could convey the subtleties of his plans even in code without someone picking up on them. Looking around at his team, he could clearly see how unhappy they were with this plan, but they were out of options. It would only take one transmission for them to all be engaged in a battle for Atlantis that they had no hope of winning.

Major Lorne took one last look around him at his mission team. Teyla waited patiently. Nearby Tania was saying a fearful goodbye to Sergeant Daniels. Lieutenant Oaksford handed over an envelope to a friend of his. Alex just stood there. It seemed she had found her calm again. Her body language spoke of boredom, but her eyes blazed furiously. At least he knew he could trust her. He just wished he could settle the fear that had been steadily growing in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he should take a page out of Alex's book and just be pissed off at the world around him. Yeah, that might do it.

With a sigh he watched as the massive canisters were sent through the gate on pallets. The plan was for them all to enter the hive ship and then meet up with the Daedalus a few hours' jump from the target hive ship. Once all of the pallets had been taken through by the drones, the gate shut down and then was dialed again a moment later. This time all of the drones that had been used to transport the canisters returned. The generals had never left. Again the gate was shut down and reactivated on this end.

It was their turn.

With one last glance at the camp Major Lorne nodded to Major Cram who nodded once back to let him know that their plans had been executed successfully. With that off his conscience, Lorne lead his team through the gate.

His foot had barely hit the Wraith hive ship floor when he felt the familiar sensation of a Wraith stunner.


	24. Chapter 24

Lorne was the first to wake. Feeling that horrible tingling, stinging sensation like acid coated needles stinging him all over his body he groaned slightly. Looking around from his prone position on the cold, slick floor he quickly spotted the rest of his team. What he saw next had him groaning for a whole different reason as he banged his head on the floor.

"Morning, sunshine," Colonel Sheppard called with a half-grin.

"Do I even want to know?" Major Lorne asked, pulling himself up to a sitting position.

"Nope, not really," Sheppard replied with a significant look.

"Great," Lorne replied, giving up and flopping back on the floor. "Damn those things hurt! How long?"

"About an hour."

"Et tu?"

"About two days."

Before he could comment further, Daniels had started moving and Sheppard was toeing Oaksford gently in the shoulder from where he sat. So far the only one that hadn't moved was Alex.

"Are you kidding me?" Daniels said, opening her eyes.

"I knew it," Oaksford said pulling himself up. "You owe me fifty bucks, Daniels."

"Stuff it."

Since Alex seemed a little reluctant to join the party, Lorne reached over and shook her gently. Waking up to find herself in a Wraith cell was bad enough. Seeing her entire team and Sheppard's entire team, she lost it. All present exchanged worried looks as she started laughing. Inside Alex was sobbing. But she wasn't about to let them know that. Waving off offers of assistance, she sat up.

"You okay?" Ronon asked gruffly.

"If I answer that, it's probably going to come out sounding like Doctor McKay, and one of those is more than enough."

"Hey!"

"So, has she said anything?"

"Nope," Sheppard replied, crossing his arms and leaning back.

"Now that we're all here, that's likely to change soon enough," Alex commented.

"Yep."

Scooting herself to the furthest, darkest corner, she propped herself against the wall. "Well, in that case, we wait."

"Why?" Lorne asked. "I thought you said you could get us out of here."

"I can," she agreed from the shadows. "I'm not ready yet."

Not liking the sound of this at all, Lorne walked over to her and squatted. "What do you mean 'not ready yet'?"

Tilting her head back cursing the feeling of acid covered needles being stabbed all over her body, she tried to determine where the effects of the stunner blasts ended and the effects of her change had begun.

"You're not going to like this."

"I already don't like it," he said darkly. "What did you do?"

Heaving a sigh and letting her head fall back against the wall she closed her eyes against the pain. "I stopped taking the retrovirus."

Lorne's face paled. "No…"

"Yep," she said. "It's going to be a long night. I'm assuming that whatever she has planned she wasn't ready for, but for some reason she had to move fast. Probably threat of another hive attack."

"Do you have any on you?" Sheppard asked, his green eyes hard.

"Nope. I have other plans."

"What other plans?" Lorne asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"Sorry, guys. If I have any chance of pulling this off, you're just going to have to trust me."

"Trust you?" McKay practically squealed. "You're joking, right? We're just going to trust her as she turns back into a Wraith?"

"Shut it, McKay," Sheppard growled.

"She's just told us she's turning!" he said incredulously. "That's going to make her an easy target for the queen. There's no way—"

"McKay!"

"No, let him draw attention to us," Alex interrupted, her voice dripping sarcasm. "The more he does, the sooner she will come. And, please, don't bother to hide me."

Lorne took her by the shoulders and shook her enough to make her face him. "You can't do this. I wanted you to get us out of here, but not like this. Carson told me what the change was like for you. There's got to be another way."

"I'm sorry, Evan," she whispered low enough only he could hear. Turning to the others she said, "When she comes, let her see me changing. Let her do what she wants. I won't be a threat to her and she knows it. But I will provide hours of amusement."

Even Sheppard's lips thinned at this idea.

"You mean torture," Ronon supplied.

"Trust me," Alex said with a grunt as a twinge of pain in her chest made her hunch over for a moment. "She won't be needing to torture me for her entertainment." Sitting back up and trying to focus through the pain, she added, "When she's ready, she'll come. And either she's going to take great pleasure at seeing me suffer, or we're going to get some inkling of what it is she does have planned. Either way, it works in our favor."

Ronon grunted his approval. By this point Lorne was gritting his teeth, but he could see no way out. Turning her attention back to him, Alex smiled briefly through the pain. She lowered her voice again so only he would hear.

"You asked if you could trust me, and I said yes. Now trust me when I say that this is the only way. It can be reversed later, but this is the only way out of here alive."

Lorne's expression was agony. "It better be."

Alex smiled again reassuringly. Then she turned to the others. "For Major Lorne it's already too late to cover it. She's been inside him and knows how he feels. The rest of you just need to back off and show her how much you despise Wraith. It's as simple as that."

"What?" Daniels asked.

"As the change becomes more and more visible, move away from me. Look disgusted. Convince her you've never trusted me. Whatever you do, don't give her the edge. Don't let her know that I can be used against you. Say what you want. Your words will be the least of my concern," she huffed a pain-filled chuckle.

"For some of us there's no acting involved," Doctor McKay grumbled, earning glares from all present.

"Very good, Doctor," Alex added, again with enough sarcasm to make Sheppard grin. "Just like that…"

This time she couldn't disguise the pain. As her insides twisted and her skin crawled, she lay sideways along the wall and curled up. For a few minutes the pain was all she knew. Slowly it receded, leaving her mind a bit foggy. Seeing Lorne's white face staring down at her from where he'd put her head in his lap, she frowned.

"You shouldn't—"

"You already said it yourself, she knows. What does it matter?" he replied gruffly.

"Thank you," she said, accepting what little comfort he could offer her.

With that, he resumed stroking her hair soothingly in a way that was similar enough to Carson's she very nearly wanted to cry. She missed him already. At least she had the comfort of knowing he was safe. Now she just had to hope and pray she could get all of them out of this alive, too.

~o~o~o~

Alex lost all concept of time. The pain came in waves that left her biting back screams. She wasn't ready yet and didn't want to draw attention before she was. This desperate plan hinged entirely on her ability to control the minds of the other Wraith as well as being able to feed. Escaping this nightmare was not going to happen without some injuries. She just hoped she could minimize the damages.

At one point, she was consumed in pain and left violently shaking. She had some vague sensation from far away that Evan was holding her tight to keep her from thrashing. He had taken her request to heart and was trying to muffle her screams in his chest. But her caring for this faded swiftly. As her brain realigned itself along with the rest of her, she began to feel numb toward him. By no means was he just an animal for her to feed on, but the feelings she distantly remembered sharing with him in another life no longer mattered. He was just another person, as was John.

Alex couldn't remember how long it had been. It could have been hours or weeks, and it no longer mattered. In one of the calmer moments when Lorne had fallen asleep with her head in his lap, she felt it. Her hunger was back. It was a light, burning sensation that left her feeding hand tingling in anticipation. Watching the slow rise and fall of Lorne's chest she was hypnotized. She wanted it. She wanted him. She needed his strength now.

Apparently he wasn't as deeply asleep as she thought. She hadn't even realized her feeding hand was inching its way towards his heart until his hand came up and gripped her wrist in an iron fist. His blue eyes had flown open and were glaring down at her now.

"Alex!" he hissed trying to bring her back to the present.

Gasping in shock at what she had almost done Alex yanked back her hand and rolled away. On her hands and knees she shook her head as if to shake off the intense sensation of what it meant to be a Wraith. Looking around, she found the others just stirring in the sudden commotion. As requested, they had moved away from Lorne and Alex and were now watching warily. She found herself surprised they were all present.

"How long?" she asked Lorne, deliberately ignoring the rest of them.

"About thirty-two hours," Sheppard answered, looking disturbed still by what he had probably just seen.

Looking down at her feeding hand, she knew it was time. She only hesitated at the fact that the queen had left her alone. She had left them all alone. That could only mean she had more important issues to deal with. Alex could only hope that it meant she would be distracted and an easy target.

Looking around she was pleased to see no guards. Settling herself in a seated position in the middle of the floor, she summoned the queen. The queen was near frantic over something. Alex didn't care. She wasn't here for information. Lashing out angrily, she demanded the queen release her. The backlash of the queen's fury knocked her backward where she found herself writhing and screaming on the floor. Lorne tried to hold her, but she no longer trusted herself. Violently she shoved him away.

Finally the pain ended. For a moment she lay huddled on the floor just trying to regain her shattered thoughts. Then she sensed it.

"She's coming," she announced, pulling herself to her feet.

Seconds later the queen entered the room naked fury on her face. "How dare you—"

Alex hissed like a feral animal. "Release me!"

What took place next left Alex twitching and hissing but it was a conversation the others were not privy to. Whatever happened, though, they both relaxed after a few moments.

"Very well, prove it," the queen finally said. "Feed."

"Which one?"

"That one," she said pointing to Lorne.

Again Alex hissed. "He's mine. I'll take him when I choose. He is my pet!"

"And if I wish to take him?"

Alex hissed again. For a few more seconds there was silence as the two battled on a telepathic plane. Giving a screech, Alex stood her ground, but obviously lost. An instant later she had Lorne by the throat against the wall as she used her feeding hand on his chest. The rest stood back watching in horror and disgust as the Major's screams filled the room. Looking quite pleased with herself, the queen watched. Only when Lorne was aged and drained to skin and bones did she stop. Not hesitating, she dropped Lorne's corpse and picked the target she knew most valuable to the queen. Pouncing on Sheppard she repeated the process.

Now the others jumped into action. Ronon was the first, gripping her by her hair and trying to snap her neck. That was when the queen decided to intervene. The two warriors fired on all but Alex, Lorne, and Sheppard. She reached for Sheppard a second time, but the telepathic command stopped her.

"You've proven your point. But you still stink of human. I will accept your help…for now."

Glaring hatefully, Alex nodded once. The doors parted allowing her to step out. Not bothering to look back, she followed her queen.

~o~o~o~

Lorne watched the exchange between the queen and Alex. He had very nearly betrayed his surprise when Alex had called him her pet. Then she'd had him by the throat, slamming him against the wall so hard it stunned him.

Forgive me, Evan, her voice spoke in his mind.

And then his body, his world, his entire existence narrowed to fiery agony that burned through his entire body from the spot where her feeding hand had latched on to his chest. He could not hope to hold back the screams he only distantly heard. He felt his life and essence draining out of him too fast to comprehend. There was a flash of…something…beyond the agony. She was there, in his mind, suffering with him. Knowing he would not survive this, he somehow found the last shreds of his sanity and projected his feeling towards her.

It's okay, Alex…

And then the darkness took him away from the pain.

~o~o~o~

"…that bitch! I told you not to trust her! But nooo. You just had to offer up yourself as a tasty—"

"Rodney!" Sheppard roared. "You are one word away from finding my boot up your—"

Major Lorne's groan broke into their argument dropping them both to dead silence. After Alex had left with the queen, Sheppard had been the only one of them still conscious. Now feeling, and probably looking, more like eighty than forty he shook off the effects of having been fed on and checked on the Major. Considering the man's condition, he was amazed to see him breathing at all. Though, given what he'd looked like, Sheppard didn't think he was likely to survive more than a few hours.

Coughing slightly, Lorne looked around. His body didn't want to cooperate, so all he could do was move his eyes.

"Welcome back," Sheppard called in a snarky voice. "Enjoy your nap?"

"Alex…" he whispered almost too tired to breathe.

"Gone," McKay said. "Took off with the queen like they were best buds. So I hope you'll excuse me if I point out—"

"Ronon, shut him up!" Sheppard said, too tired to do it himself.

Ronon stomped forward and put his angry face inches from Rodney's. "Are you done?"

McKay's blue eyes widened in disbelief at the unspoken threat. "Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll just, um, sit. You know, right over here. And wait for Alex to come back and—"

"Shut up!" Daniels finally said from where she sat next to Lorne. "Just…shut up, okay? We get it. She's betrayed us. Whatever."

McKay humphed, and then, for a wonder, shut up and sit down. For a while Lorne contemplated the ceiling. There was something he was supposed to remember. He saw something. She had been in his mind, sharing his pain when she fed. She had told him something. Cursing himself for his weakness, he slowly drifted off.

~o~o~o~

At some point Lorne woke again, almost surprised he had woken up at all. He could not remember ever being so tired, even when he'd been suffering from pneumonia in high school. His body was fading away. He knew it wouldn't be long now. But something in the back of his mind screamed at him not to give up. Alex was coming back. She was…there was something he couldn't remember.

"You back with us, sir?" Oaksford asked, seeing Lorne's eyes open again.

"Alex…" he struggled to breathe deeply enough to speak. "Coming back."

"I don't know, sir."

"Hey, buddy," Sheppard said, scooting over to look down on his second in command. "Hang in there."

"She's coming back," Lorne struggled to get out words louder than a whisper.

"I know," Sheppard said, his green eyes boring into Lorne's. "Just rest, okay. Hang in there, Evan."

"How long?"

"Don't worry about it. Just rest."

There was something else. He struggled to remember, to breathe, to hold on. But his strength was gone. He wanted to tell Sheppard to give her a message for him. He wanted to tell her himself that he forgave her. He wanted to see her one more time. He wanted to know that she was going to be okay. But there just wasn't anything left. He was so tired.

His last thoughts of Alex, Lorne slipped away.

~o~o~o~

It hadn't taken Alex long to learn what was going on.

Within minutes of having Lorne and his team secured, the queen sent her instructions to the Delta Site to begin the attack. That would at least ensure the human ship didn't attempt to fire on her hive; since it would likely be too busy trying to help in the defense of the human encampment. By the time the Daedalus realized what was going on, she and her hive would be far away from where they had been. She waited for word to come back only to find she had been thwarted a second time. Screaming in rage she had attacked her own Hivemaster for his failures. First they had lost Atlantis, now they had lost the Delta Site. The humans had been prepared for the attack. They had quickly removed Doctor Weir and she was nowhere to be found. That damnable, arrogant human female had been one of the keys to her plans.

The other part her generals had failed in was confirming the location of Atlantis. As before, the planet appeared barren. Thinking it might be cloaked, they lightly bombarded the last known location. Nothing. The city was gone. It was as she had feared, they had found a way to move the city. So the information she had gleaned from Lorne and Church had been useless. She now had one last chance to prove herself before the queen leading the alliance came down on her for her failures.

After finally confirming the location of the Alpha Site and its handful of people, the queen had setup a trap. After spending a couple of days converting three of the men there into worshippers the hard and painful way, she had had them wait for a check-in from Atlantis. Within an hour Sheppard and his team had come to figure out what was going on with some of the Ancient tech that was supposedly going haywire. Instead, they had been captured. The queen had intended to keep them and use them. She was going to convert Sheppard, at the very least. He would be useful in locating Doctor Weir. He could draw her out.

But, before that could happen, they had been distracted by another hive; and not a friendly one. Forced to move time and time again to avoid confrontation with her already crippled ship, she became more and more enraged. Alex had become a distraction in her mind she could no longer ignore. Desperate, she had agreed to let Alex help her in exchange for being able to keep one of them as a pet. But her punishment had been to kill the one she wanted, first. After all, she could always kill the filthy creature later. She stank of human, even now.

Distracted and enraged, she momentarily forgot about Alex's presence as she brought the hive out of hyperspace at the Delta Site. One way or another, she would have Weir and the address to Earth. And, with Sheppard, she would soon have the location of Atlantis as well.

Sensing Evan fading further and further, Alex, herself was becoming desperate. If she didn't make a move soon, he would die. She knew she was going to have to feed on someone. She had hoped it would be that obnoxious astrophysicist. But the queen had been adamant. To prove herself, she had to kill Major Lorne. She had drained him as far as she dared, and then gone after Sheppard to spite the queen and, hopefully, distract her from the fact that Evan still lived. But he wouldn't last much longer. She was out of time.

With a strike to the neck, Alex stunned the queen and used a telepathic burse of pain to knock the three present males unconscious. Just to be on the safe side, she kicked the queen soundly in the head. Her hands trembling, she tried to shove Evan out of her mind so she could focus. She filled and emptied syringes one after another. She had put possibly three times the amount Carson had used on her into the queen before stopping. Sensing the males stirring, she turned her attention to them. Pouncing, she fed on two of them before the third managed to stun her.

Still reeling from the effects of the stunner, Alex was dragged back to the cell. Leaving her body to be carried by them, she reached out to Lorne.

Nothing.

Her heart nearly stopped. Though her human emotions were gone, she still felt something for him; even if only as a queen's pet. He was hers. He could not die on her. They threw her into the cell where she landed on her hands and knees. There she found Sheppard gripping Lorne by his jacket and shaking him.

"Damn you! You're not going to do this, Major! Breathe!"

With a growl Alex scrambled over to the scrawny remains of Major Lorne. She shoved Sheppard out of the way and put her hand to his chest. Yes! There was still a pulse, but he had stopped breathing. It was enough. Focusing all she had on this one prayer, she began the restoration process. Somewhere outside her body she could hear them shouting. Sheppard had even knocked into her roughly trying to keep McKay away, but she would not relinquish her connection to Evan. Simultaneously she connected with his mind, trying to drag him back from the darkness he had given in to. Eventually the other saw what she was doing. Within the span of a couple of minutes, Lorne was looking more like himself. Still unconscious, he was at least breathing again.

Feeling drained, Alex flopped backward. Her head hit the floor harder than intended. But at least it shocked some sense of reality back into her.

"She did it," McKay said, wonder in his voice.

Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to calm her racing heart. She was so tired already. But she wasn't finished. Struggling to sit up, she found Sheppard's hand in her face.

"Thanks," she muttered accepting his assistance.

"My turn?" he asked, hopefully.

Had she been more human, she might have laughed at his ridiculously hopeful expression. She motioned to the floor next to herself.

"I never did tell you, John, but you look good with gray hair," she commented, with a grin.

"Sure, if I ever get that old."

"You will," she promised, putting her hand gently to his chest. "Sorry, by the way."

"No problem. I knew you were up to something. But a little warning would have been nice."

Instead of responding, she began the restoration. Much as before, but unlike Evan, she gave him back the essence of life; only without the telepathic connection she had shared with Evan. Despite her current Wraith physiology, she still could feel something for the men who claimed her as sister. And, for Evan, she suffered his agony with him. He deserved that much.

With a smile, she released her connection to John and let the darkness claim her.

~o~o~o~

Her next physical sensation was one she almost thought she'd never feel again. Evan had her in his lap and held her wrapped in his arms. For a moment the human part of her wanted nothing more than to stay there. But the Wraith part of her screamed to feed. She was so tired. Shoving away the need to feed, she looked up into his worried blue eyes and couldn't help but smile.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

Evan huffed a laugh that made the worry lines on his face disappear for a moment. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

She just nodded and sank back into his chest for a moment wishing she could take some of his strength without feeding on him. Trying to force her exhausted mind to work, she reached out to the queen. Silence. Most likely the queen was hibernating. It was too soon for the retrovirus to have killed her, she thought. But maybe she had used far too much. Then it dawned on her exhausted mind, the rest of the hive was silent, as well. The queen must have gone into hibernation hoping the ship would heal her, and she had taken the rest of her crew with her. If nothing else, that told Alex just how desperate the queen had been to preserve her life and hive.

"Are you going to fill us in, or am I going to have to tell Carson you've been cheating on him?" Sheppard called from across the cell, having noticed she was awake.

If looks could kill, Lorne's would have set Sheppard aflame on the spot. But Alex just chuckled, knowing it was Sheppard's way of dealing with the stressful situation and not wanting to ask directly if she was going to live or not. Heaving a sigh, she hugged Lorne for a moment, before moving away and standing up. Seeing the others sleeping, she sent her senses outward. For the moment, they were alone; not just on the ship, but in the general space around them for a very long ways.

"They're hibernating," she told them. "Now we can escape."

"What did you do?" Sheppard asked, poking the others to wake them up.

"I gave her the female formula retrovirus. More than enough to kill her, probably. But enough to start the conversion process, at the very least. Any Wraith that is sick or dying will go into hibernation to let the ship heal them. A queen usually takes everyone on the hive into hibernation with her. Now all we have to do is connect the canisters to the fluid lines and the males will be converted. She'll most likely die, just as I did the first time."

"But you didn't…" Sheppard started before he realized. "Beckett resuscitated you."

Alex nodded tiredly. "I'll explain the rest on the way. First we need to get out of here and to the dart bay."

"Dart bay?" Sheppard asked, as she opened the door with her mind.

"We're above the planet where the Delta Site was setup."

"Do they have Doctor Weir?" Lorne asked, unable to mask his concern.

"No. Whatever you had planned worked."

"Good."

She led them over to a wall that she opened with her mind. There they were able to retrieve all their gear. Trying to shrug off her exhaustion, she accepted her gear from a concerned Daniels. With a weary smile, she tried to reassure Daniels she would be fine. Once they were ready, she led them toward the nearest dart bay. A couple of corridors down, she ran into a wall. Thinking she had just taken a wrong turn, she backed up. Suddenly none of the corridors seemed right. Confused and exhausted, she tried to regain her bearings.

"Something's wrong," she said, finally realizing that she was not lost.

"Maybe you just took a wrong turn. It's been a while since you were on a hive," Sheppard suggested.

Alex shook her head seeming distant. Casting out with her mind again, she tried to connect to anything. It all felt…wrong.

"No, there's something…"

Now trying to connect with the hive itself, she reached out and touched the wall. A moment later her scream rang through the halls as Ronon pulled her off the wall, breaking the connection. For a few seconds they could only stand there staring at her as she huddled in Ronon's arms trembling from head to foot trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. Regaining some of her senses, she tried to pull away from Ronon and stumbled slightly.

"Oh no…" Rodney said, working furiously on his tablet standing at the conjunction of three corridors. "She's right. The ship—"

Sensing the attack a split second beforehand Alex managed to put herself between Doctor McKay and the darkened corridors an instant before the knife came down. For a heartbeat they were all frozen not sure if they should be shooting at her before they all realized there was a crazed male Wraith standing right behind her. Alex screamed and went to her knees, taking McKay with her. The knife was lodged so deeply in her back that it was yanked out of the Wraith's hands as she fell. She couldn't even find the breath to tell them not to kill the Wraith, and that she needed to feed. The shock of the knife buried in her back just under her shoulder blade was all she knew.

When the shooting stopped, she sat on her knees, huddled and hunched over with her forehead nearly to the floor. McKay had scrambled away from her and was now against the opposite wall staring at her in pale-faced terror. All around her there were voices but her scrambled mind couldn't make sense of any of them. Finally one penetrated her exhaustion and agony.

"Alex, look at me."

That familiar voice…those words…they were so familiar it was almost comforting. He would make the pain stop. Struggling to regain her focus, she finally managed to breathe again.

"Take it out," she whispered.

"Alex, if we do that you'll bleed out," Sheppard said, his concern clear in his voice.

"Look at me, Alex," Lorne demanded again.

Gritting her teeth and trying to force herself more upright, she fixed her eyes on his blue ones. The fear was clear on his face. "Take. It. Out."

"Alex—"

Whatever Lorne was about to say was cut off as Ronon reached down and yanked the knife out. The unmistakable sound of bones being broken accompanied it. In too much pain to even scream now, Alex curled in on herself again. Somewhere far away Sheppard's shouting kept her focused enough not to lose consciousness, but only barely.

"What? She said to take it out."

Closer to her, Lorne said softly enough for the others not to hear. "You need to feed to heal."

Still reeling from the shock, Alex nodded.

"I don't care what she said!" Sheppard continued. "You could have killed her."

"Feed on me," Lorne whispered. "Take what you need."

That shocked her back to coherency. She was still sickened by the last time she fed on him. She would rather die. With an angry hiss at her own weakness as it burned with the desire to fee don him, she shoved him away from her. With a shocked look he landed on his ass beside McKay, who had only just recovered enough of his senses to realize what had just happened.

"You saved my life," the scientist in a voice just a little short of open awe.

Instead of replying, she tried to struggle to her feet. Seeing this, Sheppard gave up yelling at Ronon and turned to help her up. With a glare for their CO Daniels and Oaksford stepped in, one at each elbow and pulled her to her feet.

"Now, will someone please explain exactly what the hell is going on?" Sheppard demanded.

"The ship is sick," Alex said, still trying to get her shaking breath under control. The rattle in her lungs did not bode well.

"She's right," McKay confirmed picking up his tablet. "It's almost like its…melting."

"Not melting, trying to convert," Alex corrected. "Or something. I think the female formula retrovirus is affecting the ship."

"Fluid transfer," McKay said. "But how can it affect the ship? The male formula didn't."

"I don't know," Alex admitted. "But the ship is sick. It's dying. We have to get out of here before there's a hull breach."

"You don't need to tell me twice. McKay, find us another way to—"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no. This is not good," Rodney said with an edge of panic in his voice. "The dart bay on this side of the ship is gone. There's almost nothing left."

"What about the other ones?"

"We can't. Most of the corridors are…melting. They're changing so rapidly we'll never make it."

"Control room," Alex said. "We should be able to make it there."

"And then what?" Sheppard asked.

"I'll have to land the hive."

"There's no way! This thing is going to pieces already. It'll never survive re-entry."

"We have no choice. And the less time we spend arguing the more likely we will be to get the ship down intact. The whole ship doesn't have to survive, just the forward sections."

"Find us a path, Rodney. Don't argue! Just do it!" Sheppard ordered, cutting off any further protests.

Frantically McKay worked away on his table. "This way," he finally said, taking the lead.

So weak was she already that Alex couldn't make her legs move. Daniels and Oaksford just carried her, one arm over each of their shoulders and putting their other arms around her waist. Lorne gritted his teeth, but said nothing.

"Don't kill the next Wraith," the Major called to the others. "Ronon, set it to stun. She has to feed or she won't make it."

Colonel Sheppard nodded to Ronon and he very visibly adjusted his gun settings. Everyone else knew to hold their fire. Taking the lead, Ronon took his directions from Rodney. Within minutes they had already run into multiple barriers. As the ship kept changing, they kept having to double back. Disappointingly, they didn't find any other Wraith until they got to the control room. And he was alone. Alex knew this would only be enough to heal the wound, not enough to give her any real strength, but she had no choice.

Just as she finished feeding, the whole ship gave a massive lurch.

"The ship just broke apart!" Rodney called out in a full panic from where he stood at one of the consoles. "The orbit had already degraded. We're in the atmosphere. There's no time."

With a growl and an angry hiss, Alex leapt toward one of the main consoles. Throwing everything she had into taking control of the remaining part of the ship she tried to angle it with the remaining thrusters. Knowing they were still going to land far from the gate, she aimed for a massive lake hoping to cushion the impact. They were still going to land too hard and too fast. Rodney was screaming panicked information to all of them in between constant reminders of how they were all going to die on impact if the remaining section didn't break up during the re-entry.

Somewhere nearby she sensed Teyla. She could not take her focus off the control of the ship even for a moment or she would lose what little control she had. Reaching out to Teyla, she gave her last coherent thoughts.

"Alex says to brace!" Teyla called out. "Lay on the floor against anything that will support you! Hurry!"

Then there was just her and the ship. Alone here in this place struggling for control, trying to save her friends, she fought. Screaming inside her own mind she was thrown back to a time when she had done something similar. But now it wasn't a suicide effort. Now it was a desperate need to keep her friends alive. Some miniscule part of her mind not consumed with the struggle to control she ship, she sent out one last prayer.

The world exploded. The shattering pain leaving her feeling as if she'd been ripped apart.

Then there was nothing.


	25. Chapter 25

With his head still ringing from the shock of the impact, Colonel Sheppard looked around the dark control room. Hardly able to distinguish one shadow from another he coughed a few times to try to find his voice.

"Sound off!" he finally managed to call out.

"Daniels!"

"McKay!"

"Lorne!"

Three voices came simultaneously. A moment later there was a cough and a groan beside him as Ronon sat up, trying to shake off the sensation of having been bounced around.

"Dex," Ronon croaked through a voice full of dust.

"Teyla! Oaksford!" Sheppard called.

Somewhere a few feet away, in the approximate area where Alex had last been standing Lorne gave a moan. His left arm was bent at an angle that made even Sheppard wince. Stumbling to his feet, he pulled out a flashlight. He already knew what he was likely to find, but had to know for himself, anyway.

"Teyla! Oaksford!"

Shining his light around, he found Teyla just stirring. She was covering her eyes against the light, a trickle of blood running down her face from her forehead. Oaksford was practically at her feet, his head at an unnatural angle and his eyes wide and staring. He cursed himself for a moment before finally shining the light where Major Lorne was already stumbling toward. There was Alex, slumped over the console. In the murk they couldn't tell if she was breathing or not, but he doubted it.

"Alex!" Lorne said in a shaky voice, reaching out with his good arm.

Sheppard stood perfectly still keeping the light on them as Lorne put two fingers to her exposed neck. He knew the relief on the Major's face was echoed on his own. Now that everyone was accounted for, it was time to assess the rest of the damages.

"Where are we, Rodney?"

Already at work on his tablet McKay was quiet for a moment. "She managed to land us on the shore of a lake. We're about fifty kilometers from Delta Site. We made it."

Seeing Teyla standing and everyone accounted for, Sheppard walked across the canted floor to join Lorne. Carefully they lifted Alex off the console and lowered her onto the floor. She was alive, but only barely. Her caved in chest told them all they needed to know. She wasn't going to survive long. They had to get her to Beckett. Having no idea what condition the Delta Site was in, Sheppard wasn't even sure Beckett could help. But the desperation on Lorne's face convinced him to keep his mouth shut.

Sheppard squatted on Alex's other side as Lorne pulled her upper body into his lap. With his good hand he patted her face, trying to get her to wake up.

"Come on, Alex. I need you to wake up," Evan spoke to her, desperation making his voice tremble slightly. "That's it. Wake up. I need you to listen to me. I need you to focus."

She mumbled something incoherent that led to a coughing spasm that left her choking on her own blood. No, she wasn't going to survive. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Noticing Sheppard's look of sorry, Lorne flashed a glare at his CO that warned to keep his mouth shut, before turning his focus back to Alex.

"That's it, Alex. Just breathe. Are you with me?"

"Evan…" she whispered, her eyes open to mere slits.

"That's good, Alex. Can you look at me?"

Sheppard chewed his lips watching her struggle. "Major—"

"I've resigned, effective immediately. Now back off, Colonel," Lorne warned, shocking the Colonel to silence. "Alex, listen to me. I know it hurts. But you're going to be okay. You just need to feed. Come on, you—"

Now her eyes flew open in panic. Not able to talk with the copious amounts of blood she was now coughing up, she shook her head weakly. Her feeding hand being closest to him, Sheppard grabbed it and put it to his chest.

"Take just enough to get back to Beckett," Sheppard told her gruffly, now leaving Lorne in shocked silence. "That's an order, Alex."

Summoning all that was left of her strength and speed, Alex yanked her hand back from Sheppard almost pulling him down on top of her, as she drew her knife with her left hand. Before either of them could stop her, she had stabbed the knife in her feeding hand to the hilt and twisted. Already in too much pain and choking too much to breathe, she couldn't even scream.

"No, no, no," Lorne said, hunching over her miserably as he rolled her on her side to help her to breathe. "Alex, don't do this. Please."

Feeling no less miserable than Lorne, Sheppard watched for a moment. Lorne was now cupping her head in his good hand and rocking. His shoulders shook with his silent sobs, but he could not have cared less who saw him. He whispered things to her no one else could make out. Somewhere around them he could hear the others moving about, having gathered around. No, Sheppard was not prone to emotional displays, and that wasn't about to change now. But he could take a moment to honor her sacrifice. Seeing she had stopped breathing, and was staring blindly, he bowed his head for a moment.

For a time all that was heard were Major Lorne's deep breaths as he tried to compose himself. He used his good arm to gently lay her down and close her eyes. For a moment he sat on his knees covering his face with his good hand. Finally he took one last shaky breath and looked around in the murky darkness.

"Oaksford?" he asked softly of Sheppard, as if already knowing the answer.

Sheppard just shook his head, his features utterly emotionless. Lorne closed his eyes against this added pain and nodded. No one seemed to want to move. But they couldn't stay here. They were thirty miles from the Delta Site and a gate. The condition of the Beta and Delta Sites was unknown. The locations of both the Daedalus and Apollo were unknown. The only thing Sheppard was certain of at this point was that Atlantis, and most likely Earth were safe. After giving them all a moment of silence to get over the shock, Sheppard stood up and gave a hand up to Lorne.

"McKay, find us a way out of here."

Even McKay didn't have the heart to speak. For a moment Lorne just looked down at Alex and Oaksford. Sheppard gripped his shoulder and shook him. He needed his second in command now. He didn't have time to give the man to grieve.

"We'll come back for them, Major."

His broken left arm cradled to his chest, Lorne clenched his good fist. For a moment Sheppard thought he was going to lash out and was more than willing to let him right now and deal with consequences later. Instead, Lorne did the last thing he expected under the circumstances and in light of what he'd said earlier. He stepped back and saluted.

"For the fallen."

Sheppard, Daniels, and Ronon followed suit and echoed, "For the fallen."

Teyla murmured a prayer in and language none of them recognized and McKay just stared sadly down at the corpses.

"We good?" Sheppard asked Lorne.

"Yes, sir," Lorne replied, his blue eyes seeming dead, empty.

"That's not what I asked, so I'll rephrase it. Are we good, Evan?"

The devastation in his expression was something Sheppard hoped to never see again. But Lorne pulled himself together visibly. "No, but I will be."

Sheppard nodded in return. Likely as not, the Major knew he was going to face some consequences for his earlier statement; but, for now, Colonel Sheppard was just glad he wasn't going to have to deal with this without his second in command. Until that moment, he hadn't realized just how much he'd come to depend on the usually unflappable Major. The fact that the man now looked so broken was almost frightening.

Following Rodney's instructions, the group made their way out of the ship and toward the Delta Site on foot.

~o~o~o~

Hours later as they were trying to find a pass through a mountain range, the Daedalus locked on to their signal and picked them up. It was good news all around. The Alpha Site had been taken care of and all the remaining supplies were intact. The Beta Site hadn't been compromised. Per Major Lorne's orders, Major Cram had secreted away Doctor Weir until the Delta Site was Wraith-free. Knowing something had gone wrong, the Apollo had returned to Atlantis to guard her until word came of the whereabouts of the hive ship and the two missing teams.

Doctor Beckett, banged up and bruised from the brief battle was back in control of the Delta Site's medical teams when the remaining members of the two teams returned. Seeing them back, if a bit worse for the wear, Carson smiled happily. It only took him a few seconds to realize Alex wasn't with them, and to catch the devastation on Lorne's face.

"No," was all he managed to get out.

"Carson," Sheppard started, this still being the worst part of his job; but he never got to finish.

"Stop. Don't, just…don't," Carson said shoving his hands in his lab coat pockets. For a moment he just stood there breathing and staring fixedly at the floor. "Doctor Knightley, please see to them."

And with that, he left. For a moment Lorne looked like he was going to follow, but instead he just slouched further. One by one they were led to gurneys that were lined up since the call from the Daedalus had alerted them what to expect. Feeling more dead inside than he could ever remember, Sheppard just lay on the gurney and waited his turn. Just once he glanced at Lorne in a nearby gurney. He was staring at the tent ceiling lost in his thoughts. As if sensing Sheppard's watchfulness, Lorne's blue eyes turned, though his head stayed in the same place. Having confirmed he was under observation, Lorne closed his eyes. Sheppard wasn't fooled. He knew the man was in pain, more pain than even himself. He just hoped the Major could recover from this.

~o~o~o~

Beckett exited the med tent and just kept walking. There was a hole inside him too big and too dark to ever be able to fill. Alex was gone. There was nothing left for him. He was numb. This wasn't happening. Not again. Not Alex.

He was cold. His body was shaking uncontrollably. At some point he lost his footing and found himself on his hands and knees on the razor sharp rocks. He'd left the camp behind, but he couldn't remember how long ago. He was alone now. More alone than he'd ever been in his life. Sitting back on his knees feeling the blood running from his hands and legs he just stared. Hundreds of tiny scrapes and cuts colored his palms. And all he could see was the blood.

But it couldn't be his blood. He was dead. There was nothing left. The darkness had come to swallow him up. Nothing good could survive in that darkness. That's why Alex was gone. He was already dead. She hadn't left him. She'd been taken away. But that wasn't possible. She had just been there. Just a few days ago he'd hugged her, kissed her, and promised to see her later.

And it was his fault. He wanted to see this experiment. He wanted it to be successful. He had sent her off to die. She was dead and he had killed her. For a moment there was just the silence and the darkness.

Then he cracked. Somewhere deep inside something broke. He gasped in pain as the first tears stung his eyes. And then he screamed. He screamed against the darkness. He screamed against the pain. He screamed against a god that would let this happen. He screamed. When he was so exhausted he couldn't scream anymore, he curled in on himself. Wrapping his arms around himself he sobbed. He sobbed until there were no tears left. He shook with silent sobs until his body couldn't shake anymore.

Eventually he found himself staring down at the millions of sparkling crystals in the rocks that reflected the light of the numerous moons. He had no idea when day had become night, and it didn't matter. He was empty now. He was lost. He was tired. He was dead. Somewhere far away he heard Alex's voice laughing, teasing, and cajoling him. He did as she wanted. Feeling cold, numb, and empty Carson turned and walked back the way he had come. In a haze, somehow he made it back to his tent.

~o~o~o~

And that was where they found him the next morning as they all packed up to return to Atlantis. Beckett sat silently on his cot holding Alex's last worn shirt. Sheppard hated himself for this, but he couldn't let the man fall apart now. Carson seemed strangely calm to him.

"You ready, Doc?"

"I'll be there in a moment, Colonel."

"Right. You need a hand with…stuff?"

"No, thank you."

"Alright," Sheppard said, seeing there was nothing more he could do short of dragging the man out of the tent. "We're leaving in ten."

"Understood."

The flat, hollow quality to Carson's voice did nothing to soothe his concerns. But he was no shrink. He decided to give the doctor fifteen minutes, and then he was dragging the man out. Carson emerged five minutes later. The calm, empty expression still fixed firmly in place, he avoided eye contact with anyone until they stepped through the gate to Atlantis. He'd already decided to leave the current, temporary CMO in place and had expressed that in an email to Doctor Weir. Everyone seemed to want to give him space, so all they could do was watch as he left the command center.

Lorne, in about the same shape as Beckett, took his own leave of the command center to seek out his own quarters. No one saw him again for a week. Neither he nor Beckett attended Alex's funeral. Her remains were cremated and the urn left outside Beckett's door. Lorne appeared in full dress uniform for Lieutenant Oaksford's funeral, but then immediately returned to his quarters without a word to anyone.

With most of its leaders in a deep state of mourning, Atlantis had become depressingly quiet.

Gradually, as the weeks past, the city began to regain some sense of vitality again. After all, it had found a new home with new wonders on a new planet just waiting for everyone to explore. Sheppard had found no need to seek out and talk to Major Lorne. When Lorne finally emerged from his quarters a week after their return, he sought out his CO in his office. The hollow look in the Major's eyes hadn't gone, yet, but there was something of life there again, at least. Motioning to a chair opposite the desk, Sheppard sat back in his own and eyed the man. Suddenly the Major didn't look so young, anymore; and Sheppard almost missed the dimples.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Talked to Heightmeyer?"

"Not yet."

"So, where do we stand?"

"I was going to ask you that."

Sheppard considered this for a moment. Obviously there was something there Lorne wanted to salvage, or he would have left with the Daedalus.

"I seem to recall a Major performing his duties exceptionally well in recent weeks. And the same Major was needing a break after sustaining a broken arm in the line of duty. Was there something else I'm supposed to remember?"

"No, sir."

"Huh, well. In that case, you should follow SOP. Be in Doctor Heightmeyer's office tomorrow, and report for duty when the cast comes off."

"Thank you, sir," Lorne replied, still not smiling as he stood and headed toward the door.

"Evan," he called, stopping him as a thought occurred to him. "Have you spoken to Carson?"

Lorne turned back toward Sheppard, but shook his head silently.

"When you see him, tell him I have something for him."

It was nearly two weeks before anyone saw Doctor Beckett. When he first emerged he went straight to the infirmary and to his labs. It was clear the man was exhausted and hadn't sleep hardly at all; and, just as likely, hadn't eaten since returning from the Delta Site. But, for the most part, the doctor they all knew and loved had returned. Resuming his duties, Beckett dove into them with fervor. Everyone knew he was using his work as a way to cope, so no one had the heart to stop him. Subtly everyone watched out for him, but no one said anything directly.

A month after their return from the Delta Site, the three men closest to Alex were seen from time to time haunting certain balconies by themselves. And, each time someone found them, the person somehow instinctively knew they did not want to be disturbed.

Life went on for all of them.


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the desperately needed epilogue. But, for those who wish to read more about what happened between the end of the last chapter and this epilogue (yes, months have passed in the story), then head over to the SGA Spare Parts Bin and read Breathe. It covers those missing months.
> 
> Enjoy!

Eyeing the laptops that had been sitting in the pile of unused personal laptops for some small eternity, McKay turned to Zalenka. "Clean them up and get rid of them. I'm tired of this junk all over the labs."

Of course, Zalenka, in turn delegated this task to another underling; and so on down the line until the lowest man in the hierarchy finally had no one else to turn to. With a resigned sigh, he hefted a stack and disappeared into a closet-sized space where he could work on several at one time. Opening them up he booted six at once and waited for their desktops to appear. One had a still-open document. He was about to click close when the first lines sank in.

.

Dear Carson,

If you're reading this, then I'm dead…

.

"Holy shit," he whispered.

For a moment he was torn between taking it straight to Doctor Beckett and reporting it to Doctor McKay. McKay's angry red face appeared in his mind sealing it. Grabbing the laptop he headed right back to the lab from which he came. Moments later he found the astrophysicist hunched over something on his worktable.

"Doctor McKay?"

McKay kept at what he was studying.

"Doctor McKay?" he asked again a little louder.

Another minute.

"Doctor McKay, I have something I think you need to see."

McKay mumbled something to himself and tapped some stuff on his tablet.

"Doc—"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! What do you want that is so important you have to—"

Catching sight of the laptop and the first lines of the document Rodney not only fell to silence, but his face paled considerably. "Oh no…" he said sitting back down heavily on a stool.

"Should we tell him?"

Suddenly Rodney came back to the present, his eyes refocusing on the lab tech in front of him. His face twisted in anger as he snatched the laptop away. "It's none of your damn business! How much did you read, huh? You should stay out of other people's stuff! Now get out of here!"

His heart twisting painfully for his friend, McKay couldn't stop himself. Closing and locking his lab door, he sat down to find out what else there was. He was surprised to find similar letters to Sheppard and Lorne. Apparently she had saved Carson's for last. Rodney closed his eyes in pain for his friends. Inside, half of him screamed to delete them all. His friends had suffered enough losing her. To dredge up this pain and make it fresh after all this time…

The other half of him screamed back that he had no right to take this away from them. These words were a part of her that she had left for them. Not for the first time McKay found himself hating all the time he had wasted hating her. She really was a good person. She had been good to his friends. She even saved his life. He would never have seen her as a friend, but at least he didn't have to hate her for so long. No, he had no right to silence her last words to them.

His heart heavy, Rodney sent three emails. Closing the laptop, he put that one away in his quarters in a place no one would ever know.

~o~o~o~

At three different locations in the city, three different laptops received emails with document attachments. Sheppard was the first to notice his email since he tended to do his unavoidable, important, commanding officer type paperwork later in the night.

.

John: Read this before you open the attachment.

Look I was cleaning off some old laptops when I found this. There's two more. One for Carson, and another for Lorne. They're from Alex. I didn't read them, but I saw enough of the one that was open to know she knew. She knew what was coming. She wanted to say goodbye. I'm sorry. I know this sucks. Just delete it if you don't want to reopen that wound. I figured I'd give you fair warning.

Rodney

.

Sheppard sat back in his chair, all thought of work forgotten. He stared at the message and stared at the unopened attachment. Chewing his lip he tried to figure out what he was feeling. Did he feel anything anymore? He'd put away the pain so deep he wasn't sure there was anything left but little snapshots of her in his mind. Everything else he'd drowned out with a couple of rounds of liquor.

Shaking his head he reached for his computer. He replied to McKay thanking him for the warning and then deleted the original. Next he emailed Lorne.

.

Major Lorne,

I've been going over records and I find a concerning lack of vacation days taken in the last few years. You're off tomorrow.

Lt. Col. John Sheppard

.

Sheppard set the email as high priority. Then he emailed Doctor Weir, knowing the woman was always up and about later than she should be.

Weir read the email, her heart feeling heavy all over again. She could almost smack McKay, but she knew he meant well. With a sigh she opened a new email and set it to high priority.

.

Doctor Beckett,

I've been going over employee records and I find that you have taken almost no leave time in recent years. You're off tomorrow.

Doctor Weir

.

~o~o~o~

Still giggling after her recent tussle turned tickling match with Evan, Rebecca headed over to the table for some water. The flashing screen showing a high-priority email was unmistakable.

"Evan, you've got something from Colonel Sheppard. High priority."

"What?! I didn't hear my radio go off!" he said, jumping still naked from bed to computer.

Turning back toward the water decanter, Rebecca poured herself a glass. She wanted to smack the Colonel. She so rarely got to spend time with Evan.

"What?" Evan asked, utterly confused. "I'm off tomorrow?"

"That's great!" Rebecca said, thinking she was going to have to hug the Colonel the next time she saw him.

"Hang on," he said. "There's something here from McKay."

.

Major Lorne: Read this before you open the attachment.

Look I was cleaning off some old laptops when I found this. There's two more. One for John, and, of course, one for Carson. They're from Alex. I didn't read them, but I saw enough of the one that was open to…Look, she wanted to say goodbye. I'm sorry. I know this sucks, delete it if you want, but I couldn't. I figured I'd give you fair warning.

Dr. McKay

.

"Oh God…" Evan whispered, feeling the blood drain from his face.

Sensing something was wrong, Rebecca put down the glass and leaned over his shoulder. Seeing the message, she gripped his shoulder and turned him around to face her. The look of devastation was one she had seen before. She hugged him to her fiercely. She had loved Alex, but she could curse the damn woman for doing this to him. Worse, McKay had sent it. The next time that man came into the infirmary…

Evan hugged her back, just as fiercely before taking a deep breath and pulling back so he could turn her and pull her down to sit on his lap. The smile he gave her then was one she knew was for her alone.

"Did I ever tell you that Alex is the reason you're here in my quarters, on my lap, being the love of my life?"

Rebecca's shock was complete. In all the time they had been together, he had never once mentioned her. From time to time she would find him on a balcony with a sad smile looking up at the sky, but he never invited her; and she knew some things were for him alone.

"No," she finally said hesitantly.

Evan grinned all the brighter bringing out those adorable dimples she loved so much. "Well, she is."

"I can go and let you—"

Holding her tightly he growled, "Not a chance. I can read it later. Right now I have her to thank for you being right here," he said, putting her hand to his heart.

"As do I," she said with a smile.

"She was the one who pointed out that I don't let people get close to me because I was too scared of being hurt," he confessed.

"Oh, Evan, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. She lived, really lived. That's more than some of us can say."

He hugged her again, pressing his face to her chest and breathing deeply. Yes, there were tears, some no one but Alex had ever seen. But not now. Alex had given him a gift so profound he could not express it. He had mourned Alex, and that was past. Now he celebrated her life by living his own in a way she would have wanted. He could almost feel her in his head, even now, smiling and cheering him on.

~o~o~o~

Elsewhere in the city Carson rubbed his tired eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept well. It was probably the last time he shared his bed with her. How long ago had that been? Months? A year? He couldn't remember. All he knew was that he had consumed himself with his work. It was all he had, now, it felt like. He had even had to move out of his quarters because there was so much of her still in there.

Too tired and still to heartsick to think anymore, he laid his head down on his desk.

Just a quick nap, he thought.

He dreamt of her again. He almost always dreamt of her. Her smiling face and white, flowing hair. Her beautiful, intense blue cat-like eyes. He couldn't even say her name anymore. It hurt too much.

A gentle hand on his shoulder shook him awake. He woke with a start, confused for a moment why his back hurt so much. Realizing he'd dozed off at his desk, he shook off the fog of sleep.

"Tania, how can I help?"

Tania gave him a look. "Not me. You. You're sleeping at your desk again. You need to get some real sleep."

Eyeing the young woman incredulously, he just shook his head. "You woke me up to tell me to get some sleep?"

"Yes," she said, planting her fists on her hips.

Before he could respond he caught sight of the red blinking priority email alert on his screen. Frowning, he opened it up. Utterly confused why he was ordered to take a day off, he started to reply when he noticed the email underneath from Rodney.

.

Carson: READ THIS FIRST!

Okay, I'm not very good at this stuff so…I was cleaning off some old laptops, and I guess I found Alex's. She left you a letter. I didn't read it! But I did see the first part. This is probably really stupid. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's just that I know how you felt about her. And I know this is probably going to hurt, a lot. Look, if you need someone to talk to later, I'll be on the East Pier tonight. My turn to bring the whisky.

Rodney

.

Turning back to the young woman waiting impatiently and tapping her foot, Carson somehow managed to find the strength to smile. "You know what? You're absolutely right. I'll be heading out, and I won't be back today."

Shocked, Tania stood there with her mouth open. It was too easy. But she her ground and watched as Beckett closed his laptop and left. Amazed she had just gotten away with it, she shook her head and returned to the main infirmary.

See, Alex? I'm watching out for him, she thought to the ghost of her dead friend.

~o~o~o~

Carson felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He hadn't even read the attachment, yet. He knew he was going to. How could he not? He was almost all the way to his old quarters when he stopped. He hadn't even realized until then he'd taken the laptop from his office. With a frown he took off his radio and stuffed it into the lab coat pocket he also forgot to take off.

No, he really didn't want to go back to his own quarters. His old quarters held nothing anymore, either. Remembering the balcony just down the corridor from his old quarters, he turned his feet in that direction. It seemed an appropriate place to read whatever it was she had left for him. Besides, at this ungodly hour of the night, at least he'd not have to worry about unexpected company.

When the door opened he nearly jumped out of his skin to find Major Lorne sitting out there with his own laptop.

"Sorry, Major. I'll—"

"Doc, wait," he said, recovering from the surprise. "You got one, too."

"Please, excuse me," Carson said, trying to back up into the hall only to find himself running into Sheppard.

"Hey, Doc, what's—Oh, hey Lorne."

"Colonel."

"John. We're off duty, remember?"

"Evan, then. And yeah, well, looks like we've got quite the party," he observed, eyeing Beckett as if he was about to run.

Carson wasn't entirely certain he wasn't going to run.

"Scoot over, Evan we need more room for us and…Evan," he said, holding up a bottle of bourbon.

Lorne cracked a grin but did as asked. Sheppard nudged Carson out the door and then closed it behind them.

"How did you know?" Lorne asked Sheppard.

Twisting open the bottle and taking a swig he said, "This was her favorite once she got with Carson."

Caught between Evan and John, Carson felt a bit out of place. "Didn't you get one?" he finally asked, Sheppard.

"Yep," he said, taking another large swig of the bourbon before putting it in Carson's hands. "Drink. No exceptions. You're off tomorrow."

"Already read yours?" Evan asked, eyeing his CO.

"Nope." Knowing their curiosity was eating away at them he finally gave in. "I like to think we said all we needed to say while she was still alive. Other than that, she's gone. I like to remember her life, brief as it may have been, rather than dwell on her death."

"Amen," Evan echoed, upending the bottle.

For a moment the three of them were quiet. By the time the bottle made it back to John, he was feeling nice and mellow. Seeing Carson still sitting there with the laptop closed, Evan nudged the doctor out of his thoughts.

"Read it, Carson."

His face red from a combination of the liquor and embarrassment, he started to shake his head. He knew what kind of response he would have. The tough exterior these men had for such things made him feel downright weak at the moment.

"Carson," Evan said, waiting until he had the man's undivided attention. "We've all shed our tears in our own way, and in our own time. Yours are no different."

"Just read the damn email," Sheppard muttered, uncomfortable with the idea of such an emotional outburst from someone seated so close.

Suddenly very glad for the amount of tissues he always carried in his pockets, Carson gave in with a sigh. For a while there was only the sound of the wind and waves as two of the three read and passed the bottle around.

.

Dear Carson,

If you're reading this, then I'm dead. I'm hoping you never read this. But, just in case things go the way I think they might at the Delta Site, I thought I'd leave these last thoughts.

I love you. You know that already, but I can't say it enough. I love you so much. I can't imagine letting go of you, or living without you. But I can imagine how much you're hurting. I would give anything to take away that pain. I don't want to die. I wanted to live this life you've given me.

I wanted to spend the rest of my human life with you. I wanted to hold you in my arms as we age together. I wanted to raise your children. I wanted to see your home. Yes, I even wanted to meet your mother. I wanted so much for us.

Can you ever forgive me for my selfishness?

Even if I had known how this would end, I would still love you. I—

.

Carson's tears blurred the screen. Still trying to hold back in front of John and Evan, he sniffled quietly. Evan wasn't fooled. Knowing the tenderhearted doctor wasn't going to hold up, he reached and arm around the man's shoulders and squeezed gently. John might be uncomfortable in such situations, but he wasn't. Carson seemed to take strength from this silent support and went back to the letter.

.

Even if I had known how this would end, I would still love you. I know how selfish that sounds. But my life has taught me to take what is given when it is given, because there are no second chances. So take this, my love. Take these words to heart.

I love you.

I love you and all I want is for you to be happy. Take what time you need. Grieve. But don't hang on to what is lost. Please, Carson. Please, stay long enough to make these memories happy ones. Then move on. I don't know what tomorrow will bring you, or who. But if she makes you happy, then know that I wish for you to be with her. Have children with her. Grow old with her. Love her with all your heart as you've loved me.

Don't be selfish, Carson. Your heart is too big to be alone. It needs someone to share that love with. Know that I will always be with you in those memories. Hold on to them and smile for me. Smile when you remember our first kiss. Smile when you remember our first date. Smile when you remember all those quiet hours spent together in those places and times that were just for us.

Smile, my love. Because I love you, and I want to rest peacefully knowing you still smile.

Alex

.

By the time he finished he had gone from sobbing quietly into his hands, to smiling. If for no other reason than that he loved her and she wanted him to smile, he did. Tears and all, he smiled. Scrubbing away the rest of the tears, he closed the laptop.

"You gonna be alright, Carson?" Evan asked, squeezing his shoulders again, gently.

"Aye, I will be," he said, smiling as he watched the waves and the stars. Taking a deep, purging breath he smiled.

"Good, now drink up," John said, shoving the bottle back into his hands now that the moment was over.

"No, thanks, John. I've had quite enough."

"Speak for yourself. Pass it over, John."

Grinning in a glassy-eyed way that showed the Colonel had had more than his fair share, he leaned a bit too far as he was passing the bottle, very nearly falling into Carson's lap head first. Chuckling, another thing he thought he'd never do again after Alex, Carson grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him and prop him against the balcony railing.

"To Alex," Evan said with a smile of his own before upending the bottle.

Looking from one to the other and the swiftly emptying bottle, Carson shook his head. Two sore heads and likely he was going to be the one to have to tuck them both in.

"On second thought, Evan, save a bit for me. A sore head is a small price to pay for that toast."

"Here, here!" Evan agreed, smiling happily.

"At least until Doctor Knightley wakes up and catches him out here drunk," John said with a sloppy grin.

Carson's face lit up. "Oh ho! So you're the lucky bugger that caught her eye!"

Evan's face flushed. "Something like that."

"Six months," John said confusing the both of them at first with his non sequitur. "Six months and she'll have a ring on his finger."

Evan's face flushed further still. "Actually, there's already one on hers that I put there. She just can't wear it at work because of the gloves and equipment."

"To life, love, and the people that make both worthwhile," Carson said upending the bottle for a more than healthy swig.

"And that would be Alex in a nutshell," John added, grinning happily patting Carson on the back.

Tottering as he stood up, John steadied himself on the door. "Yep, I'm done. Don't stay out too late, kids."

Evan and Carson both stood, knowing he didn't have a chance of getting past them without likely taking a header off the balcony.

"You sure you're going to make it all the way back to your quarters?" Evan asked worriedly.

"Nope, which is why I'm stopping by my girlfriend's quarters just up the hall."

With a chuckle, Carson watched the tipsy Colonel stagger his way down the hall. Knowing that man, he wasn't nearly as drunk as he appeared. Easier to cover those uncomfortable moments by pretending to be too drunk to remember. Still smiling slightly, he turned toward Evan.

"You gonna be alright, Carson? I mean, we could head up to the mess hall—"

Feeling a bit tipsy himself, Carson chuckled. "Nonsense, Evan. Would you rather spend your night with a drunken doctor or that lovely woman waiting for you in your quarters?"

"Well, when you put it like that…"

"Off with you," he shooed. "And take that bottle with you or I won't make it back to my own quarters."

"Night, Carson."

"Night, Evan."

Turning back toward the night-time expanse of ocean and the sky filled with stars, Carson sat alone on the balcony remembering all that Alex had given him. Yes, her time was short, but that didn't make it any less valuable or important to those who loved her. Those memories would be with them forever.


End file.
